i used to picture my future with you,
but i can't imagine that at all anymore.
once upon a time,
a life with you in a tiny apartment filled with old, faded books and blankets scented with cinnamon was a dream that never left my mind.
even after you ripped my heart to shreds,
i still believed you and i were meant to be.
now, when i think about times to come,
i see myself living independently, living a strong, fulflling life without you.
and maybe it's a sign of growth that i no longer want a life with you.
i've changed more in these past agonizing months
than i ever thought was possible.
it seems that i have come to the conclusion that you weren't the right person for me, but that idea pains me to the core.
i'm trying to forgive you, in hopes that the misery will subside afterwards.
sometimes i do.
other times, forgiveness looks like the tallest mountain i've faced, and all i have to climb it is my own two feet.
forgiveness is something i will do for myself, to let my feelings for you disintegrate.
i'm constantly evolving, as are my opinions about you, and the only thing i need anymore is to find forgiveness within my body.
i don't want to rush my healing, but, god, it hurts.
i keep telling myself,
when it’s time to forgive, i’ll forgive.
when it's time to forgive, i'll forgive.
i guess it's just hard to trust my own feelings to follow the right path and let you go,
considering that it was my feelings themselves that led me to you from the start.