How can you sleep knowing i'm in pain?
Going about your day, sensing my tears
Pretending as if I never even mattered.
That I'm nothing to your after all these years.
Apathetically discarding my love for you.
You got what you wanted and now your done.
All I wanted was you but that was too much.
When it became to serious, you began to run.
I did not know I was forcing your love.
I genuinely thought you felt the same .
I didn't realize I was being played.
For you, this "relationship" was just a game.
How can to be so indifferent and cold.
Were you anticipating this very moment?
To push me away once you were fulfilled.
Allowing me to love you just to say I wasn't chosen.
How can you move so easily and free.
Why is it so damn hard for me to let go?
Being with you gave me life and you took
Now the hurt is killing me and you act like you don't know.
Lying awake yet I'm tired from crying.
My heart pleading for you to want me.
To give us a try and let me just love you.
But you brush me off so nonchalantly .
Thoughts of our future made my day brighter,
But the idea of us was something you outgrew
At the very least, I thought we were friends
I struggle to move forgot so really...how can you
Lie number one
She saw you first
I saw you first
I admired all your brilliance first
Buried the sentiment deep within
Along with any sympathy towards you
In order to devour the whole of your company
Without any regret, holding back my breath
Lie number two
I hate your goofiness
There's nothing that takes me faster to the moon
That your innocence and your pathetically bad jokes
Your smile is the contradiction of nonsenses
and fierce ideologies that find home at the back of my mind
Lie number three
You are an idiot
Maths and arguments are your playground
In the swings we go back and forth
Even when I tell you are wrong
You will always be Sir right
Rolling down the road we go
Difference being the ways we take
You roll with her
And I feel nothing but abandoned
Lie number four
I love to intimidate you
Call it cliche but in mocking you
I find the comfort of living within you
You'll never forget the bully that I am to you
When you were to reach your golden era
You'll go back to these years
And perhaps you'll see the irony in all of my doings
Lie number five
You are a blissful couple
The heavens know how much I've degenerate
All the events of your relationship
The way she handles you
Is a mockery to my face
You don't deserve it but you own it
As if everything that she gives to you
Were nothing less than treasures and gold
Her hostility is anonymous to my wishes
A few nights I've imagined filling her place
I've imagined your attentive gaze making love to my features
I've imagined your hands caressing timidly my own
I've imagined me being your number one fan
But the only place in the stadium of your heart
is already fill by her profane soul
I shall continue to live,
My nourishment the sliver streak of joy
in your eyes,
As you go through life a fading star,
your loyalties and love for another heart.
I shall continue to live,
Your happiness the satisfaction of my soul,
which hath no foul desires.
A love so meek and innocent,
It's spirituality stuns.
And i shall continue to live,
My love perfectly concealed under
a masquerade of adoration and respect,
As we go through life two fading stars,
Maybe to reunite in the galaxies thereafter.
These walls of my prison hath endured many ,
suffering and suffocation,
to me, they are the sweet calling of
Nature, how you reminisce life and death,
come to my disposal today,
and see the man. who will dance at his decay.
When the noose tightens round my neck,
I shall be smiling at the angel of death,
who hath finally come to my rescue, O you lightening! Then show yourself, mark the moment when my misery is dead.
This world hath been my prison, my life thunder accursed. The day I was born, I heard wars emerged.
My mother who awarded me life showered me with love, until I was poached at five, by a human trafficker.
He took me to a land far way. Damned hades,
enrobed me in smelly rags and paraded me through streets. Since I wasn’t pitied, he cut my left hand.
And hence came a shower of pennies.
Pennies that went in his pockets and
sufficed his villainy.
I was granted a plate of grub in return, and perhaps no whipping if the pennies were his satisfaction.
And he comes home drunk one night, his inebriated body betraying his senses.
Ready as a bird who is to take flight,
I slashed him with his own dagger violating his defenses.
Henceforth I began to tarry, penniless and aggrieved.
The world hath plenteous monsters,
and I met my piece.
As I slept on the frozen streets of this cursed land,
hunger clenched my stomach. Sick was the art of begging, a remnant of my stained past,
but I knew no other.
Outside a fruit shop, I saw an old man buying yield. I fell at his legs and begged: “Prithee give me a morsel of food, it wilt save my life."
But damn he gave me too much and taught me slavery.
With my one hand,
I swept his house and dusted his medallions.
That he hath earned courageously
on blood bathed battalions.
And one day, his ruddy daughter comes back home.
Her name, Messina Oehme.
O Messina, whence thee hath come from, paradise? Thy pulchritude is a vision fixated within my eyes.
Thou art like the first rain in a desert, or an Alchemist’s prized long-yearned stone, At the touch of which,
even dust turns gold.
Thy eyes deep wells of lust,
where I want to see our future compart.
Thy pale skin like the fantastic summer sky,
a glance at which burned my heart.
I quoth, O Messina, let me not smolder alone in passion,
thine art my souls only desire.
Even the grace of saints,
couldn’t unshackle me from love’s holy fire.
But misfortune hath come my way.
Thy swinish father wedded you off to that wicked Glover.
And at thy wedding I fixed the chairs,
thy one sided lover.
But O Messina! Thy art still the summer that brightens my life. I became an hourglass, thine love, my sand,
slowly pouring to the bottom of my heart,
yet never vanquished from my soul’s devastated land.
And I remember when thee came to stay at father’s house.
I saw wicked Glover bruising thy angelic skin.
He hurt and discolored an angel.
The heavens thundered in protest on this mortal sin.
Rage devoured my soul, as I heard thy shrieks,
more horrific than the trumpet of doom.
I picked up my dagger and impaled his heart.
If evil fails to transport a fiend, then love does, to his tomb.
That madman deserved his pudh death. My dear Messina,
thee wilt live free. But thee looked at death empty and desolate heated. I quoth: “I gave you my life.”
That was the last night I saw thee, thy love defeated.
Why a man who loved so incessantly,
will end up hearing the knell.
Prithee God, if heaven at a fountain of love,
Make my fate into the fire of hell.
Even if I write as much as the sea,
I cannot explain my misfortune in epistolary,
Who wrought dole dost naught justice,
to some it gave fulsome, to some nary.
There is heartbreak. Going from taken to single changing your relationship status on Facebook and feeling a part of your identity lost to the endless cyber sea of pictures of the two of you of texts full of flirting, losing him and trying to pick up the pieces and not lose you too. It's the days where you wonder how not being in love might feel, the days were you crave to be free of the imprisonment that is your feelings. It's the days that don't seem like days without him. Just hours, meaningless. This is heartbreak. And then their is it's shadow. The silent heartbreak everyone meets and no one knows. The faceless heartbreak. Some call it unrequited love but it's too generous a term. Love makes it sound romantic but nothing is less romantic. It is met when you offer someone your world and they look at you as if you are offering them a piece of dust. You are a piece of dust, insignificant, easy to ignore, you are grey in a world full of colours. Maybe he is just blind to the effervescent rainbow you exude. You forgive him you provide him with glasses hoping he will see clearly that you are so full of love for him that you could be such an excellent accompaniment to the orchestra that is his life. You two could make music worth listening to, you could lead a life full of dancing. You could, you could, you won't. He can't see you. Or maybe he can and he just chooses not to. His lack of ability to see your complexity makes you question yourself. It makes you doubt your worth. Please never doubt your worth. He will never define you, his disapproval will only chain you down if you want it to. So be free, fly, stop chasing him, start chasing the light. And never forget how beautiful you are, period.
You're on holy ground, heaven is your home
Away from my reach, way high up above
My forbidden fruit, with feathers like dove
How glorious you look under the moonlight
Hear my only call, even by a slight
Cry of thy mortal, the desperate she
Please forgive thy sins, for I have desires
To be looked upon by something holy
And to be caressed, but I'm too lowly
We're too different, even if we tried
Now this has to end, a thing of the past
Goodbye my Adonis, forever lost
Drudged for the gold but drawn silver
Yearned for warmth, greeted by shiver
Braved the tempest for your embrace
Awoke with heart that ran a race
Oh, Star! My Star, empyreal
Your luster is ethereal
I reached, resolved and full of hope
Lo! I gaped through a telescope!
Within arm's span but could not grasp
Stung achingly like spider wasp
A shunned love, a bursted bubble
Such pain is unfathomable
Bewildered thoughts, our hearts won't weld
Let go of things I never held
Tender soul, albeit bereft
Set free someone I never kept
And though the sun shined ever bright
All I can do for now is write
And bid the long tale to a ghost
Of a love most true, but almost
Squall borne aloft, wildly brewing;
Erudite words or malarkey
Bustling and rustling and howling;
This poor mooncalf's soliloquy
Snow came to lay on rolling hills
Extinguished surviving embers
Absent warmth to counter the chills
This lone, tortured soul remembers
Spring arrived, flowers grow in bloom
Butterflies morphed to razor blades
Star! Save me from impending doom!
As this replete ice thaws and fades
Summer warms trees and birds above
Kiss from the breeze of gentle sea
My lady's heart billowed with love;
Much love to give, but naught for me
Hope, a sweet promise and a sham
Such a cruel drug, a poison
Sure to put a man in bedlam
I stand, steady as a bison
A dark room, musty and hollow
Exsufflicate chair, thoughts shallow
Solitary light, a candle
Gleamed past the aged whiskey bottle
A wee flame, with prayers, steadfast
Careened gently with the swift gust
Beckoned by its brilliance, I left the rampart
Oh, lodestar on the horizon, guide my heart
Drawn by thy propitious warmth, I gravitate
Circling 'round benign radiance, I levitate
Mesmerized by such passionate ardor
Hypnotized, I was, shaken to the core
With just a touch, I am setteth ablaze
Envelop me in thy fiery embrace
Englut me, alloweth me rest in thy light
Rest assured, 'tis not calamitous plight
At last! My dear, thee did cast the void away
Hence, the darkness in my soul did hold nay sway
Fain would burn for thee, thither shalt beest nay shame
For I am a moth, and thou art a flame