Resilient as you may be
I hope to find you as good as you were
When we were having the time of our lives

Tragic:
A never ending tale of woe
Bringing out the worst emotion
Erosion as the cancer grows
Over any limb no longer frozen

As if:
The diner is empty
Its nearly quarter to nine
Plenty of time, if you ask me
A new betrayal of the bloodline

Seconds pass:
The music slows
Departure of a soul, lost to Avalon
Are you still among the death throes?
Staring blankly at the wall, as time goes on

I miss you

Hey, wake up

I. Miss. You.


You alright?

Constriction is the missing key
To make subversion fleece through
Floss papers and faux notes
Knowing that no one would notice

But holy god if
Removal of all
Restraints and due process
Didn't make for some ****** up ****

Then it came full circle
If you ask me
Everyone is far too unnecessarily
Coy
All I can say is, whats the ******* point?

I swear, no one says what they mean
To protect whatever little
Artistic integrity
They might have left
Or drummed up in a futile attempt
To capitalize on a parasitic and spastic
Completely arbitrary meteoric rise

Like

I heard a song on the radio
That felt like static
******* why
Did someone take the time
To write lyrics
So insipid
Intrinsically missing
Every point attempted

Then second guessing
And cross guessing
And ******* up
And overdressing

Every single
******* word

And there was only like
Ten
Of them in the song anyway

Someone once said
I was far too blunt
And I should try and dance around my points

So I took out my thesaurus
Flipped straight to the word ****
And made it clear I didn't give a ****

Off the edge
We took from another life
Seeing Your
face is a cold reprise

Thinning down
collapsed against the wall
Our shared sense
Of being lost again

We only run
Once there's nowhere left to hide

Grinding....

Leaving it silenced, drawn and quartered
Clawing for the scraps left over

Predicament I found myself in
Or, towards the end of it
Slipping from the edges
Forager focused on finding any way back home
Sidetracked by some apparition left crying
Alone, in the corner

Grinding...

Paused, with rain drops weighted, heavy sense in the air
I can feel my lips turning blue and
Twitching

It's more literal than I would dare dream in a waking nightmare
The smell of every molecule tantamount to another realm

Hangs motionless in the air
The stone transposed becomes a rooftop asylum, overlooking such uncouth misanthropic parcels, self absorbed in this grotesque imagery, a veritable wall of self hate puzzle pieces

Grinding...

Low, on an almost ominous note, still grows colder in my ears
Blowing on winds filled with the spite and righteous
Anti holy
Fully rupturing sound of far off laughter of the
New root

My lips still moving
No sound produced
And my mind
Grinding...

I still pray to god for you
Beset on all sides by the same wickedness
Still afflicted by myself

Argue for arguments sake
****** up on the uptake
I thought that you might want it
I guess I forgot all the subtle ways
The fires spring to life at night

Arguably the wrong choice is
Looking at him
I try not to
Catch that glimpse in his eye
Already my mind races
And my bones are shivering
At the thought alone

Brickwork backing
Still swells maggots
And filing paperwork
For entrapment habits

Grinding

Conflicting me
How you can't sleep
Despite the way
I hold the shape of you

In restless dreams
Should we be
Together now
Or is it overdue?

It's hopeless, true
Somehow we find
Despite our luck
The tables refuse to move

To sever us
From the past mistakes
We might've made

But time is falling again
And we're falling along side
The sun is burning again
For the first time, in a long time

We're better off
Can't you see
Our lights are dead and gone

Without the light of the world
We can take to the sea

And without a trace, we'll disappear
Beyond the tallest waves
That separate
And in the night

Maybe you'll be complete

I held in vain
The hope that you'd change
And stop making me feel
Like I'm doing something wrong

In future, will, tended to how it ends, etched into the slate
Ground straight through our skin from birth, what we choose to replicate
Pointless as a new endeavor, still, another sick debate
Debased all sense of decency, enough to incriminate

Hopeless days
Keep passing by
Complete and vacant
Yet I still try

Arguably, far too jaded for this measure of reality
Wrested from our nestled coffins, directly into sleep
Fleeting things, though labeled clearly, time will never tell
Entrancing, some formality, a sliver of repetition is

But I stayed
The same
For all this time
In the hopes
You'd see me off

Still, crawling to the overture, slight against the weak
Long, death still operates, each future growing bleak
Shrouded heart of all uncertainty, for myths, voluminous  
Captive, my apotheosis, in a metric of release

At the end
I still respect
The autonomy, I can see you smile
So go ahead
I won't keep you waiting

Instructions unclear

Uncommon is not a word I often choose
Over zealous usage has left it maladjusted
I feel too frustrated and abused
Fear the fearful and ****** the transmute

In terms not so blatant

Put it on the back burner
Pack it up and go home
For a moment
Calculate the risk in ******
Before you know you'll be encroached

You're killing it

And yourself as well
Although I'm not convinced you see it
I know your will is right, heart straight as an arrow
But strung up on the wrong bow

And swiftly you'll be deadly
buried in  the things you used to know
People die and turn to snow
To bury you alive
And leave you feeling cold
It might hurt to take a knife

I know

Your back is riddled
As it goes
But hold on tight
I see the rope
Is burning bright
But flames drive back
The dreary nights
And warming up, going up in flames

Avoid

Blowing up, reaching out in vain

Endless as the days
Ticking clocks all look the same
Hear them spelling out your name

Is this the way it stays?

Protecting the carcinogen
God bless this anomaly
Who they choose to protect
Intravenously a sight to see

Saving this misstep
Blight of justice, repetition
Six million people left to vet
Each one with tunnel vision

That's the view
Who
Is right
Wrong
Death and disorder
Tagging
The walls
Of the holy manor

Then **** them all
Inside and out
Violent, volition
No one truly knows self doubt
Ventricle technicians

Each coat of paint
Is closing the space between the walls
Halls closing in
How much longer before you fall?

---------------------
Oh god, I'm still alive
Please, someone **** me
I shouldn't have to go through this
---------------------

It's funny, ain't it
Fancy feast for the whole congregation
My words aren't an open book
A buffet for crooks run amok
On ground up horse hooves

Frowning down I pout
I'd **** my ******* self to put their fire out
A brisk shower of intuition
Intention of slowing mass emissions
Eating ***** in
Filtration organs

Go vegan

Dignified
A generic question
You're all right
Stop this misdirection

So defined
Now that the past is over
The simplest mistakes
About to ******* over

Nothing's real
What's the strength of reason
You aren't real
There's nothing left to ground you

So ill defined in your heinous head start
Ill fitting precedence, tear me apart
Providence save me, i need your autonomy
I need your everything, what will you save for me

Take what is mine, a good enough start
Betting it all on this myopic part
I don't need your foresight
Don't need your "told you so"
All I can hope for
In this, just my clarity

Nobody likes me now
I don't care
Everybody hates me now
They've got some nerve..
Everybody's looking down
I'm feeling cyclical
What should I do about

These *******

Pariah
Sin in over abundance
Liar
Reality could never change
Despondent
Sacrifice util it's incumbent
Pariah
You love the fair exchange

Gauge the metric
By which you judge
The proper usage

Harsher than the light on my keyboard

Often peckish
Killing skeptics
The proper usage
It all falls in the same vein

Forgiveness to a fault line
My god
All I've ever wanted was a new design
Hiding away in the suffering
Fudge the figure for the slumbering

Drab as they may come
Welcome to the whole **** phylum
Encroaching on the underlying theming
And everyone seems confused

I took the world
In my hands
Looked down
Then up again
They all were screaming
About the meaning
Under god
Claiming that they were free men

No resolve left, I stopped listening

One:
My eventide, prime of life held dear
Perfect token, held in such high regard by myself
Human nature, aligned itself
Beside myself, looking through the lenses of my own craftsmanship
So perfect, so perfectly aligned

Two:
Spider web cracks, for half a moment held in their complete pattern
So entirely unique
And then the next
I snapped
Earth, brazen in its physicality, held in the cracks between concrete
Shards, broken to bits below my hammering
Raking claws of bone, stronger than iron
Muscles tensing so, constricted as I still felt the earth break
My chest equally constricted, feeling the pressure of
A new form, taking root
Crawling through, my true self waxing

Three:

And my blackened wings burned in the naked sun

Standing on feet unfamiliar, but mine in their entirety
Clawed
Burning bone, and the steam rising from my corpse
As I clawed
Rising to reveal
My wingspan, bone, brittle
Decorated with the ash

Defying justice, I shout somewhere above me. Wholly empty
I can hear the laughter of the clouds

Deference is evil, Louder now, every breath leaving me shaking
As the heavens forge their thunder to rain down

God of malice, forgetting patience, as the words escape me
I can hear the whispers softly now
For the moment, I am searching, though there's nothing I am missing
Forge the moment's once endowed

I was born in this place, barely justified
And now that I am alive, it was never justified
I once basked in this grace, the wording so maligned
I was born in this way, only death will reconcile

--------------------

This heart beats ever stronger
One
Two

One...
Two...

The drumbeat as I wander

****
You

I'm pretty sure it'd take forever, to tell you all the places that I've been
I swear to god, I'd live forever, if my soul could last until then

A hollow guess
Sinking fast
Never more than a misstep
I never really thought that we'd last

A stupid joke
Badly told
Whatever helps
Best find something to hold

Something to stand on

I'm pretty sure it'd take forever, to tell you all the places that I've been
But I swear to god, I'd live forever, if my soul could last until then

A hollow frame
Hung by a silver chord
Slowly played
Over the last open door

My final day
To make a change
Emotions fade
Even as I feel them more

I seldom speak

Anymore

I've found out that I'm too ******* bored

It would take me forever, to tell you all the places that I've been
You know I'd live forever, if my soul could last until then

If you did see me
Its on me
A mistake
To say the least

Please don't stop to question
If anyone
Really loves me

All my friend's lost the faith as rivers of untapped
Ichor potential drain from what could be

Still in a bad way, but learning to cope with
The constant pressure that's building behind my eyes

We lived for a pipe dream
But it seems fate had us occupied
Everything that life did entail
And predestination

With every other missed intro
And work that falls by my wayside
Finite we fight for empty tales
No longer a fail safe

Bloviating on and on about how it used to be
Ignoring the misery that plagues us to the day
With iron in hand, a blood spattered mistery
I eye up the crime scene of all of your dashed dreams

But tomorrow

We'll still wake up

And somewhere on the uptake, I'm sure you'll find the way

Into the path

I chose to take

You'll see I never gave up on what you threw away

There's no such thing as second takes, the reel got thrown away
Stop searching in the shadow, for a risk you'll never take
As time winds up around you, and brings you from your state
Why fight the intuition

I saved you once

Implanted in my mind
Harder to find than you might admit to
The pinnacle of existence
I can see, as you can see
You're far from blind
I know you've seen my truth
Reflective persistence

I'm not trying to bug you
But I've got what you're missing
As you're fishing for something
Somewhere inside you
Take a look

I might as well be an open book
With false pretenses
Ill make amends
And tend to the gaping wounds
Limbs rotting off

The soft landing is to get sawed off
You head case
Its so cold alone
On the floor
Something new is just in store

Open up
The time is soon approaching
Dramatic I know
But either I stay, or I've got to go
I'd hate to leave you in this state
But you've got to have it some type of way

I can feel it too
Burning down the back of my throat
Gagging on reality
Mortality is such a joke
Poke the bear
To get mauled
Fallen off

...

I've still got you
The true one you
Cannot live up too

Still in my mind
Still biding my time

Honestly, I've never felt alone
My thoughts keep hitting a depressing tone
Light in life, keep it light
Fear the dark, keep it right
People make me lose my ****
I've long since had my finger on it
There's something to be said about solitude
Mental gymnist mindset feud

I've been fed too much too long
Now its all I can taste
Fall in line or fall apart
The choice; voicless restless ill never make
Structurally sound, yeah maybe so
The footing never lets me down
But walls I cannot abide
Living life or letting die

Can't have it both ways
Shameful
What a **** shame
So ungrateful
Sitting bankrupt, linen table
I won the world and still feel
Like someone somewhere owes me something
Take the second
Grasp it
Something you would have sooner wasted
Self reflect
Can you taste it?

It might not be up to you
But either way you get to choose

The dreams I have tonight are going to haunt me for the rest of my life
Staying awake is only postponing the inevitable 
I quest for heaven if only for the piece of mind
But it's much too hard to find
And praying is eating up my pride

Living, eating up my time
Dying isn't what I got in mind
But the night draws ever closer
As I'm drawing darkness in my mind

Imaging the pain is far worse or so they say
Living either way is having it no other way
Before the daylight breaks
I'll be a different thing

Self made imagery complicates things
But stains brought on by fear
Morality and what it brings

Resignation known as giving up
But you don't see the end
Trading in the destination
For a life that's on the mend
As you rend your resignation
And resign to a fate
Behold your ******* nightmares come

This perfect moment
Slipping right on by
Already gone

I couldn't take it
Sorry
It didn't save it


Sorry...

In my game everything goes a little better
In my life victory taste a little bitter
Im far too cold to care about the weather
I guess god is right and i am just a sinner

I hope you leave so I can start to miss you
Fearing the world is a step too far
I like to live in a special place of solitude
I guess it helps to wonder where you are

When will the rain come and segrigate
The orgin and the man so intertwined
When did the hateful consumate
I guess i'll leave my identity in mind

And when the times comes
Dont get me wrong, i hope it does too
And when the last chime rings
Dont get me wrong, i hear them too
And when the lights start flickering
Dont misunderstand my state of mind
And when someone comes looking


I'll drag my nails acrost the chalkboard
So i can stay here forever, and create clever pictures

Serenity, my new disease
Quiet contemplation
Competitive despite the lead
I eared with this predestined invitation

Love trumps all
But my Heart beat is quite thin
Felled like millions far before me
Now, this lonesome addiction has set in

By what metric I self evaluated
Is not your **** concern
Self loathing and self love are fine
Until you realize, they're
Followed by self hatred

Because what you forgot, opinions are not
Something that can be altered by
What you believe
What the world cares to see
The faults you've tried to hide
Are more than definitive
Through someone else's eyes

This solitary empire burns
With the feeling of resentment

Every note of color spurned
From the palette now turned grey

Harmful opinions to no one but me
No one can get in the way of my barbs
Self righteous heroes of a world assumed fleeting
Denied sacrifice can never be free

Who needs the criminals
With the strongest of wills
It won't be much longer before all the hills
Start calling out your name
As it turns to a scream
Try to wake up, but this life's not a dream

Shelter is easy, but hiding is hard
The stars make it look easy
But uprooting's really
*******
hard

The back woods keep drawing
The corner of your eye

...

Start a fire in the iconoclast kids
And the ghost start coming
Out from the now dead
Endless mystic thought processes
Left amid
Corpses strewn and silent
Disliked and then turned violent
By the hatred brewing
Though well deserved has turned into a fire

Can you force your light
Through this darkness
Keep it stalwart even as the waves crash
Over and around
The endless suffocation
The restless invocation
To open up
The light
Will it still shine at the end

Cooling tides
Air that envelops every last patron in a breathless stagnation
A banquet hall falling beyond the ends of the earth
Below all existence and still here unfounded, surrounded by void
Snow falls slowly around the great hall

Spirits of old and young alike alight into the room
Every inch melded admits a dark, endless night
Crawling down pillars, molten metals and fires
Still race in place like the glow from a hearth

Around a table laden, the hall great only mentioned in fables
Awaits the souls tortured and downtrodden
Years of abuse flying by but
As the clock strikes two we can see the sky's above
Just outside wrought iron windows, snow starts to build

Stone rough and hewn from mountains perverse enough
To harbor the worlds worst, unforgivable
Caringly lit only for the night
It all springs to life
Softly enveloping

From somewhere the notes, hopelessly golden
Begin to play
From corners of recessed and disfigured servants
All alleviated if only for the day

Palpable with every resource loosened
Hope is something we still cannot afford
Despite our differing degrees of punishment
We have resigned to unwind the centuries

Golden

The night is long, the table that decorates
This gilded hall, walls arching overhead
Is never left empty, every moment is filled with a subtle
Empathy, check the time

The seconds are passing, all the more quickly

I see the devil, pacing the halls
Lost among his own thoughts
He sees me and recognizes
We're both in the same place

Alone but not forgotten

On this holy night

And I've found out
It always ends, and every year
Comes and goes

Class action
**** the faction, fender bending
Render useless
Car crash contusions
bruised, burnt, alive
Crying from the pain
Pail full of optional rain
Falling unjustly
Criminals mostly understand
Benefits eat up micromanage nymphos
Following photos sold and *******
Getting ****** time and time again
Sawed off block head
Chopping block
Reset
Rest again

Hospital bed
...

I woke up crying

Time to try something new
New age medicine
Stomach out the world
Something out the blue
Moving too much
Shut the **** up
Blunderbuss meets bell
Barely able to hear
Noisy as hell
Death is quite near
Airbag lining
Windbag silence

Far too much

Plastic in my lungs
Wind for the sails
Bailing out the titanic with a pail
Pale, like formaldehyde
Toxin lawsuit

Not a drop to spare

Do you got the time
Nine months to a dime
Rebirth is off the table
Eat the pie (If you're able)
******* mistake
I misspoke
Slowpoke, speed up
Runt
Get stunted from birth
Mirth in the face of change
The fire's still burning
If you'd sacrifice a turn
I'd be more than grateful if you could

Rain on my parade
For a ounce of gold
Cleaning out my brain
And the thoughts untold
Over protective claims
And I'm lying back
Lying bout my name
Just to make it back

Wired shut jaw
I mean that two ways
Split it up right
Money and pain

Solve the cipher
Find the answers
  
I know

You won't make it
Becoming broken
Out on your own

Free the vision
From the daylight
Before it fades

The waking world
Is not a place
You must emancipate

Thoughts alone
Free and fleeting

No amendments
False commandments
Rain down from the clouds

You're holding on...
Too late, its too late, you must know
Let it go
Corpse sober, crumbling, not so slow

Feed the cycle
Feed the new air
Clean the new skies

Eye of god

Reminds me of the time that I spent, time that I wasted.
Til the past and the future blend, and I feel so complacent.
Lost amid waves, formed in the wind of
Summer nights and lies that I told myself as a kid.

Now there's nothing honest left, except things to remember by.
A thousand little tokens, to remind me of every night
I let emptiness fill me, felt so fulfilling at the time,
But now I'm left to reminisces, realize I can't rewind.

I guess it takes more than a mess of emotion
To paint another picture, perfect, something envoking
The ideas that got me through the day, I heard it said, once again
There's never going to be another way forward

I take another shot in the dark, another empty park
Held in place by time itself, left to vacant dark, I take
Yet another step in place, too afraid to grow up
Holding off every force that i know of, as of late

I've been stuck in my head for long as I can remember
My memories tied to the presence of weather
All my best are nestled in cloudy days with the
Scent of rain so reminiscent, find myself stuck in these visions
Clinging to blind faith in
Emotions
Memories
So far gone, and I keep forgetting to make new ones

There's something wrong, hanging in the air
Tastes sweet, and fetid, we feel it on the wind
In the dying heat, seeping through the screen
And it catches your attention

You don't seem to notice that I follow you outside
Watch you worm your way past the trees
I hesitate, for a second, something in my throat
you start to run, as you gain distance, my chest feels tight

You disappear inside. Through the open door
A trail of residue, marking your every step
I feel it on each rung, in my apprehension
I'm overcome with dread

And in that sordid loft, I find you in the shade
I feel my throat convulse and I collapse

Mind scattered, sickness takes its way, I'm trying to hold
Myself together, I can't think straight
Appalled beyond remnants of my faith

Intrinsic repulsion, at every sickened sound you make
Pity rends at my soul, as I watch as you rise
Against the shadow, I can see your eyes
As you start to see me, in a different light

So finding myself alone, i clung to your affidavit
I guess you got me in your own way, in a misguided attempt at reconciliation
You locked me out of my own heart, out of my mind
And swore up and down that you'd done nothing of the sort

I can no longer find the will of better self
A promise that I could relate the truths I found

A scene that's so endemic of life that you've transpired
As you're using your last cigarette to light a burnt out signal fire

The sparks racing along the edge, friction coming to a head
Entertain my thoughts as you remember that this is just a dream

Each and every time it seems is captured in a frame
Pressed down by the hands of time, and left to rot in flame

Underlying uncertainty, left to my insanity
Entertain my thoughts as I tell you that this is all a dream

If I only had some wings
I'd fly right the **** away
If I had the strength to change
I wouldn't change a single thing

Island paradox
To cut my own arms off
Just to survive, a couple minutes more
Slowly wondering
How much I should sleep
when countless options drift right past my door

And I don't think this is  something to change
Deify the death defying lingering fate
Something, leaning on the plans we make
Before we see the high tide begin to abate

Caught up in the rapids, I feel my life drain from me
Pulled in to the raging sea by the current yet unseen

Caught up in the maelstrom, each second of uncertanty
Leaves me catching my breath, but between every breath

Its all fun and games
Then I try and simplify
But all complacence
Leads to every current in my life

Just for a time
I thought it might be nice
To hold onto something fleeting
Something outside my might

Like, a few notes played over ivory keys
Plastic and pristine as they still seem
Can make something change for a day or so
There's something to be said about the whole
Being more
Than the sum

Old grounds
Older groundskeeper
Feeble and perturbed
A victim of himself
And his age

Mental anomaly still feels fine
Tiny little levers getting flipped around
Creating new demons to exorcise
But barring sudden
Static shock
It might as well happen

Can't change
Won't change

It would happen anyway

****

I haven't felt too happy, as of late
Questioning just how long to wait
Before dropping off the map
A whole new life tempts and attracts
Closer and closer

Drifting into the unknown
****, the magic only comes around once
Barring me out
Leaving me stuck
Bricked up the ways in which I've come
To each new dead end
Hungry for change
But unwilling to amend

And I don't know why this world keeps turning
Tried and true
As I keep burning through
Exhausting words, and things to prove

Hold that thought
Until you're hands are ******, broken
------------------------

Maybe
(Its not)
but maybe It could be
(*******)
Winning on the golden ticket

Ok, there's no real chance
(no ****)

I swear to god
(Get ******* through it)
I dealt out my pain
From past experience
(***** please)

I mean it
(you can't be serious)

There's a broader gate
Whats the reason?
(I'm glad they segregate)
Pad locked grave gate
(You're a rip off and you know it)

Throw the game to save some face
(Better hide, you'd better run)
Coughing mad hatter fits
(Living sub-par is ignorant bliss)

I miss the days of old
(funny ****)

Barely out the womb
Already wounded
Foray into the fray
Has left me confused
Malnourished and blue
In the face

And yet this constant fear
Of disgrace
(You're ******* fake)

(Fake as ****, I swear I know it
So psychotic and psychotropic
Spend your waking moments hiding
And every other in imaginary topics)

Making do with slave wages
Striking out on all these pages
Jesus left me feeling blind
Contained within these broken places

----------------

They say reading is good for you
They say a lot of ****

We are what we are
I am what I am

Nothing but a replica
Of imagined will
For all this effort
Scrapes don't fade
On porcelain skin

It's still not ok
But then again, when has it ever been

Keep on screaming "its ****** up"
Take back your words, but you'll never take back enough
I've got a feeling over time
You'll stumble over what you didn't want to find

Keep throwing bricks against the stone
Chipping away, until you wear it down to bone
And you've broken everything away
I'm leaving you to rubble, burying your turn of phrase

And keep on screaming "its ****** up"
Save the world, but It will never be safe enough
And all your pity is in vein
Tripping over syllables, you never planned to say

It's not ok
But when has it ever been

It's still not ok
But I'm guessing that's the way it will stay

So keep on pouring out your guts
Slick as the ropes that I never thought I'd cut
And break yourself against the stone
Amid the bricks, you'll quickly find yourself alone

Not sure what to say
Not looking so happy now
Never a bad day
Still not ok
It's still not ok

Every day, The day break takes
or otherwise brings me unwillingly to a place
where I must
disgrace or commit
to an emotional caliphate

Exterminate

Subjugate the lies and hatred forcing its way through the veins
Under the state, headed by the mindless and the best dressed *******
******* or not at all, **** the rules, make your call
Variation of the same, more to blame than the ones you forgo every flaw

Emancipate america

Ransom sick, eat the rich, starve the poor
Sold at auction at high noon, the heat beats down evermore
Intermission just near missed, its the best part of this show

Only one remains

Nevermiiind all that

eat some cake

You don't focus on yourself enough
...
You got problems man
Deal with them
------------------------

I can see plenty
I've got a good view from down here
Trust me on this, I can see the cliffs

The waves are empty
Who else could find me way down there?
And if I fell who would care?

This world is empty
This world is nothing if not scared
Of losing those with nothing left

My feet are swinging
In time with the beat above thin air
Just to remind myself, just how little I care

Imagination is a tool but not for long
Eventually the weak become the strong
And we pick it back up as the weapon it
Becomes
Something more that what we said we want

The dreams become real as we march ahead
Time to justify when their dead again

They had to go...

The night is empty
But the music's all around my head
It's a good ways down, but **** it, I'm not scared

My feet are swinging
In time with the beat above thin air
Just to remind myself, just how little I care

Dizzying fall
The ending claims all
Hitting rock bottom when there's nothing solid left
Fending off the end with each passing breath
Lungs on the grind, buying me time
Onward, headfirst
Through layers of earth
Til my soul is bending
Ears ringing with a thousand rending
Tales of farewell etching out
This cavity of self doubt

What the truth is I can't say
And most likely never will

The noise, it fades
****** sprites screaming out my name
Eventually all lose themselves in the torrent
Of endlessness
Of abyss and persistance
Of nonexistence

No longer resist

Thoughts respondent of a scream
Repressing turbulent dreams
Still crawling along my back
Feelings crouched out of sight
Negativity, prone to attack

Deceased
Or not
The truth
Is that
I still
Have friends
Or not
I guess

In life it's nearly always just a matter of time
Ricocheting through the valley of fatal decline
Wishing after thoughtless grandeur, wishing for more wishes
Ephemeral, it all
Falling to the ending

And the rustling of dark green leaves that play to me like piano keys

So many consecutive sentences I'd like to add up, gain insight on some estranged topic

Just like the patter of rain falling through tree branches, it helps staunch the aching but slowly fills me with a feeling

I would take a funeral, if it meant just a week more for me, a chance to see the sights I spent so long in

Even so, the ground bubbled, entranced a bit of mirth, swallowed up by the thorns and roots that choke out the light within

I still need them, they support the lofty branches defining this ideal, bittersweet if not for the shine having been worn off completely

Gone, but far from forgotten

Not forgotten in the slightest, the wall of misplaced altruism still encompasses my forest

I still pray for the trees, I do, when the depth of night slowly rotates over

Still...

And I did feel the hands of flightless nights
The gentle pull of fear, mixed into the very heart of bravado
The slightest brush of something wholesome to be found
In a mixture of perverse excitement.

To be found and lost at the same time, the most delicate balance to strike.

Genuine emotion, and the feeling of finding some camaraderie
A shared connection to be found within the binding of togetherness
All for a common intent
An extended hand, reaching out every member

At the peak of deprivation, I've only felt empty
Yet It encompasses completely, immersive like a dream
I comply wholeheartedly
For a poor and bitter end, no doubt
But an airing of my personal grievance, I can't imagine a worse outcome

Segregate, more than human kind all brought together
The kind of closed off system that one can only find in narratives
Completion of which results in a stark understanding that
Time passes

Dull raindrops leaving trails down the glass
As they land in my mug brimming with
Feelings of missed opportunity and swatches of colors
That have all bled into something of a cloudy grey

Clouds that hold demons at bay behind sheets of rain
Fires that burn in the cold quiet mornings
Pronounced and protruding slowly it comes to me

Sinister thought crimes that etch themselves woven lines
Plots long forgotten and discarded memories
Pronounced as it seems, still slowly It inclines

And out from the shadows painted by steady hands
Carved out of mistakes, they know from the memory
Creatures are calling me, out from the darkness
Festering innocence offers me a reply

Each one was made from the stroke of a pen
And what sort of unknowns have I begun to deify

They were made for me

They call my name, still taunting me

All I can do to stay here a while more
Ending my efforts in each ignored symphony
Along the back wall and in every corner
As soon as my back is turned, they all start whispering

I try and hide away

Still, I hide away

The forest is shrouded by miles of brickwork
Fast talking incongruity
Of iconography, smoke stacks birthing machinery

That's how it starts

And here I hide away

To anyone, left here once I'm gone
Hard to say, but I hope you know inner complacence
In this world, its too easy to live on
I hope that I have crossed your mind, every day since

And I've known, for quite a while now
Cynicism only serves the heedless
Hatred is for the lazy, I've found out
And needless, for lives no longer seamless

I'm just

driving layers through my skin
Breaking up, breaking in
Forcing sunshine through my veins

Moving on, taking place
Taking stride, saving face
Never waiting for the chance to change

I wonder, do you think of me at all
Because you live in, deep inside my mind
And although, the past is dead
These bridges burn inside my head
I find, its the eyes that leave me enthralled

Silky smooth, and so untainted
Reminisce, then demonstrate
How my hope has been sedated
By myself
And no one else
A light that will never sate
A couple plans, we can never make
Gasping until I nearly fainted
Breathless from the way

I parted ways

Is it the same for everyone
How it is for me
Willing away uncertainty
Warding against every mundane change

You all saw so clearly that I bleed
Thought this could give me what I need
And I know, someone thought the same

Fatigued of hand prints woven in the breeze
Corporeal winds tactfully stealing away decay are best left to their myopic ruination
There's no taste in the world beyond dull green hedges

Grown weary of waking, sequestered themselves in dreamy twilight, eating from otherworldly trees, evidenced by the mirth newly formed in their once glazed eyes
Mirth, though a flimsy facade, masking an ineffable cruelty malignantly circling their hearts, invoking fleeting fancy that they know all too well will lead down, down into dark, is mirth nonetheless
Perhaps the sobering drunkenness through which dust soliloquy echoes, sonnets rising like smoke through crown candy, unfurls heightened sensations
Through tactile impressions; how they approach their apex of disenchantment
Unfurling their broken spirits
Where the fay pixies dance under burning sky, their flaking flesh rises like smoke, rejoining a procession of white evening fire
Quivering with their feeding, needles against withered bark against the fire behind, marring the space between hazy, ill defined borders
The satyrs acting droll prophets of ashen groves, places where the soul becomes re-imagined
Under pinprick enteral, a serpent on every branch, danger and recompense united in a cohesive, all pervasive, cyclical motion
And it comes at all hours, and all is golden, all is fire, and all rests on the vestiges of the restless, countless, formless faces freed of their dull, gray stone
Stone of the satyr's legs
Spat between their golden teeth, laughter bubbling below the skin
Burgeoning machinery under earth green cloak, lightning bereft of destruction tunneling through the shadow
As they take their places, with sordid mirth still warm within
Drought of the ageless, apparent calamity reflecting in the pools of reason
And still the dead air laughs

Let them dance the dance of death
In it's pure expression, the tension it creates is seldom contemplated in isolation

I still love you
But no candles burn for you here
Thoughts of you grow thin, as I compose the faces
They're all waxing and waning, in tandem with the tides
Silver flecked through tiny wings
Catching effervescent light
No quality of life
If life is to be sought, it'll only be rent
As it once was, so it will be
Again, and again, and again and again

It was less than half an honest moment, but
I could still feel our minds entwine like roots
Forming, out of sight, out of our thoughts
Beyond our narrow scope, and I could feel the
Tendrils weaving around the core of me
I could feel _ spiraling down from above
Through feet of clay and mud so apologetically removed
By layer

Numbered, if formed at all, I
Arranged them all so carefully, but...

And then it was over
Roots having bred through it all, and survived long after
To this day

It's in obscure recollection
I wonder if it's falsified
Hesitant about the path I can't abandon now
Finding new ways to survive

Bathed in the rays of the sun
Fraught with uncertainty
I wasn't prepared for the atmosphere
Losing my chance to speak

I never had a key
It fell in place
Though I still sleep
I hold to grace
Hoping to recover what's around me

I guess It's still on me
I don't feel the same
Lost in this sleep
I hold to grace
With the colors all around me

But your words
They always bleed through

I'm aware
You think the ways I do

And your words
They always ring true

And your words
They'll always bleed through

Casualty: my interest fading
Once waxing moon now seen waning
And I did concede your irksome warning
And watched as the rest played out

So let bygones be gone, fallen out by the side
Of this road, worn down, still restless, keeping straight
Eyes glinting off token little bits of hospitality
Mother nature being so inclined at times

The stress so unnerving, I hardly doubt it
But tension is eased once it comes to acceptance
And I accept in full, finding time to unwind
Winding stretch of lonely road, dotted here and there by
An occasional landmark
Or a lonely tractor pulling behind it
Iron bars, old and rusted
Found in their hold
Bales of hay or
A small little pond
With a bench beside it
Holding initials carved against the grain

With a heart surrounding

As mine beats slower

At last, the sun begins going down

And the moon grows brighter
Even in its state
And my feet move faster
Though my body is withering
I feel this separation growing
As my mind takes flight and leaves me

Behind, in the twisting twilight
And alone, I walk along

I'm feeling hesitant
To ever fall asleep
Again, let alone tonight

I can't stop wondering

This thing inside a hollow casing
That I call me
Begs for nothing
Nothing.....

I can't believe its almost four fifteen
And the sun is already glowing outside my window

I hate you and I just want to be alone....

Why can't I be alone

Its your fault I hate myself, I hate that you exist, get out of me
I don't want to live this

Four fifteen

Blazed in crimson over my digital alarm clock
I barely hear the noise, the thoughts crowding out of my  head

*******, I just want to be alone
Alone
Alone
Alone
Alone

****

I pry myself up
A headache unrealized blinds me for more than a second
Do I look in the mirror....

Seems like an easy choice, but I still choose wrong

My feet barely keep balance as I stumble over clutter
Things left to remind me of the lack of progression

Head pounding, blood crawling
Life at a standstill
---------
Smile
--------
Pass out on the couch, get up hours later
Missed my buss
****
Better just shoot myself

I am a product of god's ignorance
I've been built from marred clay
Blame me, for sanity's sake
But the potters hands faltered
Irregardless of what some might say

I ingest every ounce of ink
I can manage to get a hold of
Until it permiates
And percolates again and again
Filtering through matter once gray
Leaving it saturated

Invoking imagery
Evoking change
And aptitude long since vacant

Because we bet on friends, but count on ourselves
With a fickle mistrust
Hardly justified, but well enough adapted
Laughable, really, when its thought about

Its only been recent that I've had so little time to place bets
And so little time to gamble
Like a trick of the vagrant wind
Ageless as it flows between a million meetings  of the minds
All great and inspired
Lying on so many final wills
And parting testaments

Grave, where is your sting...

Assumed to be bitter, it would seem
But bonds long since sutured to flesh
Make for an easy stretch of time
From now
Until forever ends

Each and every one

Each of my bones was broken and
Then set into themselves
Folding over backwards
Misshapen and deformed
Heaven blessed my torments many
Bitter running brooks that flow
Over every broken bone
Making each one whole

Restitution, but at a price
Vengefully demanded sacrafice
Only half a moment wasted lost in thought
Standing on the brink of a crossroad

Goddess, take a hold on me
Spirits, rend my soul free of these
Would be chains

A fall like lightning can illuminate
A dark night

The symbol of an age ending
And another fire burning

A flower in despair
I wish that I could meet you there
Tell you that it's all right
That dusk will never fade to night
And that I'll never watch you fade across
The seconds on my clock
A million pinprick electric shocks

And all the while the stage is set

I'd bring you into my embrace
Reality would slip away
The world still barely ringing in my ears
Ten thousand empty gestures
Ten thousand empty questions
And you'd become the ringing in my ears

All while the sky turns
Black without a single star
And the stage is set outside
But in the darkness
We still try

Hmm

Not another
Syllable can struggle through my throat
My words I have to choke
for the both of us, I suppose
But I just want to say
I still love the way you play with
The way that I emote
You'll come back to me, I hope
All that's left is to take the stage

A holy pilgrim downtrodden
I once saw the face
A goal clear, a path to take
No fear
No hope of fame

But never felt better

Now
Every single breath i take is leaving me sedated
I know just what home i'm looking for
And i know just how to make it
Mix up life, ****** up this time
But living isn't going to save it

Out of hate, white hot embrace
There's something here to entertain me
Finding time to reconcile
Dripping good will through an iv
A passive medication to alleviate the vile

New crime wave
Time to turn around
Its far too late
To take the fathers crown
A symbol of atrophy
Status reanimate in head space
Living through the air waves

God knows that its far too late

Decrepit in the negative
And that's the way you'll find me
Dead inside or otherwise
Becoming like a zombie
Staring at a color or
Listen for a note
To hit upon a heart-string
Played out, made up like an over coat

We live between the times
The time is stated
Above the waking world
Come guess what thread i'll next unwind
Hanging in the vacuum of a fragile state of mind

I am lonely
Yeah

It's fine.

I sought out just what I've become

Numb to trepidation, apposed to emotions
I choke on sensations, opening to oceans
Of blood soaked remnants I can't fathom
Begin to comprehend, or otherwise justify
To myself

And It's square on my shoulders

If I like it or not

Sating my lust for life, finding out how
To revel in spite, in spite of myself, honestly
Grating, the thoughts that haunt me through
Sleepless hours and all the mindless rambling I do
To myself

I wanted to change, and I did

I did change

Bought at the current rate
Life condensed to a price
I wanted everyone to pay
Besides me. Never me

I thought it free, until someone came around with
The promise that they'd take it all away

Breaking ground, like the words I said
What I say in my day to day
Breaking ground, foray into something
I'd call a grave mistake

Try to justify it, screaming at the sky
Trying hard to hide what I swear I left behind
Blame it on society. A scapegoat that never falters
Hurdles that I prayed would change, and yet
They never falter
So, I blame it on you, and then you blame it on me

I blame it on myself

...

I blame myself.

What it always comes down to

And I turned into what I had always planned to turn into
Go figure.

hollow summer tomb, could be worse
Waiting in your dark, this single world
Keeps wasting away, I keep taking notes
on truth that I find, in stories you tell

Everything I fear, I see in you
A poor disguise of choice, over wicked truth
You're here for a while, I hope for the worst
For all the other times, you still get through

Cryptic walking
In the daylight
A feeling familiar
Lost as it is
Right now
for now


Something brushes
past my shoulder
Seething restless but
We're not scared
For now

Circled round the moon, now sentient
Curses lived in full, souls born to rend
My best attempt, braced for the worst
I know we'll find our ourselves. Again

Lost inside the aftermath
Finalize our disarray
Starting down another path
Of cold decay

bought ourselves a little more
Could've done with clarity
Sunlight outside the tomb
For the time remains

But what I fear I see in you
This unnerving wicked truth
Why you're wrong I'll never say
I hope for the worst

chasing shades across the borderline
Living shadows leave me misaligned
Shaking hands, release compounded ideas
Violent dreams

Slipping farther from an open mind
Blue and broken, for end of time
Parting ways, never could decide
Just how it should be

Counted down all the time i spent
Reuniting with my arguments
Running lists of all types, worthlessness
Not that hard to see

Under the mantle of this world
The thickness of the storm clouds
Perpetual, thorough
Meeting the foam crest of the waves
Dark enough to hide intentions

Walking along the tired rocky shore
A stretch common, tasteless to all but the vaguest sense
Some spray, felt deep along the sides of the tongue
The sobering corpse, I found
Still clawing at the stones

I can feel the tears well in my eyes
There is nothing I can do
Empathetic thoughts blow through my mind
Cold strains of tainted breath
His voice is cold air, so dissimilar
And with every trace of dogma
Such overused platitudes
Yet I hold fast to that stringent emotion  

He knows me
He knows what I used to be, and what brought me to who I am
I watch him

He tries to pry, bone exposed at the fingertips
Why did this come to me
Remorse
Filled with pity, I bend down
I comfort him

The host burst
And now I feel it
Moving though the back of my skull
It's tendrils become rooted
The eyes see though my own
And it swallows what It will

The desperate remains inside me scream at it
But it's just rotten flesh

And there's nothing left for me
Now and forever