eleven 9h

I look at you
I see the sea
calm waves of you
gently caressing me

I see the ocean
in your eyes
I'm drowning
they're pulling me in

deeper

and deeper

I don't look away
that was my mistake

the ocean was beautiful
it was a magical sight
but I couldn't breathe
and I couldn't swim
but you seemed nice
it looked right

you looked right

and suddenly
there was no more air
I was sinking
my lungs ablaze
every drop of you consuming me
hurting me
I closed my eyes
I couldn't see how nice it was
you felt wrong

the ocean killed me that night
but if I would've knew
I might
have never looked into those eyes

so beautiful

but wrong

I loved the ocean but it didn't seem to learn to love me back

You used to be my everything,
now you ain’t even anything.
I used to cry before I fell asleep,
but those memories already slipped.

Like a dandelion in the fall of Spring,
beauty and joy are all they bring;
But when the wind starts to blow,
one by one they’d drift in a row.

When I saw you the other day,
millions of words I wanna say.
But you always left me hanging-
and act like I am nothing.

Just like a clock ticking the opposite,
as the pain creates a huge slit;
Searing this vulnerable heart,
and tearing my love apart.

I remember the first day we met,
clueless as to how you set-
In my meticulous eyes and ego,
your presence I can never let go.

The day you painted a smile-
the thing I’ve missed for a while;
Mending these broken pieces,
as memory of my past ceases.

I needed you in my daily dose,
though we were never close;
A glimpse of you completes me,
like the rhyming of this poetry.

Who would have thought I’d fall,
for someone I can never call-
“My love”, “my other half” or “mine”?
Love, after all, is indeed blind!

We were taught to return a favor,
to show respect and good behavior;
But even if your love is overdue,
I’d always fall for someone like you.

In my orchard full of dazzling green,
you are that special tangerine-
so special that I can never pick,
when I harvest you’re unripe and sick.

Many tears have been wasted,
pains and misery I’ve tasted;
All for one person I always admire,
from afar I can never acquire.

Dedicated for someone I can never call mine. :)

Your snowflake sense takes over
You still can't let go of this pullover

Winter, my dear, your coldness do not ceases
petrified each time that my glance moves towards you
Are you always this insensible, dear mine?
Or is it just to catch up my attention

as the flowers that aren't born on your lips
You will not flower your way into my heart again

Enviable guts you must have
to play summer while
frivolous voices consume you inside

based on the experience of encountering again with your troublesome ex crush

4.08 23:00

It's been four months since I last saw you
You disappeared without a trace
Never returning my text messages
I accepted that I would probably never see you again
And what a shame that was,
Because we used to hang out and talk a lot
I didn't let the fact you were older than me
Bother me that much
Because you had the same beliefs as me
And I figured you would never ever ever
Do anything to hurt me
You're the same person
Who sits in the front pew with me
And talked about living the gospel life

4.09 13:45

I see you in church again
So I take the seat next to you
I'm so excited to see you again
And tell you all about what happened
I come home feeling taller
Than the five feet two inches I am
Because I feel like I have
One of my closest friends back
You're the same person
Who sits in the front pew with me
And talks about living the gospel life

4.11 22:30

You ask me to hang out with you
This coming Saturday
You're intentionally vague
Just tell me we'll do something
Just like old times
I become very excited
Because I love spending time with you
You know exactly how to make me
Feel comfortable around you
And I've never had to worry about a thing
Because
You're the same person
Who sits in the front pew with me
And talks about living the gospel life

4.14 21:00
I have a nightmare you tried to kill me
And get this uneasy feeling
That if I go out with you
Something might happen
I talk about it with some other friend
They insist I shouldn't be scared
After all
You're the same person
Who sits in the front pew with me
And talks about living the gospel life?

4.15 20:30
You pick me up outside my apartment
And I get in your car like every other time
You warn me that you have relapsed into your vices
I don't believe it's as bad as it is
Then the smell of marijuana hits me
I try to rationalize with myself
You're the same person
Who sits in the front pew with me
And talks about living the gospel life

4.15 21:00
This can't be happening
You keep telling me all about
How every time I have seen you
You were high as a kite
I haven't spoken much
I'm trying to be understanding
After all, I claim to be unconditionally nice
So I can't judge you
You're the same person
Who sits in the front pew with me
And talks about living the gospel life

4.15 21:45
You're on a smoke break
When I text my friends what is happening
Or at least a vague summary
Is this situation really as bad
As I think it is?
After all, I do trust you
You're the same person
Who sits in the front pew with me
And talks about living the gospel life

4.15 22:30
You're getting more and more agitated
As I turn silent
I'm starting to get scared
Over the thought of spending time with you
My mom was right
No matter what the reason
Or no matter how kind he is
Don't spend time with someone ten years older
And in this case, that applies to you
You're the same person
Who sits in the front pew with me
And talks about living the gospel life

4.15 23:00
You're now higher than before
And I get the feeling
That if I stay with you
I will die
You start trying to get me
To go get high with you
The smell is so powerful
It wouldn't surprise me if I was already
At least a little high
I feel sick to my stomach
And wonder why or how I got here
Then I remember
You're the same person
Who sits in the front pew with me
And talks about living the gospel life

4.15 23:15
We're screaming now
Because you can't believe
I don't feel safe around you
I finally get the courage
To make my escape
Storming off to the bathroom
And asking a waitress to wait with me
While I call for help
She asks me what kind of person you are
At least normally
You're the same person
Who sits with me in the front pew with me
And talks about living the gospel life

4.15 23:30
Help is on the way
I called the guy I like
Who I had been texting all night
And probably scared to death
With my attitude towards the situation
His parents are coming with him too
Worst first impression ever
But I am looking forward to getting out of the bathroom
Because pacing back and forth in a stall
Talking to a waitress who thinks I'm a teenager
Makes me think about what got me here
How I thought
You're the same person
Who sits with me in the front pew with me
And talks about living the gospel life

4.16 00:00
I'm escorted out of the restaurant
By at least six people
And introduce myself to the parents
Of the person I called
Hi, I'm not high, and I'm really sorry about this
I keep apologizing as they drive me home
They insist everything's okay, they are glad I knew
To call for help
And that I didn't get in the car
With someone high
I explain to them
You're the same person
Who sits with me in the front pew with me
And talks about living the gospel life

4.16 00:30
Home at last
I feel bad about everything that went down
Guilt is eating me alive
As I try to process everything that happened
I started the night thinking
I was the most mature person
But felt so small hiding in the bathroom
And wishing I walked away sooner
Why did I think
You're the same person
Who sits with me in the front pew with me
And talks about living the gospel life?

4.16 15:30
Good morning to me
In the middle of the afternoon
The person who rescued me last night
Wants to make sure I am okay
And apologizes for what happened
I tell him he deserves the apology
After all, I made him come get me
Even though he technically volunteered
I still should have known better
He tells me there's no way
I could have known otherwise
You're the same person
Who sits with me in the front pew with me
And talks about living the gospel life

4.16 17:45
You call me
I call you an asshole
I slam down the phone
Third time I've ever said a swear word
In my entire life
It pains me to imagine
You're the same person
Who sits with me in the front pew with me
And talks about living the gospel life

4.18 01:55
I can't sleep at all
Anxiety eating me alive
So many questions spinning through my mind
What if I got high?
What if I died?
Can I ever stop blaming myself?
Will the guy who helped me ever talk to me again?
Could the guy who helped me like me?
Should I get over my crush?
What can I do after this?
And most importantly
Why did I believe you
When you told me in the car
You're the same person
Who sits in the front pew with me
And talks about living the gospel life?

Not my proudest moment
Jade Jul 2015

I can hear the echoes of the tunes
You sang on the first of nights
I hummed along
And before long
The tune made a home
In my head
You sang those tunes
As the strings were strummed
The crowd swooned
Please, sing me a tune.

it started when we were younger, you were mine
my boo

second semester, asked me if i was older
i said no, but i could've passed as your mentor
you tried to know me, initiated small talk
one time you caught me, i know i looked like a gawk


you can see it no matter how i try to hide
my boo

don't know why; i was prob'ly lost in all my thoughts
staring at you, something comforting it just brought
i could remember as your brown jewels drift to mine
then i knew my own, struck you too long, my divine


i know we haven't seen each other in a while
but you will always be my boo

i see you're trying; asking things that i'm into
don't know if we could sustain this, that's the issue
but even if you find someone else you desire,
know you're the first guy to give me these butterflies

trying to improve my writing... and got inspired by usher.
halfheartedsoul Apr 15

It was the strangest thing;
I was all alone,
Like I always was
Then your face flashed in my head
And the me who promised herself a solitary future and whom have always been alone started to hope,
Started to dream of things that would've scared the younger me into an episode.

Perhaps it was because you are unattainable
Or because you seem perfectly happy,
That I wasn't scared to picture you,
because it's safe,
Because we'll never be.
But I was struck with this longing for life and happiness;
a companion and a partner;
Yet overwhelmed with fear and anxiety,
Of revealing and committing myself.

These thoughts were so utterly pathetic,
And so normal that I didn't know what to do with myself.
Am I to laugh or cry or go about my day,
It baffled me and left an aching in my heart.

Perhaps one day I'll see a person who is enough in the mirror or meet another who makes me feel like it but till then I shall pretend that I've got no idea what these feelings are.

Ridiculous really.

I turned 21 this year, ridiculous is it not.
Kmo Apr 14

Your sunkissed skin lured my wandering sight
Your alluring eyes captured me watching in delight
Your natural scent fills me and took me into a flight
Your illuminating soul shines like the brightest light
Your lovely lips so soft I surmise I believe is aright
Your resting face that kept me boggled day and night
You are the reason why my chest always lead to excite
And you could be the cure to make the scattered pieces reunite.

Justin Lai Apr 14

Pretty pester
The fist-bumping champion
Schoolyard jester
My all-time fixation

Classroom walls shake
When you guffaw and laugh
Makes my heart ache
When every tease’s a bluff

Beneath your grin
I long to find your glow
But it’s a sin
So says your burrowed frow

Another life
Or when the stars align
Pranks turn to kisses
With your hand locked in mine

Inspired by 1) Taiwanese high school movies and 2) my own high school memories
pin Apr 10

Its all in the pupils
His eyes 100 shades lighter than mine
Will they dilate? in my mirror looking through the glass

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