I pout
I shout
I mull around
Looks with daggers
Silent anger
Seething sighs
Rolling eyes
But I’d probably die without you.

Why do we put poison in our minds?
The way we cling to false hope,
The way we watch the TV until we go blind.
Maybe we want to be blind to all that
happens in the world.
Maybe we want to turn blind to our own
sorrow,
So that we don't drown all together.
Why do we put poison in our bodies?
The way we drink until three a.m.,
The way our fingertips burn as we hold the
cigarette that will eventually burn our
bodies, burn our souls.
The clouds of smoke covering our guilt.
Why do we do anything wrong when we
know what we are doing is wrong?
Has the world not been cruel enough that
we inflict pain upon ourselves?
It is an escape, everything really.
Long nights where a cigarette and a glass
of whiskey becomes our lifeline.
Days when we stare off into space.
Lost in a universe we create in our minds,
Or even worse, when we put on that
obnoxious fake smile.
Loneliness eats away our souls, almost
drags us to hell.
Maybe it isn't an escape rather the last trial
that we all suffer together as we share this
big secret and secretly waste away our
lives in moments of solitude.
Moments of solitude we all need,
Not to feel everything but to forget that we
exist and so does our pain, grief, greed,
hatred, hunger, anger and ambition.
Why do we feel the need to die alone?
Why can't we just be?
Everyday I undergo my trial and enjoy the
last supper alone before I sleep,
Hoping and waiting for life.
Because all I ever do is escape.

The melancholy sound of a trumpet seeks refuge in the night,
as a snare is brushed gently and cymbal tapped light,
the far away strum of a guitars soft dreamy strings,
playing the music that compliments what a lone voice sings.

Cigarette smoke hangs heavy like fog on the old river,
the ****** sit at the bar sipping bourbon hand delivered,
the romantics dance on a floor that whispers charms,
planning their moves with the lover held in their arms.

The street light barely penetrates the grubby glass,
the bar winds down as yet another night goes passed,
customers sway at tables as they embrace a cloak
of the heady scent and high effect of marijuana smoke.

another day
into the next

nothing changes
except the test

same sun,
rain, and
clouds

same ****
life, same ****
town.

medicated,
and can't make
sense of self

the words in my
head blur
again

and i'm right
back to the

same **** life,
same **** high

stuck in the middle,
with no one to save me
this time.

Ripped emotions grip tight
On a roller-coaster riding
Show you my ups and downs
Darker side not hiding

Sometimes drops are slight
When my disposition is sweet
But don't dare to push the wrong button
Or I'll have you flying out of your seat

Although I may appear normal
Never doubt what is underneath skin
Past my grinning surface chaos is clear
Throughout thoughts is perversity prowling within

Put me into a locked padded cell
To completely lose my mind
Uncontrollable mood swings are not what I choose
Sanity snaps leaving reality behind

All      the states
I try to   escape
               essentially
I compare
       power lost in despair
         Here's a cheesy poem about
       my fears  
   morphed into conflicting parts
        When will I get respite?  
From the waves
       Waves
       Waves
       I love waves
Not my own wavE

"You are not drowning"
Yet, CoStar.
I'm not sure if its amnesia im afraid of, or the mere thought that memories are no solid proof of living.