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Back in the small town,
we hung around the gas station
in the afternoons and at night.
We drank cartons of iced tea
and laughed about nothing.
We watched others live
the lives we wanted.
but weren't quite ready
to begin.

—Ron Gavalik
Zuzanna 50m
I've thought of records and audio files,
Where my voice trails on awkwardly enough,
For me to flinch hard as I listen to
All the silly problems that I wish to
Address in my teenage years, because soon
I'll forget myself, I'll forget my youth
And frankly? I ain't ready for those sad,
Sad twenties and the lonely apartments -
If only I had that audio file -
I'd pour my feelings out, let them go like
Water from a beat down dam heading for
The ocean, that water calls me now and
Its soft hum brings me down to Earth, but my
****** feelings are still screaming they're still
Deeply buried in the sand and the ground
It shakes with each unspoken thought I've yet
To let out, but if someone doesn't bring
A shovel, I might as well keep shaking
'Til I stop hating the sound of my own **** voice.
If I'm itching inside my own skin,
If there's a bit of wild carrying on in,
around,
or perhaps behind
perhaps over, around, somewhere besides my eyes,
If I seem unseemingly unladylike today,
I'm sorry.
Scatterbrained? Surely, certainly, you've noticed.
If you know me, you know this.
I carry on, convincingly
all the while my mind careens away.
Dangerously, it careens away.
Away, attacking the menacingly mundane,
away to a place much more pleasant.
Plesently, myriad of melodrama unfold.
I tell myself stories untold.
I'm so sorry I'm scatterbrained, darling.
I do know.
alicia 2d
to be young and in love is just too hard
Despite the shape,
Despite the dent,
Despite the kiss,

A bruise from lips-
Doesn't have to feel,
But does have to heal-
The same as a bruise from fists.
I swear to god, it was shaped like a heart.
Rivea 4d
When you look at me, what do you see?

A brown haired girl of average height
Big framed glasses that cover her face
Someone who occasionally wears jeans a little too tight
Or shorts a little too short
A girl who has a smile on her face 85% of the time
To let people know she doesn't bite
Someone who isn't necessarily outgoing
Who tries her best to be helpful to those around her
Someone who has changed their friend group in high school
Who has more than one ex
An individual with a scar in the center of their forehead
With a laugh that some may find displeasing.

What you don't see however,

Is the girl who didn't grow up with everything in the world
The ball of anxiety and depression shaped by past experiences
The one who goes to work to take care of other people
So she feels she has something to stick around for
The teenager that has days where eating feels wrong because
She wants to feel beautiful in her own skin
Someone who loves reading and going fishing in the summer
That plans surprises for those she loves just to see them smile
Found more friends after realizing positive people are out there
A girl who realized being loved, should come with being respected
Who tries her best to be kind to others
Because she knows that smile on your face might be lying.

So please,
Remember to be positive to those around you.
Not liking somebody doesn't make you obligated to do them wrong.
You can never know someone's full story by looking at their face
There is a reason they are who they are
Understand that there are always things
you can't see.
Willard 5d
i.

i watch people die.

the romance moves slowly
on camera film; a lover
crashing through pvc
to kiss pavement,
windows behind relay
a tragedy captured
with ***** lights.

ii.

i transcribe scripts
to my bathroom mirror.

i see no Winslet.

green in my eyes
mark an imperfect creature,
no feeder's hand to bite.

i speak to my reflection
in self indulgence.

iii.

i don't have a role to play.

who i am is minors and leads
of movies shaped by the past,

but gas on the celluloid
makes the memory blur.

feelings died with the character
dead in the past.

iv.

i just watch people die.

casablanca;
temporary love rejected
when the bone and
the heart shatters.

v.

i don't know who i'll become.
i don't know if i'll become.
i used to frequent /r/watchpeopledie a lot before it got banned. i was obsessed with a video of a man falling through a pvc entryway. been on meds and writing has been frustrating. all the reason i had to live has kind of assimilated over the past few months, and as i'm "supposedly getting better", the people who are "in the wrong" have it better. there's nothing. nothing. nothing. why live? i wrote this in a movie theater bathroom.
You're just another city
That I'm passing through
On the way to my destination
Yet I'm happy to see you

A city with heavy traffic
Difficult to get out of
To get alone

So pretty and very attractive
Difficult not to fall in love
You're all I want
Cherries and roses,
Are the cunning devil lips
Honey and milk
Are the soft sensitive lips,
Oleander and garlic
Are the determined lips,
Your lips of
Peaches and plum
Are the honest lips
The lips that have gloss that’s poppin
Teeth that biting
And a tongue that killed a man of intentions
I have a **** for rightcheousness and luxury
Help me
Help me
Help me
Dig deep
Dig deep
Dig deep
corner ego it’s turgid.
And **** it.
Must cleanse myself of this evilness.
The corpse reeks of malice.
Without it the breath of my soul is aromatic.
Must crucify possessive vocabulary.
I want
I need
I
I
I
Hang them on a cross of selflessness.
Nail them with actions of helpfulness.
Forget narcissism.
Forget avarice.
Forget being vitriolic.
How unbearably odious my behavior has been.
I apologize as sincerely as I can.
After all we are all cursed being human.
All my faults only show how weak I am.
Through reflection I have shed light on the faults I am capable of revealing.
Yet I have not sought action.
That’s how weak I am.
“I need help” I say.
But the first step of healing.
One does by themselves.
Seek help.
I sit here lethartically.
Thinking help will come to me.
I’m so tenaciously idiotic.
And.
To make things worse.
I grow impatient and annoyed that help hasn’t found me.

See.
I realize this.
And I’m so week that still. I won’t do anything about it.
I won’t seek help after writing this.
I might think I will or think I do.
But it’s either two lazy a cry or not one at all.
I am repulsive. Yet to blind to accept it as the divine truth it actually is.
I say I know myself.
I do. But I don’t actually embrace truth as confronting as it is.
It would help me.
I’m to lazy to face that though.
To scared.
So I slither back into my pitiful narcissistic chasm.
Like so many of my self involved peers.
We all realize it. We resent it.
But for now it’s a part of us.
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