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Elle Richard Jan 9
Okay. I was adopted when I was about two years old. I have these “flashbacks” about what might have happened but I’m not fully sure. Before my adoption, I was in and out of nearly 7 foster homes. My bio father, I have never met. And I do think I want to. And my bio mother, Cindy, I’ve only met her once. I believe I was only 7 years old. My bio brother, Cody, and I went to meet her at the park nearest to Neenah High School. And since I was about 7 years old, I just played in the park. I went to Tullar Elementry School for kindergarten. I met this one girl named, Ellie. She was my one and only friend. Before my First grade year, I moved to Lakeview Elementry. I met this girl named Sequoia Malone. She made me feel like I could be myself. We Used to get in trouble because the teacher put us at the same table, and we would constantly make each other laugh. Second grade was a complete blur. Third grade, I met this girl named grace. her family was struggling because her father left, and since she was over at my house like, 5 days out of the whole week, my parents invited Grace’s family to come to live with us in the camper which is right outside. I later learned that she had a crush on me. I then began to catch feeling for her. We would hold hands during recess every day. Sequoia was extremely jealous because of this. during this year, my family and her family would play hide and seek throughout the house, in the dark. my adopted brother, nick would let me hide with him, because I was little, and was deathly afraid of the dark. so as nick and I would hide, he would make me touch him. he was about 11 -12 years old. I was only about 7–8. I told my adopted sister, Aubrey, who is only 2 years older than me, about this, and she pushed me to tell our mom. and I did. she was holding my hand because I felt like it was my fault and I came to know that I had trust issues. And I thought that my mom would yell at me. Ok? okay. carrying on, in fourth grade, Grace moved away. and left me with everyone- including teachers- who would bully me about liking the same gender. my classmates would draw pictures of me dying in hell, and killing myself. the group of “popular” girls in my grade would make songs about me killing myself and ****. everyone would take turns hitting me during recess. but at least sequoia was with me. although, you know, no one wants to be the losers only friend, so she ignored me. this is about the time I started to hurt myself, like punch walls, cut myself, pinch myself and picked at my cuts until they bled. in fifth grade, I went to the hospital for the first time. this was the first time that I tried to kms. sixth grade, I spent most of my sixth-grade year in the hospital. I got extremely sick. this is when I met Maisie Teska. I fell in love with her. and I still do sometimes. anyway, in seventh and eighth grade, it wasn’t that bad. ig. I officially told sequoia about my self-harm, and she took out a pair of scissors and acted like she was cutting herself. that was kinda triggering to me. and still is. I started having manic anxiety attacks from then on. I was also on the bus. during the summer of eighth grade, going into high school, I went today treatment. I met a lot of teens that were going through what I was going through. in tenth grade, before I came to St. Mary Central High School, I was going through MAJOR mental health problems. I pulled the fire alarms 3 times, and I was planning on doing it again, but someone, I still don’t know who snitched on me. I then was suspended, but then the Neenah Police traced me to the previous times, and found out that I was going to pull it again, then expelled me. then I transferred schools, and now, I’ve only tried to commit suicide about 18 times since then. sooo…
please be nice...
Xella Jan 8

Maybe not wanted
called out and hoped for a response and-
maybe I don't want it.

Stars you
the ol folks I look at are the same ones you
looking into history-
stars die-

reminding me-
stars remind me of the one who left me.
This is a very old one. I wrote when I was about 12. I am 100% grateful for my birth parents, nothing against them (even if I do not know them).
Typewriter1 Aug 2019
are you angry or upset, what are you feeling inside.
do you feel like you weren't wanted, or do you think that you did something wrong.
do you think you were a mistake or just not loved.
these words roll around in my mind day and night wondering if what they did was a good or bad thing,
you tell me they loved me but not enough to keep me
you tell me they wanted to to give me a better life but didn't realize how depressed id be growing up.
i don't think id ever understand all this
my whole life was a lie the parents i called mom and dad....
but this whole time i had other parents how do you explain that to a child.
i'm depressed, mad, upset, confused, lost, my whole world came crashing down.
my heart broke a little i felt like a was standing still but i wasn't alive.
when i think of the word adoption i stop and stare into mid space thinking why have kids if you KNOW you cant look after them.
but you weren't thinking of the consequences.
no words or the amount of thinking would ever make me understand what you did and why you did it.
i'm now 19 and i'm still cry every night thinking why .what if ,maybe i did something wrong
you didn't realize but i'm hurting way more than you would think
but i will say this i'm in a better home environment,
so for that thank you, adoption is a whole lot of crazy world
mjad Nov 2018
I often wonder about my own origin
I wonder how much of me is from just one woman
I also wonder if I am anything like the man
Does my DNA from her make me the good student I am
Does it explain my ever present sarcasm and attitude
I wonder if we have the same personality or mood
I wonder about my appearance and hers
Does her hair also fall down her back or shape her curves
Does it reflect in the same golden way that mine does
Does she also let hers grow too long just because

I know you from online
And from the few files I find
Is my height, or lack thereof, from you?
(After all, I'm only five foot two)
Do all my half siblings know of me, or just you?
Do you talk to my father? Does he want to meet too?

I meet you this week
17 years or 6,463 days
Not a moment too late
A reunion like an awkward first date
I was told to "expect nothing" from it
That I can easily call to just quit
But I know more everyday that I am ready
I want my family tree to be a little less webby

I want you to know I am not mad
I do not cry because I am sad
You are the reason I live the life I have
I cannot be more grateful for that

I understand the choice you made
That raising me was a price you had to pay
Your past is not something to regret
The questions I have are nothing to fret
You might fear the how's and why's
But they're the last thing on my mind
I just want to meet you for you
And to thank you for giving me the chance to live anew
I meet my birthmother later this week and I am full of emotions, but I want all birthmothers to know that the last question an adoptee has on their mind is  "why?" We want to know YOU, the you of today, so do not be scared. ( ps. If youre an adoptee too, hmu! I am here for you on your journey)
Bella Sep 2018
My mother is upset;
I comfort her.
My father is angry;
I calm him.
My youngest sister is scared;
I calmly comfort her.

I tell my mother:
I am bisexual;
She tries to beat it out of me.
I tell my father:
I cut myself;
He yells and screams til my ears bleed.
I tell my middle sister:
I am broken;
She hugs me and says,
That’s alright.
This is about how my parents and youngest sister, Carli, treat me like **** even when i care for them.
But its also about how my younger sister, Destiny (older than Carli), treats me as an equal.
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