live in her eyes,
her presence feels
smells her dark hair,
her skin is soft,
heaven she spares.
Heaven she spares
for thirsty me.
I kiss her hands
and then her lips.
And then her lips
turns into flame
in which I burn,
whispering her name.
I had locked away the world for now.
I had no reason to entertain there lies for I saw there truths for what they were .
Madness has a way of allowing us to detach .
The mind a maze that is a prison to some and a endless abyss of darnkeness to me .
I was slipping as a man becoming something far more destructive I understood the words now.
There was no music like that of silence and insanity clawing upon hollow walls .
Blissful in its desires no man may fathom the truths we blind are thoughts to .
To simply exist is far from my need.
I waited for sunset and summoned them that would not exist in light.
The door was locked but to blind eyes there was something far more beautiful in its destruction headed my way.
The canvas is all that matters your health and sanity are merely pawns in this game of chess.
Never bury your thoughts no matter there sin.
We know the ritual only those without fear cast there souls to the wind .
I can here the ordinary screaming on the inside yearning only to know that which cannot be undone .
I locked the door not to keep the world away.
I locked the door simply to keep myself from letting something far worse than I out .
And so it has begun and as so it will be .
If you were the sky,
Then I'd be the sea.
And when you shined bright,
It would reflect in me.
If you'd be at rest,
I'd be steady.
When you'd get rough,
I'd always be ready.
And if on the darkest nights,
You won't shine a light,
Then I'd be alongside you,
Until you feel right.
We'd meet at the horizon,
Where everyone would stare,
and wonder with passion,
Why can't they reach there.
Deep down inside,
where all is not fine,
you can say I've lost my mind.
"Hey Lyn! How are you?"
"I'm fine," I say with a smile.
The words of my mouth that
feign happiness? I can't seem to hear
the tune. But I wish at times, that
people will look into my
See my screams
and weeping soul.
"Hey Lyn! Wanna go out today?"
"Nah," I shake my head.
"Why not? You okay?"
"Yeah, yeah. I just, uh, I just feel really tired."
The nights are long and dark
Save for the silver moon who I...
I don't need to whisper
But even with the moonlure,
my body is plagued.
Cursed to be restless, as no sleep
can cleanse the tiredness.
"Lyn! Come on!"
"I'm sorry, I have to go. I'm sorry."
Do I need to be reminded that all is
A fractured mirror.
A dry fountain of heart.
Hands kissed by blood.
And tears to shed.
Being a hopeless romantic...
It's laying in bed, staring blankly at the ceiling.
Listening to any love song with piano.
It's thinking about that one person.
From dawn until dusk, and dusk until dawn.
Their name, their smile, repeating in your mind.
It's realizing you may never be the one locked in their arms.
The only place you truly desire to be.
No matter how hard you try.
It's accepting sadness as a part of you.
At least it's better than feeling nothing at all.
It's a beautifully, broken, equation.
One that has no universal solution.
Being a hopeless romantic...
It's a blessing and a curse.
Ode to my depression.
Applause to you, my friend.
Everything oh so bad,
I'm not taking nudes.
There was a time when I was 15 and my younger sister joked I was going to become an addict of some sorts,
And I joked back with,
"As an alcoholic."
The look of appeasement trying to joke with me wiped off her face,
Whether I could tell I was joking or not made me question my entire existence.
An avid life of a drinker was not full of red solo cups and parties,
It was full of lonely nights clutching a bottle closely to my chest,
Afraid that it will grow legs and leave me,
Tired of the way my lips caressed the opening to drink the poison that I hoped would succumb me into nothingness.
Much like you,
Growing tired and ever weary of the way my grey plaid shirt resembled so much like your heart,
The way lightning struck the ground like your eyes struck me in awe.
I spend my days binge watching shows with endings I have already seen a thousand times,
But what do I do when checking my phone every two minutes becomes routine,
When refreshing my messages becomes apart of my subconsciousness,
When I've drank black coffee so strong that I no longer feel the rush of alertness.
Subway trains echo with the tired grumbles of those stuck in one-frame lives,
Too tired to move forward,
Too stuck to look away from the past.
I know I mean nothing to you just like the dirt beneath the shoes I bought you,
The phone I changed my wallpaper on because it never felt right,
The google browsers cluttered with things like,
"How to kill yourself without actually dying."
I've become so easily submerged in mundane society,
Forget to shower,
Walk out the door,
Hoping my world ends.
Taking that locked door to my bathroom at two in the morning,
Holding a knife with a not-so-ever gentle hand,
My mother knocking on the door I have collapsed upon.
I am tired,
But you do not get when I say I am tired.
You do not notice my window covered,
My lights turned off,
My settings on the lowest possible in hopes that heartbreak will never find me,
But the bright light from my phone screen is still too bright and the picture of you while I'm scrolling though my feed on Instagram stops my heart.
My lungs no longer work,
My body goes numb,
Tears that I thought I had run out of the night before have returned.
All I feel is the chest splitting pain that seems to resonate through my body,
Trailing down into my fingertips,
Hands tingling from the absence of your hand in mine.
So I roll over,
Turn off my phone,
I whisper a goodnight.
Ketika sore mengayunkan cahaya terakhirnya
Kutahu saatnya akan tiba
Kusiapkan diriku menyambut malam,
Sang tirai gelap selimut jiwaku
Hitam membentang sunyi meresap
Cahaya-cahaya dipadamkan, disisakan yang redup
Kumainkan kenangan-kenangan lampau di atas panggung pekat
Kulantunkan kisah-kisah dalam alunan bisu
Anganku berkelana dalam diam
Khayalku liar bercabang-cabang
Dengan tenang malam menemaniku
Kesunyiannya memberanikan diriku
Ratusan kisah dan kenangan kupentaskan
dalam ribuan malam yang selalu kunikmati
Walau tanpa bintang, ditemani sang rembulan
Aku berkawan dengan malam
Eternally slipping deeper
Into sleepless abyss
My vile mind can't find peace
Awake but paralysed
Taming fury that abides
Cold to the core
What it's all for