I am enamored
With the idea
Of being in love

Not the kind of love
Where I say
I love you
And let you meet my family
Or maybe exactly that kind of love
A love like raindrops?
That, as fast as I run away from it
I cannot escape it

I want never ending night skies
But I’m obsessed with sunshine
Especially when it’s raining
Am I my own paradox of eternal delights?
If I am, I think I’m doing a good job of
Whatever this is, for once

I really really like holding on to the past
At this point, my wall is choking
On movie tickets and pictures
But I keep thumbtacks
By my bed anyway
Just in case I need to remember something new
That I didn’t forget in the short walk
From desk to window

It’s not being sentimental, I think
It’s being “sometimes I forget who I am so how do I know I won’t forget how happy feels or how my best friends laugh like sunshine?”

But let’s call it sentimental because
I have a real love-hate relationship with labels

I am the least organized person I know
But I’m constantly labeling people
It’s touch and go, this metaphorical game of tag
Friend, lover, enemy, acquaintance
These labels aren’t permanent
The fingerprints on my skin wash off like chalk in a rainstorm

And let me tell you
I am enamoured with rainstorms
Because when I don’t have an umbrella
They seem to feel a hell of a lot like love

Tell me
What’s your endgame plan?
You snap your fingers
And I melt in your hand
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
I wish I
Could rescue us

I am not alone
My father stands beside me with a shield
His army stands behind

This is how it has been
This
Is how it shall be

I am not fearless
But I have none to fear

My father pursues those
Who come
In pursuit of me

So I will not fear
For who can stand
Against the Almighty?

As History falls
Onto his blood strewn path
He meets a Fork In The Road
Between Take
And Be Taken
So instead
He jumps into the Rabbit Hole
To stop Time
And repeat himself

Sometimes it takes
Hearing your breath
Go
         in
And
                  o u t
To know that you’ll be okay

I am three
and the grass beneath my feet
is young too
there is wind
and a bird song
and I am happy

I
am the crumpled up
rough draft girl
in the wastepaper basket
corner of my mind

she is the file
I deleted
after too many red lines
changed her meaning

this is not my final draft
I will throw myself away
again soon

Humor me with your insults
By now I’ve heard this stand up comedy routine so many times
I could do it sitting down
Laughter is the best medicine but I am overdosing
This substance in a prescription bottle with your name on it
It makes me toss my head back with the pills
And I laugh and I laugh

This is me deciding that I am with it
My arms are the ocean
I
Am the sea of troubles
Biding my time at your feet
You crush sand dollars but
MY
Currency lies in unopened love letters and notes made of sand
This love falls apart in my hand
But I am birthing Venus
And this sea foam curls with my lips
I have snarled
And produced Beauty
My palms forgot how to smooth glass
And the water is glittering with fragments of you
But do you dare dive deep enough to see that you haven’t touched me?
I will not return whats left of you to the shore
I have taken whats mine and like I did with the foam like I did with the glass I will do to you
Turn something ugly into poetry
The ocean isn’t forgiving so thank god I am not that.

Your brain is a little rock-n-roll my friend
Too much guitar solo
For you to think sometimes.
The pounding
Of the bass drum
Isn't any better.
But did you know that words
Spill out of your mouth
Like chords?
Always the sounds
That need to be heard
Even when someone
Dislikes the key.
My friend,
Life is sheet music.
Never forget that you
Are your own composer.

they tell me
to open the door
and step through,
but can they not see
that it's locked
from the outside?