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Bee 1d
the pit in my stomach
hurts worse than the hunger
in my bones, my empty belly
unworthy, unknowable
the quiet
eating at my soul
the quiet
tearing through the folds
until it rips me open
and i’m left,
alone, exposed
Bee 1d
i wish i could reach across the depths
of you
i wish, god i wish
i could let anyone
get to know me
but i’m standing on a cliff
between living and viewing
absently behind the scenes
my life passing without me
i wish you knew
the pain inside
the uncertainty brewing like
a slow tornado in my brain
i wish i could let myself show you
the light ive tucked behind the shades
since he made me feel like **** in the fourth grade
i wish you knew
how my heart has ached for you
to know me
unconditionally
Bee 1d
there’s a rabbit with moon hooded eyes inside of my heart
and every night she looks up to the stars
yearning not to break apart

my rabbit and i feel fine most of the time
but when she starts racing i cry
because my mind believes my existence is a crime

and my heart can’t take it
she thinks she must’ve stopped
so she throws a fit
thud thud thud

and look! there goes my rabbit
thrashing around in my war torn lungs
creating chaos in case of catastrophe
because future battles must always be won
Bee 1d
the lights beamed ahead with an intense ferocity
and the cars race by my slow moving eyes
and a bug, a thought crept down my spine
i could never be like them
not with my empty tank
not with the hands i tied behind my back
not sitting in the backseat
watching my life fly away from me
the front seat remains empty
the wheel jeers
while i peer at that front seat day after day
longing to feel the smooth leather against tired skin
but
never growing up enough
never finding the courage to love
enough to live my life
Bee 1d
you take from people
i know because you took from me
a fragile soul
a dim but growing light
a place in the world
that wasn’t shadowed by you
you take without regard
and fill yourself up with
the light of others
their passion
their dreams
and like a parasite, you feast
until
****
the light goes out
the passion extinguished
the soul rots
you took and took
you selfish self obsessed ****
and in your wake
i’m left with
a shell
a misery
an emptiness
you use people until they’re all used up
then find another girl to ****
Bee 1d
never allow myself closeness
keep a chain locked around my heart
crouch in my mind’s darkness
hide from a world i’m sure is bent on tearing me apart

never let them know who you really are
protect yourself in an empty smile’s armor
build walls surrounding your soul so you can shove it away far
bathe in the peaceful emptiness of being your only harmer

realize you’ve never felt love
panic because you don’t know you
ruminate: i’ve spent my whole life In Fear Of?
choke on the answer keeping you in the noose

find the girl you’ve denied
and tell her she doesn’t have to die
Bee 1d
i stand in the echoing hallways of a chamber
where voices shriek;
their harsh undercurrents of despair haunt the stifled air

i am frozen
trapped in their vicious whirlwind
until a small sliver of light
finally
peaks through the cracks of the dark vault

following its glimmer, i arrive and suddenly
the frenzied voices simmer
at last
a soft moment of clarity dawns and
my mind comes to a quiet halt
The door, half-open, the sound
Of piano keys one by one
Accelerating, rushing,
Then, softly and gently
Fingertips only
On your neck
And my hair;

The doormat, greasy,
White stains on black,
White stains on white,
White saints above,
And below — white Snow.

Hands jump
From one place to another,
Passionate, yet thoughtful,
Albeit slightly nervous;
A black bough
With a little cloud atop,
Red on white,
White on black
And white on white again.

A lucid view
Through an opaque surface,
Chills mixed with warmth
Within and around;
Muted soft sound
Goes on for a while,
Numbs the senses,
Then, suddenly, a couple
Of accurate and precise
Touches make such
Clear and dazing notes,
That you just sit there
Overwhelmed.

The drum, slow and steady
And swingy and lazy,
As the body trembles,
Bends slightly, freezes
And goes crazy;

Translucent wings
Flutter over white
And black and gold,
The bird serenades
In the dim, shivering light.
He puts
his hands
Around her body
And a calming, warm,
Quiet sound
Of a pulsating heart
Blurs and blends
All the colours:
White on gold,
Gold on black,
Black on white,
White on hazel
And so on
And so forth;

An upright bent
Of the bent upright;
Hold on,
Forever.

The end.
A friend of mine once said that it's better than ***

Originally published on Medium @ Poets Unlimited https://medium.com/poets-unlimited/waltz-for-p-d87628eb70b4

Subtitled 'A jazz-infused impromptu' for reasons unknown
I’m checking on old friends
Looking them up; asking after them
The girls I knew in my younger days
are women now
They’ve grown, blossomed, and matured
moved away, been to college, found love
married, each have children, a house, a car
Their happiness makes me smile
until my smile turns to a frown
when I see how far they’ve come
and I realize
I’m still here
© 2020 Velvel Ben David
Bee May 17
you are a **** up, but you don’t have to be
- what i wish my parents would have taught me
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