I think about calling you
But I know it would only disappoint
“Hey, what’s up—your friends not home?
Why are you calling me on the phone?”
I’d lie and say I just had time to waste
Went from my safest place to saving face
And it’s sad
Sad I no longer know you like that
Sitting in my silence of solitude,
I won't spark a conversation.
Won't fight if I'm the exclude,
I'll be fine with this isolation.
I know I won't become that focal point,
For I'm much too afraid I'll disappoint.
I'm not that shy in actuality, mainly just afraid of letting people down
I'm learning a lot
Finding out what it means to be loved
I'm confused because it's not by the person I thought
But I'm trusting that even when I'm surprised, You're not
It was exhausting praying for someone who wasn't there
Made more difficult by the fact that he didn't care
Paid attention just too days too late
After I waited two years for that date
Nothing you do is pointless
But honestly I'm still figuring out what the point was
Pushing me to step out in faith
Not for an outcome or for the hell of the chase
But to realize giving you my heart is never a waste
Because what I actually wanted hadn't yet entered the page
And the man for me to love was really two years away
I'm thankful I didn't give anyone else that part to play
I'm thankful that you helped me to wait
I think you were teaching me to trust my doubt
But to never let it outweigh my faith
You gave me a discerning mind as a tool not a weight
And a hear that can dream and doesn't like to play it safe
So once again, I surrender my heart
Putting it in your hands to love you'll have me love
Because I've learned that though it can me painful at times
You never disappoint
If the bar is low,
maybe I won't disappoint
you with my failures...
If you place me on a pedestal,
I can’t help but disappoint you;
For no one is infallible,
No one survives unbroken,
No one remains unchanged.
When it all turns to custard,
Who do you blame?
Me for letting you down,
Or yourself for doing the same,
By expecting too much of me.
To shamelessly paraphrase Yotam Ottolenghi: ‘I am inordinately fond of pedestals...and...custard in any shape or form.’
We deserve better
He doesn't see it now
How he let us down
She will find out
That I was there too
Taking space in his mind
Popping up on his screen
Not trying to be mean
He was cheating
The guilt in my chest.
But I can't go back.
The future is unhealthy and unstable
But the guilt of disappointing everyone that liked us.
Do I go back?
Fake it all
Act like everything is alright to make everyone happy.
What do I do....
"Just let me die. I'm so tired of this. These tears won't stop. Why the pain still lives in my heart? I'm so ******* tired..." I understand...
From 11 JUL_postcomment
Life is tough, that’s what they say
But they don’t know what it’s like everyday
To wake up in the morning and go to school
Just so people can test you and prove you’re a fool
The teacher says you obviously didn’t try
But they don’t know you go to your room and you cry
You did put in the effort, you did your part
They just don’t understand that you’re not that smart
Then comes the pressure from mum and dad
Who are so clearly disappointed that your grades are bad
You are punished and picked on for the rest of the year
Because you finally gave up on your future career
That was once so close, but is now so distant
However, your parents and teachers are still so insistent
It’s hard enough getting up and going to class
Without the pressure and expectation that you have to pass
The worst part, however, is not that you’re a disappointment
It’s the permanent, never ending embarrassment
Of always failing and coming last
Of never being good enough, your confidence is dropping fast
Everyone else seems to be doing just fine
Their parents are all proud, unlike mine
Honestly, I can’t think if a worse place than this
When in reality it’s made out as someplace that we should miss
I won’t miss it, I’ll be glad to leave
Four years wasted because failure is all I ever received
I know it’s my fault and I’m the one to blame
I gave up so early because I was ashamed
To my family, I’m a failure, and I’m a failure to myself
Everyone’s expectations only damaged my mental health
If I ever have kids, I will always try
To make sure the fear of failure of never the reason they cry
People need to realize that school’s no longer fun or good
Because some of us don’t fit in, although we wish we could