I still look at Oxbridgers with envy;
I still look at high-school kids bleary-eyed;
I think, I'll leave home and go crazy;
Looking back on old love, I'm cold inside.
My being's regret: I know full well why
It's all past my ears - there once was a time
When gratitude meant something; And, young, I
Was humble. I rose, and I fell, to climb
Yet again, dusty-handed, dishevelled,
And bitter. Do I not shine anymore,
You stars? I can't ask why I am so levelled
Because I know. I can't wail any more
Because I would waste more hours I don't have.
My speech is of a man half in the grave -
I'm only half out of my parents' house;
Wailing would be an insult to my nous.
I met up with two friends at Cambridge today and I was having a hard time containing my envy. I was always told at school I could make it - I knew I could, but I did not impress my interviewers. Possibly 'cos I went in so confident. When I applied to my competitive "Oxford college" style school, I came to interview very jetlagged, and gave it all I had. Those days were evidently over being interviewed by my dad's old college at Cambridge. They lost a real natural. I taught myself French and Spanish GCSE, received the highest marks for my exam in the country TWICE, and was top of my class for A Level. Oh WELL. No, I don't know when I'll get over my salt for this, in truth. But, you know, my godmother told me, "God has three answers to a woman - "Yes, dear.", "Yes, dear, but not yet." and "No, dear, but I have something better for you.".". Maybe I'll become professor in my hometown of Oxford. Who knows? We can only hope.
In the meantime, talking of Oxford, please check out the link in my bio (https://www.development.ox.ac.uk/mecfs) if you can, and, again, if you can, please donate to the Morten Group's efforts to find the cause of fatigue-related conditions. It's been centuries, and these illnesses really need to be addressed, because they are debilitating as heck for many, many people. Thank you so, so much!