You'd never guess by the fake smile...
I wear during the day..
That there are still some nights..
That still linger with you not far behind..
Where my dreams are out of reach..
Where sleep is nothing...
but a hilarious joke..

So I stay up..
Wide eyed..
With nothing but time that's not even on my side..
  Where I have silent conversations with God...

I'm no longer mad at him...
For our brutal end...
No more blame lives in my veins...
He took my pain and set it to the side...

Everything of yours is gone...
Except for the last memory you left me with...
That still has the ability to haunt me from time to time...
Still so permanently stained in my mind..

Where you took me by the hand..
Where you pulled me close..
Where my body welcomed and followed..
Your every command just like each and every time..

When you pressed your lips against mine..
and I got swept up like the tide...
When I was so engulfed by your sea of lies...

So blinded by what you convinced me was real...
That our love was real...
That I never saw it coming...
That devastating blow by your own hand..
Where you took that knife..
You had been holding this entire time..
Waiting for just the right time..
Shove it straight through me..
Turning and leaving me on a dime..

I'm sure you could imagine me...
A bloody mess clutching to my bleeding chest..
Drowning in a sea of sorrow you left Behind...
You know..
It's that exact moment..
Where your heart breaks in two..
You experience a pain even words... Could never fully explain..

It was there for me in that moment.. That I felt myself fading..
It was then, in that very moment..
When your thoughts become crazed and rationale cannot be found..
When you're about to give in to.. Anything that will stop the pain that is living inside...

Almost succumbing to my pain..
I closed my eyes...
I whispered to the only man I knew would understand me at the time...

He was the only thing that saved me that day...

If you ever get around to knowing him One day...
Ask him...
Ask him, how I really felt that day...

I can picture it now..
Forgiveness and understanding in his eyes..
As he says to you..
"She loved you in ways you'd never understand."
"She loved you to the best and fullest of her hearts ability."
"Watching you walk away to her, was like a repeat of each and every goodbye, but all at once."
"She fought hard, and fiercely for you.
"She gave more to you than you will ever know existed inside her."

Sorry, I know this is long lol but I wrote this in dedication to my best friend who recently attempted suicide after a heart breaking divorce she endured. And although the news of her going to such an incredibly dark place killed me because I had no idea she was hurting so badly and I empathize because I've weathered that very storm myself. So please embrace your friends you never know how close to home their pain is.
Thank you for reading!!!
alexa 3d

my infinite happiness,
endless source of despair.
my worst nightmare and
my favorite fairy tale.

Candice Teo Jan 11

Love is cheering you up when I know you are down;
Love is worrying that your smile might turn into a frown;
Love is giving you periodical pleasant surprises;
Love is accompanying you to your favourite places;
Love is remembering your birthday without Facebook reminders;
Love is reserving dates for you in my various calendars;
Love is knowing and remembering your favourite food;
Love is knowing and remembering what will irritate your mood;
Love is willing to taste what I dislike as the food keeps you hooked;
Love is willing to wait for you up to hours even if it means that my schedule will be crooked;
Love is encouraging you to pursue your dreams;
Love is standing by you and becoming part of your support teams;
Love is being happy by seeing you happy;
Love is buying you something that you fancy;
Love is being happy seeing you smile;
Love is seeing myself influenced by your style;
Love  is being happy seeing you laugh;
Love is egging you on when your days are tough;
Love is being happy hearing your voice;
Love is putting you as one of my priorities instead of a choice.
Love is YOU. ❤

Candice Teo Jan 11

I love how my eyes sparkle when they look at you.
I love how my soul gets hydrated when you come like a morning dew.
I love how my ears dance when they hear your voice.
I love how my heart feels glad when your gestures make it rejoice.
I love how my hands lose their grip and reach out to you instead.
I love how silly I am to give in to let you kiss my forehead.
I love how much I love you like I love myself.
I love how you have become part of myself.

Blake Jan 6

If tomorrow you were to devour man
With the same mouth you kissed my hand
And that same mouth cried it's love to me
So undoubtedly and free
Would it be that easy for me to say
'I love you' the same way I do today

You chose this creature
Over them
Because you love the me
Not what others see

You gorgeous thing, I can't wait to tell the world about us but for now you do you boo xxx
Jasmin A Dec 2017

I love the way you put your stupid

hipster glasses on the collar of your

band t-shirts to fix your straight yet

messy brown hair that you haven't

washed in a week with a thick black

hair tie that you hate to wear on your

wrist when you don't need it because

it's so bulky so you put it in your front

pocket next to two strips of emergency

gum and a can of altiods which you

finish in a day and replace at night

I love when you air guitar in the

middle of Froyo Joe's most likely to a

song on The Front Bottoms CD you're

playing on your Walkman you got at

that one thrift store and everyone

stares at you then stares at me staring

at you, smiling and laughing so much.

And I love how you bow in the most

exaggerated way that anyone could

ever possibly bow because you air

guitared so impressively (you should

definitely start yourself a band) that

the unexpecting audience applauded

you for that marvelous performance

which definitely made their evening

And I love the way you look at me in

the train car when you're dragging me

to the next town because you finally

have enough money to go to the little

store that has the same name as that

one author you love and buy the

vintage coat that smells like moths and

depression because you want to wear

it and feel like a 1923 troubled rich

woman during an early midlife crisis.

I love when you tell me the things you

love about me at 3 a.m. in this diner

after you read to me that God-awful

poem about a woman who hates

shampoo and listens to blue grass

during all her classes and we're sitting

in this diner where all the food tastes

horribly like canola oil and salt and

I am immensely in love with you

Hmmmm... crap poem ? I think yes.

© Jasmin Aguinaga
TheLonely Dec 2017

Cry till I sleep
You aren't here anymore
Loneliness sinks in
And no one knows what I'm crying for

Our forbidden love
The world kept us apart
I kept your secrets
And you kept my heart

You came home too late
I waited too long
Now I stare at our old text
And replay your voice like a song

fatima Jan 5

you are a red apple
sweet and delicate
that catches my eye

but you are really orange
zesty and sour
the flick of your words
seems so unacceptable

you are my yellow sunshine
like a sunrise in the morning
your smile is a galaxy

but you seem so green and blue
sad and weary about everything
and i can't help it

i'm your indigo
i am here but you didn't notice
i exist but it doesn't matter

and suddenly you are really purple
a mix of red and blue
that's what i always like.

to my sad soul
lost Dec 2017

thirteen reasons why i love you
1.You made me smile like never before
2.I never seemed to cry when I was with you.
  3.I thought you were the one
   4.The memories weren't scaring
    5.The pain wasn't as strong while being around you
     6.My scars started to heel.
      7.My smile never leaved while around you
       8.I was actually happy
        9.I enjoyed being around you
         10.When I laughed I wasn't faking
          11.When we talked it wasn't awkward
           12.My emotions were alway defined
            13.My heart wasn't confused about you
                                          thirteen reasons why i hate you
1.You can't make up your mind
2.You never said you wanted us to work
  3.My emotions never made a difference to you
   4.My feelings were alway wrong towards you
    5.We never did what I wanted
     6.We didn't talk about our problems
      7.I wasn't want you needed
       8.I did things that you didn't argue with you
        9.My beliefs weren't agreeing with yours
         10.My friends could never hangout with us
          11.Changing opinions wasn't what you ever wanted
            12.Changing for me was alway a no go
              13.Someone alway came first
                                                         one reason why I left
1. I loved you
                                                     one reason why you left didn't love me

I was sitting at my desk, randomly got this need to write thirteen reasons.
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