I just need a hug

warm arms into I can fall

oh, and don't we all

Those nights it would rain
Mud and vines grew through my spine
And earth I became

These words all climb up,
sit on the tip of my tongue...
and then I swallow.

No, I am not alone
I turn to the sky
and glisten with the same stars
that touch the whole world
and I am not tired
My face is hidden in shadows
covered in blood, sweet
and tears as well
but I am alive.
I feel the gravel beneath
and between my bare toes
That prickling fire air
only sparks me more
Everything is heightened
in my scope of mind
and screaming with life
I know it deep down
like a charge through my bones
and remember that I used to feel alone
but now I look up into
her eyes, the universe
and know it was never true
I run past the illuminated windows
of lives people have built
for themselves
and even feel connected
to what they represent
I make my decision and begin to fly
the distance from lonely
growing inside
My roots are unwinding
and finally
ripping free
from all the cages
I made throughout my years
I take the forest path
in the comfort of dark
so that I can be alone
but won't have to feel alone.
I sit among the towering old trees and
I breathe
a deep gulp of the universe
It is calm and eccentric
and everything at once
It breathes
I breathe
and I am not alone
not ever
wherever we are
we are not
alone.

the beautiful
simplicity
of swirling skies
and pretty tea
,
the unparalleled
complexity
of human minds
and what they dream
,
the dizzying
infinity
of both in time
and history

Center yourself now

You can't forget the good things

They'll be here so soon

Oh, I love so many peoples' words
They make me feel like I'm not alone
But my own feel like whey and curds
Sometimes good, but usually just fine
To be saved for a sucky nursery rhyme

I wrote a poem

My heart was a scratch-and-win

And wrote another

Can you hear my pleas?
I’ve been coming up empty;

been taking heed,
but always coming up empty.

A blank wish list
each time I hit the surface.

Failure in store
flipping, crashing to the shore,

and I’ve been afraid
this chaos will forget my name;

petrified of remorse
just soaking up my source.

when you told me how you broke
my mouth and my eyes were sewn
'cos
at first I just thought
you might be made of stone
so
when you told me that
you were stepping off your throne
oh
I thought we bound our ropes
until your safety cover was blown
well
I guess you just
didn’t want to be alone
still
I thought you might drop me
after your secret was shown
but
we kept on talking
late nights on the phone
and
**you made me repeat your name
until I forgot my own

Shock me soundly, brittle bird
crunch me under stained glass shards
  crash my plane of what's unheard
breaking me hard.

Acquaint me soundly, brittle bird
make the song of an empty sea
strip me bound of all I learned
falling me free.

Sleep me soundly, brittle bird
dream me of hallow and point crest
squeeze and shake out saintly words
filling my rest.

Trying to capture
an inescapable fate
and it seems with every breath I take,
the faster time proceeds.
Trying to explain
my perspective universe
and it seems the further back I go,
the further gone I am.
Trying to create
any possible escape
and it seems with each new goodbye note
the more I want to stay.

My thoughts are overflowing
  Bursting at the seams
They're filling up the spaces
  Where nothing's what it seems

My thoughts mix into puddles
  Turning murky brown
I try to communicate them
  But they're all watered down

My thoughts crumble like castles
  At the tip of my tongue
They're falling back down my throat
  And scratching up my lungs

My thoughts are oozing out my pores
  And dripping on your skin
But when I try to say those words
  
  I can't even begin


-e.r.n.

your smile                  breaks me.
   it shakes the dust    off my bones, only
    to shatter them into a million pieces. when i'm
    trembling, the thought of you warms me back to
    life, only to **** me when i no longer sense the ice
      snaking up to my throat. you twisted my heart  
   (without trying...without. even. knowing.)
   and the wrinkles of it peeled right off.
  i don't know what i was thinking
when i let this mess begin,
but i do know that
i never want
it to
en
d;
.
.
.

At the midnight split
I admit all I wanted
were her taken lips.

See me, how I rain through the ceiling
believing what part of me you failed to reach.
Tell me, how you tried to tree speak
but forests reek of my death unwinding in your ears.
Follow me, into your dusty attic
to tell the bats and make our story last forever.
Now sleep, my fragile murderess
sewing my soul into the seams of your pillow.

Hold on, little one

Your tender bones are shaking

Fragile things do break

Your fingers ripped across my skin
snagging
breaking in
I expected a thick blue blood
gushing
out mud
but here a blackness lies
crawling
up inside
you might have found a heart
beating
a start
but I felt your surprised gasp
echoing
and vast
when discovering the empty space:
"what a
waste"

It hurts to love you
because every breath I take
marks a moment you
are closer to your last one
and my lungs can't take
that truth. It hurts to love you
because my arms lie
aching at my sides every
moment they could be
holding you, and the weight of
that is somehow more
than I can take. It hurts to
love you because my
brain is leaning so fully
on something that is
not even mine that I both
long for and hate who
I might have been (Who was I?)
before.