I've been training so hard
to walk in these shoes
They look good
They look nice
But they got no clue
That they are a little too big
a little too wide
I can walk in them
But the shoes aren't right

But as long as I can walk
I must go on
How many people have shoes to choose from?

I must not complain the tiniest bit
about wearing shoes that doesn't fit

When you´ve never been the chosen one in younger years,
And you still aren´t the chosen one in adult years,
It feels like a lifelong grief
That´ll never end...

To all the laughters that we shared,
Smiles that we tried so hard to keep,
Mean things that we blurt out that we did and didn't mean,
Tears that we wish never existed,
Fights that we fought,
Hearts that we've hurt,
Stories that we lived together,
And ties that we thought would bind us forever...

I'm sorry.
You will be missed,
But that's all where you'll be.
The past that I don't even want to see.

To all the forced laughters that we've had,
Conversations and hang out sessions that feel like an obligation,
Beliefs and ideals that we no longer share,
Inside jokes that start to feel old,
Priorities that we no longer understand,
And plans we no longer want to do,

Thank you.
For making me understand,
That some friendships doesn't always last.

My world has gotten bigger,
And so as yours.
I've met people whom I have connected better,
And so as you.
I've learned to laugh louder,
Cry harder,
Smile wider,
Speak wiser,
And act in foolish manner.
So have you.

So here's to you:
To the acceptance that we would no longer be friends like we used to,
To the curiosity that will always linger,
Wondering about what-ifs and what-could-have-beens,
To embracing the fact that we were always bound to end from the very beginning,
To waving goodbye to the only kind of friendship I knew growing up,
And to loving the growth,
That we both had,
As we fall apart.

There are no children laughing
Playing hopscotch in the driveway
With a manicured lawn and pretty
Flowers in boxes attached to the windows

There's no degree framed in my office
Actually there isn't an office at all here
Inside this lived in two bedroom flat
Where I spend as much time as possible

There's no sleek foreign sports car
Candy apple red glimmering in the sun
Or vacation home nestled somewhere
I can't pronounce to go once a year

There aren't six figures in my account
Or country club lunches with the girls
Black card shopping sprees in the city
Or box seat opera season tickets

There is glitter on my eyelids
And an immense feeling of gratitude
When I wake up happy and free
Unapologetic and authentically me

q birthday ‘luck’ w/ xv mgs of pj zen:

#

home – a house, really.
good weather. old bed.
sugar intervals,
paramore feelings.
one more special day... right?

#

right… my
sister’s
kid was
born when
she was
my age
now – and
people
laugh when
i don’t
know stuff
about
taxes.

#

when will you find a girl, they say, get married, they say.
[cut to a vase] i work part-time. i wear overalls.

sometimes i wish i was six again
when you would hold me in your arms
and sing me a lullaby.
i miss how close we were,
you were always so loving,
and so kind.
i remember the days i would stay in your bed sick
and you would rub my back
and sing to me as i fell asleep.
i miss those days
i want to feel sick again
so you can make me feel better
is it weird i want to be back in your arms?
what if i asked you for
one more lullaby?

Let’s jaunt to the golden time of childhood
when days were blithe, life was colorful
peers were guileless, words were sweet
simple was the life, above all worries

juvenility brought its own jiff
which turned into teen with eye blink
yen of being adult started vanishing
As the real face of life revealed

clay castles that were made in nursery
perished with the wind of bleakness
worldly needs displaced naive wants
bitterness took place of sweet words

the Wisdom of youth is vital too
perks of being conscious have their value
still miss that innocence of good days
whose charms are lost in this whirl.

You were happy.

And I was supposed to be happy.

My gold leaf covered hands danced through every key and every scale.

Every symphony that you threw.

I gave you all that I could give.

The golden spotlight and rusting trophies that decorate your shelf.

You always wanted more.

But I'm afraid there was nothing more I could give.

You always wanted me here so why?

What did I do to deserve your shame and hatred.

Maybe you finally realized I was only plated with gold.

But thank you.

For scraping my dreams, my mind, and every hope I had for myself growing up.

Now I know that steel only bends under unimaginable pressure.

And I can walk away from you.

At last in the deep but soothing uncertainty that lays straight ahead of me.

Only having the hope that things will cool down eventually.

-Kore