I feel like I'm drowning no not drowning drowning comes with resistance. I am sinking to the bottom of the ocean my every thought is a stone in my pocket my mind treads ever forward though it knows I will not float it doesn't care It is only after my head dips below the surface that I start to realize the severity of what I cannot undo I open my mouth to ask for help but instead, my regurgitated words bubble out of my lungs and float away and I'm distracted by the beauty of the scene isn't that so like a poet? so engulfed in the romanticization of my death that I pick up the shovel and I dig the grave myself so distracted with the view I can't force out the words I need I won't betray those stones in my pocket, Can't give them away But then again, what have they ever done for me?
Closed every door by myself. Struggling even to stand up. Burning within, back facing the floor barely breathing barely alive. one thing running through my mind, What if I knew back then what I know right now? What I really was and now I'm ****** up in between!
Now is no time for whining no place to complain. Your aggression, turn it to focus. Its like the fuel, burn it to race your raging engine! Might've been failing but never stop trying. After all you've been through Or all that could've been, now you've come closer to what you've been doing!
Me, crying in a corner I could never imagine anymore Me, being happy It was almost unreal My parents hated me And I knew it was a lie that They loved me My friends and siblings couldn’t stand me anymore Satan he just controlled my life I finally ,after all this fighting, I was done
-now read it bottom to top
ariana barely inspired me to write one of these poems. I doubt it would be as good as hers but I gave it a shot
I didn’t ask to be assaulted with words When you knew all too well that there was more than 15 bottles in my system And my feet couldn’t find a way to walk a straight line. “You only say ‘I love you’ when you’re drunk.” I forced my drooping eyelids open to look at you And I wanted to laugh. It was past 2am on a Friday and I was lying down on my threadbare sofa Your hands pushing a bucket towards me because you know me
You know me too well. You know that on Thursdays the commute home was faster and the jeep would drop me off by the bar a street down from my cruddy apartment. You know that I like this denim jacket you have because it has a pizza stitched onto it. You know that my wallet is practically begging me to stop at the third shot but my heart won’t have any of it. You know that no matter what, I will dance to Pussycat Dolls whenever they come on, even if I’m in the most contaminated restroom to exist.
But you don’t know Of the way my head screams over the pounding of the music whenever you say her name. Of the words that get stuck in my throat every single time you close the door behind you. Of the times I wanted to know what it was like to have you near me when I wake up. Of how I wanted to sing the cheesiest songs to you in the karaoke room. Of how I closed my eyes in the presence of the night stars when I could hear how happy you were.
Sometimes my mind wanders to the thought of your lips on mine and your hands on my spine But I remember that you said that she tasted like a fallen heaven And I remember that I must taste like the loneliness of rain
You know that I fill in the gaps of my life with paint splatters in the colors of the sea You know that there are tunes I will remember even when I’ve long forgotten the words You know how my smile barely ever reaches my eyes You know who I am. Who am I anyways? The sober girl who knows That the only time I can hold your hand Is when I get drunk enough to say “I love you”
So I say it again and again and again. Because now you will laugh it off and say I’m drunk Because you will forget about it the next day Because when I’m sober I can look at you with clear eyes and know That you only say “I love you” when I’m drunk.
I’m sorry for all I do to you Cut Scratch Burn I rip you apart the way I do in my mind I am insecure about you I hate you All I see in the mirror Is the ways you fail me The ways I am flawed They say your body is a temple But you must be ruins And I am the earthquake that made you this way