We sip congratulatory Miller lites
In the bar with the 50 cent pizza
The poor mans gala I thought to myself and chuckled

But Heather she whispered
And drew me close, her lips against the folds of my ear
“I still think of her”

“When” I say
“Everytime we make a major relationship decision”

She wants to know is it wrong
I say no
But what I mean is “you’re not alone”

a week ago wednesday
and here we are, here i am,
begging and bruised and
bursting at every touch;
the gentle threat of promises
that are not uttered
but seep in, somehow,
through the sensitive skin of my thighs
and into my bloodstream,
begging to be realized
and i dream of giants and gems on your pillow;
my mouth is consistently
failing me, and the promises hide behind
my teeth as you pry them open
with your tongue--
i melt the confessions into your
bed sheets and close my eyes
to dream

in the space between
our sound and silence,
there exist two of me
and one of them
is kissing you.

I got lost talking to strangers on the internet
Who probably could have cared less
I just needed a place to not be myself
Cause I’d be better if I was someone else

It’s so hard trying to find good friends
And faking joy and happiness

I don’t wanna reinvent the wheel
To protect you from how you feel
Let me listen in on your stupid spiels

lips crisped cold, anticipation
building above and below
any seen surface.
months of waiting culminate
in an awkward embrace,
and two pairs of lips
branding one another
with tenderness and lust.

What opportunity you were to me
You were a lesson I thought was luck
Allowed to dip myself into your sweet honey
Not realizing that I would be even more stuck.

The pain I’ve gained by playing your games
Had me come out knowing better, real from fake.
I had been too willing to please you
Wanting you to say “I need you”

Because otherwise how was I to prove I’m worthy
Before I realized you’re not meant to be my trophy.

I felt lucky to have you,
Because it felt good to have something
Until I realized the hurt isn't worth
Losing all of me over simply nothing.

I believed the red flags were tests
To prove myself more capable than the rest
Learned love should not be a battle
With my suffering a requisite