The day before today,
I sulked in silence.
The day before today,
I sat hollow.
The day before today,
I was deeply afraid.
The day before today,
I felt unsafe.
But today,
I am vocal and unquiet.
But today,
I feel everything with intensity.
But today,
I am brave.
But today,
I feel safe.
It's hard for me to understand,
This quick change in stance.
But I don't need to understand,
I just need to enjoy it.
I am going to
Let myself smile,
Let myself have a skip in my step,
Let myself enjoy what I have,
Let myself move on from the past,
Let myself be rash,
Let myself breathe.
Especially let myself breathe.
My breath has been caught for weeks now,
But now I can inhale deeply,
Without a worry, and I feel free.
And free is all I want to be.

you do not exist to me. in a world of shallow breaths and wordless apologies, you are a distant memory, barely a name in the wind, my aching bones every time it rains. every note in every song i can no longer listen to. i can hardly remember what my name sounded like when it was coming from your lips, slipping out from behind your jagged teeth, your poison tongue, it is so comforting to know that i am a version of myself that you never got to touch; that you never even got to meet. youre a tick in a mental calendar of days not to let myself be alone on. ive forced myself to believe that time and pain can breed nothing but wisdom in the hopes of convincing myself that ill come out of this on top but i dont know how to do that when you insist on making yourself a glowing beacon in the darkness of a wants to be, could be if youd let it be, almost there but not quite memory. i dont want to remember you. i dont want your ghost to linger. i dont want to hear your steady breath in my ear like a twisted reminder of what once was. what once was was a nightmare and i am finally awake.

Bring it back.
Return to me the time I spent with you on my mind.
Gather up the seconds I spent with you,
Go back to find the laughter,
The stolen glances, and
The feelings we shared.
No need to wrap or tie them neatly,
Just bring them back.

Let me hold them in my hands one last time
Before I toss them to the flames.
Before I loosen my grasp
And let the poetry I wrote for you
Be carried away by the winds.

Let me look at you one more time.
Let me smile at you one more time.
Let you see the love for you in my eyes
Once more. No more.
I will turn my back to you leaving ashes and scattered poetry.
You will watch me leave before turning your way as well.

And with our futures in our hands,
And our paths clear of each other,
Let us run so fast that we have no time to look back.

I'm learning
I didn't deserve
your type
of love

-em vidar

Today I’ll ponder,
on these scars.
Tonight I’ll wish,
upon a star.

Tomorrow may bring,
another wound,
but wounds can heal,
if treated soon.

Yesterday,
I thought of death,
and felt the wind,
sigh with his breath.

Not today,
he whispered clear,
perhaps tomorrow,
but do not fear.

In the end,
he comes to all.
The weak, the strong,
the big and small.

He’s timeless and constant,
Death’s always “been”,
and he has no pity,
foe or friend.

He’ll lead me on,
to the unknown,
giving me the thing,
he can never own.

So I will not fear him,
and I shall not fret.
For tomorrow,
has not happened yet.

I don't want to leave
everything in the past,
I want it to be one of me
And grow so big and beautiful it becomes the outside of me, too.
I will care for my delicate traumas, watering it with my hurt and transforming it into wisdom.
I will teach others with my heart and soul, I will listen with my mind and eyes,
I will see everyone's good even in the darkest depths of their hidden thoughts, but will remain careful with my own good as well.

The colour of your skin
masked the marks
you had left
while mine bared it all
hidden only by the
lies
I allowed myself to tell


-em vidar

The past doesn't define what we are
Unless you let it
Scars run through my heart and soul
But I couldn't be happier
For they don't hold my happiness
I do
I run the show that is my life
No negativity will define me
So say your words
Act so tough
But sorry sir
I direct this show and you are only a background actor.