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Unknown 3d
I now truly know what it means to see everything in your life falling apart, and not being able to do anything about it.

I now truly know how it feels to see your mother break down in front of you, grieving about the happy life she once lived.

I now truly know what it looks like to see your father lose himself to his depression.

I now truly know that life has it's own course and it is inevitable that my family will find happiness.

I now truly know.
everything thing in my life is falling apart and i have no control over it.
ordained Sep 7
how do you solve a problem like
grieving?
i sat in a dark room for two and a half years
listening to old tapes of conversations with a dead person.
it was cold and unkind and thick with melancholy
and i couldn't find the door in the blackness
and i didn't call for help
and i didn't try to fight my way out.
it was horrible but it was comforting, somehow,
because i could tell there were other people trapped in other dark rooms with other unshakeable sorrows,
even if i was alone in mine.
and it was getting worse.
i should've been getting better,
adjusting to the lightlessness,
feeling around for the doorknob.
but i was sitting still
(and maybe going blind, too)
and here's the part of the story where everything gets better
...almost.
a ouija board grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards her
and it was the last thing i expected.
and a ghost
my ghost
spelled out his name and said hello
and i have never felt so at peace.
he said he missed me and that he was happy now
and my heart was floating in my body
and i was crying, as always,
but they were the happiest tears i've ever cried.
oh my GOD does it feel good to have your soul quieted
after two and a half years of unrest
and things you never got to say
and times you flaked on plans that you wish you'd kept
and laughs and hugs and
it wasn't all fun and games, when he was alive.
it was talking him down from panic attacks
and praying he wasn't hurting himself anymore
and faith that he would thrive
if he gave himself the chance.
it was the loss of innocence and the search for innocence
all wrapped up in the same two shared bodies.
we both tried our best.
and my heart cracked in a hundred places when he left
how do you solve a problem like a dead best friend?
i still don't know.
but a ghost by his name sent me love through a ouija board and told me to get my shit together,
just like i had told him when we were in the same world.
and it's almost three years
and i miss him just as much as i always have
but i think i can handle it now
at least a little better.
maybe next time i see him we'll be scarless and innocent again,
or maybe we'll be just as fucked up
but there's peace in knowing the reunion is coming,
no matter what form it takes.
.
.
.
for lucas, my heart. see you soon enough.
i had an amazing experience with a weegee bort and i lived to tell the tale
Amya Sep 2
I wish I could wake up and see you standing in front of me.
I wish this nightmare could all be over.
I remember when I was small you would hold my hand, as I grew older you became my best friend.
I have 14 years of memories with you that I will treasure and keep in my heart.
We shared a bond that nothing could ever break.
My heart aches so much with you not being here, oh how I would love to hug you one last time.
Where there was once happiness, is now sadness.
Oh, how much I would love to hear your voice or even just see you smile one last time.
Until the day I see you again,
I will look up at the stars and search till I find you.
Love,
Amya
Dani Aug 31
Excerpt from ‘The Wind on the Downs’
"That you are round about me, I believe;
And knowing you are happy; should I grieve?
And when I leave the meadow, almost wait,"
(Continued by Dani Henderson)
For you to show up where I have placed the bait.
Love is keeping me here as long as the day,
Coming back until I have your say.
This is something I need to know,
Did you want to stay or want to go?
Give me all my prayers to read again,
So I can fix them in permanent pen.
Let me know so I can think of your face,
And not cry, but remember your grace.
Show me you can feel no more pain,
Show me that I am truly sane,
And that I am right about that place,
Because I know you can see His face.
The perfect peace you surely can feel,
I know that is part of the deal.
It will be a while for me, my turn I have to wait,
For the privilege to see the perfectly pearly gate.
When my name is called I know I am ready to go,
But your choice, I need to know!
When a loved one passes it to hard because we just don't know... A grieving moment all of us have where you ask for a sign, anything to tell you that your loved on is okay beyond this world of life.
I talk. You stare.
I confess. You glare.
I cry. You don’t care.

I try to open up.
I have no luck.

I adore.
You ignore.

Do you even love me?
Silence.
No words.
No emotions.
No sound.

I leave. You grieve.
You call me. I tremble.

You concealed your distress.
I could’ve guessed.
You love someone else.
You made me a mess.
bummer
lauren Aug 11
He disappeared like the hazy sun over the vast horizon.
The mellow, delicate rays disguising the pain that his exit would bring.
A tragically beautiful departure.
The vivid oranges and warm yellows were now faded and weak,
Gradually diminishing,
Barely visible.
And that’s when he slipped away.
The blanket of darkness had displaced him.

She ends her evenings with a long gaze at the sunset as tears brim in her weary eyes.
A view that’s strangely melancholic.
Maybe it’s because the grand display provokes bittersweet nostalgia.
Memories of her beloved husband,
the golden sun amidst her darkness.
The soulmate that departed too soon.
And took her light with him.
Missing all the 2 AM chats
about All the Things,
the this and thats.
You were always awake too.
Ready to share,
ready to care.
Ready to tell a story or two.
You drank in kindness,
with every black cup.
To the world's darkness,
you had blindness,
always... looking up.
Grandma, how can it be,
that you WERE?
How can you be,
not here with me?
You miss us all,
I am sure.
We miss you too.
In all the little things we do,
all the times we show how to care.
All those times...
You are there.
Never again...
Cannot be real.
My heart cannot begin,
To accept that deal.
I will laugh and cry and love,
with you.
Either here,
or above.
Do not forsake me,
in my Pagan ways.
Light my path,
these earthly days.
For to live, and laugh, and toil, and love,
with your whole heart,
I have heard...
is what makes a good life.
A good wife.
A soul well lived and learned.
But just in case,
Can you put in a good word?
For I cannot bear
to exisit in a world,
With you never again there.
mjad Aug 12
In between a rock and a hard place she was stuck,
Literally she was crushed between a freeway divider and a semi truck.

Native American so her roots didn't connect her to heaven.
He was a self proclaimed athiest at the ripe age of seven.

A short belief in an afterlife as maybe a wolf or an eagle
seemed too childish so he gave up on it before he was legal.

Visiting a slab of shiny stone in between two pine trees;
The wrong one but he doesn't care he sits down waiting to freeze.

Smoking a joint forgetting the new one while trying to keep all of her.
Exposion to death at a young age has no real cure.

Step brothers have no sympathy saying it's time to growup,
Girlfriend doesn't know when to stop bringing it up.

The clouds float on by. . .
He wishes he could die.

Staring at a shiny engraved stone with tears to the brim,
Hating all that his short seventeen years have shown him.

His only desire at the moment to just see once more her face,
He was caught in between her rock and his minds hard place.
my exes mother died and I tried to express his struggles of depression...I can't do his emotions justice
kara Aug 6
you watched as
your daughter set
fire to her sadness
and looked
the other way
when the flames
burned too hot—

when you visit her room
and find nothing but ash,
will you mourn as a mother?
or a bystander?
i needed you and you didn’t see me
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