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why do i always
go after myself

pick apart every
single thought

tear myself to
pieces and

find excuses
to not have a
heart?

life doesn't go
according to plan

and two years in
i'm caught in-between
lies i told myself

that buried me
deep within.

there's no mystery
i lived in
make-believe

it was a safety-net,
a fantasy
that made me believe

it could one day be.

but one day,
i woke up and realized

feeling sorry for myself
only goes so far, and leaves
me paralyzed.

i had to move on
from this nightmare.

i had to finally
move past,
and leave behind,

the memories with
rose-colored eyes.
I hate every second of hopes and waiting for an illusion that is never existing.

Why am I in this?

A Man that is messing up my life who never remember me and.....hmmm... Who seems to never remember I ever lived... All I got is his brutal lies and gbam I forgive and let in but all to see him slip away cowardly.

Smile... I am just a fool...
Remembering everything and still can't see the reason why my life is entangled In this ******* lies.

I hate myself,I hate the time I spent with you.
I hate you with all my heart and being.

I am fun to be with.
Everyone fights to be with me but whenever I see the commitment, boom 💥 I blow it up for no reason. And if I couldn't get them off I blocked them and try to change my location.

What a demon in me!!!
What a wasted time I have been since I know you.
Don't want to be a fool again
the flowers that bloom
at the site of this burial
are not a marker
nor memory of
what lies beneath;
they are the reminder
that there will always
be this burst of
colour and beauty
to be cherished
in spite of
what those roots
have grown through
Heather Feb 29
I’ve lost track of the time I’ve spent in this mental tug of war.
Im still hoping to be better than the last time we said goodbye.
I’ve been walking the line between demure and unleashed.
The glitter of others catch my eye, tho fleeting
None illuminate me like you.
I feel the dimming as I walk deep into this cavern.
The farther I walk the harder it is to see that from which I came.
I don’t recognize me; not in my reflection and not in my heavy steps.
There’s no certainty that this is a path of healing.  
And I know healing; my hands have willed it with vashe soaked gauze.
And I know healing; I’ve auscultated it in lobes and bases.
And I know healing; I’ve smelled it in the excrement of the bedridden.
And I know healing.
I know healing?
Finally blocking Ty
N Pescador Jan 22
Im not sure if i already have moved on
But i saw you in my dream
I don’t know what does it mean
If i just missed you or you’re thinking of me
But im happy
Im happy that i saw you
Even if it was a dream
I pray the next girl in your life gets the flowers I never got.
I pray that she doesn’t have to guess if you love her or not.
I pray you tell her every day, every time you get the opportunity to.
I pray you hold her hand in public.
I pray you understand her more.
I pray that she finds her happiness.
I pray that she doesn’t smile less as days go by.
I pray she doesn’t forget what love is, feels like when she is with you.
I pray she doesn’t become lonely even when she is not alone.
I pray you become present in that present, instead of promising a present in a future no one is guaranteed to see.
I pray she learns how to love herself before loving you.
I pray she has a heart that understands but that also knows when it’s time to speak up.
I pray she has the courage to tell you words and sentences I didn’t have the courage to say.
I pray she stays because she wants to, not because she doesn't have any other option.
I pray she feels like loving you is an exciting adventure, not a gloomy experience to endure.
I pray you give her your attention because your money won’t.
I pray you look into her eyes and see her because your absence will scream louder if she’s unseen.
I pray she finds in her heart to love you with a love that only God provides.
I pray she is proud to be your woman.
I pray she is happy.
I pray she is fulfilled.
I pray she receives flowers, not just on her birthday.
I pray she receives hugs and lunch gifts, not just on your birthdays.
I pray she doesn’t have to hide who she is, out of fear of not fitting in your world.
I pray she doesn't cry herself to sleep because you are not around.
I pray for her, even if I don’t know her.
I pray she is happy.
In the midst of chaos, I found an anchor. One that gave me peace and freedom.
MellowMomo Jan 9
Into the vastness of time
Where moments come and go
And disappear into the ocean.

Of all that was created
Where some keep afloat
And others inevitably sink.

I look at all the waves
Relentlessly moving and breaking
Every moment that was part of me.

Behind the water I see faces
Of the past and the present
Having an endless conversation.

I listen to their voices
Familiar whispers
Never too far away.

In my hands I hold two pages
One crumpled and one brand new
Two things that I must do.

First I unwrite a chapter
About a long but past love
Erasing everything on the crumpled paper.

Word after word after word
Retracing all past feelings
While I leave them all behind.

When I’m done I look at the ocean
And while hearing the ruthless waves
I start filling the blank page.

With incomplete sentences
For it is just the beginning
Of a love too soon to tell.

Still I continue to write
As to capture every moment
That reminds me of you.
Ashwin Kumar Dec 2023
As 2023 cometh to an end
Thankful am I, to have many a friend
Who have been there for me
Through an emotional rollercoaster of a year
Some of whom, are as dear
As a family member or a cousin
And who ensure that I don't sin!

Truly, this has been a tornado of a year
Many occasions there have been
When I have shed many a tear
Sometimes, the grass has been green
Other times, a mess of overgrown weeds
However, planted have been the seeds
For a new beginning
Though a lot of work is still pending!!

As the countdown for 2024 begins
Hoping am I, for a lot of things
To be cleared, are my dues
To be overcome, are my work blues
To be conquered, are my fears
With the help of my dears
To be fought, are my insecurities
To be handled, all are uncertainties
To be managed, is stress
To be bought, is a new dress
To be controlled, is my intake of sugar
Even if my problems get bigger and bigger
To be developed, is confidence
To be taken, are many a chance
To be less dependent on, are people
Else, get caught I might, in a tangle
And finally, must I be happy as I am
Including not giving a ****
About what the society may or may not think
While I enjoy a drink!

Just like every other year
To 2024, do I look forward
Hopefully, it may bring a reward
For all my sincere efforts
Even if I haven't followed all the dos and don'ts
You may see a new Ashwin
More capable of handling pain
I may even find love
Even if it doesn't seem possible right now
Finally learn, may I, how to say 'No'
Though the process may be slow
However, fear I need not
If I follow Jesus' teachings a lot
Because, he is the most important person
In my entire life
And will always save me when there is strife
To be learned from him, are many a lesson

Finally, to 2023, is it time to say goodbye
And leave all my anxieties high and dry
Dear 2024, do I welcome thee
With arms wide open
Let this be the beginning
Of a new innings
May we all smile more often
Even when not required
May all our pain be buried
And finally, may we all love each other
Including becoming friends across borders
Wish you all a very Happy New Year in advance!
Let us begin the dance!!
Amen!! Hallelujah!!
Poem on moving on from 2023 to 2024
Odd Odyssey Poet Nov 2023
You act as a fatherless child,
Far less better than your own pride
In amongst life's streets,
Crying dirt out of your concrete eyes
But even if taking my heart was as easy
As taking back all of the time,— I'd be stuck in the past,
As two beings living out of a bag, suckling on our dreams
Hanging off time, as we pass the time with painful laughs
Under the laces of when you feel so sure of yourself,
So full of yourself, from swallowing all of the fears you had.

Love is always a resounding banter,
Battering you into a nostalgic feeling,
But by the second and third attempt,
You'll still be comparing it to the first's feeling
As once upon a time, you were on my mind,
But what's a neverending story, is chasing after forever,
And ironically for us, forever is all but on limited time.

          XOXO, please cross me out of love, before there's.            
                                    another ex, I'd pretend not to know.

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