Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Randy Johnson Oct 12
When repo men come to my house, I order my Dobermans to attack.
They take chunks out of their butts and those repo men don't come back.
The finance company wants to repossess their stuff and other repo men are sent.
They're not going to get their stuff back, they should be able to take a hint.
They continue to send other repo men again and again.
They're going to have to stop, they're running out of men.
They want to repossess my car and my furniture as well.
But when my dogs attack the repo men, it hurts like hell.
One of my dogs bit a repo man in the ***** and gave him an instant vasectomy.
I saved him the money to have it done by a doctor and he is grateful to me.
Other repo men will be sent and I'll continue to order my dogs to attack.
Those people should learn that they're not going to get their stuff back.
Randy Johnson Sep 21
I tied a sausage to my leg and for a short time my ex-girlfriend was fooled.
But she dumped me flat on my *** when she learned her leg was being pulled.
Because she didn't like the deception,
I didn't receive a friendly reception.
She thought that I was well-endowed, that is what she believed.
When she learned the truth, a broken nose was what I received.
She also crammed a lit pack of firecrackers up my *** and it sure did make me jump.
Now it hurts like hell every time I take a dump.
She dumped me even though I decided to get down on my knees and beg.
If you're a man and if you want a girlfriend, don't tie a sausage to your leg.
Shane Leigh Sep 14
God, I loathe you.
Everything that you represent ...
it ****** me off.
You just lounge,
Not doing a **** thing!
you scream and taunt and -
Oh my ... you just ...
UGH !!
So ugly !!
I really should throw you away.
You make the new couch look bad.
I hope you enjoy. (:
I apologize in advance for my sense of humor lol
Let me specify: I have what was a really pretty pillow BUT it’s old and worn out and my mother likes to keep sewing the edges ... it’s just bad. I’ve really come to hate it. My mother has trouble getting rid of it because it was a gift but I just hate the transformation it’s undertaken lol
© Shane Leigh
Fuad Hassan Sep 3
Half the time i think with my d*ck
And the other half i dont
LJ Sayre Aug 17
Mouser Messiah,
Came to save all of cat kind,
Had to die nine times.
Isaac Ward Aug 13
There's a pit-
      In my soul,
We'll find what might fit,
     Well, that's the goal,
A pound of Grade-A marijuana?
A lil' *****, yes I wanna',
A couple pills for the thrills,
Needles sure give me chills,
I'll try anything for the thrill!
But there's still a pit.

Plus, there's a hole-
     In my heart,
What'll make it full?
     Here's the art:
Driving sixty-nine in a thirty-five,
Punching the first person acting snide,
I'll eat my words till I burst,
Drink poison friendships; I feel worse,
And forget this vile, no good, gods-****** curse!
But there's still a hole.

And there's an ache,
     In my dome,
Keeping me awake,
     Yet I can't seem to leave it alone,
There's something busted in my head,
I bet I could fix it with some lead,
Or a sharp-as-sin knife,
Oh how Hell hath such tiring strife,
Oh don't, don't, don't, don't tell my wife!
But there's still an ache.
Shadow Aug 11
I feel like I must confess,
I owe it to my readers...

To tell you the truth,
I never really know what to write about,
I could write about a summer day,
Or autumn and it's dismay,
I could paint the colours of spring,
Or the bride who lost her ring,
I could write about the lovelorn youth
Or the pain that laughs can sooth,
I could tell tales about the moon,
Or the serpent behind the dune,
Perhaps I'd write about the sky,
Or about wanting to cry.

In all honesty I don't know what to write about,
I could write about not knowing what to write about,
But I just close my eyes and let the hand write what it will,
I trust the pen,
I trust the hand,
I trust my readers' taste :)
They had us in the first half not gonna lie
Her life was a play

Comedy or tragedy

I could never say
She knows but no one else does
MysteryM Jul 31
It was a fairy tale romance, my hand in hers, we run in the grassy fields of the Windows XP background. The hot gif of the summer sun insulted me. I was dehydrated and she created a thirst trap. My hand reached for the cold pink lemonade but she swatted my hand away. "I am the only one you need babe" she pouted.  Her love was apparently not enough and I proceeded to die of dehydration.
Next page