“A supposedly Amusing ode”

I lay here staring can it be?
A midlife crisis  come for me?
But no it’s not true oh it taunts me
After all I’m not yet fourty

But oh I’ve lived a life so carefree
No morgage payments await for me
No insurence upon my life
Not even a pension
I’m nobodies wife
I’ve born no child it’s not yet for me
It’s all lie ins takeaway and adult TV
I can go out when I please
I have savings never
Sometimes I drink to much but I don’t feel clever
But wait .... oh no maybe that’s not it .... maybe that’s not what’s the cause of this itch
Maybe now I’m realising I’ve had it all wrong
I bought the wrong book I’ve sung the wrong song

No rock and band sit upon this hand
I’m not sure why I don’t understand
Why have these loins produced no fruit
Why does my maternal instinct feel so mute
I do not own these rocks and mortar
This cat here is my only daughter
My other half as bad as me
He just likes to snore and watch TV
Oh shit oh no it’s all to late
To fix my life get it straight
I must get married
I must produce life
Quick mark wake up and make me your wife
Hmmmm but that’s actually all quite expensive
And we are really not that tentive
To the young of age who make such a mess
The school run sounds like a lot f stress
And a morgage surely ties you down
What if I don’t like that side of town
Or county
Or country and want to live a life
Full of travel freedom and vice ?
Yes I’m sure it’s all ok
in our rut I think we’ll stay
With our own jokes and inside gags
Phew what a relief I can breath with no strife
And relax a little into mid life :)
Constantly my life is, what’s ifs, what should I do, I should be doing more,
Then I remember I actually like it how it is
I'm the human version of the Energizer Bunny.
People laugh at me but I don't think it's funny.
I put on this rabbit costume and the zipper broke.
I'm stuck in this rabbit costume and that is no joke.
I'm trapped in this costume that is pink.
I've been trapped for three years and I sure do stink.
When I ask people for food, they give me carrots.
I hate being a vegetarian, I can no longer bear it.
I must get out of this costume and I have a damn good reason.
Hunters have rifles and tomorrow is the start of rabbit season.
I'm sick and tired of being a laughing stock to humanity.
Please get me out of this costume before I lose my sanity.
Dua Kim Mar 9
“Where am I?”
I asked Depressed.
Timid walked out the room.
Dumb drank his coffee.
I walked to the closet
And found Proud showing off.
Weird ran away, um, weirdly
And Attentive stared at her.
Jealous went out the front step
And Sassy commented on EVERYONE!
Copycat copied Sassy
And Embarrassed covered his face.
I asked Smart where I might be
As Cheery skipped happily past.
Distracted followed Cheery
And Smart followed me.
Speedy zoomed past, but
Where am I?
I followed Speedy, and then found myself
Suddenly back in the room
Where I questioned Depressed.
I looked in the mirror,
And I found ME!
So off I went to
the local market because
the weather was nice

Lovely blue sky made
my heart leap into a
colourful rainbow

Then I saw a fish
wearing boxing gloves and boots
boogying in street!

I said what you doing
in the street , you should be in
a park pond swimming!

He said' listen here
darling,  I'm fed up swimming
all day long in pond'

And having to keep
pouting all day long blowing
those silly bubbles!

Nah! I want to walk
on land! , 'hey sweetheart check out
my groovy flip flops!

There lovely I said!
Make sure you don't fall over
You look slippery

I said 'but why are
you wearing boxing gloves', he
said for protection!

Against who I said!
Er..I'm a talking fish,  I
think that says it all

The first ever fish
to talk can you imagine
all the attention

The government , the
scientists , tv shows , o
there love me darling!

Oh okay I said
Well I wish you best of luck
In your adventures

Laters doll! I'm off
to pull a bit of sushi
at local restaurant

I thought to myself
What a strange morning I've had!
Sod the fish market!
Fun and silly just being creative x
Jack Bennett Feb 27
If the sun doesn't rise

Then Japan was wrong

And the emperor should abdicate

Most definitely
Pagan Paul Feb 22

She kneaded her dill dough.

© Pagan Paul (04/02/18)
Randy Johnson Feb 19
Gordon Ramsay decided to pay a visit to Mel's Diner.
When he criticized Mel's food, Mel gave him a shiner.
Now Mel wears an eyepatch because Ramsay jabbed him in the eye with a fork.
He hated Mel's beef and had to have his stomach pumped when he ate Mel's pork.
Ramsay didn't like the waitresses so he told Mel that they had to go.
After years of faithful service, Mel fired Alice, Vera and Flo.
Flo was so angry that she was chomping at the bit.
She told Mel and Gordon Ramsay to kiss her grits.
Ramsay finally had to give up on Mel because his food is so terrible.
Ramsay's job is to help restaurants but he can't perform miracles.
This poem was inspired by the 'Alice' TV show
Bryce Feb 16
I do not understand this poet
Nor the glimmer in his mind,
and no amount of persuasion
Will ever make him mine

The great poet the world has known
The English Soul, the Bard of olde
Speaks little but of jests,
and not a word of happiness

But who am I,
forgot to time,
I all but simple words I leave,

I will never have
Shakespeare's memory
The Variation Feb 15
semblant snowflakes dash across
a dotted line;
yellow picture frames eat tar.
twisted root of pine fallen,
bellowing tears that steal wind,
breathing irregular through
patchwork lungs.

humid fire tastes humour bland,
phallic symbols of granite rust,
inhaling smoke through
tangled hairs in your nostrils.
Randy Johnson Feb 12
My eleven year old son decided to steal my car.
He drove to the theater and sneaked in to watch a movie that is rated R.
The film is about zombies who rise from the dead in a cemetery.
Now he has to sleep with a night light because it was so scary.
He has nightmares that make him scream every night.
He wets his bed and sucks his thumb because of fright.
His screams wake me up every night, I'm tired of having to get out of bed.
If the brat watches another R rated movie, I'll slap him upside his head.
My eyes are red and puffy because I haven't slept in three weeks.
I'm tired of changing his sheets four times a night when he leaks.
My wife blames me and she hits me so hard that I see stars.
My life is in turmoil because of a damn movie that is rated R.
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