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Nov 2020 · 761
Flickering
mjad Nov 2020
Feet tapping under the table
Eyes flickering above a mask
I see you through and through
If I love for life, it's gotta be you
Nov 2020 · 605
Seconds
mjad Nov 2020
We have so little time
One life, how many decades?
Decades how many seconds?
Flying by at the speed of light
I just want to close my eyes
Nov 2020 · 271
Flashback
mjad Nov 2020
Oh what I would pay
For a flashback video of every happy day
Before it all went away
Oct 2020 · 389
History
mjad Oct 2020
Walking and the air is cold
Feeling young
Conversation is old
Eyes following lips
No talk of a kiss
Just you and me
And history
Oct 2020 · 193
Replay
mjad Oct 2020
Ones a bridge ones a melody
Sometimes I replay without finishing
So different
Yet in harmony
Oct 2020 · 336
Home
mjad Oct 2020
I just want you home
I don't like being alone
Sep 2020 · 608
Satan
mjad Sep 2020
He grabs my leg and pulls it over him, his hair falls in my face
I wrap my arms around him, tightening our embrace
I cannot get enough of him, he knows my body like his own
With only his fingertips, he never fails to summon my moan
Then we relax, watch Netflix and get food
My parents may tell me Satan's bad, but today he did good
Sep 2020 · 633
Candle
mjad Sep 2020
I ask if I'm too much for you to handle
I'm a forest fire that you see as a candle
Sep 2020 · 507
Within
mjad Sep 2020
So much love within
Fingertips glide over my skin
Hands on my sides
While meeting my insides
Entire body shivers
With the way you deliver
Eyes roll back again
Over the way you have me bend
One night is never enough with you
I want an entire lifetime, or two
Aug 2020 · 80
Crash
mjad Aug 2020
I should go to sleep
I get my dose of nicotine
Try to push you away
But you crash into my dreams
Aug 2020 · 216
Fifteen
mjad Aug 2020
I was only fifteen
I knew what I was made of
Distance wasnt made for me
Aug 2020 · 504
Shampoo
mjad Aug 2020
Your chin rested on my head
I could tell you closed your eyes
Maybe took in the scent of my shampoo

There are days I can't stop thinking about you
Aug 2020 · 322
Strong
mjad Aug 2020
I remember standing at the end of the bed
Feeling safe and sound
Not a noise in the house
You pulled me in to your arms
We stood there still but strong
How did everything go so wrong
Aug 2020 · 77
Peace
mjad Aug 2020
I try to close my eyes in peace
But my thoughts never cease
Aug 2020 · 72
Drop
mjad Aug 2020
Drop anything for you because you're my priority
You say you'd do the same for me
But I can't call you when you're at a party
Aug 2020 · 71
Drowned
mjad Aug 2020
There's notches in the wood above me
A light reflects off the window ahead of me
My speaker gets drowned out by the AC
I know I don't cross your mind when you're at that party
Aug 2020 · 60
Wonder
mjad Aug 2020
I wonder
Would you?
Would she?
Would anyone tell me?
Aug 2020 · 239
Absence
mjad Aug 2020
I look back on the way my heart jumped
The way he made my love filled blood pump
And I fail to understand
I do not know how I loved everything so small, even holding his hand
How can love just come and go?
When he stopped loving me, how did I not know?
His eyes must have sparkled at the idea of leaving me
My absence was the reason he smiled gladly
I never looked for the signs of this
I was the definition of ignorance is bliss
My heart knew all along
But my brain was saying it had to be wrong
When they say trust your gut they never say which one
Aug 2020 · 247
Had
mjad Aug 2020
Had
You are behind me
I don't want to be your friend
We had our time
But it's come to an end
Aug 2020 · 353
Day
mjad Aug 2020
Day
I don't regret anything I do
But that day with you
Has ruined me
i didn't want to leave
Aug 2020 · 397
Nothings
mjad Aug 2020
You poured out the gasoline around me
While never losing my eyes
Telling me sweet nothings
Crossing t's and dotting i's

As you leaned in to kiss me

The flames engulfed us
And your lips never reached mine
Aug 2020 · 432
Break
mjad Aug 2020
He would let me break every bone in his body
Just for me to let him love me

But then I'd break his heart
Aug 2020 · 221
Mind
mjad Aug 2020
I woke up in a dark room
and sat alone
thinking that i was alone
feeling like i was alone
but with all of my mind
and you on it
Aug 2020 · 351
Closed eyes
mjad Aug 2020
I don't want him to close his eyes and only see me
A first love is never over
It's just in disguise
Hiding behind the comfort of closed eyes
Aug 2020 · 355
Test Run
mjad Aug 2020
I close my eyes
The years are filled with tears
From jokes to heartbreak
Missing you to wanting you gone
I thought you were the one
But you were a test run
Showed me what I should want
A hand to hold in pain
Eyes liking everything they see
Laughing with, but not at
Kisses on every inch of me
All of that
Is what I need
What you could not give me
Aug 2020 · 234
Fogging
mjad Aug 2020
If he held me again today
I'd collapse into his being
In anger and regret
And thankfulness
Otherwise there'd be no change
He was once all of my heart and mind
Not only occupying my thoughts
Fogging them
I did not think of me
I thought of us
A fragile concept
One of the past

If he held me again today
It would be the last
Jul 2020 · 199
Peaceful
mjad Jul 2020
I watch you lay there
The light of my screen creates a glare
You seem unreal
So peaceful
Unaware
Of the mess that is loving me
Jul 2020 · 474
Rain
mjad Jul 2020
water dripping
outside my window
tell me does she fill your dreams
or does the weight you carry
keep you awake
just like the rain
Jul 2020 · 201
Flies
mjad Jul 2020
people drop like flies
if i find out the truth
is actually lies
Jun 2020 · 1.6k
Unlawfully
mjad Jun 2020
I feel compelled to post and speak
But my education feels too bleak
Yet blacks and whites and others too
See the harm the policemen do

I am white
But I'm not dumb
I see an action so blatantly wrong
The harm that the policemen have done

The people are out and the streets are loud
They will not rest until justice is found
One name fires up the nation
Yet the harm continues, little hesitation

There are good, but there are bad
People on every side of the issue are mad
But it's hard to deny the facts
Unlawfully taken lives can't be given back

Speak up for what is true and what is right
Even if you're scared since you are white
I know you aren't dumb
Help be the change that needs to come
May 2020 · 259
Insane
mjad May 2020
mouth opens
but no words
just breath
what to say
you wait
text a friend
i do the same
is it worth it
or am i stupid
what will you say
a response i fear
i know you'll say
what i want to hear
why even ask
close mouth
rethink
you wait
i've been here
in this cycle
waiting
thinking
receiving
nothing
but stares
and blame
my question
is just me
being insane
May 2020 · 758
Quarantine
mjad May 2020
My friends tell me of their days
Same as mine
Texting, scrolling, napping, eating
Eyes glued to a screen till three am
The new night
Told it will end in two weeks
But there's no true end in sight
May 2020 · 162
Arms
mjad May 2020
Wrapped like a present
I'm scared of what's inside
I'm in your arms
But what's in my heart?
May 2020 · 85
Big
mjad May 2020
Big
wheels turn
eyes grow big
just found out
what you did
May 2020 · 304
Hopelessly
mjad May 2020
You look at me with pure joy
A smile ear to ear
Hopelessly in love
My biggest fear
May 2020 · 817
Reality
mjad May 2020
My ceiling never changes every night I find myself staring
Just these past few weeks I feel as if it gets closer
I see a film of my life and everything that never played out flash by
The reality I wish could be
But it's far from what is happening to me
May 2020 · 579
Around
mjad May 2020
I could really use one of the many conversations we used to have right now

But you aren't here
And you don't want to be around
Apr 2020 · 371
Island
mjad Apr 2020
I sail along the rough ocean surface
Taking in the shattered gray and the foamy waves

I rock against the beach and feel myself back on the land
I watch as the wind takes the beach out of my hand

I lift my chin up to the air
And feel the sea breeze blow through my hair

I feel the sunshines warm embrace
and I know that I am safe
Apr 2020 · 427
Cycle
mjad Apr 2020
The name pops up on my screen
It's been months, but I never leave you on seen
It's a habit I just can't kick
And you're a person I hate to miss
I close my eyes and feel it all
The years of tears
From laughter and love
To heartbreak and hurt
All from you
And you always pop back up
Texting to talking to drives
To parking spots and rendezvous
It's always you
Then yelling and screams
More tearing at the seams
You'll never hear my name
And be able to close your eyes
And not see me
Or hear me
My words in your ear
Hands on your face
In love or pity
In passionate routine
A forever
That you thought was me
Is only a cycle of names on a screen
And I'm not the one that goes back
I'm the one that's gone back too
It's not me
It's you
Apr 2020 · 641
Gasoline
mjad Apr 2020
I watched you pour out the gasoline
I held the matches in my hand
We danced and laughed
Like musical chairs
I won
Handed you a match
Watched you step back
Light it
And we laugh
we were toxic
Mar 2020 · 507
raindrops
mjad Mar 2020
he covers me in kisses
misting me in love
raindrops on every part
haiku?
Mar 2020 · 509
Potential
mjad Mar 2020
And just like that
I am back to being everything that he wanted
Except for the fact
I am not with him
He does not get to see
This better version of me
Mature and clean
Because he had his chance
And didn't see
All of my potential
To get out of my dark space
And be in a happy place
With him
So I found
Someone without any doubts
About me
Who cares and loves
More than he ever does
And just like that
I am back to being loved
By someone thats not just mean
Mar 2020 · 606
Alive
mjad Mar 2020
I would never admit it
But I do think it
I know you will always be in my life
Because I worry
With all the pills you pop
That one day you won't talk to me
Not because I'm blocked
But because you won't be alive to talk
Mar 2020 · 503
Month
mjad Mar 2020
I tell him I love him
Only one month in
The thought of him not saying it back scares me
I don't want to hear nothing
The shallow air as he hesitates
Because he's lost feeling

I told him I love him
Only one month in
I'm scared I will regret it and never be able to recover
I don't want to be hurt
Or even worse, hurt him
Mar 2020 · 218
Pills
mjad Mar 2020
I don't know where to go
My friends are all fading away
Popping pills to avoid being awake
Can't something else take their pain away?
Feb 2020 · 213
Ink
mjad Feb 2020
Ink
I want to show my friends what I write here
But I am filled with fear
at what they would say
or think
about me writing online and not with ink
but here for everyone to see
and I know the things they would read
would change how they look at me
because they don't know everything
and they really don't know me
you all know me better
Feb 2020 · 180
Feeling
mjad Feb 2020
i do not feel
like everyone else
i watch tears fall
when i shed
none at all
for death or love
for good or bad
being angry or sad
i don't care
i understand
what i should be
f e e l i n g
i understand
that i should be
worried
or sad
or scared
but i am just
e x i s t i n g
and everyone around me
is depressed
i do not understand
why my brain is not sad
why my life is not too bad
and how i deserve to be
happy
while everyone else
is suffering
because they have the ability
to be
         feeeeling
Feb 2020 · 394
Energy
mjad Feb 2020
one coffee down
an energy drink too
the only thing that keeps me awake
is the thought of you
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