You'd never guess by the fake smile...
I wear during the day..
That there are still some nights..
That still linger with you not far behind..
Where my dreams are out of reach..
Where sleep is nothing...
but a hilarious joke..
So I stay up..
With nothing but time that's not even on my side..
Where I have silent conversations with God...
I'm no longer mad at him...
For our brutal end...
No more blame lives in my veins...
He took my pain and set it to the side...
Everything of yours is gone...
Except for the last memory you left me with...
That still has the ability to haunt me from time to time...
Still so permanently stained in my mind..
Where you took me by the hand..
Where you pulled me close..
Where my body welcomed and followed..
Your every command just like each and every time..
When you pressed your lips against mine..
and I got swept up like the tide...
When I was so engulfed by your sea of lies...
So blinded by what you convinced me was real...
That our love was real...
That I never saw it coming...
That devastating blow by your own hand..
Where you took that knife..
You had been holding this entire time..
Waiting for just the right time..
Shove it straight through me..
Turning and leaving me on a dime..
I'm sure you could imagine me...
A bloody mess clutching to my bleeding chest..
Drowning in a sea of sorrow you left Behind...
It's that exact moment..
Where your heart breaks in two..
You experience a pain even words... Could never fully explain..
It was there for me in that moment.. That I felt myself fading..
It was then, in that very moment..
When your thoughts become crazed and rationale cannot be found..
When you're about to give in to.. Anything that will stop the pain that is living inside...
Almost succumbing to my pain..
I closed my eyes...
I whispered to the only man I knew would understand me at the time...
He was the only thing that saved me that day...
If you ever get around to knowing him One day...
Ask him, how I really felt that day...
I can picture it now..
Forgiveness and understanding in his eyes..
As he says to you..
"She loved you in ways you'd never understand."
"She loved you to the best and fullest of her hearts ability."
"Watching you walk away to her, was like a repeat of each and every goodbye, but all at once."
"She fought hard, and fiercely for you.
"She gave more to you than you will ever know existed inside her."
Love is cheering you up when I know you are down;
Love is worrying that your smile might turn into a frown;
Love is giving you periodical pleasant surprises;
Love is accompanying you to your favourite places;
Love is remembering your birthday without Facebook reminders;
Love is reserving dates for you in my various calendars;
Love is knowing and remembering your favourite food;
Love is knowing and remembering what will irritate your mood;
Love is willing to taste what I dislike as the food keeps you hooked;
Love is willing to wait for you up to hours even if it means that my schedule will be crooked;
Love is encouraging you to pursue your dreams;
Love is standing by you and becoming part of your support teams;
Love is being happy by seeing you happy;
Love is buying you something that you fancy;
Love is being happy seeing you smile;
Love is seeing myself influenced by your style;
Love is being happy seeing you laugh;
Love is egging you on when your days are tough;
Love is being happy hearing your voice;
Love is putting you as one of my priorities instead of a choice.
Love is YOU. ❤
I love how my eyes sparkle when they look at you.
I love how my soul gets hydrated when you come like a morning dew.
I love how my ears dance when they hear your voice.
I love how my heart feels glad when your gestures make it rejoice.
I love how my hands lose their grip and reach out to you instead.
I love how silly I am to give in to let you kiss my forehead.
I love how much I love you like I love myself.
I love how you have become part of myself.
I love the way you put your stupid
hipster glasses on the collar of your
band t-shirts to fix your straight yet
messy brown hair that you haven't
washed in a week with a thick black
hair tie that you hate to wear on your
wrist when you don't need it because
it's so bulky so you put it in your front
pocket next to two strips of emergency
gum and a can of altiods which you
finish in a day and replace at night
I love when you air guitar in the
middle of Froyo Joe's most likely to a
song on The Front Bottoms CD you're
playing on your Walkman you got at
that one thrift store and everyone
stares at you then stares at me staring
at you, smiling and laughing so much.
And I love how you bow in the most
exaggerated way that anyone could
ever possibly bow because you air
guitared so impressively (you should
definitely start yourself a band) that
the unexpecting audience applauded
you for that marvelous performance
which definitely made their evening
And I love the way you look at me in
the train car when you're dragging me
to the next town because you finally
have enough money to go to the little
store that has the same name as that
one author you love and buy the
vintage coat that smells like moths and
depression because you want to wear
it and feel like a 1923 troubled rich
woman during an early midlife crisis.
I love when you tell me the things you
love about me at 3 a.m. in this diner
after you read to me that God-awful
poem about a woman who hates
shampoo and listens to blue grass
during all her classes and we're sitting
in this diner where all the food tastes
horribly like canola oil and salt and
I am immensely in love with you
Cry till I sleep
You aren't here anymore
Loneliness sinks in
And no one knows what I'm crying for
Our forbidden love
The world kept us apart
I kept your secrets
And you kept my heart
You came home too late
I waited too long
Now I stare at our old text
And replay your voice like a song
you are a red apple
sweet and delicate
that catches my eye
but you are really orange
zesty and sour
the flick of your words
seems so unacceptable
you are my yellow sunshine
like a sunrise in the morning
your smile is a galaxy
but you seem so green and blue
sad and weary about everything
and i can't help it
i'm your indigo
i am here but you didn't notice
i exist but it doesn't matter
and suddenly you are really purple
a mix of red and blue
that's what i always like.
thirteen reasons why i love you
1.You made me smile like never before
2.I never seemed to cry when I was with you.
3.I thought you were the one
4.The memories weren't scaring
5.The pain wasn't as strong while being around you
6.My scars started to heel.
7.My smile never leaved while around you
8.I was actually happy
9.I enjoyed being around you
10.When I laughed I wasn't faking
11.When we talked it wasn't awkward
12.My emotions were alway defined
13.My heart wasn't confused about you
thirteen reasons why i hate you
1.You can't make up your mind
2.You never said you wanted us to work
3.My emotions never made a difference to you
4.My feelings were alway wrong towards you
5.We never did what I wanted
6.We didn't talk about our problems
7.I wasn't want you needed
8.I did things that you didn't argue with you
9.My beliefs weren't agreeing with yours
10.My friends could never hangout with us
11.Changing opinions wasn't what you ever wanted
12.Changing for me was alway a no go
13.Someone alway came first
one reason why I left
1. I loved you
one reason why you left
1.you didn't love me