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Jay M Mar 2019
Through times of pain,
One can only do so much,
When it erupts and all is gone,
The heart takes over,
You are nothing but a puppet,
A slave of the subconscious,
Then you do an extreme deed,
Roses bloom,
Heart beats fast,
Rain pattering lightly,
The moment, sweet and unexpected,
Over in an instant,
Excitement fills the air,
Then it tumbles down upon you,
As all good things,
This, too, had a bitter end.

- Jay M
January 15th, 2019
That Girl Oct 4
I live deep inside my own head.
I sometimes wonder if I’ll ever make it out.
Alive.
I don’t know what living is anymore.
I’m never fully present.
There’s always a piece of me off somewhere else.
My mind wonders off...
I don’t even have control of it anymore.
I do it subconsciously.
I’ve been in my own head for so long now.
I don’t know where it all began.
Maybe puberty.
When I was in 5th grade I became a “woman.”
I was also hurt deeply by many people that year.
Friends introduced me to things a little girl should never be exposed to.
Then middle school was tragic.
I was hurt more times than I can count.
Maybe that’s when the day dreaming began.
The real world hurt me so badly that I had to create my own world.
My own reality.
After awhile I stopped knowing the difference.
Reality vs Fantasy
What is there to pursue in this reality?
Motivation left me years ago.
I beg her to come back but she never does.
Why should I pursue dreams in the real world, when I can achieve so much more in my world.
I guess that’s why Motivation left me.
She served no purpose in my life anymore.
I now live for the small things in the real world.
Seeing a new movie. Eating at my favorite restaurant. Hanging out with my best friend.
...
I’ll save the big stuff for my world.
Kitten Yvad Sep 29
the little tigers in my heart
roam the den
curious start, what next
then?

bloodletting
rumbling hot breath
like engines of flesh

A smile across my face
slinking angular shoulder blades
curious withdrawn, a mockfight
in their playplace

Slinking  padded sashay
Twitch reflexes about the ears
Rolling every which way

Growling gutteral purrs
like Rosé glasses clinking
in the sunlight of ravishing
forested day

there are tigers in my heart
Clicking purrs resonating
all throughout my hometown

Whoa now
olive caramel limbs glow now

this
gentle rumble cycles  back 'round

into the sunlight of ravishing
forested day

freshly resonating into my sunbathed dreaming wake
Kashish Sep 13
It was in my subconscious mind, that I met you
I stood in front of you with a bleeding heart, feeling all blue
My mind was drained, I was entangled in thousands of strangulated thoughts
And I felt as if you were someone I already knew

A river of serenity flowed through my eyes
When you held my hand and we wandered blithely
You whispered, 'I am here to breathe life into you'
To pull you out of the black hole of emptiness. I am here to make you feel lively

In the twilight of the dawn, as we sat on a beach
You wrapped your body around mine and our souls caressed
I could think of nothing else at that moment. I was so lost in you
Happiness glided through all my nerves and I felt blessed.  

You were a stranger to me but, you didn't seem one
While I was in a perplexed state seeking for an answer;
I heard you say, I am a part of your subconscious mind
But I make you feel conscious, more than you are in your conscious mind.
MSunspoken Sep 12
Sometimes
I really can’t help
But hate you

Everyday
I see you always
So fake

Forever
Vying for perfection
It’s sick

Once
I even saw you
Look into a mirror

Always
You will be the very worst
Version of me
elisa Sep 9
The lecturer was sitting next to me.
He was an architect, an artist, who was according to me his time
about architecture lessons.

Oh! We were connected. I felt it when I decided to trust my
subconscious.
I felt that is was something reciprocal as if we were telling stories.

I felt the warmth of our cheeks.
It was a combination of sincerity and a strong desire.
That was so naturally and nicely said that it created a mystery.

After some minutes, we entered the class.
The feeling doesn't want to stop.

After an hour of theory explanation, I knew it was the time to go.
He was next to me and it was like we didn't want to stop the little trip and then my gaze turned to him at the same time that he did it too.
Oh my god! The truth was revealed!. That was so real! We couldn't stop letting go every time we saw us.
This is my true experience
We must believe our inner voices
our inner world

You don't meet someone for no reason!:)
Simon Jul 22
Who am I? Well isn’t that the silliest question to ask someone something so personal like that! However, it doesn’t mean you’ll get results. Want to know why…? If you do…then I’ll let my true self invite you straight past the conscious mind that is always “wilting” at the presence (besides my own) that gives it such fear! The true self is feeling the urge to make it’s move. Now we are passing by the ending borders of whatever makes up the outskirts of the conscious mind. What I’d like to call the “caressing at the edge of one’s own consciousness”! Now the true self is feeling they need to do something quicker! Or else your very invitation would become too quick (not too judge roughly). And not meet up too the standards of what my true self truly wants from you before we essentially meet (sooner rather than later). That’s when the outskirts immediately became blackened! As if something simply just “***** out” the light keeping the waking state forever lit so regular information could be normally processed by your very thoughts. But I think we ALL know better than to trust something too lightly (this time around). Whatever just happened, had never happened before. Except when it always did, apparently. Just not in a perceiving (still “consciously” lit sort of way) when your still able to see everything on through. But then…whatever was the “blackening of a lit focus” all about then…? It wasn’t… Well not literally, anyways. That blackening was just my conscious mind being removed from standard reality altogether. And the caressing at the edge of one’s own consciousness was actually the most literal physical touch from something I don’t ever want to engage with! But that doesn’t mean it was my true self. That’s why we simply continue on towards one’s very subconscious (which I think is a complete sham)! A fake meant to lure you into a very “disembodied” atmosphere! A mere pre-setup distortion meant to confuse everyone who simply wanted to know simply about their very general make-up. You latch onto it, and in the (“spur of the moment”) you become executed from your very visual sights altogether. Seeing something completely in a very black smudge sort of way. It’s unmistakable! You are perceiving everything (and yourself) as this very black smudging representation. It’s ghastly! But it’s working it’s very magic! Because it’s real (nonetheless). Real as anything real can get! As your own already perceiving touch that which can’t hope to match up to this one. And yet, this is from the literal inside out of who and what we truthfully are, essentially. In this state, you start to lose ALL sense of yourself one piece at a time. Slowly forgetting you even came here in the first place. That’s when you then suddenly feel this non-physical tug. A tug that couldn’t have been real. When it’s just your own mere mental projection meant to feel your bodies limits back upon the surface trying to tether it’s pull on you back to that very surface. Your body was trying to enact an official “recall”! Judgment that was meant to be just that…pure “judgement”! Judgment that will slowly eat you up, if you aren’t so lucky as to continue going deep within yourself…forevermore! That can’t ever happen! Which is why my body is desperately now trying to reel me back in too safety. Trying to pull me back to standard reality where sense was meant to hold on tightly too everything you held dear! Especially also saving the one you brought with you. The invitation was merely becoming stepped on! Spit on! Disgracing a true self’s audience…was like upsetting your soul’s very effort’s at trying to desperately re-establish the connection with both your mind and body. When your body was able to reel you in, you will feel the very lightest of a single tug (besides whatever else was tugging on me). The tug again (that was not my bodies “tethering” effort), was that of a non-physical nature. Made to easily trick and silence ALL your efforts in one globalized realization. A globalized realization that was false at first. Then once again remained it’s inviting tone to say the least. I simply didn’t distrust myself of whatever was down there would let me flow freely. Because whatever was pulling me back towards the surface, was the (“safe harbor of trust”) itself. Something I was always used to. Not the uncharted territory that myself was never used to…but (nevertheless) is attached too ALL of us! I was still being pulled backward, whilst the lightly non-physical tug that seemed eerily non-existent. Impossibly so! All I see when looking at the thing grabbing onto me, was that of a very translucent sight of a glossy glow made to be the colour of slight gray. Whilst the darkness itself enveloping it slowly distorted any other colour for me to simply recognize. Because that’s all I saw from beyond the shadows. More blanketing darkness that seemed to be a face more then just some regular representation of a normal pitch-black void! (I didn’t see a face necessarily…as I “impossibly so” could certainly sense one!) That’s when I was slowly (but surely) seeing the quickly enveloping darkness being pulled away from itself. But that was only but a small illusion among the different representations of distortions that had to do with being ****** through and inward throughout different conscious realms and their (seemingly) scary states collapsing me one piece at a time. (Not to mention whatever it was doing to my friend.) I didn’t understand it until afterward, nor was I even aware of the continuous strain that seemed to go on for eternity! I was losing myself one piece at a time. But that doesn’t mean I was losing my intelligence in my very senses not to know the difference. Especially “conscious wise”. When I came back to my senses…it had felt like everything was that of a complete blur…! However, there I was, completely sitting there in class on another regular day of school. Except this time, there was a friend of mine that reminded me fully of what essentially just happened. And then saying they were scared for their very life! Simply perceiving them as if they were still my bodies entire representation reeling me back into the light, to “jump-start” my consciousness once again! (As if hinting this has happened to me on “more than one occasion”!) Because it seems that when I came back, my entire system was still in the process of essentially “rebooting”! I did after all reportedly lost pieces of myself, that were still (slowly but surely) reassembling itself. As they weren’t entirely “ripped or stripped” only to be forever lost in that seemingly eternal darkness. FOREVER! Yes and no! They were merely misplaced (more than anything else). Thrown off into the background somewhere, only to be “lashed” for their very representations, openly. Somewhere entirely behind the scenes where I had no right to go. (Probably because I needed to fulfill the necessary wishes of my true self’s invitation…likewise with a friend, this time around…) When all the sudden my friend started speaking to me (as if they simply were trying to snap me out of my supposed “shocked spell” I still was apparently in)! Then before I knew it… They were simply running away from me (as they always reportedly seemed to do.) Wailing with both hands covering their very eyes as if they were suddenly crying! (I was flabbergasted!) Then I simply opened my mouth just a crack, and said one thing… ******! I messed up...again!
When it comes to voicing your opinions about the subject of “Who Am I”. You come to a very fine example that one’s very self (that they’ve always known truthfully) isn’t all it’s (seemingly) cracked up to be. Especially apart from what you’ve heard from other’s and their true experiences with that of their very own…true self.
Jueria Shaik Jun 18
Quivering lip under my teeth,
wide eyed I stared into the blank.
It lured me a moment earlier
now it just disappeared.
So I peeked into my subconscious
unbounded by the passing time
Waiting to be struck by that perfect rhyme.
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