I felt crash landed - in a strange place,
This is not how I planned it - mind in an estranged state,
Felt like a different planet - what is the strange space,
Dealt with the grapes i was handed - but I had to change the pace,
Expected enmity cause eventually everybody's an enemy,
I used my verbal anemone to protect my mental amenities,
I had to penalize penalties that tried to dismember me,
But since I moved to the peach,
Life's a beach - but with ample sand,
Scenery is asterisks and ampersands,
Bittersweet ; I asked for this,
Father stretched my hands,
I managed this time shift- now i have super visions,
No more stupid visions of voodoo superstitions,
Thought it'd be an intermission to my inner mission..

But I'm Saiyan,
A lot of Heros turned out to be Villains,
Like Some of my Gokus turned out to be Krillins,
I'm Saiyan;
Some of the Halos they held turned out to be Horns,
Some of the flowers they had handed me , had thorns,
I'm Saiyan;
I took advice from an imitation Master Roshi,
Fake homies just here for the ride, like Yoshi,
I'm Saiyan;
I had to pick a low to go on for my motivation,
I had to pick a coat to throw on for this hibernation,
I'm Saiyan;
for some reason my plight i chose to prolong,
Had them demons blowin up my cell , like Gohan,
I'm Saiyan;
I ducked advice and moved from the side of them,
Then i sacrificed ...myself-
I was on some saibaman,
I'm Saiyan;
I had to access these hidden chambers,
with my hand on my black chest,
I know I'm something greater...

You
Are the sole reason
That my dentist
Makes money.

Let me tell ya’
‘Cause I,

I’ve got your
Sugar in my veins
And tremors in my teeth
Chit-chattering your name
Safe between our sheets
It’s sweet like

Honey
Since our third date
You had my thread
Spread tenderly
On your table
Set with love
And grace

And there I was
Stitching my heart on a page
Tryna hide my baggage
On a shelf

Now

When I think of myself
I see a river
That’s got to learn
To go with the flow

So,
Send me a rhythm
For the drum beat
Beating in my chest

Let me
Carve our love
In the mountains

Mount every branch
With my beaten lungs

Tape my tongue
To your thighs
And hold my breath
Until we are
So alive

Until every
Hard workin’
Upstanding
Friendly neighborhood
Ant knows my name

So name me your soldier
I’ll fight for every piece of you
Love you like the war
Is finally over

Like winter
Is the only thing
That ain’t
Gonna come

Cause Your ****
Is like a tree
That just
It just
Keeps growing
On me

It takes my breath away
And breathes me back to life

You
Soaked my
Leaves autumn red
In your sunflower sunshine

You
Have rainy days
Warm like

Honey
Give me one room
To come home to
And I will
write you a garden
Full of poems
That I do not yet
Know how
To speak

‘Till your name
Is the sweetest
Word on my tongue

Calling you up like

Honey
Honey
Mmmm.

Look...
Its been some long days followed by some short nights,
These days are just some short rounds in a long fight,
There's been mad short comings - come complete with long suffering,
Some **** rips and a spliff got my brain buffering,
I refuse to stand in place - Imma forever have past due posture fees,
I guess all my earnings come at the end - like an apostrophe.
See I'm trying to turn all my "soon"s  into "finally's,
Despite Mfs speaking spitefully privately,
I'm trying to be an icon -
Loved and hated like Guy Fieri,
I'm a Ferrari, but I been gassing me with the wrong oil,
I wanted to blow, but the fire was too loo for my water to boil,
I wanted to grow, but I was kicking it in the wrong soil,
I was too busy confusing movement with motion,
I was stepping out of line, parading feelings as emotions,
I was cashing in, mistaking value with pricing,
I was crapping out, was venting with my vices,
I been salivating for my salvation,
I been gravitating towards gratitude, and delayed gratification,
I been avoiding altercations, and elevating towards elation,

Cause listen..

I been off my mission,
I been consistently inconsistent,
I been reminiscing,
Been making **** the opposite of simplistic,
I been in-opportunistic,
I been devastated and dilapidated,
I been a lil faded and I been feeling ill-fated,
I been a victim of ill-will and I'm feelin irritated,
I been reaching to be featured,
I been over dozing.
I been living for the moment.
Been under pressure and my fears be over-reaching,
**** be unprecedented, I be leaning towards impeachment.
It might not change **** but it sure does help to talk about it,
All them nights I sat up in my bed and thought bout it,
Ring around the Rhonda Rousey to all them bouts i fought bout it,
I'm Jerry Rice but lousy, to all the flack i caught bout it,
Frequent failure miles for all the flack I caught bout it,
They telling me I'm Black then why i feel Golden?
They telling me its cap - is that why i feel goated?
Hardly ever pressed - is that why i never folded?
Wake me from this nap- its time i smelled the Folgers.
I wanna be filled the same way that i be pourin'..
Rich spirit with the survival skills of a poor man,
I been getting grilled and knocked the **** out like George Foreman,
And It gotta be skills the way that i be poor man,
I'm in the business of building,
****** keep ******* up my floor plans,
Can't let **** pass me by or am i destined to be a doorman?
I'm at the right address but its safe to say I'm on the far  side,
I need to see the real , not just mirages and facades..

Lady adjacent waiter,
ruler of the medulla,
give me a certain angle
that'll make her want to maneuver,

make her want to consider
in the absence of his love,
that maybe not the whole gender
is full of secret agendas,

with her left over right leg,
glass in her right hand,
a tribute to her innocence
ever since she walked in,

assembled it's, white wine
Krispy Kreme eyes,
glazed look,
lips glossed like her oil thighs,

it's finally off time
her sorority cross line,
it's happy hour,
she wasn't,

his whole crime has been a cover up
since she wants him,
this whole scene has been taped off
by her girlfriends,

it's often I see it,
alcoholic rehab,
a culprit — a demon
making contracts with my open tab,

broken bad in the bathroom,
clad woman,
For all the attention
such good first impressions,

but not you,
I feel a different aura,
I feel I'll get exposed
so I call a different offense,

Semper Fi
within my eyes
this energy —
I quiet the restaurant,

Can you hear me?
Proceed to throwing signals
Tom Brady couldn't throw,
the ball's in my court so I'm finally on the move,

crushing on you while the sky undresses,
you catch a glimpse
as the clouds bare witness,
Excuse me Miss Unfortunate,

I know I'm at a disadvantage
but I had to call it
head or tails
I'm still offering,

a chance to be your man? No
a chance to be your author?
a chance to be your narrator now or later
call me,

a chance to say “there she is”
her piercing eyes, fixes her finger on my lips
be quiet, “I saw this in a movie once”
she told me as I spy and I grab onto her truths,

excuse me thats selfish, pardon me
apart of me just wants to see that movie,
a father daughter dance,
a chance to be your groupie,

a chance to see that smile
that you flashed
like a lunar star,
meteor crash

and its back to reality,
eye connection broken
and it’s back to the irony,
a word barely spoken

and I’m back to asking:
Check Please.

Please listen to this youtube video as you read it, it was intended for that:

Interstellar | Melancholic Melody, 1 Hour Magical Journey, Sleep Aid, Ambient Music

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2zMXSXhZ9M&ab_channel=SoothingSonata


The I miss you again feeling, but we never met.
I always think to myself, why we never met.
Maybe I met her already…
But I never forget.
I always felt like I have a soulmate, but it isn’t true,
I though life was a journey, blues clue.

I saw her pace away, a sad journey that seems like everything is fading away.
I thought I would never share this, but it seems like today is the day. (pause)
A mass depicture, my mind is a movie that never aired, a motion picture.
I had to write this over again so many times, a re-written scripture.
How come I keep looking for love when it’s all the same
I hate the feeling, it’s all a game.
It feels like I haven’t eaten in years,    Hunger games.
I hate that I love people who aren’t great. (pause)
Life is a mystery, I can’t escape.
(fast) I see a whole world in my head that I can’t replace.
A constant fight with your mind, but its hard to believe.
It’s honestly hard to live in reality, when all you see is a dream.

I’m trapped in a wall in me.
I hate how they all can see, (pause)
I wish I could vanish, but would they all believe?
Everyone can find better so can anyone really be good enough?
So selfish it seems, so many people are helpless it seems.
My mind is blank I don’t understand,
If it’s a demon that trapped me, I’ll learn economics to know its demand.
I’m trapped here and I don’t understand.
Sometimes I think to myself, there’s nothing new, I know how this story ends,
Like it’s the same meal that I already chewed.
Like It’s the same song from 2002
I feel like love is something that happens when you surrender yourself to your mind.
We all have a dialog, but I honestly hate mine.
It’s so easy for me to fall in love, I’m scared to say,
because it’s so easy for someone to find better and only meet you halfway.
I’m tired of trying to make it work, shooting my shot but it seems like it’s only gunplay.
I love too easily. But it’s hard to stop, my heart hits the dashboard every time I have to drop them off.

I want to live a life that saves the day,
saves a person from feeling this way.

Idk what I have to offer because I’m scared to say.
I don’t want to be myself, it’s a bit odd in a way.
I feel odd in a way.
I thought that people could love me the same.

A conscious aim, a person that couldn’t destroy me, a small grenade.
A small cascade of every rejection
it starts to fade.
Writing a poem in a different way when you have an aim. (pause)
A First aid-that comes in to save the day.
This was a sad poem, but it doesn’t deserve a downgrade.
I wrote this when I felt love again and had to release,
all of these fake stories of love that were trapped inside me.
You don’t need to understand this poem, I promise.
I love someone I’ve never met and I’m just being honest.
I want to find the love of my life, I’m faithful I promise.
But why would I stay.
when every time I do. It wasn’t the smartest,
Life feels broken, when your faced with the harshness,
a bright future but my mind feels the darkness.
So many people can slip, my minds in a pit,
so many love stories that I just can’t handle it.

I feel bare, dark stare alone in a room like we are meeting the world for the first time.
A small climb to realize, this reality wasn’t mine, a corrosive world, that could only be designed.

I created a love story in my head that wasn’t mine.
A crazy wild surprise when I realized this happens a hundred times.
So insane to realize my imagination is an emotional expression of what I wish to be.
A thousand love letters, that I never mean.
Only to capture something I never need.
A demon invested soul, an endless toll that can catch up to me when I’m old.
Every love story told could be written down, that I can never hold.
I’m a love teller that could never fold.
I couldn’t tell you where this started, there was no replay button to control.
I created love stories in my head that I didn’t mean.
I felt love that was behind the scenes.
Behind the screen was all the actors, because I always dream.
It seems like I’m organized, the same routine.
It feels like a movie, like someone cut to a scene.

Was anything ever platonic?
Are we all living in our fantasies?
If its true,
can anyone even handle me?
It feels like a mantle, steam comes out and mantles me.
My mind doesn’t feel real.
Dismantle my heart and scramble the parts, I don’t wanna lose the whole thing.
A lost cause, a winner with no ring.
A losing battle, with nothing.

Nothing but the future to rethink.
I’m scared to use my mind, a thousand love stories, but I wish I could erase mine.
I’m in love with her and I don’t know why.
Help me for a hundredth time.
I write for the hundredth time; I tell you I love you for the hundredth time.
I tell you I made it up with a couple of rhymes.
I’m just looking for love, but it’s hard to find.

The past keeps creeping, but it passed the line.
I want to connect her words into a poem, a sweet divine.
I’m making this up, can’t you see the tie?
I’m writing to you, but it seems like lies.
I’m scared as ****; I can’t even deny.
Thank you for hearing this poem.
And thank you for your time,

Final line:
“I wonder if love is a disaster, or something plastered, an art piece that represents disaster, and maybe that’s what everyone’s after.” Thank you.

I know we meet
people for a reason
and every time I didn't
think it was the case,
hindsight proved me wrong
ten times out of ten.

But us? I can't seem to accept
you were a stepping stone,
a lesson, a memory etched
in my spirit only meant to
redirect me to another place.

I just don't want what comes next
without you here to share it with me.

Tell me why I can't seem to
come to terms with us being
not only impermanent
but seemingly forgettable.

I cannot bring myself to let go

From atop lofty thoughts,
dropped off softly;
so often, I lay awake
turning and tossing,
internal monologue talking,
masochistic sophistry blossoming
as it ought not to be.

A colossal cloth,
silken plume,
ink blot shades of grey
spread, peacocking;
this offering of pebbles brought
a monument
to all of the impossible
rocking before toppling-
comatose and claustrophobic,
I can exert no reverse inertia
to stop this cacophony.

Anxious, fraught,
my worries stalking me;
distraught
and tense posturing;
I fought to hold,
my fingers taut;
knuckles knotting,
vices tightly throttling.

Locked between
clock's tick and tock,
every second,
hands painstakingly wrought-
caught up,
sudden and shockingly.

Crawling awkwardly,
clawing at the walls,
coughing from the noxious oxygen
of my own rotting sarcophagus.

Insomnia fostering this paradox,
mocking me;
sleep deprivation walking,
no elysian veil to cross for me;
my own exhaustion
the coffin accosting me;
awful volume of this noise
ultimately just grains of static
all for naught,
frothing
and washed to sea.

The first time you told me that you don't love me anymore,
I slept for 12 hours hoping that I never wake up.
And when I woke up, I just found myself wanting to sleep again
Because reality bites
And it bit me big time it left its mark on my skin.
Reality bit me so hard it sunk its teeth into my flesh until it reached the deepest part of my bones.
But, more than that, reality bit me so ******* hard that it reached something much deeper than my veins.
It reached something deeper where I cannot tend to the wounds that it caused me.

And I found myself wanting to sleep again.

I was hoping that shutting my thoughts down with sleep will help me forget you
But I was wrong
Because in my dreams, I was holding your hands.
And even though you were pulling it away from me, I had the strength to hold on to it and I never let you go.
How I wish I had the strength to hold on to you while I was awake
The same way that I am telling you in my dreams how my fingers fit the spaces between yours.
How I was insisting to you that being with me was the perfect thing to do
Because it's perfect when I am with you.

And I found myself wanting to sleep again.

Because in my dreams, you are still with me
Even though. at the back of my conscious mind,
I'm aware that you weren't there
And that it was all a mirage.
But it doesn't hurt this much.
It doesn't hurt this much...
When sleep is my companion.