I ******* hate adhd, it makes me sound like an idiot, you all make me feel like I'm stupid. I'm sorry I'm not the brightest, I'm sorry I'm not the smartest, I can't focus like everyone else I can't understand the simplist ****, I'm sorry, im trying but it's hard
I ache, I scream, But never shall you see nor hear. Voices in my head crack and break, But you will never hear me stutter when i speak. Its a cures to be able to remember the past, To remember the thoughts. The details of those night alone. The wall felling like they are closing in ready to crush what little strength i held close. A life time i thought the voices would take, claming it as there own, never to let me or anyone else forget. Almost I handed it to them on a platter made of fear and tears. Almost did walk to the place where i would never be found again. Almost... That life time is still going strong. Those voice tho still present, not as loud. And the aches and the screams are still felt and heard, But... Washed away by the light, the little strength that was left. Slowly... finding peace in life.
Feeling empty is much different from what people think it is It feels like the blood had been drained from me From the tips of my toes, to the top of my head I feel as if there is a gaping hole in me A hot air balloon running out of air, with no clue where the hole is to patch
I’ve tried filling the emptiness But it’s more than a hole of emptiness It’s a vortex, a black hole It will take and take but will never be satisfied Because satisfaction was never the end game for it.
I am a vortex I want to fill my emptiness So I drag others and items and anything close to me Because I keep thinking “This will make me happy, this will satisfy me” And yet each time, I forget about the item, I hurt the person, and I hurt myself.
I hope someday, I’ll meet another vortex, because maybe two of us will make things better Or maybe that will just be more destructive Who knows.
To anyone who I cross paths with: I’m sorry you must now rebuild the land that is your mind That you must now reconstruct that thing that was your heart I will never be able to satisfy your need for my apology Because the only satisfaction, is for my vortex to end. I’m not sure how to do that.