have gone by since we last talked
we ended on a not so good note
we both continued with our lives
made change
i found the route i want to take
i hope you found yours too
i spend my days being the happiest
i ever have been
and sometimes you come around
a swift thought rushes through me
for what we were
what we could of been
then i remember
you didn’t love me anymore
and i don’t know if you even ever did
you came around today
i learned that i have accepted the fact that
things are different now
and i am happy that they are
what we had was like an unfinished puzzle
i knew what i wanted
you didn’t
it’s hard some days
like today
but i get through them
i forget all the hurt you have caused me
you did nothing wrong
the truth hurts
but its real
and that is the process of finding who i am
and who you are
i am happy
i hope you are too
or are finding your way
you were always the one to tell me what i deserve
what my life should look like
how i should percieve love
my biggest wish
is that you realize
that you deserve the same
because at one point
you were my best friend
my go to person
whenever i was in a dark place
and that is the best thing that someone could ever do for me
even though you left me heartbroken
the times before that were enchanting
i hope you find that feeling again
for i did
and it is oh so lovely
-then and now
alexxa Apr 2
today is your birthday.
a year ago today we were on the phone,
at this exact time.
we had been talking since 9pm,
but time flies when you're having fun,
or in my case,
when you're in love.
i remember exactly what we talked about.
how much my parents loved you,
and how much your mom loved me.
how badly we wanted to have our families meet.
and how bad we had always wanted to go to florida.
or go to universal studios
and take pictures in front of hogwarts.

yesterday i watched your instagram story.
and guess where you were?
in front of the hogwarts castle.
i know i can't be mad
or shocked that i wasn't invited.
you're touring with your new best friends.
meeting more people.
more girls.
prettier than me.
better than me.

however, we exchanged our first words in months.
i snapchatted you to say
happy birthday. a civil thing.
i didn't think you would answer,
so it nearly gave me a heart attack when your name popped up.

"thank you so much, lex. miss you."
that's all you said,
followed by a yellow heart.

i know you don't miss me,
and that was all out of pity.
maybe you want to feel better about leaving me behind.
maybe you know how badly i'm hurting.
maybe you might actually miss me too.
i doubt it though.

boys like you don't love
girls like me.

boys like you don't kiss
girls like me.
not anymore at least.
i should have said i missed him too.
elizabeth Mar 30
you're with her now,
and i'm trying to accept that you no longer love me.

at the end of all of this,
i've realized that you simply
didn't see our relationship the same way i did.
i thought you were my forever, that we were the lucky ones.
but, to you, i was just a passing ship.
that's why you were able to move on so fast from me-
in truth, you were already over me when you left.

i am constantly trying to wrap my mind around the idea that i can never truly know what someone is thinking about,
that i can never be truly confident that feelings are mutual.

i know now that we weren't meant to be,
and we weren't as happy as i thought we were.
i miss you, i miss you all the time,
and it is taking everything in me to not break down when i see you.
i miss you, and i wish you missed me.
but you don't.
i think it's time to let you go.
Ranae Mar 23
I will shut myself away from the world
In Rapunzel's highest tower
I'll board the windows and cut my hair
And burn my unkept bridges

I'll hide in your heartbeat
As the shadow of your pulse
Until my ghost can stand on her feet
Until the next time you search for me

As you look, I'll be an echo in your bones
A sting in your blood, a chill down your spine
I'll sneak out of your chest through your veins
And I'll bring your soul with me to fill my skin
elizabeth Mar 10
sometimes i feel alright. like maybe i never needed you, maybe your leaving was what needed to happen to me. but then i remember lying on your chest and feeling like everything was right in the world. your hands in mine and your lips on my forehead. if i listen closely, i can still hear your heart beating. that's what i miss the most, feeling like we were one. i ache to speak to you in the morning and have your laugh echo in my ears. you were my person, you were my family, the friend i called if the world was falling apart and i couldn't breathe. when you abandoned me, not only did a piece of my heart disappear, but you as my best friend went with you. a major part of my life is closed off from me now, and i have no access to it. i miss you with my entire being. my shattered heart is still in your hands, and you don't seem to have any plans on returning it to me.
Belle Mar 3
it's sick, it's fucking sick as fucking plague to wish someone succeeded at suicide but if that's how i'm feeling i can't control it you fucking made me this way
i hate you
"you don't know how happy it's made me that we're friends again."
we aren't
we aren't
we aren't friends
you think i want to be friend with you
because i'm nice and if i didn't say yes you would probably threaten to kill yourself or some shit and say what you always say.
"but you've been my reason for living."
just like when i didn't say yes you stuck your fingers into me and breathed heavily and i sat there frozen and with no emotion but i wanted to yell for help.
you ruined my recovery and continue to.
people ask why don't i tell you to go away.
i try but you keep coming back.
like the devil.
do you hear the things you say?
"i tried to kill myself."
"i tried to kill myself and I just wanted someone to talk to."
i said I'm not in the place to hear that right now.
"Fuck you Belle, all you ever do is rub it in my face."
You'll do it again.
i'm always the perpetrator.
i don't want to be friends.
stop talking to me.
i have nightmares of you strangling me and forcing me to do things with you, because this is what you once did.
asking someone to go away is never so simple when they're so obsessive.
i have had a ball and chain around both ankles for so long.
maybe i need a restraining order
elizabeth Mar 2
i've wanted to be a mystery for as long as i can remember. my whole life, i ached for someone to wonder about me, to need to know more, to write pages of poetry about me, to feel love songs in their body when they saw me. i desired words of love and lust and wonder to describe me. i never understood what i was doing wrong, why i wasn't receiving bundles of pink, heart-shaped valentines full of adoration for me, why i couldn't seem to make anyone curious about who i was. i'd watch others only share small pieces of themselves to capture the hearts of random lovers, and i so wished to do the same. i know that, deep in my core, that's not who i am. my heart is tattooed on my sleeve, and every emotion that goes through my mind appears right across my face. i feel too much, there's no way around it. no one will ever wonder about a girl if you can easily see what she's feeling. i've tried to crush that part of myself, tried to drain my body of all the excess feelings. it refills though, like a river after a drought. the water always returns, most often in storms. the feelings rush into me and make it impossible to mute them. i've come to the conclusion that i will never be a person that a stranger on the bus sees from across the aisles and thinks about for the rest of the day. that those who want to be wanted rarely get that. that i will forever be the one who writes poetry about someone, and it will never be the other way around. it hurts, but i've realized now that no blurry, rushed words about a love for me will ever grace a page in a diary, even if that's the only thing i need.
elizabeth Mar 1
i can't stop my mind from wandering to (you)
and the way life felt when your heart and mine (were) combined.
the car rides spent holding hands where (my) whole body fell in love with the sound of your voice singing along to the radio,
the mornings when you kissed me and suddenly everything was full of light and (sun),
the long afternoons made up of nothing (but) moments that appeared so perfect i truly believed i had to be in a poorly written rom-com where, somehow, everything ends up just as they are supposed to.

i can't stop my mind from wandering to those seemingly flawless days, days where (you) loved me and only me.
yet, with those thoughts also accompany a multitude of heartbreaking nights that forever replay in my head,
the night that you (left), the night that i couldn't breathe without you, the night i realized my life (and) yours were disconnected from this point forward,
the night i realized our love wasn't what i thought at all and my life (now) was completely changed.
the night (everything) fell to pieces and i had no one to help me put it back together.

the two sides of my heartbreak are constantly fighting for which will reign supreme in my head,
and all i want (is) to move on from this, to remove every piece of you, both bad and good, from my mind.
but each time i seem to try and rid my thoughts about you,
everything suddenly feels immensely empty and (dark).
part of me doesn't want to let you go out of fear that,
without you, there won't be anything to hold on to.
elizabeth Feb 28
i used to picture my future with you,
but i can't imagine that at all anymore.
once upon a time,
a life with you in a tiny apartment filled with old, faded books and blankets scented with cinnamon was a dream that never left my mind.
even after you ripped my heart to shreds,
i still believed you and i were meant to be.
now, when i think about times to come,
i see myself living independently, living a strong, fulflling life without you.

and maybe it's a sign of growth that i no longer want a life with you.
i've changed more in these past agonizing months
than i ever thought was possible.
it seems that i have come to the conclusion that you weren't the right person for me, but that idea pains me to the core.

i'm trying to forgive you, in hopes that the misery will subside afterwards.
sometimes i do.
other times, forgiveness looks like the tallest mountain i've faced, and all i have to climb it is my own two feet.
forgiveness is something i will do for myself, to let my feelings for you disintegrate.
i'm constantly evolving, as are my opinions about you, and the only thing i need anymore is to find forgiveness within my body.
i don't want to rush my healing, but, god, it hurts.

i keep telling myself,
when it’s time to forgive, i’ll forgive.
when it's time to forgive, i'll forgive.

i guess it's just hard to trust my own feelings to follow the right path and let you go,
considering that it was my feelings themselves that led me to you from the start.
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