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Autumn Noire Jan 20
The First man to ever love me broke me
Made me feel I was never enough
I called you daddy but, you barley know me
Raised me to abandon me
For years I longed for you
All I wanted was a message or a call
Don't even know my birthday
And that hurts most of all
So much anger and pain
I'm so ashamed, that you're my father
Lucky enough you still get that name
Because if not that id live my life ashamed
So many words unsaid
So many actions to undo
But I'm over it
So in order to mend things it's up to you
Haven't spoken to my father in 2 years
Delia Darling Jul 2018
What does it mean to be
Emotionally unavailable?
My manic thoughts keep me starving for
An imagined happy

“Are you single?” They asked
Well, my heart is as open as an old wound
That reopens & bleeds & scars for
Vicarious validation
Yet closed in the sense that it shuts down
Every time it starts to feel something
Almost habitually,
As if in self defense
I guess you could say my heart was a
Twisted & distanced kind of available...

But no
I’m not available in my mind
Because it knows better than my
Feeling *****
The human container that’s headstrong
To it’s gullible nature
My thinking ***** knows that
Vicarious happy is not real happy
Which labels my forehead like a neon sign
Emotionally Unavailable

I crave a validation that looks like your love
But it won’t fix me
Or provide the happiness I
Desperately need for myself
You can’t love yourself through somebody else
2 a.m. and I don't  understand
can I help you go to sleep?
can I show you how to dream?
your body's full of thoughts but I'll fill your thoughts with me

just tell me something like you've known me forever
because I've never been good at the getting to know you part

tell me something that'll make me remember
because I just can't seem to forget

tell me something that'll make you feel better
because I've never been good at showing I'm there

tell me something like you know it all
because I really believe that you do

talk to me like you waited all day
touch me like you care
hug me like you need some relief
I'll hold you 'til you're calm

you can run through the field 'til your legs fall off
and I'll be your scream into a pillow

you can be the lost kid, hidden in the darkness
and I'll be the darkness that took you

fix me like I'm the drink to soothe you
that way you'll take me in

see I'm pretty broken
and yeah I broke you too
but if we can glue our halves together
the light might just show through

now, sleep
show me the way to dream
Alaina Dec 2017
Dear Faulty Parent
You have messed up
It is so clear to see

Dear Faulty Parent
I want not
An apology

Dear Faulty Parent
You used my own self-harm
Against me

Dear Faulty Parent
Why would you do that
Just let me be

Dear Faulty Parent
Fix yourself
Before you try to fix me
Lizzie Nov 2017
A deep..Haunting..Unique shade of blue-green...
With flecks of night sky placed in such delicate haphazardness,
I look away...
Not out of fear or dismal...No...
But out of the tsunami of emotions that course through me...
You calm me, tame my wild thoughts that tell me every positive thing you say about me is wrong...
Your eyes pierce through my cold & warms my heart,
As you put my shattered soul together again
piece by piece...
With just your eyes you make me sane;
Even in the darkness...
--- Oct 2017
When you are not near me
  I question where you are.

        When your messages do not find me until late
                  where are they going?

                                   Do they find a home with someone else?
                                            Or do they stay safe with you?

                                                           ­            When you are not here
                                        staring at me with those golden caramel eyes

                                 I can't help but wonder
                               where else they might be.

                                              Do they stay on one path?
                      or do they wander the world
                                      hungry with curiosity?
Crystal Sep 2017
I can't leave him because he's already been gone.
Truth is, I don't even think he was ever really there.
The saddest part of this, I actually thought he was.
I fixed his broken heart, by giving him mine, and all he did was go back to the girl that had broken his, and now he  is giving her my heart, only so she could destroy it all over again.
I no longer see the good in him, and that's how it always should have been.
I can't wait till I get over him. It's going to be great, he will try to come back and I have to be strong and say " I can't take you back."

I can't be sad anymore.
I can't think of him anymore.
I can't let him be the complete end of me.
I can't let him go.
I can't stop loving him.
I can't stop thinking about him.
I can't keep doing this.
I can't stay strong.
I can't act like I'm fine.
I can't be happy all the time.
I can't be sad all the time.
I can't let the thought of him be the end of happy me.
I can't.....
love *****.
Quansome Feb 2017
I feel like the world is vibrating way to fast today and if I stop to think for even a bit to long little slivers of my sanity will begin to shake off and float away in the wind.
I feel like everything is so far away from me and no matter how much I run in any direction it just keeps getting farther and farther away and maybe it will all simply vanish.
I feel like today that if no one was to touch me even just my hand I might dissappear and that maybe just maybe im remembering a memory or maybe I am a memory and none of this is real.
I feel like if I dont cry right this very moment I will forget how to control my feelings and all of my emotions may just seep out all at once and I will cease the ability to be understood by anyone ever again.
I feel like im breaking in to peices and no matter how tightly I shut them my eyes dont want to stay in my head and no matter how many times I rub them together my hands cant find a spot to rest and no matter how much I hum and shush  at it my heart will not stop beating so loudly
I feel that ,and maybe Im just thinking out loud here, but I maybe might just a little bit but im pretty sure im going insane.
Kyra Wilder Jul 2015
People tell me I'm strong but maybe I'm just a good actress I try to keep the show going, but alone I break.

Yes, I break and I'm only a human heartless from the countless others who sworn they stay? Maybe, but human nonetheless I am the master of "I'm fine", so good I'll soon destroy myself.

Nothings fine and it rarely is after years of emotional emptiness you become numb trying everything just to feel something again. I'm tired of bring broken is it too late to be fixed? Its possible that I have destroyed myself beyond repair

Oh how I'd **** to feel fixed for a day.
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