I’ll just paint a smile on my face, I’ll keep myself busy
I’ll play make believe that I’m okay,
I’m breaking under the weight, of being not okay!
I feel myself fading away.

I feel like I’ve been gone for a long time now,
My body is present, but I seem to be lost inside.
I used to love feeling everything I ever could.
But now I feel like I’m fading away.

It hurts me to say that I am not okay.
Letting everyone down hurts me more than they know.
It’s been tearing me apart,
The fact that I will never be all that they want me to be.

I know that I can’t keep living this way,
I know what will come if I do not make a change.
I’m buried under the weight of all the shame I’ve brought upon myself
And I know there’s no one to blame but me.

I fear I’ve faded away.

It breaks the heart
All these poets
Lost in translation

_iano

pain --
a level of hurt
so severe
that we gave it another name.

Water roaring
going to fast to see in
the deep prussian blue water

only seeing
water flying in the air
in tufts blue they land on the raft

looking for something to grab
to stop us, only one thing to grab
the color of the bush jumps out the rose taupe staring

branch breaking
falling backwards not stopping
landing on the bow of the antique ruby boat

When I was young
You were  my entire world
You built me up
And gave me confidence I never knew I had

Even when you began cracking under the pressure
You stayed strong for me
Guiding me
And showing me that I could find strength in anything

The more I grew up
The more that image of you began to fade
Small scratches turned into small cracks
Until the glass began to shatter entirely

Other people never made it easy for you
Breaking you down
Until nothing was left but the hope that one day,
One day it would get better

I watched your world fall apart in front of you
Almost like the Black Plague
Everything was dying around you
And you were convinced it was because you touched it

Tell me that you'll be okay
Because without you, I am nothing
I depend on you for my happiness
But I know that I shouldn't

So, I started looking for happiness in others
Until I found out that their smiles were fake
Their friendship was fake
Everything was fake

So ... I started walking alone
Who needs three musketeers
When I can trust only one
And even that one I'm suspicious of

You were my entire world
But when that world came crashing down
I wasn't strong enough to build one
With you still in it

So ... dear self
It's been a long time without you
But I still have hope that one day
You'll return home

I could write a thousands of words
Only about love
Just for you
But none was worthy
To make you stay...
To have butterflies in stomach
And stars above