I try to plant seeds
in the empty holes of my heart
The sunshine tricking my eyes
into growing flowers,
beneath clouds that have
darkened around the edge
The roots sprout
And grow deeper into the dirt
I have a false sense of security
And believe everything will be alright
For the first time in forever,
Something is replacing the hole in my heart
And I am happy
Suddenly the sky splits in two
And a storm falls across the land
The rain pounds on my flowers
On my happiness
Until everything is destroyed
And I break
in baptisms of tequila
are we born again.
swaying -- a second
laughter and tears hysterical.
swaying -- stumbling --
finding our footing.
a hand on the ground in case it disappears
(but every day,
welcome to life, part ii.
please find enclosed
work, bills, bereavement,
the fear of settling down
...and a chance of freedom
everything we were promised
can be lost in a phone call.
do we trust ourselves to do it right?
will we ever be sure we are?
You stand before the mirror;
bare as the day you were born.
Examining yourself closely,
becoming familiar with the curves
and blemishes that make you who you are,
trying to be content,
to be comfortable with
what makes you different.
Your mother is the perfect reflection
of what a woman should be,
she is beautiful and you admire her,
her strength is one that this world knows
all too well as it tries its
best to break her.
You don’t know the act of self-hatred
until the day the boy you like
doesn’t like you back
because he finds someone else
prettier than you.
You start to question yourself,
looking at yourself with hatred
and not with love.
Picking and pulling at your skin
as if that would help with the poison
of your insecure mind.
You start comparing yourself to her;
thinking that there’s something wrong with you
solely because of the rejection
of just one boy.
You lose your identity trying to be
someone else, dressing to impress,
speaking to get a reaction.
That innocent light in you dies,
as you start to know the world a little too well.
Stop and enjoy the feeling of being young,
the feeling of an innocence
that the world has not yet touched.
5 am and my mind is running wild
Since a youth I've felt like a demon child
Never really understood how life worked
But I know pain and how bad it can hurt
11 hour days at my job
She mad at me because I get no days off
She's feels neglected
This is unexpected
I'm working to fix myself
But I keep her out when she wants to help
I remember 15 years old selling drugs
My past memories beginning to bug
But I can't seem to let them go
Where I'm going in life I just don't know
But I do know I'm not where I once was
Miles away but people I still don't trust
If I could I'd give you the world
Please just wait, I'll let you in, be my girl
I put up a front at the start
Because I was afraid to let you see my heart
I'm just trying to figure out who I am
I'm just trying to figure out where I stand
Because in this life you'll get lost
And people will forget you and you'll get tossed
I never had someone to believe in me
So I was blind to the different opportunities
But girl believe me you're the only one I see
Fuck these other girls, you're the one I want it to be
But tell me am I just convenient to you?
Am I just a toy for you?
What do you feel for me? I want to hear what's true
I feel like your just playing
But what you really feel you're not saying
And if you don't talk I'm not staying
Don't worry you won't see me crying
I'm losing my mind
I need some kind of sign
I know you're worth it
But I feel like we ain't workin
sometimes just to think of you
feels like dying because i believed
we shared a soul
but i had to grow my other half
after you left and the roots are still
sinking into the soil and the flowers,
they haven't fully grown yet,
but one day a garden will flourish
from my body and my mind will be
the sunlight that feeds them