Meg 5d
In-N-Out Burger, quarter to 11.
Tonight I dressed up, hoping I’m at least a 7.
My friend pulls Bea and me aside,
Smiling cheeks, glinting eyes.

A conversation behind her had occurred:
“That girl is really cute, should I tell her?”
She subtly turned around to see
That two boys were looking towards Bea and me.

As she told her story, I bit my tongue.
I let myself think “finally, someone
Who thinks that I’m pretty, and deserves a chance.
I seem to be dodging any flirting glance.”

You’re lovely, my friends tell me (I hope that it’s true).
But I crave to hear it from someone new.
Someone who could possible grow
To love me and cherish me. I don’t say that, though.

I turn to Bea, and give her a smile
She’s in a red dress, prettiest for a mile.
My friends are all 10s, that I can see,
And I know that comment was for her, not me.

So here I am at In-N-Out eating fries
Pretending not to worry about numbers and guys.
sara Jun 14
He works, and smokes, and skates a board,
finds every waking day a chore.
His dealer says he knows the score
-he'll have a 20s, maybe more.
Takes drugs so he feels less ignored
in social circles
acts the lord,
in every conversation, bored.
Since, of himself he's so unsure.
jaded
Darcy Jun 13
It took me three years
To understand
What he had done
I had forgotten
I had rationalized
Raking up excuses for
Inexcusable behavior I told myself
Boys will be boys
I smothered it like a flame
Until it seemed normal enough
To forget

But nothing stays down,
Like a sour stomach
It rose in my throat
And demanded to be seen

I guess my sender forgot
To stamp my forehead with
“Handle with care”
Because I have known nothing
But rough hands my
Entire life

And now
I am damaged goods
Put on the back shelf
Ten percent off, because of
The cracks

I am held together by strings of words
A thousand expletives
Resting on the tip of my tongue
Too afraid to pass through my teeth,
Too afraid to provoke the first
Idiot who ever
Called me pretty

Fun fact
I let him walk
All over me for eight months
And ten days
Exactly
And he left anyway

But he took a part of me with him
I did not even want
Him back
I wanted me back
I wanted to look in the mirror
And own what I saw
But how could I?

How could I own
This vessel that had been
Used for everything but
Its purpose
It did not belong to me

I did not deserve it

And so I gave it out,
I handed out pieces to anyone
Who would take a bite
And I told myself
This was good
This is how I would matter
These teeth marks were a sign of
Worth

The second time around
Was worse
If he did not want me
I was nothing
And if he did want me
I was still nothing
Because he saw my chest
Before he saw my soul
He saw curve of hips
And waist
Before he saw my mind
I was dying for someone
To take a mallet and crack open
What I was terrified to show,
I was on my knees
Begging someone to
Look into my eyes
And analyze pupil dilation and suicidal
Thoughts
I needed someone
To crawl inside with a hard hat
And pickaxe to dig out
What I was too afraid to confront
But when he looked down
All he saw was a pair of
Bedroom eyes

I moved his hand

I grabbed it and I moved it
My mouth did not know
How to form the word no
It had been trained,
Pavlov would have been proud because
My lips knew if
The word was
Allowed to cross over
Their threshold
Wrath would follow
And so

I moved his hand

Three times

He did not know what happened
Three years prior
He did not ask
So I did not tell
He did not know
That the worry lines
Engraved on my face
Were a roadmap to the button
Of my jeans and
Had he read it he would have seen
The road closed ahead sign

Instead he tore through,
Ripping up asphalt and
Marking the freshly laid
Concrete

He left, too.
He saw the mess he had created
And all it took was
A careful u-turn
And a poignant
“Goodbye, Darcy”

And suddenly
I was back at
Square one
Again

This time
There was nothing left of me
To take

And people like me
We dig holes in the ground
And we hide
Because we are
Afraid to be seen,
We are afraid to trust
Or to open up
We are ashamed of
The bite marks
In our skin
Our stories are not ones
Meant to be told

And so we dig
And dig
And dig

And we are not seeds

We will not grow

We will never see the sun again.
Serena M Jun 10
I just wanted to go out and play I would say
I just wanted to have fun
I never meant to cry wolf
I thought I was one
I thought we were all friends

Life was testing me
I was younger, full of heart
But the world left me hungry
And soon I was ravenous, wild
I flew the coop
Let's scatter

And Victoria was on the row
our faces were in the snow
you don't know me, no
it was all just a part of the show
just for show
you wouldn't know, no
you had to be there

We were 19 and on fire,
He said he felt inspired
My eyelashes tickled his neck one time and he lost himself in love, said let's go higher
Once I started I kept going until consciousness left me
A liability, it's not pretty
You should have just crashed your car, you thought

my fur was violet
I was always fighting with myself alone and howling at the moon


I faked it all to live
I'm a doll, I said
I modelled, I kissed you after the party after you told me about that tree, you said you almost died hanging on
I fell right then
I cried that day
It was your fake chemicals we ate
You tricked my heart

We said
Let's go to the fucking mall
I need a pack of cigarettes, I need to go out and get that grass
Let's get lit. Let's go.
I'm writing a book, I insisted.
After this is all said and done.

After that was all said and done.

You're too much he said.
So I left and made a house of cards so tall and delicate
I drank, put on my ballet slippers
You tried, I said
Nice try

We took acid that night
He knocked at the door and I barked like a dog
Bathed in pastels and I was skin and bone
I felt so alone, I was just skin and bone
Powder in my teacups
Red hieroglyphics on my skin
I cut off some fur
Bleached it here, and there
And I ran scared

No one scared me like I scared myself.
My heart, I took it out and stuck it on the shelf.

December 20th 2013
"D-Day", I whispered
Mom unlocked her door
Made me Mac and cheese.
I showed up at Heather's office in Hello kitty footy pajamas after my first nap in days
Succombing to the vanity, I threw on a dress and got into character
I was very small
I felt so very small
I wasn't there at all

I was like, Doctor, let me catch you up
But she cut me off, yeah
She cut me right off and got on her phone cause she heard the yelps, the howls
underneath the barks
She could smell the forest fires
She said I was mad, no I wasn't bad.
"But we have to put you away."

So that day, I got put away

Again

The ambulance came and I laughed in hysterics and said you better just take these now
Here's the candy...

The Show must go on
Please don't put me down

Yeah, they put me down alright
Jessica S Jun 9
Every single time
that you look in my eyes
I turn away,
look to the ground
or to the infinite sky
because I am afraid,
so afraid,
that my eyes will reveal
the way I truly feel about you
Caitlin Jun 4
It was the way we were two people with the same heart beat-
the same wave length-
that’s what I miss.
I miss knowing you were in the same room without having to look for you.
Now the silence is deafening- it’s how I imagine it feels after conjoined twins are separated.
I used to be able to tell how your how day went from just a look,
and now I battle with myself to send a text because I don’t want to bother you.
Someone cut our fate yarn, but not my heart strings
GREEN: older than me, very very sweet, looked at me as if i were your sister. you were my neighbor and you babysat my brother. 4 years older than me. you had green eyes and played guitar. I chose green for you because you went into the military and fought for our country. i still think about you all the time. you were my first real crush. you were a sweet genuine guy who only saw me as a friend.

BLUE: a year older than me, kind of shy. cannabis took over your mind and soul. we never really spoke it was more of an admire from afar type thing. you had these breathtaking blue eyes it was like someone put the ocean in them. you had the bad boy vibe which i fell for.

YELLOW: ah, yellow. one of my favorite. we had classes together all throughout high school except senior year. you are a gorgeous human with your tanned sun kissed skin and your curly golden locks. a foreign beauty. half spanish and half german. i have wanted to be with you ever since i laid eyes on you. now that we are somewhat talking i long to experience your body in it’s full effect. i dream of us living in italy together.

RED: my favorite color. specifically burgundy. you were a dream. you looked exactly like my dream boy i had pictured in my head. with your perfectly sculpted jawline as if you were a greek god, your gorgeous eyes as they twinkled in the sunlight, the way you dress with such a sense of fashion made me swoon. you were a dream that never came true.

BLACK: my most recent color. i am completely infatuated with the idea of you. i first noticed you in the hallway with your black headphones and sweatpants on. i knew immediately that you would be my next victim. ever since we got high together my world has gone upside down. those nights we spent working together as i admired how good you looked in your black apron. those nights we spent in your car at 10pm as you drove me home. you made my world black
all the boys I’ve had crushes on as colors
Regan Mar 17
Hot.
The fire you cast upon my soul
Slowly burning what I am
Slowly removing memories,
Love,
Passion.
The thoughts I held back
The memories I tried to forget
Burning their way back into my memory
A heart lined with a barrier that used to stand tall
But turned into ramshackles
The irrational decisions
Based on following emotions over knowledge.

© Regan
Update: As I was writing this, I had no idea how much people would enjoy this poem. I’m truly shocked!! Thank you all so much :)
Sky Jun 3
and in
((four days))
i want to find myself on that familiar path home,
"the heat never had the chance to get to me,
for he got to me first."
(oh he killed me, yes he did.)

he did the
thing that she said
he would do,
which could be that he didn't do a thing at all, or that he
did a thing
(which could be that, he did the thing,
or that he didn't.)

the heat killed me last year, it cannot
kill me again. am i invincible? am i skipping home in
a giddy, flowery fit? or power-striding to avoid tripping on
my own tears, straight into the nearest pothole?
(am i already dead?)

i can see the spoilers in the movie reels now, i close
my fingers and squeeze my eyes shut but the tears resting on the corners of my mouth, yes
i can feel them trembling now.
the shaking of my poor heart and the ghostly fingers of feelings, yes
i can feel them being stolen now.
but alas, i shan't lose hope. i shan't lose hope...
(i don't feel so good) GURL you don't--

--hey hey, hush now. listen for the ending, folks.

four days. four days. four days. four days.
(until the summer.)
four days. im hoping.
Jo Barber Jun 3
Good boys, true men
don't cry.
They don't cry
when the girl they like
rejects them.
They don't cry
when they put down their dog,
their best friend's ears wagging
for the last time.
They don't cry through trials,
and burden,
through pain
or shame.
They don't cry -
whether they want to
or not.
They don't cry
because real men,
true men,
are rocks.
And rocks don't waver,
no matter how fierce the water around them rages.

But men aren't made of stone and metal.
They're flesh and blood, just like me.

Flesh, and blood,
and tears.
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