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Lydia 4h
I really do wonder if I am just going to be like this for the rest of my life or if it's just a very long faze
I've wondered this for years
always thinking
"well next week will be better
next month will be better
next year will be better"
and it's not
I've been so unhappy lately
the kind I can't quite put my finger on
I know I've been lonely
and feeling insecure lately
about everything
my looks
my job
my relationship
my son
my car
Etc etc etc
I honestly have days and weeks where I feel unstoppable
I could handle everything at once and not blink
but then all of those highs crash into deep dark lows and I feel too weak to climb back up
Can’t sleep at night,
what’s worse I’m not that alert during the day,
not sure which cam first attentiveness or the sedatives,
not sure which is the chicken and which is the egg,

which came first,
the Chicken or the Egg,
which came first,
the bliss or this pain,

whatever never mind,
who cares anyways,
because the real question is,
who cares anyways,

who cares anyways?

These days most are too inattentive to pay attention,
too unobservant to deserve my service so they’re only purpose is to be subservient,
too distracted by everything expect the instance that they’re in,
don’t even have the strength to concentrate for the length of an entire sentence,

can’t focus on this moment,
when in fact that’s all we ever have,
so really if we don’t hold the moment we hold nothing,
guess is why I only wrote this poem to remind us of that,

as I lay here in this bed,
with so many thought crowding my head,
that I have no room inside my head for Z’s,
can’t sleep I’m wide awake again,

can’t sleep at night,
what’s worse I’m not that alert during the day,
not sure which cam first attentiveness or the sedatives,
not sure which is the chicken and which is the egg…

∆ LaLux ∆
Can’t even stand straight,
but can hit these phone buttons with precision,
equilibrium off can’t calibrate,
the best days are sometimes made by the worst decisions,

I have visions,
so go ahead and make my day,
like Clint Eastwood in Beast Mode,
people know these quotes are destined for fame,

don’t blame the player,
blame the game,
if we all admitted our secrets instead of keeping them hidden,
we could all walk around without shame,

but until then,
we take these Walks of Shame through these Halls of Fame,
as we pass by Walls of Fame trying to stay at least halfway sane,
anyways whatever what was it I was saying again?

an’t even stand straight,
but can hit these phone buttons with precision,
equilibrium off can’t calibrate,
the best days are sometimes made by the worst decisions…

∆ LaLux ∆
Breeze whispers despair
a tree exhaled
the leaf changed colour
absorb my grayness
smear me across your canvas
let it cut through the colors
a contrast sharp and clear
Surrounded by everyone,
Surrounded by everyone,
Yet feels so alone ,
No one understands,
understands of what I am going through,

I wake up with miserable thoughts,
I toss and turn;
Can't fall asleep anymore

I hate this feeling you are putting me through,
How do I heal myself,
Please I am begging them
How will I heal
When there's no motivation to try anymore
ugh...
Girl with the blue coat.
'Suicide,' they said.
The Friday of May. Now for sale: Blue coat, not worn since May.
Inspired by Hemingway’s Baby shoes six word story: For sale: baby shoes, never worn.
Caren Marins Sep 10
?
If I write, then I usually stay up late night.
Most of the times, I don't think about good rhymes.
Sadly at last, I am wasting years thinking about my past.

There's something in my head, something on my mind.
Maybe it's another sad story which my brain just has designed.
But I see no reason to write it down, I rather have fun with this weird looking clown.
Everything feels so weird and strange, but at least I don't have to adapt to change.

I am nothing, but that's still something, not much not even a bit, but nothing.
A lot of these things might not make sense to you, but that's fine, not everything fits, just like my shoe.
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