5d · 58
Mother
mjad 5d
There are more secrets that my heart holds,
than arguments I have woken up too.
More anger and resentment rising upwards,
begging my mouth to attack you,
at every waking second I am in your presence,
than times I have muttered the words: I love you

Happy Mother's Day
We don't have a good relationship unfortunately
May 10 · 272
Brush
mjad May 10
I brush my lip gloss sparkles
Off of your chin
As if I am brushing away
The last hour of sin
Apr 16 · 136
Open
mjad Apr 16
Light green but, dark around the edges
Not emerald, more like nicely trimmed hedges
His least favorite, he preferred blue
But I can tell that it's different for you
Because I caught you once in a moment
You were kissing me with your eyes open
Apr 15 · 9.1k
Seen
mjad Apr 15
You keep lighting up my screen
But Im always leaving you on seen
I got games to play and things to do
I'm really not thinkin much bout you
I am busy, I got homies
You just ain't my one and only
what a boy explained to me goes through his mind when I hit him up, just put more rhythmically by me
Apr 10 · 396
Yellow
mjad Apr 10
He dropped the Hotwheel car as if it had suddenly become a bomb
Because over the store's speakers came his favorite song
He grabbed my hands and held my eyes with his stare
The second he started singing I knew I began to truly care
In my heart I knew we weren't just friends anymore
He sang the birth of feelings that I hadn't felt for him before
He went from a desire to a need in just one verse of Coldplay's Yellow
My heartbeat went from uninterested to the opposite of mellow
An announcement interrupted my personal Pick'n Save serenade
But I'll never forget that moment that felt like fireworks after a parade
I melted a little inside tbh
Apr 5 · 97
Seventeen
mjad Apr 5
She knows nothing of my loves
The boys that made my heart beat and jump
And the ones that snatched my heart too fast
for me to grab it all back
She tells me of her mother whom she shared everything with
The drugs, the sex, the kegs
But if she ever found out about the times I've spread my legs
I fear her eyes would glaze over and her color would drain
In her ignorant mind I'm incapable of such a thing, I'm lame
But more boys know my name
Than secrets of mine that have touched her ears
In all of my seventeen years
My mother and I have never had a close relationship but one day I hope to spill to her in tears and laughter every boy that made me cry and feel love because isn't listening and acceptance part of a mother's job?
Apr 5 · 209
Enjoy
mjad Apr 5
Shut the door behind you
Lock it twice just in case
Pull out the futon mattress
Let your hands find their place
Stare at my green passion
Slide your hands up my thighs
Smile as your mouth finds mine
Flick your hair out of your eyes
Press your lips against my own
Tangle your tongue with my breathe
Take your time with me tonight
Enjoy it like you invite death
Apr 5 · 85
Gut
mjad Apr 5
Gut
My heart knew all along
But my brain was saying it was all wrong
When they say trust your gut they never say which one
Apr 5 · 81
Highest
mjad Apr 5
the highest is where im headed
gotta go through hell to get to heaven
lights glaring feel so loud
popping pills like im proud
felt good a while then i fell
turns out i never even reached hell
Apr 5 · 10.6k
Prioritize
mjad Apr 5
Controller in his hands
My body in his arms
His eyes on the screen
He's not being mean
He's just prioritizing
The games over me
Apr 3 · 66
Differences
mjad Apr 3
The smallest things
Make the biggest differences
Apr 3 · 80
Bear
mjad Apr 3
Sing your favorite song to me again
Let your voice glide through the air
Hold my hands and sing to me
This is all too much to bear
Apr 1 · 113
Anywhere
mjad Apr 1
I don't want to see you later,
or in heaven or hell,
or anywhere in between.
Apr 1 · 90
Shimmers
mjad Apr 1
It shimmers as the light hits it
Then worry fills my mind
What if they notice
The one sparkle my lips left behind
Mar 31 · 66
Gaze (haiku)
mjad Mar 31
Now you hold my gaze
I let your hands grab my waist
Please, don't let me go
I still suck at haikus
Mar 17 · 241
Almost
mjad Mar 17
i gave you almost everything i could
but for you almost was not enough
i hope you loved what you had while it was good
because no one will ever be me and i hope that truth is tough

no one will give you the goosebumps i did when i brushed my fingertips up your spine
no one will give you every ounce of their undivided attention and time
no one will trust you with everything and never lie
no one will hold your head on their chest while you cry

no one will give you everything you didn't deserve
you will always remain the way you were
never changing and always waiting for things that aren't yours
i hope you like being hers

because you will never again be mine
our paths will never cross and our stars will never align

and you will never be treated like the king that you are not
but i will always remain his queen while I remain in your train of thought
Mar 13 · 100
Lips
mjad Mar 13
My lips may be soft,
but the words they have for you are not.
"I won't hesitate, bitch"
Mar 12 · 119
Vibes
mjad Mar 12
Elbows bounce up and down
Smiles all around
Speakers shake our ribcages
Grab my hand
Pull me right around
Live in our youth
Turn the song way up
Overthrow the unheard truth
Like we have it, kill the time
Spin me till I can't feel my mind
Tryna feel these good vibes,
All the way until I die
Mar 11 · 119
Go
mjad Mar 11
Go
He has an Android and the screen is just a crack
But when I hit him up he never fails to hit me back
You got an iPhone but the battery must be dead
Because I hit you up while I was all
alone in bed

He has a skateboard and half the wheels are out of order
But he makes it work because he always flies right over
You have a Lincoln but maybe you 
forgot to get some gas
And now the last thing that you're gonna get is any of this ass

He has an old hoodie that he's worn ten times before
But that's okay because it ends up on my floor
You wear a different name brand every time we meet
Even though they're different they all reek of conceit

He hates to borrow money because he feels guilty for asking me
But everytime he pays right back fast and eagerly
You hate the fact I can't afford a large instead of small
But when I ask you for some change you suddenly lose it all

He is well aware he's not the best there is
But he's pretty goddamn close
You don't think you're perfect, in your own words, you know
So because of all this and more...you're just gonna have to go
Mar 7 · 446
Thank
mjad Mar 7
You know. . .
I used to cry about you. . .
But, now I have the sudden urge to thank you.

Because if not for you, I wouldn't be curled up next to the hottest guy I've ever snuck over while my parents are out,

And I wouldn't be having the adrenaline pump through my veins while his hands mess about.

If not for you, I wouldn't be smiling from ear to ear because he mocks how badly you messed up letting me go,

And I wouldn't be in his arms while he swings me around promising to see me tomorrow.

So thank you for messing up so badly that it has allowed me to finally grasp how to live my life so happily
Mar 7 · 222
Send
mjad Mar 7
you should send your love elsewhere
the person you love does not care
Mar 3 · 317
Trace
mjad Mar 3
I bring my shirt closer to my face
His aroma engulfs me in the most damning embrace
I sweep my room for any further trace
But he remains all over the place
Feb 24 · 737
Choose
mjad Feb 24
I love the way your hips move when I push up against you
But I like the way he whispers into my ear, "I love you"
I like the way you attack me with hugs
But I adore the way he talks about love
I can't choose between the refrain and the melody
Something so loud and something so sweet
And both are written beautifully just for me
Feb 18 · 66
Takeover
mjad Feb 18
windows down
twenty over
rain pouring in
back seats are covered
world is ours
time to takeover
no more fear
happiness rediscovered
Feb 18 · 73
Tickle
mjad Feb 18
heart is pumping
you grab my waist
a tickle fight begins
and "just friends" end
as you tickle my lips
with your kisses
Jan 20 · 105
Heaven
mjad Jan 20
Gates of heaven are locked
I checked em before I ran next door and knocked
welcomed in before my hand even hit the door
make yourself at home you've been here before
ain't that how it always goes
take what you can get when the other doors are closed
had a fair share of all time lows ya know
but how do you know when it's the ultimate low
hell's always open, gotta find the key to the other place
because they don't let in just any pretty face
It's a mess meh
Jan 15 · 132
Breathe
mjad Jan 15
Oneee                          
       Twoo                
             Threeee

In then out
Breathe, don't shout
Think, don't fight
It will be alright
Jan 15 · 316
Tipsy
mjad Jan 15
I'd rather stay in
than pass out drunk with a guy you refer to as "him"
because you were too tipsy to ask his name,
and now are sleeping in his puke with a migraine.
Jan 14 · 149
Roots
mjad Jan 14
People don't really ever change
They stay the same
They have one home they go back too
One smell that brings them back when they close their eyes
There's always one lover they remember more than others
Always that one home cooked meal that they crave
One person they long to see after years apart
There's one gravestone they will fix the crooked flowers of
One old friend they wish they hadn't lost track of over time

There is always the same roots to one tree even if the branches fall off
People don't really ever change
Jan 14 · 141
Dance
mjad Jan 14
we get ice cream and fries
we don't actually eat we go outside
the retro music blares over the speakers
we splash in puddles with our beat up sneakers
wow you have my heart beating
even if it is only our second time meeting
it's dark but the neon sign lights up a spot
of the empty dance floor parking lot
the restaurant window seaters give us a glance

we dance
it was such a wonderful night i want to marry him
Jan 14 · 148
We
mjad Jan 14
We
....What are we?

His head tilts slightly
Feet stop where they are
I ask again lightly

What are we?....

He lets out no confession
To the floor his eyes drop
Once again I question

..What are we?..

His response comes slow
Eyes meet mine
"I don't know."
he was actually smiling and grabbing my hand but it felt like this when he said it
Jan 13 · 147
Same
mjad Jan 13
they come and go
i never say no
hold my hand
grab my waist
pull me under
hold my face
bite my lip
have a taste
no time to waste
all the same
copy and paste
Jan 13 · 128
Wild
mjad Jan 13
so toned and fine
drowning in your blue eyes
ive been waiting quite some time
finally a wild boy for me
i can call you mine
Jan 12 · 215
replaced (haiku)
mjad Jan 12
no words to express
all the kisses up and down
he is replaced
i suck at haikus
Jan 12 · 723
Height
mjad Jan 12
his hair swished to the side
he flicked his fingers through his bangs
his eyes darted down to me
his hands exited his pockets
mine reached towards his face

"If you want me to make the first move, you're going to be up for a wait. You're half a head taller, I'm not growing six inches at this rate. . ."

so he holds my hands
he lowers himself down to me
his lips hover in front of mine
he flashes a smile
his hands drop mine and grab my waist

"This leaning down better be worth the back pain,"

He smirks and pulls me in
I laugh while my lips touch his
he dips me and spins me around
his height doesn't matter in the end
Because we will both end up on the ground
;)
im only 5'2"so 6'0" is a stretch
Jan 12 · 224
Things
mjad Jan 12
things happen
words slip
lips collide
tears drip
but sometimes
those things
are good
loving words
tender kisses
joyful tears
not bad
Jan 12 · 77
Lesson
mjad Jan 12
It circles around me,
it nuzzles its face next to mine,
shouting, "Don't be afraid!
It will work out in time!"
"But what if it doesn't?"
asks the doubting voice in my mind.
"Well than it will be a lesson to learn,
that patience and hard work
don't always earn you what you deserve."
Jan 12 · 276
Shower
mjad Jan 12
I had a talk with myself in the shower
It was a long overdue conversation
The suds of the shampoo blurred my vision
And they seemed to cloud my thoughts too
If he came back would you be strong?
Would you hold your hard-earned place?
Or would you break down like a house of cards?
Shattering your emotions like a China vase?
I would be the independent girl I am getting to know
The girl I see clearer in the mirror everyday
The one that would tell him to leave me alone and go his own way
He had his chance now I'm taken
By someone who loves me for everything
Who sees my flaws and embraces them
Not notices and demeans them
I am taken by myself.
A better long awaited self.
I turned the water off and stepped out,
Cleansed in more ways than one.
i am over him and the freedom is oh so liberating
Dec 2017 · 340
Replacing
mjad Dec 2017
How much should we risk
For an overdue twenty minutes of fun?
It might just be adrenaline running
Between two somebody's,
Both replacing a someone.
Dec 2017 · 243
Sinful
mjad Dec 2017
Cracked kitchen tiles
Send chills down my back
Is this too sinful of an act?

His toned body against my own
warms my anxious bare chest
Will this prove too hard of a test?

As if they know every inch,
his fingertips began to trace my spine
But I am not his and he is not mine

My eyes meet his in the dim light
My hands decide to messy his hair
Our mouths indulge; we no longer care.
Dec 2017 · 723
Heart
mjad Dec 2017
My heart is nothing too you
You held it with your trembling hands
Careful as to not hold too tight
I held yours carefully too

However you held too loose
Your grip weakened and let my heart slip right through
The bloody chunk of flesh fell without excuse

You let it break and shatter
All the memories and love I stored
Splattered across every wall in front of us
To you my heart didn't matter
Dec 2017 · 202
Verbally
mjad Dec 2017
Thanks, but no thanks
I'm looking for words, not action.
I want my mind to drool over you,
I want my heart to jump at what you say,
Not how you handle me,
Not the foreplay,
But if you can verbally make my day
Dec 2017 · 1.1k
Funny
mjad Dec 2017
"You know what's funny?"
--this phrase indicates that no humor lies ahead,

"He said he would die for me. . .
and now he wishes I was dead."
Dec 2017 · 141
Misread
mjad Dec 2017
An old friend spoke to me today
Actually an old crush, I should say
Tall and lanky, blonde and blue eyes
Kind and smart, not like other guys
He has someone now
Lucky girl she is, anyhow
I have most definitely missed out
I rejected him over one doubt
He could have been mine
If only I didn't misread all the signs
Now I'm listening to him complain
About some class causing him pain
How I wish I could say more...
Than "yeah, that class is such a bore."
Nov 2017 · 149
Pet
mjad Nov 2017
Pet
She sits on my lap
Plump and fat
Wrinkling my dress
I pet away all my stress

(cats are not evil)
At least I know mittens won't leave me
Nov 2017 · 257
Break
mjad Nov 2017
Sometimes things have to break
To make something wonderful
Although they are full of cracks
Mosaics are beautiful

(we could be a mosaic, love)
hope kills me
Nov 2017 · 117
Busy
mjad Nov 2017
The world spins
It spins and spins
We never question
Or doubt or fear
What would happen
If it suddenly halted
We are too busy
Walking and talking
Loving and hating
To think about words
That we don't want to hear
The end is inevitable

My sorrow grows
It grows and grows
I never question
Or doubt or predict
What would happen
If it suddenly stopped
I am too busy
Sulking and sobbing
Raging and ranting
To think about anything
That could be a bit joyful
Happiness is invisible
Nov 2017 · 136
Maybe
mjad Nov 2017
Maybe one day you'll see me
Perhaps one day you'll love me too
Maybe one day you'll call
But you never do

Maybe one day you'll realize
Perhaps one day you'll laugh with me
Maybe one day you'll end the goodbyes
But you never do
Inspired by "from the dining room" Harry styles
Nov 2017 · 154
Leave
mjad Nov 2017
I need to move forward and forget
But the image of you won't leave my head
Make it all go away
Make all of you go away
Make this heartache go away
Well guys... I broke up with him bc he stopped loving me, the problem being I still am in love with all of him
Nov 2017 · 146
Keep
mjad Nov 2017
my life is not yours
it is not yours to
take
      or break
                    or make new
my life belongs to me
it is mine to
keep
         far away
                        from you
trying something new
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