I, uh, I was walking along an unfamilar road.
And then I saw a frog. Maybe he was my prince.
I said, hey. The frog spoke back to me, "Hi. I didn't think you'd notice me."
I'm free tonight, I told him.
"Touch me. Feel my roughness. I might pee, but you can trust me and my pee," he demanded.
It was the most glorious moment.
He would stick his tongue out to catch a fly while I rubbed him.
He leaped towards my knee and to my shoulder.
He peed on me. I turned my head to him. On my face, I said.
Afterwards, I wiped my face with both hands and licked away his pee from them.
He grew bigger. And bigger.
Until he was as tall as the lamp post.
Then he burst, and flies swarmed out of him.
He's dead now. Dead glorious.
I still haven't decided if I should kiss my sleeping beauty.
I had a light in me
It shone so bright that people could see what was inside
I talked about things that I loved religiously
And I clearly knew what I wanted to do
I did not give two shits
About what anyone thought of my work
Until I found myself wanting recognition
I asked people to tell me what was good and what was bad
I saw no wrong in that
Neither did they
Until I realized that I craved for compliments
I craved the praise
It was not for bad intentions
I wanted to get better
I wanted to be heard
I wanted the world to know me
But slowly, I became obsessed
I started relying on people
I relied on them to tell me my work is good
While I no longer believed in myself
The more they told me it was not good enough;
That I was not good enough
My light started to dim
And discouragement was staring me right in the face
I spent so long minding what everyone else thought of me
That I forgot the reason I was doing what I was doing
I listened to what everybody wanted me to do
I pushed aside the things that I wanted to do for myself
I can't function, I can't focus, I can't become what I want to be.
It's painful, it's tiring, agonizing if you must say.
Confused on where I went wrong, but I can't keep replaying it all night long.
So, I'll have to keep on moving even if I can't stop this confusion.
I long for the day when I can pick up the brush and paint
To dip the end into the unknown and paint wonders
To create breathtaking pieces
To paint for them to see all that was inside of me
To paint my mind out and lose myself in wonders I couldn't believe
I long for the day when I take the brush and paint
I yarn for the colors that surround me and all that is patiently waiting for me to discover
6:30, the sun settling in unfavorably early. The moon taking its luxuries time before filling the city with its faint glow.
The in-between is a black ocean I don’t hesitate to dive right in. Dizzy and lost such an addictive feeling.
Just between the sun fully sitting and the moon slowly rising, a quick “how do you do” before parting.
It’s a shame for moments like this not to shared with another. Such a darkness no human should bear alone.
Some say it’s destructive, some say it’s beauty. A trigger to fruit filled memories.
A trigger to every sorrowful memory and agony.
To each with one’s demons.