She Writes Jun 7
I am always going to disappoint someone
But from now on it won’t be me
I need to stop being a people pleaser and focus on myself for a change.
She Writes Jun 7
When she spoke
I watched her eyes
Her lips expounded love
But her eyes revealed disappointment
I resented her more
With every kind remark
Softly spoken
Behind a deceiving smile
Mohamed Adel Mar 2017
As the rain drops fall down
Hitting the ground with that dreadful sound
Every drop for me is a memory
Begging me to scream aloud.

But do I have the right to despair
For the good I have done in my life is all so rare
Maybe if I had once done a useful deed
Then to cry out my feelings I would dare.

Oblivion is the only place I can be
From people’s memories, it’s better if they forget all about me
For my presence is so unfelt and insignificant
If you’ve ever truly known me you would see.

So heavy and suffocating this life I’m living
For all I seem to be good at is sinning
Letting down people’s hopes, I am but a dark cloud
This is a story of a man; unclean, unbecoming, undeserving.
She Writes Apr 2
I’d rather write than speak
My pen is always responsive
My ink doesn’t judge my mistakes
My paper doesn’t argue
My lines never cross me
My sentences never disappoint
And my words will never leave me
It felt so disappointing
To have

All I knew

Become something so distant.

So strong, so intensely -- like there was nothing that could stop me.
Nothing that could show me another way

And I felt so
Sadly, truthfully fallen
So broken

------ I could not speak ----

And every where I look the voice
inside me says

But I felt so small. Something felt so wrong
So I asked
What do I do.

And nothing -- but you said to you --
Get through it all.
Just live
Just pass
Just go

And my head, my mind. This idea
This reality
Where am --------------

The blank spaces. the intense thought, become

I am falling
Or am I diving

still I say -
I lost it all
in one night

I have never felt
so empty

yet so full
When I try to contemplate the changes, the things I want to do. I try to rationalize what is going on in my head. Yet, I must learn to not overthink every moment and go with the flow.
Deekshu Feb 25
“Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude. It's because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.”
― Jodi Picoult, My Sister's Keeper

this quote,
it strikes me in the heart
a sharp blade of truth and fear
of knowing what i know.

loner is a strong word,
and yet i keep telling you that is what i am,
i don't fit in, never have, i don't want to,
oh, but how i do.

solitude is a long word,
highlighted again and again and again,
because rather than "face my demons"
i prefer to stay at home, alone,
not that you'd know.
it's odd how often i seek solitude,
how often i wish to stay in a place where there is no one, to judge me
or look at me
or rate me
or ask me how i'm doing
or shun me for my grades/pass/fail
i am not numbers on paper,
i am not an email of red and green dots
i am not a string of senseless symbols on a portfolio,
i am not a percentage or a candidate number
i am a person
i am me
and i expect to be treated as such, but i
am too afraid to tell you that
no, not afraid, anxious,
you tell me.

a harsh word,
something i've seen in your eyes many times,
something i've always associated with,
it's hard to type this out,
because those ten letters
(ten is a lovely round number)
because those ten letters
will always haunt me,
a ghost of my past, present and i fear, my future,
i try,
i try,
i try,
i try,
but i can't
not when you make it difficult,
people speak of how they can tell their mothers anything and yet,
i find it hard to even say hello,
so yes, disappoint is the right word,
in more than one way,
i don't say this with conviction, because i don't think you deserve it,
(and yet somehow i do)
but i'm sorry.
tortilla Dec 2017
Having people who understand is new for me
There are people in my life who care about how I feel
It's odd, it makes the bad days not so bad when someone is aware
Life seems easy when with people who are there to help you heal

But I'm learning every blessing comes with a burden
And we all know that out of the two, I was never the blessing
This gift that I have cherished so much is just hidden poison
I see now this bond is bound to hurt one of us as I'm reassessing

I wish I didn't always see, but time and time again I realize
All I do in your lives is break and burden and continue disjoint
Because though I love you and I wish I could feel safe in that fact
Life was so much easier when I didn't have people to disappoint.
Life seems easy when with people who are there to help you heal
Life was so much easier when I didn't have people to disappoint
mjad Dec 2017
"You know what's funny?"
--this phrase indicates that no humor lies ahead,

"He said he would die for me. . .
and now he wishes I was dead."
endless Nov 2017
disappointment disappointment disappointment disappointment disappointment disappointment disappointment
theres my life !
Aleeza Nov 2017
I don't know what it is
that shackles my ankles and my arms and my heart to the bed
that every time I have to get up I feel like I leave a piece of me behind
that every time I see sunlight I can feel weight on me

and maybe things are okay
no rain taps on my windows
no shouting is heard through the walls
no devastating stories are to be heard

and the clunky shoes are not so bad today
and my jacket is freshly washed and warm
and everything is in its place
and the radio plays all the good songs
nothing is really wrong

and yet it is 8am and all I feel is the cold bite of the airconditioning and fear
fear that I can go wrong and all eyes will be on me
fear that they will be overly confident in who I am that they forget that I am human
fear that I have to keep this smile on for long

and yet it is 1pm and all I want is a hand to hold
so instead I write down my remaining notes
I try to pretend my life is put together
highlighting important words in my too-new planner

and yet it is 3pm and I try to lull myself to sleep
saying goodbye to who I'm talking to because it's only polite
listening to songs I know too well
trying to find a way to drown the scratchy lines in my mind

it is dark when I wake up
and I feel more exhausted than before
and there are messages for me waiting
and yet I don't answer them at all

I pull myself up and I stare at your name
it has been a while since we really talked
I don't want to start anything
since the last time, we only lasted for mere minutes

and I don't know how to handle losing the only one who really knew me
I don't know how many times I have tried and failed with you
but I know how you talk to people
and I know that you don't want to talk to me

dinner is not much better
they question the things I do and the places I go
so how can I explain
that I don't want to stay here
and be given the chance to be alone

they say that I can easily pass the exam
they say that I can do these things for sure
when I know that I will be lost there
and be the very first one to disappoint

and people keep saying hi
how are you?
what's up?
and I am tempted to tell them
but decide not to burden them with my darkness

I appreciate who they are
I appreciate the fact that they care
I love them for trying to connect with me
I love them for thinking about me, even for a moment

but why is it
that every time I tell them I'm doing better
I cry even more?

and it's 8:15pm and nothing is helping
not the jokes or the songs or the video clips
all I can think is how easy it could be to go
all I wonder is about who might notice first

if I fall from the graces of a heaven on earth
my everything crushing who I was
if I let my emptiness be filled with water instead
my words sinking with me

I told myself I wouldn't do that
I told myself I would never let myself get to that
yet here I am
my insides ripped out
the light I once knew gone

how can I tell people
that I hold hands because I am scared
needing to have someone to hold onto
needing to be reassured that they are there

how can I tell people
that I want to be held
held in the silence of all the words I forgot how to say
held despite of how I crumble

because I know that everything comes and goes
and yet this feeling has never left

and I don't know how to answer the question
are you okay?
when I don't know if anyone can hear my whispered
I'm not okay
and I don't know when I'll be.
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