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Joshua Phelps Feb 13
They say the
grass is greener
on the other side

I tried to cross that
line and all I see
is my life in disarray.

Nothing matters
anyway,

For all I know,
misery is here
to stay.

I tried to find
beauty in
negative spaces

But it's the
same story,
same face.

Not a real trace,
a glimmer of
hope,

Just stuck
in this state
of decay,

A poor, mental
state.

Nobody listens,
no matter what
I'm told,

Everyone is in
it for themselves

They don't care
if I fall.

Is there a future left
for me?

Or will I spend
the rest of my life
losing it all?
thought that it
would get so much
better

but next year
showed up,

and i'm stuck
in the same place

floating down
the same river,

waiting for things
to change.

i'm stuck
with the same
thoughts,

same memories,
same feelings
and feeling

oh so lost.

i can't change
who i am,

i can't forget
the past

but i can try
to move on,

because we both
know i can't be

your favorite
song.

a final repeat
before love comes
undone

and i stop this
cassette and
finally

move on.
I dedicated this to you
Our brightest star;
The blooming lotus flower
Our kindest soul;
The moon that watches over us
Butterflies scattered around the fields
Reassuring us that your soul is at peace

Even till the end meets
Your smile was everything

Thank you for all the memories
You've shared every second of
Never expected the grief would come so soon, losing someone sure is hard.
Keep your loved ones close and hug them tight everyone <3
Tark Wain May 2023
We lost you 10 days ago.

On the first day
I had just gotten my old job back
I walked into the main office
And told everyone how nice it was to see them again
Then I went back into my office
And heard you had passed
I flew home that night

On the second day
I tried to rest, recover the sleep I had missed  on the first
I couldn’t
My family wanted to go out to eat
I told them I couldn’t leave my room

On the third day
I got to see the friends we grew up with
Some I hadn’t seen in five years
We sat at a table for four
I kept looking to the open space to my right expecting to see you in a chair

On the fourth day
I bought a suit for your funeral
It had been so long that none i owned fit me
You would’ve thought I looked nice
You would have told me that

On the fifth day
I spent a night in your apartment
Surrounded by people that loved you
Some that loved me
I stood in your room and lingered
Our close friend saw me
We held each other and he showed me all the things in your room you had taken from him
I told him about an orange shirt you had taken from me because it was too large
We pulled out an orange shirt from a pile, thinking we had found it
It was a different shirt

On the sixth day
I got to see your face for the last time
I focused on your hands
because they looked how I remembered
I got to see you be put in the ground
I got to see my first love there
We hadn’t spoken in years
She told me she was married
I told her that was nice to hear
I spoke to your father, he had to be reminded of who I was
He hadn’t seen me since I was 8
But once he remembered
We spoke and we laughed
I spoke to your mother
I thanked her for moving to our town, I thanked her for you
I told her about all the good you brought to my life
She said I did the same for you

I cried that day and every day prior

On the seventh day I bought a flight back to Los Angeles for that night
I spent Mother’s Day with my family
I ate bad Greek food
We had to pull over next to a Wawa for me to use the restroom
I took the flight home
Normally I would have called a taxi but I asked my roommate to pick me up
You had introduced me to him
He used to sublet your room in our old apartment
I told him about the last seven days
I didn’t cry once

On the eighth day
I returned to work
Back for good I told them
I told my boss I ordered shakshuka for lunch because it was the last thing I ate with you
She said  she was considering the chopped salad

On the ninth day
Most of the same things happened
I spoke to the close friend who was still grieving in New York
I told him things would improve once he left the city
I saw my girlfriend who is recovering from a torn acl
She’s prescribed medication to help with her pain
I couldn’t stop asking her why I didn’t feel worse

On the Tenth day
I made a mistake at work
One that will likely never rear its ugly head
It’s the worse i’ve felt in 4 days
Sometimes I wish I could live in the pain I felt when I lost you
There nothing could hurt me
There nothing could be worse
You are gone and each day that passes you will be gone a little longer
And each day I will feel a little better
And I worry I may hate myself for that
there's something about silence that just reminds me of you
and since i can't run away from it, i can't run from you.
so may someone inform me as to what i can do?
i'm over these shrieks in the void that ring true
so blue.
quiet nights.
Lukai Mar 2023
I found a seed, and I planted it.
Watered it daily
Checked the soil in which it sat
Nothing happened so
I changed the potting,  
Giving it sun,
Made sure it saw the light
Checked it everyday
Did everything right,
Waiting for it to sprout something
Anything even.

But it didn't grow,
because the seed died
Mayah Seals Dec 2022
Small pebbles crash through ashen skies,
So intricate and divine.
They pitter patter the pane.
Window pane;
Inner pain.
Cracked and spidering;
The sensation remains the same.

Snapping crisp twigs like heartstrings.
Plucking the chords on this beating violin,
A somber sound barrels around  cathedral ceilings,
Dripping melodies in pools at the edges of cold lips.

Victorian grace with hippie peace.
What a hollow sound without the clash of chaos you bring.
Oil and water, emulsified.
Fire and ice, married.
Beautiful chaos, skyward bound.
Earth to ash, burried.
To Sue: much more than Grammy; my teacher, monk, guru, my DaVinci. I will treasure the gift of simply being known by you
Mya Dec 2022
Poor soul, grieving is all you’re bound to know
You burn the weak bridges of distant bays
In the barren shade you will never grow


You’ll reap the rotted seeds of all you sow
Doomed to be alone for the coming days
Poor soul, grieving is all you’re bound to know


Neither pain, nor pleasure, will make you glow
Stuck forever in your pitiful ways
In the barren shade you will never grow


Through evil, twisted words and forked-tongue woe
Do your everything to push them away
Poor soul, grieving is all you’re bound to know


In the haste of fright, you condemn your foe
Care little to not for the truth they say
In the barren shade you will never grow


I’d give you my heart for this final blow
Even for the fruit of love you’d not stay
Poor soul, grieving is all you’re bound to know
In the barren shade you will never grow
Rosie Dec 2022
Dad
I don't know if I deserve to be sad that you died
It feels like I didn't earn it
Like if I'm sad I'm pretending for attention
I don't know if we were close enough
I don't think I texted you back enough
or respected you enough

After so many years of resentment I don't know if I get to love you
It doesn't feel like my loss.
It feels like my siblings lost their dad
And my mom lost her husband
And I'm so sad for my family
but it doesn't feel like my father died.

Everyone tells me that you were a good person
And I believe them
But I don't think I thought so when you were still here
And now we share the same sins
It's the first thing we've had in common

When I was writing your eulogy it felt like I was writing a paper
It was like I was writing it for someone else
Someone who knew their dad
Someone who liked their dad
Someone who was liked by their dad.

The only thing we understood about each other was the bad parts
Because we recognized them.
And neither of us liked either of us.
If you were such a bad person I think I am too
The passive aggressiveness
The drinking to be likeable
The sneakiness
The lust
The pride
My personality is like mom's but my vices are from you.

I don't think we were so distant because we didn't understand each other
I think we disliked each other because we understood each other perfectly.
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