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Banana Apr 30
I said it’s not that you don’t care
It’s that I don’t need care
‘Cause nobody truly cares about me

I said it’s not that you don’t love
It’s that I don’t need love
‘Cause nobody truly loves me

Not the real me
Nobody knows me
Not the real me
Nobody knows me

Inside I want to die
But I stay alive

In touch with your mood
I move around you
I never damage your web

In tune with your head
I play your muse
Never off-track, instead

I don’t exist I
Only exist in my mind
I don’t enjoy I
Only enjoy my mind
Kora Sani Apr 6
when i'm alone with my thoughts
it's a scary place to be
so i keep myself busy
going here, going there
impulsive decisions leading me everywhere
but i must still recharge
in an introvert's paradise
knowing every time
those thoughts will return
it's a catch-22
i cannot escape
i must either choose
a racing heart or
a slow beat towards death
Tichozpytec Jan 23
Escape to one's mind is a useful skill
A needed support beam of an introverted person's will
So, hide away, and enjoy the stroll
Because living in the real life often takes its toll
Tichozpytec Dec 2021
Winter Wonderland
The kingdom of Introverts
With Mugs full of Tea
Luvanna Nov 2021
Me: A series of fifty-five emotions
interchanging every ten minutes
love me, adore me and I shall grant you your deepest wildest dream
upset me, disappoint me, and I shall consider you dead
DIARY ENTRY, EIGHT
By darcy prince

Today I bought some protein powder, which is the first time doing so. I’m a vegetarian, for a while I was eating chicken, as long as it was well-cooked. But I can’t remember the last I had any. I take fish oil, most of the time, twice a day. My other ways of getting protein now, mainly boiled eggs, always around six of them. If I forget to boil some, it’s fried eggs. I don’t eat yokes. I normally boil them early in the afternoon, then go off for the rest of my day, leaving them in the fridge until evening. Because of the heat & my apparent time constrict, is why I cooked them & left them to cool, by the time it’s time for dinner, the eggs have cooled down. I am actually looking over videos to it, how to make them, ways to take them, etc. Which I should have done prior. But since I don’t eat meat, it is worth a try. Expensive. But you get a lot for what you pay for. But it is a part of my weight loss journey. Which has been a back & forth this year. Even though I’ve been told so many times that I’m not fat. I just think I wasn’t healthy, that's all. Yes, for aesthetic reasons I am searching for, maybe a Greek ecstasy. Maybe some attention to. Since my last entry, I have talked about dating again. More so asking a crush out. I still think it won’t go well. In about 90 mins, I am going for a walk. If it’s not for health, do it for attention, but it’s worth giving it a go. It’s a little of my NoFap journey or in other words, getting to know myself again.

See what happens, I’m actually more curious to see if I’ll stick to the protein powder things. I am worried about the sugar content & learning another way besides mixing it with milk. Which has both high levels or sugar & fat. My landlord asked me why I never took any. Asking when coming home with a new container of fish oil. Which I had never thought of. I mean, I saw them around the shops selling, etc. Walking around the shops, I saw a container on sale, for why not. On the way, I realize how I'm supposed to take it? When to take it? Etc. With all that fun stuff.

Oh to the experiences I’ve missed out on, by not being tall, thin & attractive.

I don’t think people are interested in my idiots, food things & body image problems. Which is always an issue, sometimes any underlying shame that's trauma prone comes in when one is an adult, you’re more aware & have the skill to correct but those emotions in feeling the issues hits all at once, leaving one cripplyong.

My smoking hasn't been the best. I’m still in the habit of every two or three days, I’ll smoke an entire pack & go out to buy another one, by the end of it, the second pack, at least half of it’s gone. The virtue of humanity is on such a slow rise to the top, it’s so hard to do, yet such a struggle to do so, as vice seems so normal & effortless to do. Being into moral philosophy, I could spend that money, time, whatever on so many other things. I seem to never be able to swing into the mood to do anything about it. This is where some of my personal shame comes from, realizing for the first time how much youth is wasted on the young. I’m sure I’m looking forward to having a rock bottom in this area, I wonder what will actually trigger it? Maybe the actual habit of having it or my lack of financial skill is the cause why I’m single. I know there is dignity in the effort.

My thinking will be the death of me. I know better, or at least the awareness I could do better. My actions do not follow that.

Though if you’re asking me, sweets, chocolates, whatever would be taken out of school, a legal age for fast food, higher taxes for such companies that produce such food items, so-on. It does seem hard to get healthier, to lose weight, to be somewhat aesthetically pleasing once you age. Not all of it is the result of not being able to, just a biological part of life. Those self-help gurus who fail to throw out either of anything negative are maladjusted people, failing to connect the knowledge of a healthy lifestyle to someone’s emotions & economic access. We're in a culture where it’s cheaper to buy chocolate than it is to buy fruit. Chocolate for comfort rather than a one off pleasurable treat. Fruit for the body to fuel the mind but displayed for health nuts. Is the show ‘The Biggest Loser’ still a thing? It's an entire societal thing. My weight gain in my adult year is really up to me. At least I know the difference between McDonals to a fruit shop. For what alone is a part of my own doing. If I adopt that sort of all-time positive thinking as those self-proclaimed guru’s, I indirectly flee from reality, to elicit a community where nothing could ever possibly go wrong. It’s not solely a matter of being sexually attractive in the eyes of other people, but by simply supporting local fruit shops, I’ve provided a small contribution to the running of their shop & a slight chance of never having their prices go up & the healthy my body is, the more freedom the medical & scientific community is to focus on much harsher realities of life, such as mental illness & the cure to cancer. I know that seems dramatic but a large amount of truth is in it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lz9wP5zLS6A&t=166s
Mark Toney Nov 2021
Shy
lovely wallflower
what you see is what you get
~ sheer simplicity






Mark Toney ©️ 2021
11/4/2021 - Poetry form: Haiku (for you) - Mark Toney ©️ 2021
Ellis Oct 2021
I-
-want to say-
-something-
but i-
-to talk to you-
but i-
-thinking about thinking-
-too- because i-
-think-    -much-
-i meant too much-
but i-
-m just a ******-
because i-
-don’t know what to-
but i-
-see you walk away-
because i-
-didn’t- -opened my-
dumb mouth
but i-
sit-
next to you- -so close-
because i-
-want-
-want,want,want-
I really want

-talk to you-
but i-
-stumble, fumble, tumble-
over words-
-because i-
No- -i’m not-
-really-
but i- -i’m not lonely- -because i-
-convinced myself 15 different times-
-with 15 different excuses-



-so what-
-if you walk away-




I’ll talk to someone else.
Noura Abdelrazec Sep 2021
Flash of a camera goes off and I rush into the shadows, because the picture will look all wrong if I am in it.
Conversations circle my head aimlessly, all connected by a single thread that has slipped from my grasp.
A game of cards that I watch from the sidelines.
Memories are made in front of me and I cannot have a slice of them—they are not mine.
I was there, but they are not mine.
Because you smile when I wave
and I laugh at jokes that I don’t fully understand
and we complain, compliment, communicate,
but you are a stranger to me.
I am a stranger to you.
You, polished jade stone in vicious waters,
yet the waves yield to you
and your iridescence
and all of your beautiful stone companions. I am a pebble who gets caught
in the tide, too desolate to swim back to shore, too afraid to join you in the deep.
I cannot stop fighting the current.
There is no hope for me if I do,
for I will sink, settle on the sandy floor with my back arched and my hands shaking
and join my fellow forsaken, solidified into a gritty brick of aching bones and broken spirits.
I will no longer be your burden. I will be something you do not bother to look at twice.
You will float above me with nothing to haunt you.
But even as I am fighting the current all my life
I am still dissolving
bit by bit.
As though I am destined to fade away no matter how hard I try to stay.
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