#laughs poems on Hello Poetry

NeroameeAlucard Jan 2015

Ladies, do you wanna know more about your man? I'm sure you know by now he isn't ashes or sand. Or the area in which water meets land. A man is just a man, and this is a list of what your man can't stand.

1.*** isn't everything, any man could agree with such, sometimes being nice is equally a rush

2.Please don't expect to win an argument of it involves my family especially my mum, I swear that **** just leads to me perusing ***

3.if I go out of my way to please you then I expect the same respect and effort or I will leave you

4.it's simple, no lurking on a social media page that belongs to ME

5.expect to get uncle philled out the door if I pick a restaurant and you get mad about it, that I abhor,

6 If we get dull in bed and you make a choice to not address it please expect me to watch a dubious movie , in fact expect it

7.Don't tell a story without a punchline or point unless I'm drunk and reckless with a high dollar joint

8.Know what the problem is before you try to fix it, or trouble will find you because you picked it

9.Don't ask a question to which you don't the answer
Because if you do so across the floor you ego will splatter

10.I don't care for your friends, I care for you, if they have something to ask me, they shouldn't ask you

11.Don't be upset when I laugh, while you fumble or folly, it's a humorous affliction, light spirited and jolly

12.If I cut someone off I expect the same from you, if you don't expect me to stay with you

13.the past is the past, nothing we can do about it now,
so please stop bringing it up, it's childish and pointless now.

14.pets are great. I love animals, one and all
but I don't wanna hear about it holding hands in the mall

15.Don't ask me if I'm alright every five minutes, if I say I'm good. I'm good. I don't need you constantly asking it.

16.Don't be an overzealous zealot and by that I mean don't be overly jealous.

17.If you go shopping that's fine, just don't take me with you, it's not that I don't want to I'd just rather have 20 nails shoved into my skull

18. Don't expect everything I create or write to be about you, I'm not saying I won't but that won't be the only thing I do

19. If you know I have a crush and I'm putting forth the effort, at least acknowledge me, you know respect it.

20. If you know the right guy for you is in your friend zone then why aren't you with him? are you trying to be like Robinson Crusoe. all alone?

Here's the list ladies
A duo comprised of myself and InspiredToInspire from poets corner crafted this

#love #life #relationships #funny #laughs

NeroameeAlucard Dec 2014

#throwbackthursday

Let's take a trip back in time to when I was still young
naive bit smart, hyper and dumb
I was about 4 years old and on christmas that year I got a bike
when simmer rolled around it was time to learn to ride
So my cousins and I went to the park across the street
we started off slow, I learned to balance on my feet
I started rolling with support, two hands then 1
I was cocky like a spring loaded gun

So my cousin suggested that I do one run by myself
I thought "I can do this now I don't need any help!"
So my cousin pushed me and I started to ride
I lost my balance and into the air I did fly
I landed in the grass but I knocked my two front teeth loose
I was crying like an innocent man headed for the hangmans noose

Several weeks later, after I calmed down
after I got my bandaids for my scabs from that mean old ground
my cousin who at the time was pursuing a career in dentistry
decided I would become his first vict- I mean patient, yes young innocent me.

So he pulled my teeth out, by hand I might add
I did stop playing with them, of that most were glad
but here's something I'll probably tease them about until I'm in my grave
those teeth he pulled out? didn't come back in until the first grade.

Yes this story is the unvarnished truth

#funny #story #childhood #laughs #throwbackthursday

NeroameeAlucard Dec 2014

Fun With A Christmas Story (Warning! Explicit!)

Twas the night before Christmas
and all thru the house,
not a creature was stirring
not even a mouse

The Stockings were, up and the Chimney was swept,
The kids are in bed, snoozing, with presents abd candy swimming in their heads

Mom and dad are in the master bedroom
Mom wakes up, she gets some water, quick to sleep soon.
but suddenly a bump rang out on the roof
which sounded like a certain 175 pound hoof

Mom remained silent, she didn't know what to do
Suddenly a bag slammed with a thud, at the entrance to the flue
She was frozen in excitement, SANTA VISTING MY HOUSE?!* she really was shaken, like a broke Mickey mouse.

Santa came into the room, his good nature almost visible
"Don't be afraid, dear lady I've come bringing joy and even though you have kids you still get a toy!"
"But I'm 36 what could I possibly miss? I had dolls, a wagon, unless there's something else I forget!"

Santa looked at her and gave a grin,
"Ma'am, my elves out in the field learn all things kept within"
At this she looked intrigued, what could Santa mean?
That's when she blushed red, but on the inside she felt green,
she felt her clothes ripping off at the seams

Santa gave a grin, almost looking insane,
now here's your gift ma'am, your own personal candy cane!

Decided to have some more fun with Santa Claus

#funny #*** #christmas #laughs #santa #claus #kriskringle

NeroameeAlucard Nov 2014

Santa's Gonna Be late

Hello ladies and gentlemen
This is Blitzen calling for the world to hear
It seems like Santa won't be making the trip this year
But you'll still get your gifts, of that you don't need to have fear

Now you may be asking, what's causing this delay
Well that's where Mrs. Claus Comes into play
Every year he makes the trip and at home she stays
So this year she changed things up, yesterday she wore Santa's favorite outfit
And laid on their bed
she called for her husband like she was trying to raise the dead
He came into the room and with a great surprise
She was wet and willing with a ***** look in her eyes,
She jumped on her man as if she were insane
and began slurping on his candy cane

So sorry people of earth, especially kids with frowns
But some pretty nasty stuff is going down
So don't worry kids when Santa gets out of bed
he'll bring all the presents so don't you fret!

Thought I'd have some fun with Santa!

#*** #christmas #laughs

Victoria Apr 2014

run run

I run
I hide
From sea to border
To find, to hide
From a life out of order
The tides that bind
The likes of mind
Music
Laughs
Passion and such
Are only what we have in common,
Not much
But I run
I hide
From sea to border
To escape you
..Get my life in order

#passion #lost #away #music #running #escape #run #travel #laughs

Neda Zeidieh Oct 2014

Not to be loved

Look what you've done
Look what you've caused
Every event I want to be a part of
And the many Websites i find to join and numb me
Books to borrow to drown my inner concerns
Music to listen to deafen my thoughts
Just so I can be able to push you out of my head
But once I rest my head on that pillow
Once my mind isn't occupied
With listening, joining, reading or moving
You jump in my head once again
And I lay there soulless (asleep one may call it)
Dreaming of you
I would wake up surprised
by the odd roles you take in there
Eager to tell you
Or anyone in the matter
But I stop!
Because I can’t,
You don’t know of the poems I devoted just for you,
And pretended it was not.
You don’t know of the nights I longed for you,
And tears trickled down my cheeks.
You don’t know of the moments I laughed at you,
And wished we would laugh together.
You don’t know of the crush I've had for the years that passed ,
And the years yet to come.
But it’s OK!
Because one day I’ll have something to say,
When they tell me you don’t know how it feels
*Not to be loved

This is for those who developed a crush and never got the answer to the dreadful question (Does she/he love me back?).

#tears #crush #forget #laughs

Ayman Zain Aug 2014

Never ending love

When I'm weary
And I fall
She catches me

When I have a bad day
She helps me forget

When I'm cold
She makes me warm and cosy
Inside of her

A never ending love between my bed and **I

#love #poem #funny #laughs

VENUS62 Jul 2014

A fishy tale

A man one day had a tryst
with his local psychiatrist
who was the hospital chief
considered to be a fish big

Doc, he said “I think I too am a big fish”

The nutty doc  said
I don’t treat patient’s wet
Please go see your local vet

The vet was one Dr. Spry
With  humor wry
He saw the patient on the sly

Physically you are wet
Yet mentally very dry
coz  all day you cry
wolfing the big Mac fry!

“Like cures like"
This remedy do try
hence forth  switch
to the pompfret dry
with less oil and more rye

#funny #humor #laughs

Hannah Anderson May 2014

Blue Heart

I wrote a poem for my biography to a special person about Adam, I thought you would like to read it.

Blue Heart

You were 18, so many years in front of you.
It felt like a dark eternity, you didn’t want to go.
I saw it in your sunken eyes.
The vacant stare and sad dark eyes.
I saw when you were sitting around the table prom night.
So much going around but you were too calm
too collected.
too inside your mind for us.
I knew that blank expression from experience
All too well.
You screamed for help
silent and loud
I reached for your hand
but you
f
e
l
l

You were poised and calm
Broken but full of love.
All I wanted to do was help you.
you were standing still when the world went on
and it did go on, it did, without you.

When you were standing there at the edge
I wondered about you, all in my head.
We were short lived, a friendship that was fast.
You came, changed me, then you left.
it came and went in a flash.

I knew when no one else could guess.
you put it all on me, didn’t you.
but I was not cross with you.
Heartbroken, yes
scared, yes
alone, yes
mad, no

Your color was blue
Blue heart, blue veins
Blue is the color of our planet
from far far away
we wore it proud it was all for you,
a blue solemn silence.
and the world spun fast and
all the people hurried fast, real fast
and no one ever smiled.

You weren’t all there, in that head of yours.
dark and empty
you were sad but you lived like you would die
tomorrow
tomorrow came too soon and it was up to you.
it was always up to you.

Meeting you was bitter
you put me through stress, anxiety and heartache
you put me through shame and shock
All I wanted was you by my side,
and you there was not.

Meeting you was sweet
you gave me smiles and laughs,
good music and thoughts
you gave me a feeling of friendship and care.
All I wanted was you by my side,
but you were not there.

You were poised and calm,
you rubbed off on me.
I was hyped and excited
you called me “ADHD”

You drove an old red beater with water bottles everywhere,
with **** in the glove compartment.
but you didn’t care.
Your drove with sunglasses and the FM radio loud.
You drove in silence, thinking no doubt.

You loved the sun but you would hike for the shade
when we were together you took me away.
I didn’t think, I didn’t have nerves.
We talked about the world
We talked about life
You had a life you thought you didn’t deserve.

Whoever planted that seed
had some **** nerve
you wrote like me but I wrote for myself
you wrote for us when there’d be nothing else.

I knew when no one else could guess.
you put it all on me, didn’t you.
but I was not mad.
Heartbroken, yes
scared, yes
alone, yes
mad, no

When you were gone
I read
and
I read
i wanted to know exactly when
you felt what you felt.
You called me your jav friend
you called me your angel

You are up there watching over me
I yelled and screamed
I couldn’t breathe.

I shut them out,
I cursed at you.
I hated you
I cried for you

I only see you in my head
Dreaming once and a while of your smile,
of your eyes
but they are never dark
they are never sad
they are never empty
The vacant stare is not there.
your hair is a giant mess
and I freeze that moment right there.

You said you were alone
you said it was a secret
you asked me about my darkest
and you told me all your secrets
I have never been in that much peace knowing I kept you there
It felt like moments when it was hours and you were gone too **** soon.
tomorrow came too fast and it was up to you.
it was always up to you.

Now I wear a band on my wrist
and pray for your peace
that is all I have left,
but you mean so much to me.
I hope you are happy,
I hope your journey has ended
and you found what you wanted
My heart was once broken
but soon if all this is true
it will be mended.

This is about my friend who committed suicide on 5/19/13 the anniversary just passed and I wrote this for english.

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Marlo May 2014

Sisters of the night

The stars rain down and fall into the waves of our hair,
Clouds drift around our heads and make us laugh.
Droplets of rain mix with the sweat running down our faces.
The warmth of happiness dances through our bodies,
Smiles engrave newfound dimples into our cheeks.
Drops of moonlight reflect from our eyes,
Making them shimmer when we exchange enticing looks.
Our walking of colorful streets provokes stares.
We are
Invincible. Role models. Gorgeous. Envied.
We are finally the things we wished to be.
But the best part is, is that we are it together.
And I couldn't be happier.
So I thank you,
And I love you, my sisters of the night.
You are the blood in my veins,
The white of my teeth,
Each of my laughs.
Thank you.

. *** .

#love #trust #moon #happy #miss #children #sisters #laughs #moonlight