My choice of poison permits the world to fade.
Every sense inside of my body becomes dull and faint.
My lungs struggle to draw in air.
Each breathe falls short causing my chest to heave.

I can feel the bitter substance hurl my empty frame off of life’s edge.
My limbs are worthless as the stale air whips through my core.
They flail back and forth in the breeze throwing my perception of time farther away with each movement.
I am left wondering if there will be any warning before I reach my destination.

My surface hits the stone with an unsettling crack.
The asphalt kisses my flesh tauntingly.
The chill of the surface sends electrical currents through my body.
Its rough surface welcomes the warmth from my flesh.

Reality has finally sunk as low as I have in my cold abstract rock bottom.
I pray for someone to help me, and listen to my thoughts.
All my helpers  repeat the same empty sentences.
“You will get better.”, or “ This is just a phase.”

Overwhelmed, I watch them as they walk the level above me.
Their eyes are focused on their own horizon.
Leaving me as empty as I was before.
Reminding me that I have been alone for many years.

The obstacle course in front of me seems daunting.
Its perfect blocks seem never ending.
Each flight curves in whatever direction it chooses.

As I begin my journey, I attempt to hide my emotions and fears from the other souls that are passing through, but
I fail miserably for they see me right through my veil.
The railing slips through my fingers as they shove me aside
My frame becomes bruised from being pushed and pulled in different directions.
Exhaustion latches it's arms around my legs in attempt to slow my journey.

Thoughts trickle through my head as I attempt to conquer the barrier in front of me.
They do not filter their words as they voice their opinions
Flowing with ease, they invade my personal space.

Will my happiness ever come back?
Is there going to be any memories that I am going to be able to share with my family?
Should I leave this cold world that lacks luster and light?

I shove them back, and attempt to shake the uneasy feeling they left in their wake.
I know that no pleading is going to turn back time.
Nothing will make my past easier.
As I trek through the rocky terrain, I promise to become brave, to let my voice be heard, to face my fears, and to love life the way that it is supposed to be.

The harder I fall the more I fall away
It's self preservation at its finest
But why do I want to fall from the one who loves me?
We're at a cliff and I'm hanging on with one hand
and he's at the top begging me to not let go
It's temptation it's fear
It's a lifetime of leaving before I'm left
It's a lifetime of leaving blame on everyone else
It's a lifetime of loving so hard my heart can't handle it
But he assures me he can shoulder the weight of my burdens
My past, my present, and future
It's trust he's trying to hand me and that my hand can't reach for because it wants to let go
And go and go and fall and drop
It wants to reach out for him and pull him closer to me and with me.
I want him on top and on bottom and I want him near and away
But my body betrays me and the magnetic force is always trying to turn the opposite direction so we can't click together
I don't know why I am the way I am and I don't want to be me sometimes