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I feel like I'm taking attention away from him. attention I know teenagers so desperately need at the age of 15, he says it's okay. but I know its not.

at the age of 17 I am being treated as if I will break at any moment. my brother who is only 15 puts me in a safe spot along with all the other delicate things in our home, right next to my mothers good china.

at the age of 14 my brother witnessed my first suicide attempt. he held me in his arms *** my mother tried to make me throw up. at the age of 14 he almost lost his sister.

so when I start smiling less and caring about myself less he notices, and attempts to make me laugh. all I do is give him a weak smile.

the smile he had on his face when I went to his orchestra concert after isolating myself in my room in autumn, warmed my chest.

a good sister is what I want to be.

someone who will be there and not take anymore of my mothers attention from him.

I want to pay him back for being there for me through all of those dark times, but first I need to learn how to be a good sister.
its 12am and I only ate 8 doritos so please excuse any mistakes or whatever
Even now, I keep lying to myself
Even now, I put a smile on my face
And keep telling to myself that
I'm ok
I'm ok
I'm OK

                  Even when I see the knifes with gluttony
                 Even when every day in the subway is a call from the rails
Even when here, in the dark everything feels empty

I'm ok
I'm ok
I'm OK
Wolf 2d
"Is she doing okay?"
A friend looked down at me
I pretended not to hear, just go away
And leave me be

"Yeah, she's probably fine."
That's how he replied
My mind refuses to align
Why couldn't you have tried?
Even if I don't seem to like it sometimes, it's always nice to ask to show that you care.
I’m in love
With your
The first thing I wrote
has the most basic title.
I should be ashamed.
I thought I wasn't going to write any more poems but whatever.
just maybe,
if I was a tiny bit quicker,
he could have
made it.
If only,
if only...
but I was too late.
Blaming myself in the death of a loved one
Aquinas Feb 15
I'm so disco
shining ball
electric dance-floor
sweaty skin crawl

no one listens to the devil at the bar
dancing alone
making love to a cigar
"who let him in?"
  ask voices afar

I'm so disco
it's not hard!
sell your soul
give in to what's wrong

the songs are cruel
but the people are worse
they dub you disco
make you curse

when blue lights turn us dizzy
***** coats the throat
there's an evil deep inside
that brings me to my knees
every time

"help me! help me!"
I scream with sore lungs
crashing to the floor with a thud like a gun
"I'm so disco!"
but no one hears
they're so disco
the dance goes on
I'm sorry for
you loss.
I guess I never
really knew what it meant
until today.
Until you lose someone
Johnny walker Feb 12
Every day I sing In praise  to my sweetheart deserved
so much more In life than she ever received there Is no justice In this world to which we

A world I'm not to keen on anymore when I see the way the misfortunate of our society are treated they are cast-aside as If of little Importance for God shake they fellow

What Is wrong with our society that allows this to happen shame on those Involved who make these
poor people lives so miserably

We send out foreign aid nothing wrong In that but we don't take of our own It's as the authorities are ashamed of the situation
but don't want to admit to
it or the big part In causing the terrible suffering they have created I'm lost for words
So much  unnecessary suffering to our fellow
humans at times It almost
Unbelievable the suffering
nadine Sep 2017
eyes so deep and blue as though the sky in a humid morning
eyes so deep and blue as though the vast ocean, scary yet calming
so deep, i'd dive in the universe they hold
so blue, it colored my monochromatic world
nadine x
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