October 10th, Tuesday 2017
Well it finally happened,
You broke my heart.
At first I was shocked,
I drowned my sorrows in creamy cold desserts
That started to taste like salt
Because of the tears dripping down
From my puffy eyes
Onto the spoon that goes to my lips that you once kissed.
But not anymore
You will be starved of my lips and my body and my brain and my laugh and my eyes that you once said kept you alive
I guess you might die.
At least you didn’t cheat,
Instead you lied.
I told you how I needed to be treated like royalty
You acknowledged my words
But never took action
You spoke sentences of words which at the time meant so much
Time has passed now and they are slowly meaning nothing.
You promised me actions that you never took upon yourself to do
And I stayed believing you for 3 months
It was fun.
It’s over now.
You finally closed our book.
Im trying my hardest not to reread the pages.
I’ve conquered worse situations
And dealt with them strong
This is just making me stronger.
You said “I can’t treat you the way you deserve”
I obviously already knew that information but you said you were willing to change
I can’t believe I thought that you would.
You were my first everything
your words toy with the strings of my heart
your smile dilates my eyes until they are no longer brown
your hugs give me a feeling of safety that cannot be matched
there is no brighter moment than when you walk into the room
i walk by and read the mind of the girl you also smile with
i am not the only girl mesmerized by your bright colored hair
your laughter and gaiety causes every eye to turn on you
and once they do, they cannot look away
instead, each girl stares at the other in fierce competition
to figure out the thoughts of desperate minds and fearful hearts
yet each one longs to be the other in that moment
to be laughing in the eyes of a boy with bright colored hair
my legs are crossed but my palms are open
as i sit between you two
you poke me and play with my hair
while you tease me and make fun of my glare
i lay eyes on each of you but you match my stare
and yet my eyes still linger on your brightly colored hair
your laugh that billows in the air
i cannot help but reach my hand out and touch you
for the 25th time
i know you may never feel the way i feel
or understand the way i understand you
but there is not a moment that goes by where i do not wish to be
the cup of coffee that you hold or
to wear that sweatshirt that protects you from the cold
or the wind that gently touches upon your lips
i go long periods of time without the sight of you and
my mind is able to forget
the way you mesmerize me with your brightly colored hair
but you always return and i am always overjoyed to face you once again
and every time i ask myself what is it about you that makes me so connected
why do i feel so drawn to you, so understood by you in our shared moments of few words
or the way your eyes light up when you hear your favorite song being played
how you tell me you wish you could sing better
and i whisper under the melody - do not let fear interfere with your passions
and i could listen to your raspy voice for hours as long as i could smell the captivating collision created by your cologne and clothing
I tried to make him matter
I searched the whole world
Looking for the words
I spread myself so thin
Trying to turn him into art
He is not a hurricane
Hurricane's have more power than he will ever have again
He is not the sun
He can neither warm my skin, nor light my dark
And he is most definitely not a God
as he liked to believe himself to be
So what is he then
If not all those things I was lead to believe
Is it true
Could it be
Is he only human
No man has ever loved me
I’ve only been loved by women
But I’ve never had a mans touch
Someone who wraps their broad shoulders around my fragile body
Someone to tell me that “I’m his favourite girl” in a deep voice
Someone to over-protect me and be afraid of other men
The men in my life don’t love me
The man I’m suppose to grow up with, left me at birth
The man who replaced him, wishes that I wasn’t his step-daughter
The man in charge of my mother, was too busy supporting me to ever show that he loved me
The boys that I liked throughout middle school, never liked me back
So when I say that no man has ever loved me
Understand that I’m afraid of your touch but I crave it
I’ve never had a man wrap his arms around me or call me his
You’re the first man to tell me I’m beautiful
You’re the first man to not always have to fake smiles with me
You’re the first man that I loved who has loved me back
Men are completely new to me
And it’s frightening to be loved by one
You're the first man to hold my hand lovingly
And it made me anxious the first time you did it
Because I expect so little from men that you’re the one setting all the expectations
Every other man after you, is going to have to live up to the path you’re setting
So thank you for setting it up in a way where I am respected and adored
But I have to say that I’m sorry because I am for waiting for the day you leave me
It’s as if theres a countdown in my head but I don’t know the end
You’re a ticking time bomb to me and it’s only because you’re a man
No other man has ever treated me right so I didn't expect you to either
And it scares me that you do
Something must be wrong with you if you’re willing to love me
No man has ever loved me so why do you?
little boy when do you learn?
you're already burnt
i can tell you wanna get burnt
but you are looking at me with that irritated smile
i'm smiling with my mask on as we both are unalike
an american girl and a boy can search for so much more
but you are just a mien
see the ghosts inside of my mind as you're to see
were all a little insane at times
when it comes to you and me i see eagerness
but i don't want to be difficult at all
a boy can be a set as a main
a girl can be set as a pleasure
but does not mean we can take them for granted
Have stayed friends
Yet those who are rotten
What, or better yet who
Friends really are.
A day of vibrant colours
Though familiar in everyday
Are pleasant to take in.
So under the shade of tree
The young women can see
Boys playing ball
All throughout summer
And amongst them was me.
He admires these moments
Yet does he feel his best? No.
Even if the clouds are high
And the willow tree so low.
than just their title.
can make up a thunderstorm
out of a simple glance,
of the calamity inside of them.
are pure and simple art,
their lips a poem
i'll never be tired
of reading and writing.
can tell you so much
all while being silent.
are best selling books
with not a chance
of happy endings.
are a never ending tune
that rings constantly
in my ears.
A powerless and monotonous
soundtrack of sadness
and lonely broken fears.
I met a boy on a bench outside a library,
He told me I looked romantic,
Reading my giant book of art history.
I gave him a questioning smile,
And said it was my favorite book so far.
He asked me if I did a lot of it-
I told him,
Perhaps too much;
But what's a girl to do when I trust books more then people.
He asked me if I could ever trust him,
Looked him up and down,
And then smiled into his unfamiliar brown eyes.