Nov 2018 · 402
mjad Nov 2018
I often wonder about my own origin
I wonder how much of me is from just one woman
I also wonder if I am anything like the man
Does my DNA from her make me the good student I am
Does it explain my ever present sarcasm and attitude
I wonder if we have the same personality or mood
I wonder about my appearance and hers
Does her hair also fall down her back or shape her curves
Does it reflect in the same golden way that mine does
Does she also let hers grow too long just because

I know you from online
And from the few files I find
Is my height, or lack thereof, from you?
(After all, I'm only five foot two)
Do all my half siblings know of me, or just you?
Do you talk to my father? Does he want to meet too?

I meet you this week
17 years or 6,463 days
Not a moment too late
A reunion like an awkward first date
I was told to "expect nothing" from it
That I can easily call to just quit
But I know more everyday that I am ready
I want my family tree to be a little less webby

I want you to know I am not mad
I do not cry because I am sad
You are the reason I live the life I have
I cannot be more grateful for that

I understand the choice you made
That raising me was a price you had to pay
Your past is not something to regret
The questions I have are nothing to fret
You might fear the how's and why's
But they're the last thing on my mind
I just want to meet you for you
And to thank you for giving me the chance to live anew
I meet my birthmother later this week and I am full of emotions, but I want all birthmothers to know that the last question an adoptee has on their mind is  "why?" We want to know YOU, the you of today, so do not be scared. ( ps. If youre an adoptee too, hmu! I am here for you on your journey)
Nov 2018 · 506
mjad Nov 2018
Put your head on my shoulder
Whisper in my ear
Words I want to hear
Tell me
Tell me that you love me too

Put your hand on my thigh now
Get my Snapchat
Send a pic like that
Show me
Show me you wanna **** too
Inspired by Paul Anka's "put your head on my shoulder" how young couples communicate "love." Then the first stanza vs. now the second stanza
Nov 2018 · 226
mjad Nov 2018
The back of his head makes me shake my own
As I see him walk past me in the halls all alone

I wish my hands could be messing around in his hair
But I cannot force back feelings that just are not there
Nov 2018 · 395
(more) Fun
mjad Nov 2018
Of all the fun Ive ever had
Almost all I've never told you
From vaping in the car
To drinking in my friends basement bar
Almost all I've never told you
Nearly crashing a car
Kissing strangers just for fun
Smelling like **** a ton
Sneaking out to a friend's wedding
To seeing the cops pull up and dreading
You hearing about all the fun I've had that I've never told you
But you never knew, never found out about
The times I don't want to forget
You don't know about them yet
And my only regret out of all of it
Is that I can't tell you one bit
Part 2 to "Fun"
Nov 2018 · 491
mjad Nov 2018
the fire left sparks on my sleeve
You stood ten feet across from me
on the other side of the flames
they reflected in your eyes
the ocean blue turned arsony
and I could see all our memories
Oct 2018 · 194
mjad Oct 2018
Our song comes on as you hit the gas
75 on the freeway
You're going too fast
But today you don't care
You shout the lyrics
And play with my wind tangled hair
Oct 2018 · 2.4k
mjad Oct 2018
He only goes with "skinny *******" or so his friends say
But it's alright, I don't go with guys who call girls "*******" anyway
Oct 2018 · 298
mjad Oct 2018
I tell myself everyday I don't care about him at all
He's a thing of the past come and gone
But I heard a story and was enthralled the entire conversation long
I wasn't eavesdropping my friend just decided to share
I don't need to know his business and I tell myself I don't care
But his father is leaving and his ex has moved on
His mother is mad and his work nights are long
He had the chance to have *** but won't say with who
I doubt anyone besides me came close (and I was faking the ******* too)
He keeps pursuing a girl who rejected him once more
He cut off two of his friends now he is left with just four
I tell myself I don't care about his life,
But if you know anything...tell me more
Oct 2018 · 197
mjad Oct 2018
You run around
Shouting catch me if you can
Sticking your tongue out
Catch yourself a nice ***
Don't like the way she dress tho
And shes a bad kisser
You'd rather hit and miss her
Speed off in a Caddy
She don't call you Daddy
Caught another she a real ***
Running round your mind tho
Punch her heart after ***
Save feelings for the next
Run and catch her if you can
I just can't say no
Catch me if you can tho
Sep 2018 · 228
mjad Sep 2018
It's become a routine
Letting guys use me
I settle for below my league
Or so my friends tell me
From mental disabilities
To family issues
They still get me on my knees
I don't want to be the lock
I want to be the keys
Choosing which door I fit
Not letting them unlock me
Aug 2018 · 1.8k
mjad Aug 2018
Don't use ****
To get what I need
**** em up
**** me up
Dyslexia *****
Like I **** you off
On my best friends floor
Behind the bathroom door
While they're dead asleep
Our secret to keep
Turn off the TV
Making sure they can't see
You right on top of me
Fingertips trace along your sides
While you're meeting my insides
Get to know me even more
Can't hear our moans over their snore
I can barely keep my eyes open
Swim in me like I'm the ocean
Getting seasick everywave
A life I can't help but save
Swallowed like Jonah and the whale
Pause and we both exhale
Collapse in exhaustion
After our little excursion
Your heartbeat puts me to sleep
Your breathing is still deep
Didn't even need ****
To get a good night's sleep
Aug 2018 · 1.8k
mjad Aug 2018
Of all the fun Ive ever had
Almost all I've never told you
From beach days to movie nights
And pizza stops and wrestling fights
Almost all I've never told you
Car rides speeding at midnight
Walking on the frozen lake downtown
Scared that I'll fall through and drown
Waking up in his bed
To giving road head
All the fun I've had I've never told you
You never knew, never found out about
All the lies I hand fed you
Dozens and dozens of times I did what I liked
Instead of listening to you
And of all of those times of adventure and fun
I regret absolutely none
Except the fact I had to pretend I wasn't actually doing a single one
I'll tell them one day
Part 1 of 2
Aug 2018 · 256
mjad Aug 2018
I can't let myself hurt you
I'm scared of more than friends
Whenever there's a good thing
It ends
Aug 2018 · 370
mjad Aug 2018
In between a rock and a hard place she was stuck,
Literally she was crushed between a freeway divider and a semi truck.

Native American so her roots didn't connect her to heaven.
He was a self proclaimed athiest at the ripe age of seven.

A short belief in an afterlife as maybe a wolf or an eagle
seemed too childish so he gave up on it before he was legal.

Visiting a slab of shiny stone in between two pine trees;
The wrong one but he doesn't care he sits down waiting to freeze.

Smoking a joint forgetting the new one while trying to keep all of her.
Exposion to death at a young age has no real cure.

Step brothers have no sympathy saying it's time to growup,
Girlfriend doesn't know when to stop bringing it up.

The clouds float on by. . .
He wishes he could die.

Staring at a shiny engraved stone with tears to the brim,
Hating all that his short seventeen years have shown him.

His only desire at the moment to just see once more her face,
He was caught in between her rock and his minds hard place.
my exes mother died and I tried to express his struggles of depression...I can't do his emotions justice
Aug 2018 · 354
mjad Aug 2018
Nose below the water
Steam clouds my view
Before my eyes
my hands find you
Aug 2018 · 2.7k
mjad Aug 2018
Hey babe
You say you don't like a **** talker
But my bad ***** energy just made you harder
Aug 2018 · 2.4k
mjad Aug 2018
Until our names have traveled the world
Your name will jump off of my tongue,
Roll onto your back
Crawl over your shoulders
Walk right into your ears
Then off your tongue will jump mine
It will roll onto my chest
Slither up my neck
Stumble right into my ears
Until our names have traveled the world
Jul 2018 · 145
mjad Jul 2018
I cover your face
With little chlorine kisses
While your eyes drown me
Haikus have never been my best work
Jun 2018 · 382
mjad Jun 2018
I want to write
But I don't know about what
Something about how they call me a ****
They think I sleep around and round
But my lifestyle isn't that profound
Is it right to shame me?
For exploring my sexuality?
I would say,
but they don't tend to hear that word
Jun 2018 · 175
mjad Jun 2018
The battery is dying out
So I leave my phone in the other room
Voices fade to mumbles as I walk out
Just the kitchen floor creaking now
The door shuts after you slip out
Take the water glass from my hand
Lean against the fridge while it fills

We should stay here for a lil
They'll never notice or care
Just you, me, and the water we'll share

I lean my elbow on the cold counter
I dent his confidence with my stare
He breaks my heart with his tongue

Well baby then I'm leaving
A kiss on the cheek is no fun
I'll see you sometime later if you want

My eyes fall as he brushes past
Carelessly hands me the water glass
It splashes on my t-shirt
I watch the drops soak in quickly
They'll dry out eventually
I go back and join the crowd
A house party no longer as loud
Jun 2018 · 171
mjad Jun 2018
A shadow dances across the hall
You panic and I laugh
"Babe, it was just the cat,"
You roll your eyes and fidget
Pause kissing me for a minute
"It could have been your parents,"
I pull your chin down to mine
Wrap my legs around you tight
"If it was I wouldn't mind,
they'd be happy to see me with a boy so fine,"
The smile returns to your face
You grab my legs and lift me up
"Hold on to me tight enough,"
Spinning around spooked the cat this time
All it saw was our shadows disappear into the night time
Jun 2018 · 363
mjad Jun 2018
I don't know
What we are
We are friends
But we love
Not each other
we love it
It's the fun
It's the moment
Action filled flame
Fueled by desire
Not quite passion
Moreso adolescent impulses
Adrenaline running around
We are living
Not really loving
Using the words
With empty meaning
Backed by actions
With casual intentions
I don't know
What we are
Though I know
We aren't in
The middle of
Three little words
we aren't in love
Jun 2018 · 11.3k
mjad Jun 2018
I hear the electricity fade
The room is lit with the TVs black haze
My body in your arms is no game
But now I'm all you want to play
part two of my previous poem Prioritize
May 2018 · 298
mjad May 2018
The back door is unlocked so you can make yourself at home around noon

My parents are out and my friends don't need to know about you

It will just be me and you and exactly whatever you want to do

Grab me hold me kiss me throw me have me love me, see the night through

It's half past noon

Just me and you
May 2018 · 431
mjad May 2018
There are more secrets that my heart holds,
than arguments I have woken up too.
More anger and resentment rising upwards,
begging my mouth to attack you,
at every waking second I am in your presence,
than times I have muttered the words: I love you

Happy Mother's Day
We don't have a good relationship unfortunately
May 2018 · 393
mjad May 2018
I brush my lip gloss sparkles
Off of your chin
As if I am brushing away
The last hour of sin
Apr 2018 · 232
mjad Apr 2018
Light green but, dark around the edges
Not emerald, more like nicely trimmed hedges
His least favorite, he preferred blue
But I can tell that it's different for you
Because I caught you once in a moment
You were kissing me with your eyes open
Apr 2018 · 21.2k
mjad Apr 2018
You keep lighting up my screen
But Im always leaving you on seen
I got games to play and things to do
I'm really not thinkin much bout you
I am busy, I got homies
You just ain't my one and only
what a boy explained to me goes through his mind when I hit him up, just put more rhythmically by me
Apr 2018 · 521
mjad Apr 2018
He dropped the Hotwheel car as if it had suddenly become a bomb
Because over the store's speakers came his favorite song
He grabbed my hands and held my eyes with his stare
The second he started singing I knew I began to truly care
In my heart I knew we weren't just friends anymore
He sang the birth of feelings that I hadn't felt for him before
He went from a desire to a need in just one verse of Coldplay's Yellow
My heartbeat went from uninterested to the opposite of mellow
An announcement interrupted my personal Pick'n Save serenade
But I'll never forget that moment that felt like fireworks after a parade
I melted a little inside tbh
Apr 2018 · 185
mjad Apr 2018
She knows nothing of my loves
The boys that made my heart beat and jump
And the ones that snatched my heart too fast
for me to grab it all back
She tells me of her mother whom she shared everything with
The drugs, the ***, the kegs
But if she ever found out about the times I've spread my legs
I fear her eyes would glaze over and her color would drain
In her ignorant mind I'm incapable of such a thing, I'm lame
But more boys know my name
Than secrets of mine that have touched her ears
In all of my seventeen years
My mother and I have never had a close relationship but one day I hope to spill to her in tears and laughter every boy that made me cry and feel love because isn't listening and acceptance part of a mother's job?
Apr 2018 · 369
mjad Apr 2018
Shut the door behind you
Lock it twice just in case
Pull out the futon mattress
Let your hands find their place
Stare at my green passion
Slide your hands up my thighs
Smile as your mouth finds mine
Flick your hair out of your eyes
Press your lips against my own
Tangle your tongue with my breathe
Take your time with me tonight
Enjoy it like you invite death
Apr 2018 · 155
mjad Apr 2018
My heart knew all along
But my brain was saying it was all wrong
When they say trust your gut they never say which one
Apr 2018 · 183
mjad Apr 2018
the highest is where im headed
gotta go through **** to get to heaven
lights glaring feel so loud
popping pills like im proud
felt good a while then i fell
turns out i never even reached ****
Apr 2018 · 28.6k
mjad Apr 2018
Controller in his hands
My body in his arms
His eyes on the screen
He's not being mean
He's just prioritizing
The games over me
This was a daily and I can't believe it, you are all incredible, thank you for all the tremendous feedback and make sure to read the other mediocre poetry I have if you have time:):)
Apr 2018 · 121
mjad Apr 2018
The smallest things
Make the biggest differences
Apr 2018 · 140
mjad Apr 2018
Sing your favorite song to me again
Let your voice glide through the air
Hold my hands and sing to me
This is all too much to bear
Apr 2018 · 175
mjad Apr 2018
I don't want to see you later,
or in heaven or ****,
or anywhere in between.
Apr 2018 · 188
mjad Apr 2018
It shimmers as the light hits it
Then worry fills my mind
What if they notice
The one sparkle my lips left behind
Mar 2018 · 131
Gaze (haiku)
mjad Mar 2018
Now you hold my gaze
I let your hands grab my waist
Please, don't let me go
I still **** at haikus
Mar 2018 · 323
mjad Mar 2018
i gave you almost everything i could
but for you almost was not enough
i hope you loved what you had while it was good
because no one will ever be me and i hope that truth is tough

no one will give you the goosebumps i did when i brushed my fingertips up your spine
no one will give you every ounce of their undivided attention and time
no one will trust you with everything and never lie
no one will hold your head on their chest while you cry

no one will give you everything you didn't deserve
you will always remain the way you were
never changing and always waiting for things that aren't yours
i hope you like being hers

because you will never again be mine
our paths will never cross and our stars will never align

and you will never be treated like the king that you are not
but i will always remain his queen while I remain in your train of thought
Mar 2018 · 170
mjad Mar 2018
My lips may be soft,
but the words they have for you are not.
"I won't hesitate, *****"
Mar 2018 · 176
mjad Mar 2018
Elbows bounce up and down
Smiles all around
Speakers shake our ribcages
Grab my hand
Pull me right around
Live in our youth
Turn the song way up
Overthrow the unheard truth
Like we have it, **** the time
Spin me till I can't feel my mind
Tryna feel these good vibes,
All the way until I die
Mar 2018 · 213
mjad Mar 2018
He has an Android and the screen is just a *****
But when I hit him up he never fails to hit me back
You got an iPhone but the battery must be dead
Because I hit you up while I was all
alone in bed

He has a skateboard and half the wheels are out of order
But he makes it work because he always flies right over
You have a Lincoln but maybe you 
forgot to get some gas
And now the last thing that you're gonna get is any of this ***

He has an old hoodie that he's worn ten times before
But that's okay because it ends up on my floor
You wear a different name brand every time we meet
Even though they're different they all reek of conceit

He hates to borrow money because he feels guilty for asking me
But everytime he pays right back fast and eagerly
You hate the fact I can't afford a large instead of small
But when I ask you for some change you suddenly lose it all

He is well aware he's not the best there is
But he's pretty ******* close
You don't think you're perfect, in your own words, you know
So because of all this and're just gonna have to go
Mar 2018 · 538
mjad Mar 2018
You know. . .
I used to cry about you. . .
But, now I have the sudden urge to thank you.

Because if not for you, I wouldn't be curled up next to the hottest guy I've ever snuck over while my parents are out,

And I wouldn't be having the adrenaline pump through my veins while his hands mess about.

If not for you, I wouldn't be smiling from ear to ear because he mocks how badly you messed up letting me go,

And I wouldn't be in his arms while he swings me around promising to see me tomorrow.

So thank you for messing up so badly that it has allowed me to finally grasp how to live my life so happily
Mar 2018 · 279
mjad Mar 2018
you should send your love elsewhere
the person you love does not care
Mar 2018 · 406
mjad Mar 2018
I bring my shirt closer to my face
His aroma engulfs me in the most damning embrace
I sweep my room for any further trace
But he remains all over the place
Feb 2018 · 808
mjad Feb 2018
I love the way your hips move when I push up against you
But I like the way he whispers into my ear, "I love you"
I like the way you attack me with hugs
But I adore the way he talks about love
I can't choose between the refrain and the melody
Something so loud and something so sweet
And both are written beautifully just for me
Feb 2018 · 162
mjad Feb 2018
windows down
twenty over
rain pouring in
back seats are covered
world is ours
time to takeover
no more fear
happiness rediscovered
Feb 2018 · 125
mjad Feb 2018
heart is pumping
you grab my waist
a tickle fight begins
and "just friends" end
as you tickle my lips
with your kisses
Jan 2018 · 140
mjad Jan 2018
Gates of heaven are locked
I checked em before I ran next door and knocked
welcomed in before my hand even hit the door
make yourself at home you've been here before
ain't that how it always goes
take what you can get when the other doors are closed
had a fair share of all time lows ya know
but how do you know when it's the ultimate low
****'s always open, gotta find the key to the other place
because they don't let in just any pretty face
It's a mess meh
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