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mark soltero Sep 28
i begin to arise
looking over into your gaze
so that i can feel you
breathless and shaken
with joy in your eyes
thirst overtaking the impulse
to feel how strong this love is
rubbing your skin
exposes the warm static throughout
im left without air
asphyxiating for pleasure
head rushing
groaning your name
please keep going
you keep our skin vibrating
and purging the toxicity of the world from us
taking in only me
you can feel my pulse
radiate from your sacral place
with you gushing out
like the words it takes to tell you
that i love you
and want to fill the empty spaces within
for a moment
i feel like we’ve become one
our bodies sing
heavenly tones echo within the confines of this home
with archangels watching over
as we fulfill our celestial fate
Bri Stokes Sep 24
some day
might love me;
might gaze beyond
the terror
and doubt;
the walls that stand
like angels and gods,
shielding me from
all the Bad Things of Before.

might say I'm enough,
and make excuses for the pain
I inflict--
for the icy,
I brandish so easily.
The thousand cuts
that lead them
to their ends.

Someone might open my chest,
see the rose-colored
that shivers there:
the terrified child crouching in shadow,
and long to comfort
and give her
a home.
To shower her
with recognition
and acceptance.
To promise peace
and eternity
and the weight of gold
in an undeviating

But for now,
I know only memories.
Only the cold,
of regret.
The sting of curiosity
behind a cracked
and dust-sopped
The horror
and tragedy
in Truths I cannot challenge.
Jessica Sep 24
It is impermanent
And our departure permanent
We only grasp the lilies
To let them fall farther than our eyes can watch
We move quicker with time
Than the betrayal of the clock
And in the field of mortal flowers
We bloom in a moment eternally unnoticed
By God and our fellow man
It is beauty crushed underfoot
In a shallow time span
It isn’t cruel, but it is thoughtless
And unfortunately breathtaking
Because we stand amongst the spring
In perpetual fall
We must all answer the call of the lonely lily secondhand
XslyfoxX Sep 16
Never really been sober minded
Seeking life- might never find it
Lying on a plateau
Pretend it’s a mountain I climbed.

Did it all start with divorce?
Did it start with my mah?
Or when the kid molested me in the back seat of a car?
For any light in my life I caught fireflies
But someone opened and let them all out of the jar.

I can’t lie and I can’t hide
I got called out on the pathetic way I lived my life.
womanizing just pain hiding
If any of you read this- I’m sorry I’m trying.
You don’t have to forgive
I don’t expect any of it at all.
Just know that now when I look at my wife and my baby I hold nothing but hate for the person I was and just know I hate myself in my heart.

I always claimed to be Christian
I always claimed to love God.
I know I Spit in His face with my actions I don’t know how He forgive me at all.

Nearly stopped my heart a couple times
Till friends I couldn’t love stopped by
I didn’t appreciate their hearts, didn’t appreciate they love me
So I lashed out and attacked them all
And I pushed and I pushed till they shoved me.

Honestly I’m really scared
To brutally, honestly tell you the truth
I’m terrified I’ll hurt my bride and my children like I did all if you.

Wether it’s getting high off Percocet
Or **** and lying on the Internet,
Wether it’s puking in toilets from too much to drink
Or getting so I can’t see and/or speak

I’ve seen her crying real tears
So I’ve had to start to face my fears.

My mommy problems and abandonment Issues
Are no reason to treat her like this.

Hi, my name is Blair and I am an addict
Just so you all now, I’m no longer at it.
I can understand why you hate me so much
And I know why you say nothing but negative things, I know why you just can’t get passed it.

I know why still years after
You’re writing emails to my pastor
And saying all of these horrible things not believing I can change and that’s facts.

I try every day to not hate myself
Because I know that’s not how God sees me.
I know I am nothing but a pervert and drunk
Till cried for my savior to save me.

I know you don’t believe it.
I know you hate me it’s no secret.
And I admit to being the monster you think I am years ago
I promise I’m no longer in that pit.

I admit that I punished myself
I admit that I was living like hell.
I admit I was selfish and deserved to be kicked out of Homestead for not thinking of anyone else.

Those were the best friends i ever knew
They were honest, and open and loving and true.
And I’m mad at myself for pushing away
To the point they don’t even know my child’s  name.

Some of you got your payback
To the point we’re still being harassed
People are making fake Grindr accounts
Assuming  it’s me without me being asked.

I’ve made mistakes and that’s and understatement
I can’t take it back- I’ll never change it.
Please accept my sincerest apologies
And let’s just go back to being decent.

To the women I’ve burned
I’m sorry,
To my brothers,
I’m sorry
To everyone who thinks that I’ll never change
I’m sorry and I’m trying.
This holds a lot of inside information that only certain people who may never read this will understand.

I lived my life horribly and selfishly. I went after personal gain and personal revenge for being hurt.
I have always been afraid of rejection and fear that my wife- like my many others will emotionally, or physically abandon me.
I have been on a journey of discovering my issues and trying to overcome them for the best part of 4 years.
To some people that’s not a long time.
I have been told that I am not able to serve in the church because of how I acted going back to when I was a preteen.
I have been accused of things I didn’t do because I hVe a history of doing things like it in the past.
I am still a recovering pill addict and make strong attempts to stay for away from alcohol.
I understand that God’s forgiveness and my wife’s acceptance as well as the birth of my child does not equal owning and dealing with issues I caused, or issues that I have.
No matter if I’m forgiven or not, no matter if there is truly a God or not, I am deeply sorry for the people who have been angered by me, scared because of me or cried because of me.
At one point in my life, I did not care about any of those people- although I was convinced I did.
I was not a Christian I just thought I was.
I was not much of a man at all.  I just thought I was.
Aki Aug 25
I couldn't say the words
It was all a mess
And I went the other direction
I ran down the hall
Then cried in a stall
When I stood
I kept shaking
It was hard for me to breathe
I hate my anxiety
dexter Aug 23
Filling in the blanks.
Throw away worn out pages from the journal of my past.
Forgetting names, relationships that didn't last.
No class, sensible sass on the *** of my jeans.
Playing with words when I want to be mean.
Don't want to be needy.
Forgotten peace treaty with the demons eating my psyche.
I'm ugly, you're boring, we're all like vampires feeding on each other.
Undeniable hate, but I still always say "We should love one another."
Denial undercover, smother the problems I'm not yet equipped to recover from with a sly wit.
Another temporary fix to cover up the shiit that somehow replaced the mud and the blood in my veins.
I'm lonely and strange and beginning to prefer it this way.
Not well behaved, I don't feel like pretending to be today.
That's okay, I'll try again tomorrow.
Indian giver, time's always borrowed.
Mostly hollow but I'm trying harder every day to gain the patience it takes to fill in the blanks.
fill in the blanks :)
Jessica Aug 17
From relative fury
In a stuttering hurry
Colors dancing and colluding
Then laying their weary heads
On the ground
And they shall be betrothed
With black rings of hurricanes
Memories coalescing into peace
And a calmness like a blanket
Is laid upon them to sleep
From chaos to
Aki Aug 13
Cannot breathe
Cannot believe
I won't get any inner peace
Won't it cease?
Aki Aug 11
You promised
Yet you relapsed
And now I'm snapped

I don't know if you know
But you're dazed
stuck in a haze
Won't let yourself escape

You have four beautiful daughters
Yet your mind
is on your own slaughter

I'm sorry I tried
But you ignored my pleas
On my knees
Can't you see?

You're falling
And I can't even stop it
Do you hear me calling?
All you hear is a whisper
My vocal chords are shredded
But it doesn't amount to a thing

You don't know the pain
You're bringing to yourself
All for your own game
In vain you are dying
Slowly I know it
Time is ticking
But again
You relapsed

You promised that
Once to a girl crying on the phone
I guess you forgot that girl
Your own daughter
Just because you have free will

I don't know if you just don't care
Or if your demons are there
But I'm here
I can't watch you disappear
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