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Broadsky Apr 11
Lord knows I knew this day would come
Thinking it wouldn’t would make me dumb
What’s left behind is just mere crumbs
And I sit here feeling fully numb

Burned words written on paper
Getting rid of your name on my skin with a scraper
I’m still waiting for these feeling to taper

Can it be you think of me as often as I think of you?
Please tell me what it is I need to do
Because I want to be free of us too

Wedding dresses and white linens
I need to remind myself that this isn’t fiction
But I’m tired of using the proper diction under these conditions

Tuxedos and ties
You’re going to look so handsome I won’t lie
As she walks down the aisle to you
and all your friends and families are in the pews
I’ll be the farthest thing from your mind, I know that’s true

Center pieces and best man speeches
I can’t forget how sweet you were at times, sweeter than peaches
I can’t forget the flames of the summer fires, or how our friends helped you change your flat tire.
I can’t forget how at night when we’d finally retire you’d hold me tighter and tighter.
I can’t forget what it was like to feel chosen by you and maybe my memories are skewed but I swear at one time you loved me too

My heart is broken you’re taking this next step together, I really can’t lie
And I knew it from the moment I saw you with her that she was the real love of your life
And baby that cut me like a knife
Knowing… she’s going to be your wife

You once spoke of being my husband
And darling I got accustomed
To the idea of living forever with you
I got accustomed to the idea you’d help me make the bed in the house we own too
I got accustomed to the idea of your hand being a cooling compress on my forehead as we welcomed a child into this world, I bet their eyes would’ve been blue.

I’ve loved you for so long and what I fear is
that I’ll continuously bring you up year after year. I fear that every time I drink a beer I’ll feel like curling up into a sphere because the taste on my tongue makes me want you near, but honey that’s impossible to do because we aren’t even peers.

I‘ve often wondered what it would take for me to forget how we’d dance with me on your feet or how many nights we spent together in the summer heat. I’ve often wondered just how much you loved me and if you ever forgot what we did in your backseat.

Does she kiss your cigarette burns?
are there parts of my body or heart for which you still yearn? I think you’ve learned to keep the thought of me and our ashes in an urn, and I know I need to accept it’s no longer my turn.

The thought of you is like a drug
I’m drinking up memories of you like beer in a frosted mug
All I can think of is our last hug
And how we swayed along with the sound of the party and how I felt electric like a fully charged battery pulled from a plug

How can I get over this addiction?
The sorrow I feel and all this conviction,
They say all I need are some restrictions.
But how can I forget the way you flashed a smile at me and I’d just spill,  how can I forget the way you said “this is my girl” the night you took that pill and we stayed up all night for the thrill.

How can I forget the way you’d say my name or call me your pastry
You said it was because I was so sweet,
just one kind word from you would make me shaky and now these memories leave me feeling achy.

I wish so much that it would be me, that one day you’d get on one knee and tell all the other girls to leave you be. I thought I was the one that held your heart’s key, but now I know it was never me.

I thought we’d raise children together, I thought we could withstand any stormy weather. But since you’re without me, you’ve been doing so much better. I’d like to think you reminisce when you pull on your sweater, the one I walked in the rain to buy, don’t you remember?

A part of me feels like just laying here and accepting my fate, that your name will forever be tattooed on my tongue and that I’ll never be able to see straight. A part of me feels like accepting my eyes will forever scan the crowds of people walking downtown trying to find your face.

Forgetting your first love shouldn’t take eight years, it shouldn’t take all these tears, and it shouldn’t make my heart feel like it’s being stabbed with a spear. These are the reasons I’ve felt like our love can’t just disappear. It gone somewhere, where I’m not sure, that part is unclear.

Maybe our love has stayed in the woods, and in the sunsets. Maybe our love is in the pool of regrets, or maybe just maybe it’s in its own maisonette. Furnished with all the memories of your once favorite and special brunette.

Maybe our soul tie was never torn, maybe there are parts of you that still mourn the times I made you feel warm. Maybe there are parts of me you absolutely abhor. And yet I feel like I’ll forever be waiting for you by the back door.

I’m praying once you say “I do” I’ll finally be rid of you and I’ll see just how much I grew. I’ll slip on my dancing shoes and sway to the truth of how I was one of the lucky few. I won’t message you out of the blue, I know you and her are together like paper and glue and she’ll be the one to give you your morning brew.

I won’t be the one who washes your clothes, I won’t be the one to comfort you when you’re feeling low. I won’t even be the one to hear you say hello, you’ll forever ***** my heart like a thorn on a rose.

Now that you are affianced there’s no room for me in this newly made alliance. I’m sure as wedding presents you’ll get many a kitchen appliance. You were good at math and I science, it’s been years since I’ve felt the vapors of our dalliance.

You, my love, are filling the role of a spouse, and yet I still remember the feeling of you taking off my blouse. When we met it felt like my first time stepping into a greenhouse, leaves of green and flowers so vibrant, everything so peaceful and silent. You were special like purple violets.

I can’t believe I have to let you go. It’s been so **** long and although my body and heart are screaming no, I must say goodbye to you this I know. You’re the river that flowed  and it’s been years since you’ve run cold.

I’ll work on forgetting you, and how for my seventeenth birthday you bought me flowers that were orange and blue. I’ll work on forgetting all the times you made me feel good, I’ll work on forgetting sitting on your lap and how tall you stood. I’ll work on forgetting associating you with the smell of burnt firewood. And I’ll work on forgetting how much I loved you in my late childhood.
max Dec 2022
The smell of rain
comes into the room with him.
My heart sunk to my stomach.
As hard as I tried,
I couldn't move.

Fight, Flight, or Freeze?

The sound of his voice filled the room,
and it blurred the rest of my life.
The smile left my face when I heard him.
There he was,
and here I go
I ran as far away as I could.
I had to make sure he was gone.

Fight, Flight, or Freeze?

But I can't fight,
can I?
He fills me with fear,
leaves me speechless in the worst way
makes me leave the things I love most,
just to feel safe within my own mind
As much as I may want to fight,
I can't.
I'm too scared

Fight, Flight, or Freeze?
Flight or Freeze?
also about that ex
Broadsky Jun 2022
mail gets delivered everyday

do you ever expect a letter from me asking you to meet me halfway?

packages getting delivered under the windowsill

accidentally spilling coffee on the water bill

I have my book of stamps and personalized stationary too

just give me a pen and tell me what address am I sending this letter to?

pictures and videos

your recorded laugh echoes

seeing these old photos of you in your youth

feels like waiting in line at a tollbooth

visiting the past comes at a price

it costs a pretty penny and tends to be unwise

these pictures and letters will never make it to your mailbox

just like when you see me you'll always move over to the other side of the sidewalk

finding these captured moments of the past

makes me want to climb in my car and drive fast

you seemed happy then and even happier now

it doesn't seem like I've brought you too down

eight years ago today you gave me ten digits to dial

I thought our six hundred and thirty six days spent together was beautiful like mosaic tile

you were the first, that I cannot change

but even if I could, there's nothing I would rearrange

you still move me in ways i cannot explain

even after all these years there are so many feelings that still remain

some bad and some good

just wondering

do you still wear the sweatshirt I got you,

the one with the hood?

I'm sure I am forgotten about

everything about me in your mind, completely wiped out

which is fine

just at least have a glimmer of when your heart was mine

mail coming on the seventh day is a nice concept


no matter where you are, wherever the trees sway

the mail never comes on Sunday
Eight years ago today you gave me your number, ill forever remember June 9, 2014 as the day I learned your name.
Broadsky Apr 2022
the face of a man whose children I almost had

he bought me a teal house that needed some work- but it wasn't that bad

spending hours in a stream finding every last crawdad

laying on my back in a field on a summer night feeling glad

these are the things that make me mad

a man who's loyal to no land

what things are in the drawer of your nightstand?

shouldn't I know first hand?

this feels like I'm sinking in quick sand

the announcement of someone new loving you didn't tear me apart

it's you sleeping with your brother's wife that did me in, sweetheart

who did you outsmart?

whose lives are kept in the dark?

locked and confined to the four corners of a house

you turn the lights off and take off her blouse

broken vows

what happened to the man who couldn't even hurt a mouse?

when you look in the mirror what do you see?

blue eyes as deep and vast as the sea?

a face full of deceit?

grabbing all the things you gave me, wishing I kept the receipt

bury your self respect in concrete

let your face burn scarlet when they ask

"so how did you two meet?"

black eyed susan vines

when and where did you both cross the line?

what you've done feels like swallowing turpentine

but it's all fine

good luck trying to untangle yourselves in these web of lies.
I found out he's sleeping with his brother's ex-fiancé her and i were close friends when he and I were together years ago.
bess goldstein Mar 2022
I am no longer your light,
the solace to your empty cosmic prison.
I refuse to accept the pain you weigh on my chest.
I am a formidable fortress, welcoming none
of your darkness.

I am a universe, expanding

with each breath I take.
soon, I will be too far from you to see
the dark matter plaguing your infinite cavity.

your pain can no longer affect
my growth into the unknown,
for I am no longer afraid of the dark.
about a toxic ex plaguing your growth!!
riri Dec 2021
what a journey today was
it was as if everything i envisioned became a reality
sitting in the passenger seat, watching your ****** expressions as you spoke
reminiscent of the times our lips would interlock
reminiscent of when my gaze would be fixated on that smile of yours

it must be illegal, to even think of such a thought
because you were the one who hurt me most
yet today, speaking as if we were best friends felt so comfortable
it felt as if time never passed
speaking of our distant memories of when we were together
as if it was some form of amusement only we could understand

the fact i'm even writing about you feels illegal
but i can't help but think about how it felt looking in your eyes today
the same pair of eyes i once used to think belonged to the man i loved
i was freshly fifteen at the time, but my heart felt so attached to you
and the fact that i'm an ice cold stone now, who can't feel anything, surprises me more

or so i think
this year is filled with plenty of surprises. i think the weirdest part of this all is that i suddenly feel so drawn to you again, curious as to what the outcome may be..
riri Nov 2021
i've waited over a year just to finally hear you say that you miss me
the little girl in me who was once severely attached to you is rejoicing
but the woman i am now is disgusted by this subconscious thought

how could i have any excitement to hear that from the one who traumatized me?
the one who took away my innocence
the one who violated me in the worst ways possible,
and treated me as if i was worth nothing

how could i even have a faint hope for a reunion?
how could i even consider associating myself with you?
why do i have any curiosity of wondering what kissing you again would be like?
why do i deep down long for a face-to-face conversation with you again?

do i not respect myself?
is it a subconscious or intrusive thought?
do i long for closure after all this time?
or do i just long for a chance to talk to you again?
we'll see what happens next..
Marilina Sep 2021
You used to lie right next to me
So close
But now you’re far and gone

I used to think our souls were tied
So tight
But now I think they’re torn
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