You tell me to go.
When I leave, you say, 'stay'.

You tell me I'm fat.
When I stop eating, you say, 'anorexic'.

You tell me I'm ugly.
When I flip you off you say, 'weak'.

You tell me to stop cutting myself.
When I don't you say,

'Kill yourself.'

^insert title here.

I will kill the spiders,
And if you fear butterflies;
I will kill them too.
I won't kill humans,
But I will stop them from hurting you,
Same as I would patch your wounds;
Every single time.



try and fall
       not try
kill your dreams

It hurts when people look at you
Like you're a big mistake
They say there's nothing you can do
So you just cry and shake
They kill you with their judgments
And say you're a disappointment

But this is what I'll say to you
Don't let them change who you are
Let them underestimate you
Then show them just how wrong they are
Spread your wings and soar up high
Prove them that you can touch the sky

Let those who doubted you
Rue the day they belittled you
Shoot an arrow of kindness
Stab them with politeness
Kill them with success
And bury them with a smile

Saint Titus May 8

It's often the weak
And seemingly frail
That find themselves thirsty
Beyond the pail

The gutters churn under the strain
Blood rushes down through city veins
The streets ablaze with tinted moonlight
Devoid of any flame

As gods and heathens burn the same
The hearts all pumping without aim
No lungs to fill, and yet still choking
On the meat we flay

The needle drops
The records play
Everyone stops
Praying that the day might break

My iron rusted
Hinges combust, dusk bled
Swung open portal
Stifling chortle I open up
Progressing slowly
In soul or sprit
But running fast and flowing

Over strewn corpse cobbles
Harbinger paver, larder baubles
Stocking lye
Stalking eyes, new crime
Commit to the violence or quicky die
Perish inside then out
It's no use gasping or
Stranger clout
Each new version a variant curse
Every cursed being awaiting rebirth
New age swift death
My time is little, I have fuck all left
Gliding abreast
The beast glisten already
Peeter out slice and grip
My jowls are aglow
Siphoning light from the sky above
The creatures of the dark sky rip
Beneath my leather
Each new stab a death blow

I feast
Fuck them all
I rip out their fucking guts
And mash them
Flesh blood and bone complete
Cycles though my very being
Tearing rending breaking
Fuck these dogs

The heart of the city
A drum
Plucking tendon
Plucky young thing

My weapon is serrated
My steel is bloody already

I played alot of dark souls before writing this, so....
Shanath May 3

From your neck
Crawling its way up to your head,
Like a river cutting across soft land
The pain follows upto your brow .
You squint your eyes
And shake your head,
The pain taps your mind.
This is the pain from hopelessness
There is no escape, feel it,
Embrace it.
Pray that it busts your head open
And your brain splashes across your bed.
Pray that you evaporate
That you disappear,
Leave back a stain
For that is what your life has been.

You lay on your back
Silence broken by the blood
Running around in your otherwise limp body,
And you hear a screech, a whisper
A mocking?
You turn your empty
But strangely heavy head,
You see the creature
whose children you killed that evening.
You had hunched over the broken egg,
Its insides now spilled outside,
And the other one still lay across.
You had nothing to do,
You wiped the goop that could be life
With a torn bit of paper ,
Haphazardly poured water
And wiped again.
Who would say
The floor had seen death today.
The other egg you rolled to the side,
You knew the creature would cry tonight.
You went about with your life.

The creature is swelled up again,
You noticed
Life would get a chance again,
That is how it works you wonder,
But she must be furious
You see her staring at you.
You are sorry you say.
That's all you had to say
Until today.

Today you are thinking of striking a deal with her
Today you will ask her
To spill your head open
The way you had spilled her egg.
You will ask her to give you peace,
To give you your awaited escape
And in return she can have her justice.
Tell her you can be killed,
All she has to do is drop you
From a height
The way you had dropped her egg
From her home, your rolled matress.
The only difference you had no intention
Of taking away someone else's life
But your own.
So today ask her to correct your mistake.

My blood will be wiped
My stain will be removed
Someone else will take my place.

Tick. Tock. Two hundred down.
Swindled minds flock
so easily into their cages,
sealed vents pushing gas into their lungs.
Carpenter's masterpiece.
Hooks hanging from walls,
bloodied chains supporting old bones.
Mirror image rooms kept secret, filled
with decay and trapped ghosts. The neon
sign flickering. 'Hotel'.
Pulling the moths in with its fire,
ready to burn them.  

Tick. Tock. Twenty seven around.
The drugs were inefficient -
they never slept forever.
I had to help them get there. I was born
with the devil in me
and he sings like a poet in the shadow of evil.
I feel their blood on my hands and I enjoy it.

Tick. Tock. Nine were found.
"Satan corrupted me, controlled me."
"I am imprisoned within myself, I swear."
"He made me."
The lever is flipped, I fall.
My neck does not snap.
Instead, I struggle, the air being forced
from my body. Darkness comes
after the fond memory of a knife in my hand
and blood on the walls of my murder castle.

~~ Grim inspiration taken from a serial killer. ~~

Your arms are wrapped around my neck
containing me, choking me,
holding me in place
so you can kill me faster. You push
yourself against me in the hopes
of me returning the gesture
but instead, you're crushing
the air from me and now I'm deflated.
You touch me
but there's no more to you than skin.
You don't want me,
nobody does.
So don't touch me with those hands of yours
and pretend like you do.

~~ If hugs were bad you'd be poison. ~~
Atta Santoso Apr 18

life is funny
one day i hope to live longer
one day i hope to die
i am funny
one day i prepared everything for school
one day i prepared a knife to kill myself
you are funny
one day you said you wouldn't leave me alone
now you leave me alone in the darkness

:( how to NOT have suicidal thought help

i can't explain what I happened
the air above blackened
where people fell and flattened
the crunch of bones imagined

i can't describe the sound
when the Son of Satan crowned
the cheers and laughter abound
the noise of protest drowned

i can't describe the sight
when Satan's tribe did smite
the Son of God in white
just as John did write

i can't describe the smell
of those in locked up cells
their heads and arms they fell
refusing to go to hell

i can't describe the taste
of all the human waste
bodies all defaced
none of them were traced

i can't describe the feel
to see the weak kneel
the touch of burning steel
the real Achille's Heel

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