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People don't like me because I make terrible moonshine.
Nobody in their right mind wants this whiskey of mine.
I've received a lot of angry phone calls, and some pretty nasty letters.
People say that when it comes to my shine, horse piss tastes better.
A city slicker actually called my moonshine slop.
He felt he'd been ripped off so he called the cops.
The police arrested him too for buying the moonshine in the first place.
His stupidity got him jail time, you should've seen the look on his face.
My shine is so terrible that the Surgeon General has started putting a warning label on every bottle.
If you drink my 130 proof moonshine, you won't walk straight for days, when you walk, you will waddle.
My shine will knock your head off, it's sure not as mild as a malt.
I've warned you about my shine so if it makes you go blind, it will be your fault.
Oil was struck on my land and 100 million is what I was paid.
My nephew has a great education, he graduated the 6th grade.
Granny makes her own whiskey, and she makes lye soap.
But if you're wondering if the neighbors are happy, nope.
Mrs. Drysdale doesn't like us, she constantly complains.
She says living next to us is going to drive her insane.
Elly May is my daughter, and she's awful fond of critters.
But now she has rabies because her raccoon bit her.
My sister Pearl insisted that I move here from the South.
Elly May won't drink water, and she's foaming at the mouth.
Jethro does some cyphering, he can count up to ten.
If you've met somebody smarter, I'd like to know when.
I love my mansion, especially the billy yard room.
If you get too close to Granny's still, you'll be knocked out by the fumes.
The people of Beverly Hills wants us to move away.
But they'd better get used to us, we're here to stay.
This poem was inspired by 'The Beverly Hillbillies' TV show.
Nateive Son Sep 1
HELP!

I woke up this morning
Only to realize
That my teenage years
And those after
Have been spent chasing a dream of ether...

That my pants were too tight
Because my blood flow works properly
And secretly
I wanted to wear a flag
All the time...

So I'm glad
That they still make science books
Two feet thick and fifty pounds
To cover the natural responses
Of 15-year-old boys everywhere
During the Pledge of Allegiance...

This was made crazier
By attending the Catholic school system
Where it could never be acknowledged
That these boners and wet pussies
Were running around WILD
No restraints
As nature intended....

But I've learned to take it in stride
And I always laugh about it now
Because it's not that serious
It's not that special
It is what it is....

What makes it even funnier
Is that the gag
Keeps perpetuating itself again and again
Throughout time
Throughout universes
Without fail...

Sex
Is the biggest run joke of all time
And
I'm in on it.

;)
You should laugh more, because this is all going to be over soon enough:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I5IiIdbXjnc
That's the good thing about possum innards, just as good the second day.
But whjen our dinner guests see what Granny is cooking, they run away.
These city fols have the weirdest reactions that I've ever seen.
When we serve buzzard eggs, they puke after their faces turn green.
Jethro is my nephew, and I need to have a long talk with that boy.
Mister rysdale loves our money but his wife is always annoyed.
Whenever we hear music, somebody is always at the door.
Even though Jethro is bigger, Elly May pins him to the floor.
People tend to catch on fire if they smoke after drinking from Granny's still.
As long as we have 100 million, MR. Drysdale won't let us leave Beverly Hills.
This poem was inspired by 'The Beverly Hillbillies' TV show.
In the microwave or oven roasted
A simple snack to have or full blown meal
Eat them at home or where wine is toasted
After a bag, hunger you will not feel
A calzone and ravioli it's not
Packed with flavour, pepperoni and cheese
A roll as delicious as it is hot
An oral orgasm each bite'l release
Totinos Pizza Rolls, the perfect snack
Ev'ry piece what a wonderful delight
It's like Christmas when you get a new pack
I'm telling you boy, they are out of sight!
If there is one thing that I regret
It's knock off Totinos, never forget
I was bored and wanted to write a sonnet. My friend suggested I write about totino's pizza rolls
Ed Russ Jr Aug 28
Lets take the day off and chill out, not stressing soaking up the lords blessings, let's go out tonight enjoy a nice meal unwrap ourselves expose our fun side peel the layers off, relax by a waterfront getting high off the emotions of us, watch fireworks toast a glass of strawberry and cream champagne to celebrate nothing bothering us

Just a night off lets communicate with our bodys flirting with the slightest touch temptation not asking for much, the night is still young so juvnille, let's make it worthwhile no dollar amount a value deal of us just enjoying us do wild stuff like we don't now how to behave ourselves, radiate is our smile viberations of our laughter makes the valley's of our heart shake, sweet lovers a savory taste

  Take the time to enjoy us we been working so much not taking breaks convicted to the grind like tired slaves, not tonight it's date night we haven't had this feeling for a while now, let's takeoff day cater to eachother feed both of us grapes do you want to split a cheesesteak, nothing much just you and us it's date night take the load off
Harry Roberts Aug 28
The Moment You Forget The Past,
Is When History Repeats At Last,
Circumstances Change But We Remain The Same,
If Only We'd Learn But We Don't It's A Shame.

The Way It's Rigged Up Know I'd Say It's A Scam,
They Fatten Them Up Then They Sacrifice Lambs,
They Beat Us & Eat Us But All The While Need Us.
Worshipping Satan So They All Need Jesus.

So Vile These Creatures
They Turn Into Preachers,
Have A Whole Seat In Fact
Fill Up The Bleachers,
You're Not A Leader So How Can You Teach Us.
Smoking Like Cedar So You'll Never Reach Us.

Purifying Fire For The Dogs With A Spire,
These Liars Like Money But They're Not Spiritually Higher,
They Give Out Confession Like It Is For Hire,
Morally Bankrupt See Evil Won't Tire.
Evil Recruits So Who Is The Buyer.
Harry Roberts - They All Need Jesus © 25/08/18
A bit of satire with a message. Talking about anyone in a position of power that abuses it.
Jack L Martin Aug 25
I write these words
Whilst sitting on the can
Can you fold paper?
The paper man can!

He is sitting right next to me
Stuck to the wall
He's rolled up quite neatly
In a cylindrical ball

I'll pull a few sheets
Cause I'll need them for wiping
I'll do it right after
I finally  stop typing

I'll wipe once or twice
And turn around a check
I think I'll wipe thrice
To be sure, what the heck?

I'll flush it all down
In a brown yellow swirl
I'll wave to it goodbye
Then curtsey like a girl

Wash my hands, wash my face
I'll grab for Fabreeze
I'll spray it like mace
Smells like sweet island breeze

I feel so relieved
As I head for the door
That my bodily excretions
Are in me no more!
F Huckersis Aug 23
Aye, how long did I see,
Oh forlorn, the thought
E’er was i to think!
‘twas a Lover.
A gay!
A man of the closet.
I love?
I laugh?
I lose?
Big Barbecue Titties!
On! My! Nose!
Please,
Please.
Please!
Now!!
Or hither shall I cry
From a lack of my Mashéd.
Potato!
Nipples?
Let's not make this long speech
    my best moment to reach
    Casablanca-Cracker
Day in and Craker Jack out what!!
Please the kiss needs to be longer__

The piano plays incredibly stronger
So short the "Cheez Wiz" visit
but constantly
Oh! My the lovely edible dish

The long wish*
too long its been
way too long___

I belong to the short savvy
stack of crackers
I am Jamming sweet
The words in
such an array to greet
Or meet Robin-Tweet
C-R-A-c-k-E-Rs__Cozy-Real
A+++ Collection
King Eternity gravity of Robin

The Craft fair long____
Line
Green Guacamole animal
 crackers green
with envy
"Long story Witchcraft"
The spell his magic fingers
French Tickler
Those finger foods gift matcher
She sees little red riding hood
Getting the right Judge Judy
homemade Country fudge so good

VIP cracker may I RIP cracked
the code computer hacker
Afterthought but don't
come towards me
She's bulletproof
The braveheart like a horse hoof

The earthy Queen of the county
It's today coffee dark swirls
Passed over cloudy war tug
Proud Mary got cracked mug
I only have eyes for
      *Sunny

The Leap jump for all
Easter bunny

Long appetizers in her tray
The hole in one Golfer hurray
The longer the wait like the
Meisers
The same star how I
met all the losers
A sweet and sour  mix of chicken
Moms cracker
Saltine stuffing
I am longing for English crackers
Like a ritual, out of time lips chuckle
Sweet Berry cheeks and lovely dimples

This life will burn and crumble

Over crumbled crackers?
Those blind spots
Dog wear collars of polka dots
His name is Scott what favoritism spots
Vacation spot Meditterian crockpots
by the sea
Sea salt sprinkling saltine
over the shoulder, good luck

Feeling love sick her revolver
crackers to meet her four leaf clover
Life is falling apart what a pity
This is not only____ New York City
So dry the air like dried up
       "Apricot"
What white as a sheet
Full moon changed her music
Longshot transformation
To the Stepford wifes
Robot desperately seeking crackers
Some green chile
mouth burners

The best honey milk
 bedroom eyes like
crackers
My Sweet lord all aboard flirts
the ship watch your salty lip
The shepherd's pies short skirts

She doesn't live in our town
The sultan of swat
Vampires blood jelly
There is always a
wicked plot "Santa Claus"
Pot of gold belly at a glance

Bullwinkle and Rocky road
ice cream cake
Cheesecake Factory
Trampling over crackers
What a time for a boycott

What fine attribute of
girl scouts
Getting blondie
brownie points

Someone passed her
screen test mirror mirror
cracked the glass shot
Astronaut looking
mighty short for words but pretty
Trusting the eyes of stars
The third eye three reasons

"Soap Opera Diamonds"
three times got cracked
Sex matters lips sensually
Strike a pose short rally
Madonna Vogue
The oyster's long love rumors
She just loves her jelly roll and
Mr. Graham crackers
Just appreciate those cracked
wheat ladies
Sesame melba toast short top
of the crack
The things that really matter

Whats the matter?
With your daughter
He longs for her divine crackers
That's another short chapter

Too many rejects he throws them
They crack up those actors
The writer needed to
find more movie extras
Groucho mark with
joke of crackers
More well-known names
with sponsors
The jackpot was hard to hit
Everyone was better to
crack the safe long neck
My lady Giraffe*
The true lover's knot
Your poem is worth the shot
Astronaut I brought you
The perfect flight the men
with the mustache
The salt and pepper shaker
Elvis the King is shaking
cracker and roll
This is a long shot to wherever you want to go but I cracked the safe what crackers can actually do it is a long shot we arent through
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