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What if I'm no better than what you've already tasted
Another sample of rotten fruit
Skin fresh and ripe
With a sour taste on the inside
She’s got scars on her legs,
calls them battle wounds,
I’ve got the music up way to loud,
so loud we can’t hear our thoughts,

city lights provide the background,
as we lose control and make love,
doing anything to feel anything,
because it’s 2018 and it feels like no one gives a fck,

so we fck,
and after it's said and done she says,
“I don’t usually do this.”,
yeah well we often do things we don’t usually do,

no road home and no rules,
no control no lines no tolls,
keep knocking and you can come in,
but no one’s home,

what’s going on up there,
how can you be so terrifyingly beautiful,
why are you armed with such a stare,
I know you’re a weapon but what do you use it for,

armed to the teeth no bark all bite,
I say she’s a unicorn she says she’s a vampire,
and I don’t fall in love but with this one I just might,
because we better express ourselves before we expire,

got burned from her fire,
but it hurt so good,
like those cuts that we inflicted onto each other,
feeling erratic I guess blame it on the mood,

always ready to talk about anything except the truth,
she says she only lied to me once,
and that was about not liking Ethiopian food,
and I pretend to care but honestly don’t know if I give a fck,

what the fck,
I’m drunk,
and I don’t usually drink,
but I often do things I don’t usually do,

and I don’t mean to be rude,
but I’m not sure I love you,
because even if I did,
I’m not sure it’d matter to you so what’s the use,

you want the truth,
the truth is we’re born alone and we die alone,
and in the middle is where I found you,
and for a moment this runaway thought he'd found a home,

and I wanted us to stay forever in that moment,
laying there ***** in each other’s arms,
but you were insecure and covered yourself back up,
because you didn’t want me to see your scars,

you’ve got scars on her legs,
calls them battle wounds,
I’ve got the music up way to loud,
so loud we can’t hear our thoughts,

city lights provide the background,
as we lose control and make love,
doing anything to feel anything,
because it’s 2018 and it feels like no one gives a fck...

∆ LaLux ∆

Melbourne, Australia
October 2018

She’s got scars on her legs,
calls them battle wounds,
I’ve got the music up way to loud,
so loud we can’t hear our thoughts,

city lights provide the background,
as we lose control and make love,
doing anything to feel anything,
because it’s 2018 and it feels like no one gives a fck,

so we fck,
and after it's said and done she says,
“I don’t usually do this.”,
yeah well we often do things we don’t usually do,

no road home and no rules,
no control no lines no tolls,
keep knocking and you can come in,
but no one’s home,

what’s going on up there,
how can you be so terrifyingly beautiful,
why are you armed with such a stare,
I know you’re a weapon but what do you use it for,

armed to the teeth no bark all bite,
I say she’s a unicorn she says she’s a vampire,
and I don’t fall in love but with this one I just might,
because we better express ourselves before we expire,

got burned from her fire,
but it hurt so good,
like those cuts that we inflicted onto each other,
feeling erratic I guess blame it on the mood,

always ready to talk about anything except the truth,
she says she only lied to me once,
and that was about not liking Ethiopian food,
and I pretend to care but honestly don’t know if I give a fck,

what the fck,
I’m drunk,
and I don’t usually drink,
but I often do things I don’t usually do,

and I don’t mean to be rude,
but I’m not sure I love you,
because even if I did,
I’m not sure it’d matter to you so what’s the use,

you want the truth,
the truth is we’re born alone and we die alone,
and in the middle is where I found you,
and for a moment this runaway thought he'd found a home,

and I wanted us to stay forever in that moment,
laying there ***** in each other’s arms,
but you were insecure and covered yourself back up,
because you didn’t want me to see your scars,

you’ve got scars on her legs,
calls them battle wounds,
I’ve got the music up way to loud,
so loud we can’t hear our thoughts,

city lights provide the background,
as we lose control and make love,
doing anything to feel anything,
because it’s 2018 and it feels like no one gives a fck...

∆ LaLux ∆

Melbourne, Australia
October 2018
?
Empty temp me I think I mighta bent me
spent me now I’m broke
I get broken a lot looking for hope
It’s the pain and the strain that I smoke
I feel like **** and it drags me down
with every drag I take
not clowning around
It’s pouring rain
watch the blood run
Running in circles, call me insane
Peace
Gotta wash my socks,
just another random thought,
that and I’d like to return,
almost everything I’ve ever bought,

at a hotel in Melbourne,
Pegasus is what it’s called,
online searching for a good time,
wanting a woman but still messaging these girls,

oh yeah and it’s my birthday,
not that that matters now,
because all that means is that my timeline is littered,
with well wishes from friends that I don’t even see anymore,

all this plus I feel like a *****,
like I sold my soul for some toys and attention,
and now the only time I feel anything at all,
is when I get an alert that I’ve gotten a mention,

and I’m 30+,
but still posting on my ****** Teenage Instagram,
still searching for some validation from strangers,
still not giving myself enough credit for who I am,

and where does that leave us now,
now that everything’s been laid on the table,
here in at this place in time,
between birth and death where we rest right in the middle,

no riddles,
yet everything feels like a mystery,
and I’ve got over 50 messages to reply to,
but I don’t want to reply to a single one of these,

I just want to log off and go climb a tree,
I just want to get lost in the green of it’s leaves,
I just want to feel something other than nothing,
I just want to not want a thing,

but I do want,
and right now one of my wants is to wash my socks,
because I’ve been living out of a backpack for too long,
and people think I’m living it up but really this reality really *****,

because I have no home and no friends,
a Self Isolationist that’s alone on his birthday,
writing to you like you still care at all,
when I doubt you ever even did in the first place,

anyways,

I’ve gotta go because I’ve gotta wash my socks,
just another random thought,
that and I’d like to return,
almost everything I’ve ever bought,

at a hotel in Melbourne,
Pegasus is what it’s called,
online searching for a good time,
wanting a woman but still messaging these girls…

∆ LaLux ∆

Melbourne, Australia
October 2018
I cant see my eyes. They are both dark and cold. I try and Visualize. They way i will grow old. With someone to have and hold.

I cant say im happy. Unless you are beside me. I cant say im happy. Without you beside me.

I am no longer alive. I hear the voices in my head. They say lies. Like one day i will be happy with you man right by my side.

I got to be free. I am blind to love. I will die. As i sit here and wait for death to arrive

I cant say im happy. Unless you are beside me. I cant say im happy. Without you beside me.
Out there in the cold. I wait by my phone. For you to call me.
But there is no ring.
I love you dont leave me. I will follow. If you die. I die with you.
If you are hated you are forgiven. If you hate me. I will be hidden.

TORN APART!

As i witness. A heartbreak.
I feel the ground beneath me. Start to ache.

I fall down to my knees. Cos i cant bare to feel the earth. CRUMBLE BENEATH ME.

No love. No love. I am all alone.

I love you dont leave me. I will follow. If you die. I die with you.
If you are hated you are forgiven. If you hate me. I will be hidden.

Torn apart!

I love you dont leave me. I will follow. If you die. I die with you.
If you are hated you are forgiven. If you hate me. I will be hidden.

I am so cold. I can not feel my bones. I am falling down. I wanna be left all alone.

I am torn apart.
Torn apart.
Torn apart.

Bring me the water. I am burning. I can not live on much longer.
Bring me laughter. I am dying in my arm chair.

I love you dont leave me. I will follow. If you die. I die with you.
If you are hated you are forgiven. If you hate me. I will be hidden.
I am broken. So apart.
I am falling in life. My best friend is the dark.

I yell. Do you want me. Do you want me. To my mum.
I yell do you love me. Do you love me.
Because I dont love me too.

I wanna be in the rain.
So yoy can not see the tears roll down my face.

We hide in all our depression.
Hiding from the light. That we try to invision.
PROSPERITY and PURITY.
like the man who was risen.
WE TRY TO SEE, How we can have our own salvation.

I yell. Do you want me. Do you want me. To my mum.
I yell do you love me. Do you love me.
Because I dont love me too.

I wanna be in the rain.
So yoy can not see the tears roll down my face.

I am so far. From life. No light. Just dark. Id ****. Someone. Like i am inside. I am not well. Ive come undone.

I had a love. Now lie. I was alive. Now im dead inside.

I yell. Do you want me. Do you want me. To my mum.
I yell do you love me. Do you love me.
Because I dont love me too.

I wanna be in the rain.
So yoy can not see the tears roll down my face.
The sound the horror. The late night screams. All from one ear to another. The pondering, the silence, the yelling. But yet. No one is to be seen.

"We all have demons inside of us."

I was abandoned. By gods hand. He walked. When i turned to a ******. I was never really. Mentioned. When i hear his name I just silence it.

Not longing before the time.
Dinosaurs ruled the land.
I was once like them. A small part of bacteria. Which lives in modern man.

We all come from. A scientific conondrom. That no man. Can explain.

But what. If there is a ***. Out there watching us. He will hear our shot. Can we ask him for help.
If there is a ***. Then come down. Help me. Help us.
This earth is going down.

SAXRIFICE ME IN THE DIRT. WHAT IS LOVE WHEN YOU DONT GET BURNT. THATS WHY ITS A CRUSH. TO SEE YOUR HEART BUST. THATS WHY LOVE IS A CURSE.

thats what i say. Love can find you. Anyway.
LOVE COME AND FIND ME
I am not one foot in the grave.  I am more the man i was today.

***!
I LEFT YOU CAUSE
I AM HOMOSEXUAL
MY RAGE EXPANDS THROUGH OUT THE LAND.
YOU TAKE YOUR BS. KNOWLEDGE
AND I WILL TELL YOU
WHERE TO SHOVE IT
I just wanna get rich.
And overdose.
**** the world. Im on my own.
I wanna say **** love
And move on.
I save money.
Dont need condoms.
Cos i want **** anyone.


It started with trust values.
Then trust issues.
Am i alone i think i am.
People get mad at the sound.

I am not giving up.
Love is love.
But the earth population can move on.
Even if im *** and not a ****** monstrocity of a person.

I was not first born.
So i reap the problems.
I was not first born.
So i reap the curses.

****** hair. Bad teeth. And so **** ****.
I am no way. Gonna get married before 30.

Unless i buy a male order bride. A husband if that. Is that real.
If so. Where do i buy.

I just wanna get rich.
And overdose.
**** the world. Im on my own.
I wanna say **** love
And move on.
I save money.
Dont need condoms.
Cos i want **** anyone.

**** the world
**** love
If there is a *** above.
Help us. To move on.
If there is a son of ***.
How can you let us live on.
Son of *** in the clouds.
Stop the poor and give them a hand out.
We all not one. But the same.
Individual.

(C)2018
I don't have the guts to make cuts
So I bleed on paper
But these days it never seems enough
Because a plea for help
Never gets a second look laying in these old dusty books
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