it was a beautiful outside on the day you were laid to rest
the sun was shinning and the birds were chirping
but inside of me was nothing but rain
they said "don't hate the addict hate the drug"
"he's in a better place now, he's free"
and i couldn't help but look down at my shaking hands and hate the addict- me
it's easy to hate a pill but how do i learn to hate a drug when my drug of choice was always you
escaped your reality through a quick high and and a line
but i only escaped mine when i was by you
you're gone you're gone you're gone
and i'm going through withdrawals
i need you
i need my high
maybe someday they will say she's finally free too - when i die
They are covered.
Covered in scars.
“Stop. Stop cutting.”
“Scars are just marks.
Marks that mean people put on your body.
They put them there because if people are mean,
You end up being mean yourself,” you reply
“Stop cutting. Please.”
“People who cut,
And have eating disorders,
Are the most gentle people
You will EVER meet.
They would rather hurt themselves than others.”
“You might cut too deep. You could hurt yourself. Stop.”
“Cutting is the only pain I can control. What’s the worst that could happen?”
“One day, your kids might see your scars.
And think it’s okay for them to do it too.”
You start crying.
“We all wish someone would notice.
But then once they do, we wish they never did.
You are that person.”
“I’m here for you.
I’ll listen to you.
I’ll hold your hand while you cry.
I won’t make fun of you.
You can tell me anything you want.
You’re not alright.
So quit telling me that you are.
I’ll stay with you all night.
I love you.
I can’t watch you silently suffer anymore.
I’ll help you through this.
Just one condition.
loving an addict is a war
loving an addict is days and nights
loving an addict is weekdays and weekends
loving an addict is dropped cups
loving an addict is tears behind closed doors
loving an addict is finding your money missing
loving an addict is broken promises
loving an addict is still finding a way to smile
loving an addict is loving them regardless
loving an addict is seeing the text message
"ethan didn't wake up" and watching every color disappear from your eyes
I know you know I love you
I think I know you love me too
But it's not the same love.
It's not those butterflies I got in my stomach
Although you still give me those
It's not that plummet I felt from my throat to my chest
Although you caused them more than most
I think I know you love me
When you get protective and envious when someone makes a move
Although I catch myself smiling when you do
Those times you cross red-lined boundaries
Although I know you had the best intentions
It's not the same love.
When I stop the messages
Although you do them more than I
When you feel awkward with my interactions
Although I try not to question yours
When you go back to your first
And I ponder the thoughts of a second
When that disconnect feels so physical
I wonder if our loves have changed.
It's been so long since you've said the final words
Yet we still maintain the contact
Like nothing changed or happened
Even though everything did.
I look at you now and I know
I'd love to see you grow
I love the way we joke
I'd love to stay so close
I know it's not the same.
You know I love the way
Your glasses frame your face
Your lines that grow with age
You focus on your own pace.
You know it's not the same.
I think I love you differently
It feels like it's fading out
Into something deeply new
Like the way close friends do
I only want to know
If it's the same for you.
What has transpired
To rise higher and higher and higher
Then it ever has before.
Through the door
Clothes on the floor
Sweet spots pouring
Our bodies have cum to an end
A mess we tend
Then jump in bed
I rest my head
On your breast
Heart in my chest
In a way I can't detest
You see, you are the best
Friend I've ever had
So now I'm glad
We know each other through-and-through
No awkward blues
After the fun that we do.
You think I'm joking, but its true
I love you.
I painted a portrait of you
I tried to make it as beautiful as your face
but I can't
Because there's nothing I could compare your genuine face with
you look so perfect and there's nothing that could defeat its perfectness
I was staring at your portrait
and I told myself "this is the guy I'll get married with"
I wished on a shooting star that we will be together forever
but it will never happen because you’d let go of us
I fell in love with everything in you
I can still remember each detail of your face
I'm still in love with your body
I can still see your whole physical shape staring back at me
I can still see your perfect silhouette which is about to lean on me in bed
I'm still in love with your flaws
And I won't deny that I am still deeply in love with you
But I've lost the one I love
and there's nothing left with me
but a portrait of you, my love.
Once you took all my darkness
And gave me light
Emptiness is all what I have
And all my light you must have taken
when you left....
Dieing to light up from you...
Give me back...
One I gave you my words
"I will always love you "
I am left with nothing....
Nothing to write..
All my words you must have taken
when you left....
Dieing to hear it from you...
Give me back...
Small hand grasps my thumb
Round eyes gaze into my soul
So sweet, is my love
I thought about every
little gesture, look, song,
secretly worded I love yous,
and should ofs
that we shared since we met.
And how your smile and your eyes
have both stopped time
to show me glimpses of the future.
And just ecstatic happiness,
and thank yous,
and oh my gods,
and how i've never felt more right.
And how last night was
perfect and respectful and beaming
with love that was so fucking mutual.
I just replayed the moments
over a few hundred times.