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Owen 2d
Five minutes ago,
I sat on my bathroom floor.
I had been there for a while.
Waiting between work shifts.

Six minutes ago,
for the first time in a long time,
I planned my end
right there on the tiles.
I contemplated
getting my affairs in order,
my will,
where to do it,
the best method
of execution.

Seven minutes ago,
I hadnt been that decisive in so long.
I felt so ready.
I didnt even feel sad.
Just ready.
The before and after of that moment
ceasing to matter in my head.

Eight minutes ago,
I stood up
staring my reflection down
in the mirror
and I thought

Lets give it a few more minutes.
Im fine, but Ive accepted my mortality quite fully.
MerlieJ 5d
A tattered, torn,
                  old journal
Holds echos
                   of a love once past
Words like imprints
                   on the brain
Press through
                    from one page to another
Two hearts once held each other
“You loved him.”
It wasn’t a question,
but I answered anyway.

I immediately became defensive,
scared of my past being brought up
and merged with my present.
I was doing so much better.
I couldn't afford to mess it all up now.

“I wouldn’t call it love.” I said,
when I wanted to say:


Perhaps they were genuinely curious.
They didn’t know, after all.
They didn’t know anything about
him, or me, or us.
And they never would.
I couldn’t let someone in, not now.

“It's complicated.” I said,
when I wanted to say:




“So why did it end?”
I could feel the walls
I built myself tumbling down.

I wanted to tell them,
I wanted to tell them everything.
I couldn't. I turned away.

“It didn't work out.” I said,
when I wanted to say:


















every moment we spent together
flows through my veins.
with each beat of my heart,
they are pumped through me.
these memories will always be there.

they will be there when
we’ve both grown old
and given up the reckless lifestyles
that we never wanted to lose.

they will be there when
you move far away from here
and hug your family goodbye,
knowing that someday
in whatever city you settle down in
you will start a family of your own.

they will be there when,
years from now, you sit in the backyard
of the house that you share
with the family that you assembled,
and tears fill your eyes
because you have lived a life
that you are proud of.

they will be there when
I finally stop running from my past
and find somewhere I want to stay,
somewhere that feels like home.

they will be there when
I kiss someone who isn’t you,
and I feel the same happiness
that at one time only you could give me.

they will be there when
I find the answers that
you inspired me to search for,
when I have this sudden epiphany
and I realize my purpose,
whatever that may be.

they will be there when,
years from now, I sit on my rooftop
staring up at the stars
above wherever I decided
to settle down, with tears
trickling down my cheeks
because I have lived a life
that I am proud of.

and you and I
will live these lives apart.
we’ll move on and forget
what it felt like to wake up
beside one another,
and we’ll find what
we’re looking for elsewhere,
and one day, we’ll understand
why this all had to happen
the way that it did.

what we have
will always exist somewhere.
in the sidewalk cracks
we used to walk over
in the lyrics of old songs
that neither of us
have heard for years,
in the dust gathering
on boxes buried in our attics.

and sometimes
we might remember each other.
when I see a young couple
laughing in a diner booth,
when the bright beams
of a car’s headlight
shine through your window
and jolt you awake,
when we pass road signs
that we once drove by together
and cross through
states we once visited.
we might think of each other,
even if only for a brief moment.

and despite how important
this all was to me,
and despite how important
it still is to me,
I’ve folded up the days
that I spent with you
and taped them into
the messy pages of my journal,
stuck somewhere between
my 3am thoughts and an old,
yellowing photograph of us.

and now, I’m running.
I’m running away from every
droplet of self-doubt
that is trying to wedge its way
between my ribs,
running in the opposite direction
of words like “regret”
and any intrusive feeling
that is trying to trick me
into worrying that
none of this was worth it,
and that I am destined to face
a life of bitter loneliness without you.

because those thoughts are convincing,
but they are liars.
because all of it meant something.
even if parts of it hurt,
even if, to this day, I still can’t
understand the meaning of some of it.
because all of it was worth it.

and maybe you and I
didn’t have the fairytale ending
that we always imagined.
maybe we didn’t live our
happily ever after.

maybe the only place
that you and I still exist together
is in crumbled photographs
and life lessons and
these memories that won’t go away.

and maybe, even now,
there’s still pain there.
maybe the wound has healed
but still feels sore when it’s touched.
maybe we wonder what we could
have done differently
and what our lives would
be like if we had.

but in the end,
it doesn’t matter
how we began or
how we fell apart.

because in the end,
I’m just so happy
that I got to love you at all.
Just Grace Sep 18
I felt it then
like I feel it now

There was a dead end sign
at that moment I peered into our future

We tried to give space
Then that choice was taken away
One more chance to prove we can survive
locked down together

So we took my family land
We tilled that soil
Built distractions
Illusions and dreams

The peppers and tomatoes
that I now harvest
I prepare them alone
The nightshades
the itch
now taint my tears
and pink-stain my cheeks
where they have streamed
“You know why am I always scared? It's because when you feel happy at the exact moment, that is when empty endings occur.” He breathlessly spoke in the air.

Endings, happiness, and emptiness. Those three words I hated. It haunted me. I was gazing upon it, and the next words written on the wall was, "I must survive it." It was a familiar one. I traced every letter written on it, and it was like remembering how he wrote it, and how he fell upon it.

He could've survived it.
If it wasn't for me.

Scattered petals were surrounding me. The wheezing winds from the windowsills embracing my already gnawing body—my eyes wandered the old house. My eyes fixated, on the dried drops of blood, on the empty sofa he always sits in. Where we always tell each other's carpe diem.

If I didn't leave, will I make a difference?
If I didn't let the monsters win, will I be able to stay?

“Do you want to know the answer?” An old lady patted me on the back.
It sent chills down my spine. Her voice sounded as cold and barren.

“Who are you?” My voice began to shake. I took two steps backward, but she keeps drawing nigh. Who is she?

“Do you want to know the answer? She repeated. How did she found out?
“I don't know what you are talking about!” Then, I ran in the other direction.

I woke up and it was on the 5th of May when mornings are cold and gray. I flinched when I saw his back, asleep. “I was just dreaming,” I whispered. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Just when I was about to open it, he groaned and stood.

“J-Jack?” I called him. My raspy voice echoed throughout the room, but he didn't even budge and walked out of the room. I followed him and my hands reached him, yet it passed through him. Just what in the world is happening?

I tried several times to touch him and even cupped his face, but I was a ghost passing through his body, and the sudden thought flashed through my mind that I remembered the old lady.
“What did you do?!” I called her, but no one is answering. What am I suppose to do?

The rush of waters coming from the faucet overwhelmed my ears and I saw him lying in the bathtub—his eyes were bloodshot red and his wrist was full of scars; his body weight fell and his face's swollen.

I sat beside him and rummaged his hair, even though I could not hold him, yet my coldness reached through him that he flinched and met my eyes.

“Shh... I am here, I am here.” I whispered. He closed his eyes and dipped his face in the bathtub. Adrenaline rushed through me, and my screams were almost a whisper. I threw out the chair, and that caught his attention.

I ran and found a marker lying in the table. I went back and wrote “Helen is here” on the wall. I peered at his direction and saw his stunned expression.

“He-Helen?” His hoarse voice sent chills down my spine. I wrote “Yes” on the wall and sat beside him.  “Don't do it again, Jack” I wrote again.

Then, I woke up.

The first thing I saw was the old lady sitting at the edge of my bed. She was intently staring that it pierced through my core. Then, her expression changed—it was now a soft one, and she flashed a genuine smile.

“You did great, Helen. You must find the answer, yourself.” She said and vanished.

I looked up and it was on the 5th of May again. And Jack was walking up to the door—I followed him until he passed by the Bridge of Adelaine. If I stopped Jack when he was drowning himself, then I must find a way to stop his death.

The old lady may be giving me chances to change the course of Jack's past. To save him from dying on the 5th of May.
But the problem was, there were no walls or things I can use to stop him. How will I save Jack?

“His mind...” The old lady's voice echoed through my mind.

His mind... What about that? I asked her again, but she didn't answer.

Yes, his mind! Panic registered through me when he already was standing on the other side of the bridge and I closed my eyes and found his still mind—yet so dangerous.

“Jack, stop it!” I screamed. But he wasn't listening.
“I said stop it!” I repeated but he wasn't listening.
Then I remembered something—something in the past we both held on to whenever we have bad days.

“You know why am I always scared? It is because when you feel happy at the exact moment, that is when empty endings occur.” I spoke, my voice cracking.

His face flashed a hint of surprise and looked around. Then he saw me, he saw through me.


It was on the 5th of May again. I immediately roamed around and saw myself passing through the walls of this empty hospital. I found myself looking for his room, and I opened the door.
He was lying there with IV fluids inserted into one of his veins.

“Helen...” He called out.

“I'm here,” I whispered, and cupped his face. He smiled and looked at me.

“You can see me?” I added.

“Yes.” He replied.

“You know, I will always be your hero. Remember that. I will always save you, Jack.” Then I kissed his forehead.

“This is why I don't want to be happy, I know you will leave me again, Helen.” He spoke in silence.

“Then I will always come out of the grave, to save you then.” I grinned, and we both laughed.
I accidentally wrote this story, and guess what? I enjoyed writing for the first time. Also, for the first time, I wasn't insecure.
Happy reading
Madi Dinneen Aug 20
as in life
so in death

as we were together
so shall we end

i needed you with a desperation
loved you like a brother

you were indifferent, emotions only tools
to get just what you wanted

i threw myself to the ground
and wept just to keep you here

you’re better off gone
you never wept for me
i had to shed my blood to get you out of it
Carlo C Gomez Aug 17
The canopy tree
My shelter
Of light
Pulled me
Into its shadow
Operosely so
I remembered:

In memorization
Of varied
The columns they path
How they became
And all about how
She looked and felt

She was
And diamond light
Off shore
Off the shoulder
My boat still afloat
Yet her waves indeed
The sinking of me

But then
In the peril
Of natation
The shiver
And the taste of salt

What entered my heart
Was the same
As filled up my lungs:


The microcosm of
Or pleasure
Or both demises
At once
Fayez Aug 16
She dances
To keep warm

Hoping one day
Her sun will rise again

Pale skin, blue lips
She never stops

She prays for a sunrise
That will never come

Her world will freeze
Along with her soul
Some endings are inevitable
, and not all endings are happy.
Kashish Aug 10
I never believed in happy endings
Because they never really seemed to exist
Not until I met you
Not until you made me believe, and I couldn’t resist
Resist you and me. We were so impossible
Never did I know, I’d love you with all my heart
And you’d love me too, for who I am
But now that we do, I can delightedly say that you are my life and not just a part.
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