Let me tell you how it felt
To let go of you,
Like lying back down
Onto the surface of a frozen lake,
Hugging a rock, feeling its weight.
The ground under me thawed
I melted into the water with the ice,
Slipping into the brazen cold
I still felt coddled, knowing
I won’t touch the ground anytime soon.
I was weightless,
The fluidity felt forgiving,
Yet the weight on my chest anchored me.
In the now, I was moving yet not of my accord
I was free, yet sinking
Deeper into the void beneath me
Lungs tight, not much light
I missed the floor that the rock had pinned me to.
Every second it took to feel it again,
I hoped for catharsis in our reunion.
The weight on my chest kissed me deeper,
My back met the ground,
Alas, I feel gravity again
Now I wait patiently, in quiet suffering
To stop living or to be saved
My emotional support fantasy (the thing I think about to relax or meditate or sleep) is where I'm hugging a rock the size of a soccer ball and sinking slowly into calm waters. I finally wrote about it. P.S. I'm taking a break from my boo