She's tired of being a doll.
She no longer wants to be locked in a drawer with her pale pink dainty lips pressed against the ceiling of her rose-petal scented nightmare chamber.
She's old news now, Julie is the one to they all dote over, her hair's a shade lighter and glossier and her little boots are a more brilliant pink. Julie's dress isn't frayed like Arleta's, the flowers on the new doll's dress are more detailed and eye-catching.
Julie's perfumed with lemon and jasmine, Arleta used to smell of roses plucked at dawn after rain, now the once-sweet scent is toxic and she can't escape it.
She met a boy-doll once; Marr.. he looked at her as if she was a ship freshly painted and awaiting her maiden voyage over apple-green seas. Her tiny china heart had flipped that day and then never beat with such lovestruck ferosity again.
He'd fallen from a 3rd storey window and had been too broken to be mended, just like her worn little doll-heart.
But if she could dance like the young girls in the village do, in the buttercup fields.. if she could share carrot cake as dusk approached across the river and could sleep the night away in a hot air balloon!
If her legs could run and leap, and her delicate lips could kiss a charming boy..
She holds hope in her chest and crosses her porcelain fingers, maybe luck will fall into her lonely life like a jewel in a hail-storm.

The saxophones howl with me tonight.
We bark at the lonely moon
Like ambulances wailing in the distance.
Ive lost a lot of my time and my pride to the process.
Myself following
Closely behind.

It is really my fault.
I let my emotions swim through all this.
I should have kept quiet.
I shouldn't have thought about it.
I tried convincing my heart that there's nothing more to this relation, but no my heart coincided with my mind and breathed out hope, hope that maybe just one day things will change we would be comfortable with being each others.
Seeing that we both know how the other is.
And everything will fall into place.
I always knew that it would not work, but my heart.
It saddens me that I'm divided into three and two, two overpower me they cloud my reasoning and judgement.
I really hope that things go back to normal.
That the balance remains.
Being emotional really sucks.
There's no shallowness at least if it were present I would be laughing my ass out about this now, but no.
I won't lie.
I am actually hurt.
It is slowing sinking in that we want different things.
We view this differently.
Maybe if I was still younger I would consider this whole friends with benefts thing.
I am older now.
I can't settle for such an arrangement. I get attached easily.
I won't manage.

Falling for your best friend can take it's toll on you. Sometimes it works and some times it doesn't. But at least he knows how I feel.

i miss my city and her smile
but i can't go home for a while

i heard a song and it broke my heart
it ripped me apart

jesus christ i feel like a black hole
and i just want to be whole

i can't trust who i thought i could
and i hate that i thought i should

i want to see how long i'll have to wait
til he sees my love has turned to hate

oh my god i think i'm drowning
i am a bird with a broken brown wing

i am so tired
i am so tired

Been having strange weeks lately.
The air is hot but the sky maintained its fuzzy bruised dark blue.
Its raining but everything stayed warm.
And baby, your coca cola hair strands.
They haunt the corners of my room.
And I miss being in love with the world.
I can only feel disappointment for the modern times.
The modern art.
The modern human.
My,
What a predicament.

We've just finished fucking
A few moments ago.
I leave her lying on the sofa.
Legs apart
Sweating from every hole.
I take one glance at her
As I button up my jeans.
I find myself butt naked again
A few seconds after.

I’m dreaming
Of going into space
Explore the vast cosmos
And all its darkness

Going from place to place
Visiting faraway galaxies
Distant lands of wonder
And exploding supernovas

I’m dreaming
Of going into space
Together with my friend
And all her darkness

Going from place to place
Giving light to the endless shadows
Helping with one’s problems
And stopping the anxiety

Healing her mind

Ito Sep 2

Shaking off my demon,
regrets collect like old friends, I'm now a free man!
I can only see the future but live in the past,
never here, never there buried in a time passed.
I cut my heart out to be more android and god-like.

I dance with my demon every night.
It's fun when you can't drown them cause they swim.
Near a gym at 'Hallowed Hours' like my smile so grim.
Can you feel my pain?
Can you see in the dark?

The broken hearts and minds are not meant to be repaired.
Only time can tell.
My bastard soul is dead( and forgotten forever.
My blood is tainted with evil, darkness, afflicted with the past...
I'm Achilles, an untimely death by fate but powerful nevertheless.

~Based on my recent private experiences and hardships.  A poem about hope even though it is dark in nature.

Stanza #1:  Alcohol
Loss of friends & gaining new ones
Indigo
Lost
Numb

I try talking to god
From time to time.
Funny how all I hear is
Me talking to myself
Mostly.

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