Hayley 1d
A/n: a poem about the last day of my junior year
So... It happened on the last day of school
Me and my mom were going to Starbucks before school.
I was so excited to drink coffee and say my summer good-byes
Then my excitement came crashing down
And I was given a nice fat serving of sadness
My mom first lectured to me about not getting in the car when it was locked.
Then when I get in the car she continues to yell.
Yell
Yell
Yell
That's all she seems to do anymore
Then she yells about how I care for nothing not even myself and my appearance
she then said and I quote
"Well, it's about time someone told you, you look like a homeless person, and you smell even worse than one!"
We get our coffee in
Cold
Isolating
Crushing
Depressing silence.
When ILT rolled around I threw my lunch away went to the bathroom sat in the corner of a stall and cried...
I don't know why
, I cried it's just that having your mother... Basically, call you ugly...
Something you believed since you turned 13... It... It just broke my heart...
And shattered what little confidence I had left ...
And I desperately try to pick up the tiny fragments
Of my self-esteem
And each day that passes
Seems just a bit brighter as another shard fits into place
But then one venomous word or thought
Sends the pieces back to the floor
Poisoning my mind until I'm back where I belong
In the corner my eyes leaking tiny raindrops
Well..
I'm sorry mom
but It's so goddamn hard to care
when you've had the confidence, and joy emotionally beaten out of you
by people you thought cared
people you talk to
people you thought  were supposed to protect you, but no!
All they do is drag you down into the depths of your own self-loathing
I've lost all ability to care about shit like hygiene and personal appearanc
especially  when the joy in looking my best has been sucked out of me like a juice box...
So I watch anime and game desperately hoping to feel happiness again
but all I feel is emptiness and self hatred...
I try
And try
And try
To care about myself
But my happy caring self
Is in heavy iron chains
Of self hatred
And a new chain is added
With each
Venomous
Angry
Statement that echoes in my hollow head
So I just want to say
I'm F.I.N.E
Fearful
Insecure
Nervous
Emotional
Someday I hope I can be truly fine
Not F.I.N.E
i want to cut.
i want to cry.
i just want to take every drug in this house,
and die!
I've always had trouble expressing my emotions
Constantly shoveling coal into a fire that needs to be tamed
Leaving me mentally deflated
But also ready to expload
My nails dug up skin
Scratch marks in moments with a lack of thought
Burning Running down my finger tips
Where i make connection with a pen
The ink finds words I can't quite form, even though the deliverence isn't always what I pictured
Its the sweetest release I'll receive
sage 6d
the stars slip through my hands like a sieve
saying you can’t love someone is hard to believe
fucking another guy while i’m lost in your dreams
i don't miss you like you think i do
i guess the ends justify the means
idk haha
A deafening silence settles,
Leaving only dust and some movements,
Rustling in the sheets, tossing and turning,
Trying to get some sleep.

But where is the peace in the silence
When all you can hear are
The whispers, an illusion,
Yet there is nothing to be heard.

Slowly, out of reach,
My hand tries to grab
What is left of my own sanity;
And every night, I wish it were over.

End me.
I don't know. I suck at writing poems but i have no one to talk to, anyway.
sage Aug 11
i can feel the light in your throat
waiting for your heart to join in
you were in my veins a poison
in you i saw an arcane antidote
sage Aug 11
idk
I don’t believe in god but I wish he would kill me

I know you were just lonely for a night.

I’ll find a girl who will love me right

who won’t use me for weed and a fuck

getting me hopes up, you knew you would leave

we would never be

I guess it’s bad luck
sage Aug 11
she put the sin in sincere

I exhale smoke and my feelings for her into the atmosphere

did you even love me? that part’s unclear

the damage she left was severe,

I revel in knowing I’ll forget more of her each year
sage Aug 10
My eyes drift up when I try to remember

if it wasn’t for you I wouldn’t be on this bender

I wish i was sober from sadness

but I can’t stay away from the drugs and our last kiss

I can’t be mad

you were the best high I’ve ever had
kinda writing more emo rap inspired song lyric poetry?? idk
Aaron LaLux Aug 9
Mumok Museum [24]

What am I doing in Vienna,
staring at cold sterile pop art as the whole entire world we're on burns,
in a city I never wanted to go to,
doing things that never really seemed that inspiring,

& it's not that I have an antipathetic attitude towards these pathetic fools,
in fact it's actually just the opposite of that because I'm an actual optimist,
which is why I don't feel inspired by bored cyborgs their wires or their tools,
& precisely why I'd rather gather flowers than be an actor for their power,

see I find more inspiration in a single leaf on a single tree by a river bank,
than from all the colors & lines contained within the walls of this museum,
which is why when I'm asked all the time what kind of poetry I read,
I reply I don't even read poetry see I don't find it in books I find it in seasons,

It's the same reason I don't need to go to church to pray,
because I don't need my messages from God to be translated by a human,

anyways where am I at & what am I doing?

Oh yeah Im at a museum in Vienna wondering where the inspirations gone,
& why everything seems so excruciatingly tiring,
see it seems we’re on the verge of a collective mental breakdown,
at the same time like we're on the precipice of a collective enlightening,

either way the system’s short circuiting & could do with some rewiring.

Why does every rags to riches story I know of those that've made it,
end in an overpriced designer outfit at home bored all alone & jaded?

Why is Consumerism followed like a religion,
I mean we're all made of the same DNA strands regardless of name brands,
I mean everything is just carbon hydrogen & oxygen anyways,
which may explain why materialism is immanent in every independent man,

while an apocalypse seems undeniably immanent &,
we dwell in the highest heights ever built still we don't totally understand,

we don’t worship Jesus we worship Visa,
putting good credit ahead of good morals,
don’t praise Muhammed in a daze we say our grace in front of TV Dramas,
no Buddha dreams just computers screens no real friends just PayPals,

& maybe that’s why it's easier to be blind than to see,
maybe that’s why we hide in museums behind Valentino sunglasses,
because we'd rather have expense tastes than be free,
but when you’re behind any type of four walls you’re trapped in,
whether on a Penthouse terrace with Paris in Paris,
or doing hard-time for white collar crimes with Madoff in a Federal pen,
either way we’re victims of our own additions trying to buy more time,
but running out of credit as banks are collapsing & the recession is relapsing,

so why even buy things when we know not so secretly,
that only Love will set us free from these retro restrictions & their trappings,

see,

the best things in life still are still free,
& yeah liberation is expensive & self renovations are extensive,
but freedom is priceless so live a life that's righteous,
seems that the Love Pyramid is the only pyramid that’s not a Ponzi scheme,

because we are all equal even if we’re not all treated equally,
that’s why some have no clothes while others wear designer denim jeans,
but these Diesels're 2 tight on my thighs this macabre carnival has no prize,
& I can do anything I want with my life but all I really want to do is breathe,

breathe,

breathe because this lifestyle is expensive,
but freedom is priceless,
even though they'll try to capitalize off of anything,
so they market it & try to price it,

I just,
want to find a place to relax & release,
& be free of all of this,
find true love & say “Fck off to the politicians & all their politics!”,

fck their programs fck their projects,
fck their ugly agendas dressed in artificially splendid splendor,
fck their quotas & their motives for treating human beings as objects,
fck their pre-programed consumerist culture of conmen capitalists,

fck there putting machines over human beings,
just to increase the place where their profit sits,
& I say all of this regardless of who it offends because I'm not an Apologist,
I'm more of a Lyrical Pharmacist,
who serves indiscriminate prescriptions in the form of transcriptions,
in order to assist in the additions that come from positive developments,
which will occur for sure once we switch the position we currently sit in,
& restore Divine Order once more in the name of Humankind's betterment,

in the game of life I play,
they know I'm so official that I don't even need a Letterman,

I just,
don’t know what else to say,
I don’t know why I’m at this museum in Vienna,
hiding away on the top floor writing this to you on a Sunday,

on the 5th floor got it all but I just want to give more,
I just want to gift these words then make my escape,
don't you get it I don't want to get more sh!t,
if anything I just want to find a way to give more of what I have away,

just want to be alone,
but also want these words to be known so the truth can be shown,
but where do you go when you’re tired totally over it all,
& all you want to do is rest & write these poems,
but even with all you have you still don't know where to go,
because even with all these things you still don't have a home...

Hello,
could you please pick up the phone,
I’m calling because I still love you,
& I want to come back to you even though I know I’m already gone,

currently on the top floor of the Mumok museum in Vienna,
the floor is the 5th to be exact,
& yeah it’s true that I don’t know where I’m going,
but what I do know is I don’t think I’m ever coming back,

online & off track,
writing more words with more rhymes,
than any other living writer in contemporary times,
& no I'm not lying 'cause I'd never lie to you & yes those are both actual facts,

& yeah that’s a fact & yeah you can Google that,
but I’m going to follow that fact with a question,
before I forget to mention,
let me just ask you what I'm doing here in Vienna?



What am I doing in Vienna,
staring at cold sterile pop art as the whole entire world we're on burns,
in a city I never wanted to go to,
doing things that never really seemed that inspiring,

& it's not that I have an antipathetic attitude towards these pathetic fools,
in fact it's actually just the opposite of that because I'm an actual optimist,
which is why I don't feel inspired by bored cyborgs their wires or their tools,
& precisely why I'd rather gather flowers than be an actor for their power,

see I find more inspiration in a single leaf on a single tree by a river bank,
than from all the colors & lines contained within the walls of this museum,
which is why when I'm asked all the time what kind of poetry I read,
I reply I don't even read poetry see I don't find it in books I find it in seasons,

It's the same reason I don't need to go to church to pray,
because I don't need my messages from God to be translated by a human,

anyways where am I at & what am I doing?

∆ Aaron LaLux ∆

from The Holy Trilogy Vol. 2: Mandalas
available worldwide 08/08/18
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