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19.2k · Oct 2018
Accounting
c Oct 2018
I spent last night
Crunching numbers

10
Times you led me on

9
Nights we stayed up talking

8
Weeks since you decided I wasn’t worth it

7
Crushed up poems on the floor of my room

6
Outfits thrown aside to make sure I look my best

5
Days I spent trying to get over you

4
Friends that know what we did

3
3 a.m FaceTime calls

2
Coats of mascara

1
Big regret
10.3k · Oct 2018
Paint Me Yours
c Oct 2018
Painting me
Like one of your French girls
Is a little worse than cliche.
Paint me in your mind
With rose petals for hips
And the most divine night sky
Beneath my lashes.
Speckle pigments across my skin
Freckles like wet sand, stuck.
Color my scars brightest
Impure veins like that of a leaf
Carrying stories, not water.
Paint my smile most of all
Paint it weighed down by stones
Too many for anyone to remember
Yet stretching, brightly
As if to reach the moon.
Above all else, paint me yours.
6.6k · Jan 2019
Self-Science
c Jan 2019
I worry that
I may be
An electron.

The negative charges
Are building beneath
The shield that I choose
To call my ribcage,
Painting my lungs blue
And weighing it
With my mistakes.

I cannot exist alone,
All too willing
To give myself away
To anything that somehow
Makes me feel whole.

I’m sorry
I couldn’t tell you sooner,
But these problems
Can’t be solved
With science.
6.2k · Jan 2019
Daddy Issues
c Jan 2019
My father
Has been a Man
All his life
And I capitalize Man
Because his terms
Of masculinity
Include being
The Man

He doesn’t like the word
“No”
Unless it’s in his voice
And under his control

Control is his ego
I think
He likes a grip on everything
So tight it chokes us
And he wonders why
I’m slipping away
2.9k · Apr 2019
Endgame
c Apr 2019
Tell me
What’s your endgame plan?
You snap your fingers
And I melt in your hand
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
I wish I
Could rescue us
Avengers Endgame was so good!
2.8k · Apr 2019
Nice
c Apr 2019
I would like
To be called lovely
But the span of my hips
Labels me nice
Instead
2.8k · Oct 2018
Miss You Senryu
c Oct 2018
I cried over you
But I will not remember
The way I missed you
I haven’t written a haiku for over 2 years!!!
(Edit, turns out this is a senryu which is even cooler!)
2.1k · Oct 2018
Tongue Twister
c Oct 2018
Does your kiss
Still taste
Like everything
I drank to forget?
1.8k · Nov 2018
Now You See Me
c Nov 2018
I look in the mirror at a person I don’t recognize anymore. Prodding and pulling at my skin just to make sure this is who I am I only cake on so much makeup because this is the me I don’t want them to see.

So they don’t

They don’t see me and time is just running away and what if I can’t make them see me before time is up?

It’s not that I’m invisible, I know they can hear me and they tell me that really, I’m fine, and I’ve never been an issue but then why do I feel so out of place in my own day to day routines?

In fact nothing is routine anymore I have no constants. Eating, sleeping, it’s all ireggular and sometimes I can’t remember doing any of it at all.

I have pictures filling my camera roll of happiness in a moment that I can’t bring back, why do I keep them for happy if all they do is make me sad?

The clock is ticking and I can hear it but they can hear me so I can’t scream, they don’t see me but I’m tearing at my mouth trying to get out the words that I really want them to hear.

And they tell me, that it’s okay to be yourself.

But only around certain people. Because society wants you to have curves but never in the wrong places. They want you to feel free to speak your mind as long as it’s something that they want to hear. If you keep your secrets to yourself you’re hiding something and if you share them you’re being too open.

But time is passing.

I need time, I need routine, and I need to remember happy so that I don’t fall in love with sad because far too many do.
So I will scream into the wind where they cannot hear me.
And paste on my paper facade.
Someday, they will see me.
Now you don’t.
I tried to make this in the form of slam poetry, which I’ve never really done before. Any feedback is appreciated! :)
1.7k · May 2019
Toxic Jock Syndrome
c May 2019
I’m not an object
And I am tired
Of always being played
1.5k · May 2019
I don’t like it
c May 2019
I don’t like
The way
I put all of myself
Into every single thing
I set my mind to

And that included
Loving you
And that included
Burning my bridges
And that included
Wondering why I let myself burn in the process
I don’t like the way I don’t mean anything to you
1.5k · Dec 2018
Sympathy Symphony
c Dec 2018
I’ve begun thinking
In terms of music.
We are a decrescendo,
Falling from forte
To pianissimo
As the clock ticks
It’s rhythmic warning.
Your voice is always
In crescendo,
A cello when you laugh,
Mournful viola for those moments
Your strings are wound
Too tightly.
The way your fingers
Glissando across my rib cage,
Playing con amore upon my skin.
You taste like a symphony,
Brass and woodwind,
An opus on my lips.
Some days
You make me forget
How playing someone
Can be bad.
1.5k · Feb 2019
Happy Pills
c Feb 2019
Humor me with your insults
By now I’ve heard this stand up comedy routine so many times
I could do it sitting down
Laughter is the best medicine but I am overdosing
This substance in a prescription bottle with your name on it
It makes me toss my head back with the pills
And I laugh and I laugh
1.4k · Jul 2019
Ice Boy
c Jul 2019
Ice Boy
You’re not so cold to the touch
When your lips are on mine
And your heartbeat’s a rush

Ice Boy
Is this the thing that you planned?
Do you sharpen your blades
While I melt in your hand?

Ice Boy
My heart sinks like a stone
I thought that I could chase you
Now I’m cold and alone
1.4k · Oct 2018
Bleeding Words
c Oct 2018
When I left
I told myself
I was fine
With being me

But I’m bleeding poetry again,
So am I really myself at all?
1.4k · Oct 2018
Primal
c Oct 2018
Are you smiling?
Or bearing your teeth?

When you laugh
Sometimes I wonder
If it’s with me
Or at me

You say you
Are too busy
That we wouldn’t work
But I call *******

If you really loved me
I wouldn’t be left
Tugging
Your leash
1.3k · Mar 2019
The End Of The World
c Mar 2019
Everything is burning around me
and I miss the way it felt
to lose myself
in you
1.3k · May 2019
Love like Raindrops
c May 2019
I am enamored
With the idea
Of being in love

Not the kind of love
Where I say
I love you
And let you meet my family
Or maybe exactly that kind of love
A love like raindrops?
That, as fast as I run away from it
I cannot escape it

I want never ending night skies
But I’m obsessed with sunshine
Especially when it’s raining
Am I my own paradox of eternal delights?
If I am, I think I’m doing a good job of
Whatever this is, for once

I really really like holding on to the past
At this point, my wall is choking
On movie tickets and pictures
But I keep thumbtacks
By my bed anyway
Just in case I need to remember something new
That I didn’t forget in the short walk
From desk to window

It’s not being sentimental, I think
It’s being “sometimes I forget who I am so how do I know I won’t forget how happy feels or how my best friends laugh like sunshine?”

But let’s call it sentimental because
I have a real love-hate relationship with labels

I am the least organized person I know
But I’m constantly labeling people
It’s touch and go, this metaphorical game of tag
Friend, lover, enemy, acquaintance
These labels aren’t permanent
The fingerprints on my skin wash off like chalk in a rainstorm

And let me tell you
I am enamoured with rainstorms
Because when I don’t have an umbrella
They seem to feel a hell of a lot like love
1.3k · Apr 2019
Prisms
c Apr 2019
We are bending light
Allowing this
Distorted Reality
To appear somewhat
Normal, almost.
1.2k · Feb 2019
Skeyeline
c Feb 2019
My eyes are blue
Like a New York sky
Cloudy
And cold
1.2k · Oct 2018
Wax Poetic
c Oct 2018
Did you melt for me?

Did you burn and break down every time I touched you?

Because I did.

When they say
We’re a perfect match

They don’t realize
Matches burn.

So don’t wax poetic for me
Because I fall
To inferno.
1.2k · Oct 2018
Silent Night
c Oct 2018
I know you think I’m mad at you
Because I stayed silent when I dropped you off at your house
But if I’m honest
I knew I’d either cry or scream
If I opened up my mouth.

Mad? I wish I could be.
1.1k · Apr 2019
Blazing
c Apr 2019
Tonight I burn with a reckless abandon
Both ends in embers
I am choking on my smoke
I’m sorry I’m blunt
I’m sorry I’m numb
I’m sorry I run away
From everything trying to help me
I cannot share my sadness with you.
1.1k · Aug 2019
Down the Hatch
c Aug 2019
I think my tragic flaw
Is reading the warning label
On every person
And pulling a Romeo
On each boy
marked “Toxic”
1.0k · May 2018
windows
c May 2018
If we could see
What windows can see
As they gaze out into the night,
Would we stand there amazed?
Perplexed and quite dazed?
Or simply be filled with a fright?

The windows reflect us,
Their glass won't perfect us,
But still we have reason to stare.
Because windows they show you
Yourself like they know you,
And unknown they catch all unaware
-c.
927 · Apr 2019
Whiskey Goggles
c Apr 2019
It’s not love
But when it’s a little
Overcast
Or I’m a little
Drunk
It looks enough
Like love
For me to stay
922 · Jan 2019
Wishful Thinking
c Jan 2019
Moments in each piece of light
Stars that face my fears at night
Wishing you still held me tight
“Wish I may, wish I might”
888 · Oct 2018
Fake Happy
c Oct 2018
I’m watching
My happiness
c
   r
     u
       m
          b
             l
               e

and

F
A
L
L

a  p  a  r  t

In front of me.
I am so tired
885 · Oct 2018
Words
c Oct 2018
Words are made of water
And memories of smoke
One will fade away with time
And one will make you choke.
i think i may be choking on my words right now
871 · Dec 2018
Today I Crashed My Car
c Dec 2018
And I spun and I spun and I spun
So out of control
No rhythm
Short. Choppy.
It lasted so long, so quickly.
I don’t know what happened,
But I saw it.
Even though I didn’t.
My car did pirouettes
Down the embankment
Until it found a spot to rest
In between two hedgeposts
And barbed wire.
They say your life flashes before your eyes
In moments like this,
But for me,
It was moments I wouldn’t ever have.
The things I wanted to accomplish,
The people that I loved.
It was heartbreaking.
When I crawled out,
No different than when I got in,
I laughed with tears in my throat.
Today, the world is the same,
But I will never be.
rip Beatrice
870 · Dec 2018
Liquid Courage
c Dec 2018
most days
i tend to bottle up my emotions
until the glass
isn't half full
but full and empty
simultaneously

today i am pouring it out
in the form of liquid gold
burning my lips
and biting my tongue for me

am i too strong for you?
you sip slowly now.

the way your soul ignites
tells me not
if it is passion or pain
that you taste on my lips

it seems you care not for the taste either way.
855 · Jun 2019
After a June Storm
c Jun 2019
Jumping into puddles
And jumping into love
Both leave me so muddled
And I just can’t get enough

But mud belongs in puddles
And flower petals fall
This “he loves me, he loves me not”
Will surely end it all
792 · Jun 2019
Love Me Hard
c Jun 2019
Please do not tell me
You love me
Because that scares me so much more
Than loving you
Ever could
779 · Aug 2019
Icarus
c Aug 2019
Fly me
To the sun
You always like to
See me burn
As I
Fall
My future without you is so bright it’s burning
778 · Oct 2018
Poet at Heart
c Oct 2018
Driving down Broadway
At one in the morning
Raindrops
Blurring the red lights
Into broken halos

I was pondering what-ifs
Putting could-have-beens
Into words


“It couldn’t have been”
My best friend assured

I wonder
How I manage
To mess love up
Anytime it comes near

“You fall in love so easily,”
She said
“You’re a poet at heart.”

“And that isn’t always a good thing.”
748 · Dec 2018
Museum Display
c Dec 2018
My body is a museum
I am full of ancient ruins
Pieces of my past
I am fragile, beautiful
Tainted by time
You can look,
But please don’t touch
745 · Aug 2019
Superstition
c Aug 2019
You are Friday the 13th
And I am the glass mirror
Shattering before you
Have we always been so unlucky?

I have this superstition
That once I love you
You’ll leave

And you’re walking away now

I’d be lying if I said I could do the same
712 · Apr 2019
Technical Difficulties
c Apr 2019
You didn’t ask for
Emotional Unabailability
and I didn’t ask
To be left on read
But we both got things
We didn’t ask for
685 · May 2019
Waiting
c May 2019
The longer I stand
At the edge of the cliff
I cannot tell
If the sign reads
“Caution”
Or
“Welcome”
673 · Jul 2018
My Battle Hymn
c Jul 2018
Paint my porcelain skin
To look like steel.
This is my armor,
Fragile beneath
It’s metallic sheen.
Paint my face
With my blood
Like warpaint
In the form of adrenaline
coursing through my veins.
Forge my sword
With the splintered pieces
Of my dignity,
For my wit is sharp
And my pride is strong.
Heed my battle cry
The song of words once trapped in my throat.
I am a siren, a Spartan, a warrior for the silenced.
The blood
Running through my veins
Is toxic.
So bite me.
671 · Sep 2019
Language Barrier
c Sep 2019
I am unlearning you
The way I learn Spanish
Repeating your name
Until it sets on my tongue
Like caramel
And I trap it in my throat
637 · Jun 2019
Ticket to Happiness
c Jun 2019
My soul is flying
I am an adrenaline ******
High on the excitement
Of being alive
I am in love
With this wild ride
Called living
610 · Jan 2019
Gravity
c Jan 2019
Gravity
Is weighing
So much heavier
Than I remember it
But I still
Only blame
Myself
610 · Feb 2019
On Opening Up
c Feb 2019
they tell me
to open the door
and step through,
but can they not see
that it's locked
from the outside?
603 · Jun 2019
Too Hard
c Jun 2019
I am afraid of lots of things
But mostly of myself
Because I love
Too hard
And I fall
Too hard
And I hit the ground
Too hard
I’m not sure I can get up this time
591 · Dec 2018
Living
c Dec 2018
When you almost die
It makes it easier
To learn to live
I would like to clarify- there are so many things that are not easy after moments like these, but today I was given a second chance at life, and I hope this time I can make sure to live it well and without regrets.
580 · May 2018
Baseball Boy and Maybes
c May 2018
Maybe snow cones
And pickup lines
Aren’t meant to go
Hand in hand,
But I needed a map
Because I was lost in your eyes.

You gave me a snow cone
I gave you my number
And maybe
That’s not a good trade
But you thought
Maybe
It was worth it
At least for one night.

You’re just a football-playing
Baseball boy
And maybe
There was a spark
And maybe
You liked the taste of grape
That lingered on my lips
And maybe
You’re still going
To text me back.

But maybe
Is no assurance
To a girl
In love with love
And boys who make
Snow cones.
-c.
571 · Jan 2019
Author’s Magic
c Jan 2019
The tingle of magic
In your fingertips
As your palm flexes
Above the keys

This is your papyrus,
You modern-day scribe

Feel the flow of electricity
Beneath your hands
And release the magic
That lies within
566 · Mar 2019
History
c Mar 2019
As History falls
Onto his blood strewn path
He meets a Fork In The Road
Between Take
And Be Taken
So instead
He jumps into the Rabbit Hole
To stop Time
And repeat himself
565 · Feb 2019
musical mind
c Feb 2019
Your brain is a little rock-n-roll my friend
Too much guitar solo
For you to think sometimes.
The pounding
Of the bass drum
Isn't any better.
But did you know that words
Spill out of your mouth
Like chords?
Always the sounds
That need to be heard
Even when someone
Dislikes the key.
My friend,
Life is sheet music.
Never forget that you
Are your own composer.
A poem for my best friend, hope you like this Joce!
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