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2d · 44
mjad 2d
I look back on the way my heart jumped
The way he made my love filled blood pump
And I fail to understand
I do not know how I loved everything so small, even holding his hand
How can love just come and go?
When he stopped loving me, how did I not know?
His eyes must have sparkled at the idea of leaving me
My absence was the reason he smiled gladly
I never looked for the signs of this
I was the definition of ignorance is bliss
My heart knew all along
But my brain was saying it had to be wrong
When they say trust your gut they never say which one
2d · 55
mjad 2d
You are behind me
I don't want to be your friend
We had our time
But it's come to an end
2d · 45
mjad 2d
I don't regret anything I do
But that day with you
Has ruined me
i didn't want to leave
2d · 53
mjad 2d
You poured out the gasoline around me
While never losing my eyes
Telling me sweet nothings
Crossing t's and dotting i's

As you leaned in to kiss me

The flames engulfed us
And your lips never reached mine
2d · 249
mjad 2d
He would let me break every bone in his body
Just for me to let him love me

But then I'd break his heart
2d · 59
mjad 2d
I woke up in a dark room
and sat alone
thinking that i was alone
feeling like i was alone
but with all of my mind
and you on it
2d · 106
Closed eyes
mjad 2d
I don't want him to close his eyes and only see me
A first love is never over
It's just in disguise
Hiding behind the comfort of closed eyes
2d · 53
Test Run
mjad 2d
I close my eyes
The years are filled with tears
From jokes to heartbreak
Missing you to wanting you gone
I thought you were the one
But you were a test run
Showed me what I should want
A hand to hold in pain
Eyes liking everything they see
Laughing with, but not at
Kisses on every inch of me
All of that
Is what I need
What you could not give me
2d · 49
mjad 2d
If he held me again today
I'd collapse into his being
In anger and regret
And thankfulness
Otherwise there'd be no change
He was once all of my heart and mind
Not only occupying my thoughts
Fogging them
I did not think of me
I thought of us
A fragile concept
One of the past

If he held me again today
It would be the last
Jul 10 · 96
mjad Jul 10
I watch you lay there
The light of my screen creates a glare
You seem unreal
So peaceful
Of the mess that is loving me
Jul 10 · 282
mjad Jul 10
water dripping
outside my window
tell me does she fill your dreams
or does the weight you carry
keep you awake
just like the rain
Jul 10 · 78
mjad Jul 10
people drop like flies
if i find out the truth
is actually lies
Jun 4 · 1.4k
mjad Jun 4
I feel compelled to post and speak
But my education feels too bleak
Yet blacks and whites and others too
See the harm the policemen do

I am white
But I'm not dumb
I see an action so blatantly wrong
The harm that the policemen have done

The people are out and the streets are loud
They will not rest until justice is found
One name fires up the nation
Yet the harm continues, little hesitation

There are good, but there are bad
People on every side of the issue are mad
But it's hard to deny the facts
Unlawfully taken lives can't be given back

Speak up for what is true and what is right
Even if you're scared since you are white
I know you aren't dumb
Help be the change that needs to come
May 15 · 167
mjad May 15
mouth opens
but no words
just breath
what to say
you wait
text a friend
i do the same
is it worth it
or am i stupid
what will you say
a response i fear
i know you'll say
what i want to hear
why even ask
close mouth
you wait
i've been here
in this cycle
but stares
and blame
my question
is just me
being insane
May 15 · 664
mjad May 15
My friends tell me of their days
Same as mine
Texting, scrolling, napping, eating
Eyes glued to a screen till three am
The new night
Told it will end in two weeks
But there's no true end in sight
May 15 · 88
mjad May 15
Wrapped like a present
I'm scared of what's inside
I'm in your arms
But what's in my heart?
May 15 · 44
mjad May 15
wheels turn
eyes grow big
just found out
what you did
May 4 · 241
mjad May 4
You look at me with pure joy
A smile ear to ear
Hopelessly in love
My biggest fear
May 4 · 701
mjad May 4
My ceiling never changes every night I find myself staring
Just these past few weeks I feel as if it gets closer
I see a film of my life and everything that never played out flash by
The reality I wish could be
But it's far from what is happening to me
May 1 · 453
mjad May 1
I could really use one of the many conversations we used to have right now

But you aren't here
And you don't want to be around
Apr 13 · 216
mjad Apr 13
I sail along the rough ocean surface
Taking in the shattered gray and the foamy waves

I rock against the beach and feel myself back on the land
I watch as the wind takes the beach out of my hand

I lift my chin up to the air
And feel the sea breeze blow through my hair

I feel the sunshines warm embrace
and I know that I am safe
Apr 13 · 330
mjad Apr 13
The name pops up on my screen
It's been months, but I never leave you on seen
It's a habit I just can't kick
And you're a person I hate to miss
I close my eyes and feel it all
The years of tears
From laughter and love
To heartbreak and hurt
All from you
And you always pop back up
Texting to talking to drives
To parking spots and rendezvous
It's always you
Then yelling and screams
More tearing at the seams
You'll never hear my name
And be able to close your eyes
And not see me
Or hear me
My words in your ear
Hands on your face
In love or pity
In passionate routine
A forever
That you thought was me
Is only a cycle of names on a screen
And I'm not the one that goes back
I'm the one that's gone back too
It's not me
It's you
Apr 13 · 534
mjad Apr 13
I watched you pour out the gasoline
I held the matches in my hand
We danced and laughed
Like musical chairs
I won
Handed you a match
Watched you step back
Light it
And we laugh
we were toxic
Mar 31 · 380
mjad Mar 31
he covers me in kisses
misting me in love
raindrops on every part
Mar 30 · 341
mjad Mar 30
And just like that
I am back to being everything that he wanted
Except for the fact
I am not with him
He does not get to see
This better version of me
Mature and clean
Because he had his chance
And didn't see
All of my potential
To get out of my dark space
And be in a happy place
With him
So I found
Someone without any doubts
About me
Who cares and loves
More than he ever does
And just like that
I am back to being loved
By someone thats not just mean
Mar 30 · 504
mjad Mar 30
I would never admit it
But I do think it
I know you will always be in my life
Because I worry
With all the pills you pop
That one day you won't talk to me
Not because I'm blocked
But because you won't be alive to talk
Mar 16 · 425
mjad Mar 16
I tell him I love him
Only one month in
The thought of him not saying it back scares me
I don't want to hear nothing
The shallow air as he hesitates
Because he's lost feeling

I told him I love him
Only one month in
I'm scared I will regret it and never be able to recover
I don't want to be hurt
Or even worse, hurt him
Mar 16 · 171
mjad Mar 16
I don't know where to go
My friends are all fading away
Popping pills to avoid being awake
Can't something else take their pain away?
Feb 27 · 156
mjad Feb 27
I want to show my friends what I write here
But I am filled with fear
at what they would say
or think
about me writing online and not with ink
but here for everyone to see
and I know the things they would read
would change how they look at me
because they don't know everything
and they really don't know me
you all know me better
Feb 27 · 143
mjad Feb 27
i do not feel
like everyone else
i watch tears fall
when i shed
none at all
for death or love
for good or bad
being angry or sad
i don't care
i understand
what i should be
f e e l i n g
i understand
that i should be
or sad
or scared
but i am just
e x i s t i n g
and everyone around me
is depressed
i do not understand
why my brain is not sad
why my life is not too bad
and how i deserve to be
while everyone else
is suffering
because they have the ability
to be
Feb 27 · 329
mjad Feb 27
one coffee down
an energy drink too
the only thing that keeps me awake
is the thought of you
Feb 27 · 152
mjad Feb 27
The clock ticking cuts through my soul
You are only seventeen
Am I really too old?
Feb 27 · 511
mjad Feb 27
The shattered gray and foamy waves take over my field of green

I see everything you want in the reflection of me
Feb 16 · 667
mjad Feb 16
He said he loved me

I said I liked him too
Feb 16 · 260
mjad Feb 16
There is a trend of a chain hanging off a man's neck
Tickling the face of the girl underneath him
But you don't wear jewelry
You don't need to with me
Your hair tickling my face is all I need
Feb 6 · 452
mjad Feb 6
The last thing he took
Was my NorthFace vest
Because he has taken all the rest
I want it back
Feb 6 · 556
mjad Feb 6
I thought I deleted you
Actually that's not true
It's been 6 years now
That I've been messing with you
When will one of us get another
To take the place as a lover
Because we aren't in love
We just kiss each other
Feb 6 · 345
mjad Feb 6
There's no words to describe the feeling of you kissing my cheek
Kiss my mouth to get me started
Plant one on my cheek to be sweet
But you don't need to be sweet with me
It's all just routine
Jan 19 · 171
mjad Jan 19
I put the keys into ignition and slide my hand over the wheel
I feel the leather under my fingers and rev the engines ready steel
I drive and park you where I know that you'll be safe

I know you go home with someone else
All I am is the valet
sometimes we care for people that are not ours, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't want the best for them
Jan 11 · 226
mjad Jan 11
Hop up in your Jeep
All too familiar to me

"Wanna go in the backseat?
Dec 2019 · 300
mjad Dec 2019
It will all stop abruptly
I'll be hit with a lack of presence
New cold hands
No more forehead kisses
No more late night cuddles
That get us in trouble
Because we sleep all night
And miss class the next morning
The drives around town when the sun is down
Unplanned pizza stops
With jam sessions in the car after
All will become a thing of the past
I don't want to believe it will happen
But I know that you will leave
Walk out my room, and never drive back
Exiting abruptly
i wrote this two months before it happened
Dec 2019 · 223
mjad Dec 2019
We deserve better
He doesn't see it now
How he let us down
She will find out
That I was there too
Taking space in his mind
Popping up on his screen
Not trying to be mean
But sis
He was cheating
Dec 2019 · 546
mjad Dec 2019
my short 5'2" frame locked in place
like a puzzle piece in his 5'11" embrace
Dec 2019 · 998
mjad Dec 2019
The days are starting to run together
It's the beginning of December
Nov 2019 · 279
mjad Nov 2019
im not in the front of his mind
im with my best friend on a drive
we laugh and we cry

**** boys
Nov 2019 · 491
mjad Nov 2019
Skrt skrt comes the bike
Of the boy that i like
But we aren't dating
We just kiss and ****
So wish me luck
Trying to avoid all the feelings
Nov 2019 · 462
mjad Nov 2019
just for a moment
i step inside
i kiss one guy
i turn around
close the door
and kiss one more
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