Get off your soapbox

Feeling far too hot
Modestly boxed in, by each scoff
Folding up my arms as my tongue is lopped off

I know its funny
I'm laughing inside
The same arguments
Humanity is so blind

They all start coming, at the same time

They keep on running up
Flagpole ****
I think I've had enough
Am I anything without this?

Feeling fragile, breaking cycles

Left myself out of the carnage

You'll have your day
Then when that day is done, you'll know what you've become
This is my day
To make that ******* change, the whole world is a stage

----------------------------------

Started with hatred, flowing through the air
Wheres my forgiveness?
Incessant, bound and scared

You seem quite passive, for the way you play
****** body submissive
Power to subvert the enemy

And this is the ending of a waste
The life once gifted has been thrown the **** away
It was left up to you
Now you've got it made
But with nothing more to lose

And nothing left to prove

This perfect moment
Slipping right on by
Already gone

I couldn't take it
Sorry
It didn't save it


Sorry...

So integral, this feeling
I can't make myself ignore it

The waves seep chill from off the wind
My thoughts, caught up in the current

I found the beauty in the lake
If only for a moment.

I ignored it for so long
But it's mine, just for a second

The calming wind over the lake
Caught in the skin of this horrid face

Scared and truly alone.

If I could only drift away...

Instructions unclear

Uncommon is not a word I often choose
Over zealous usage has left it maladjusted
I feel too frustrated and abused
Fear the fearful and ****** the transmute

In terms not so blatant

Put it on the back burner
Pack it up and go home
For a moment
Calculate the risk in ******
Before you know you'll be encroached

You're killing it

And yourself as well
Although I'm not convinced you see it
I know your will is right, heart straight as an arrow
But strung up on the wrong bow

And swiftly you'll be deadly
buried in  the things you used to know
People die and turn to snow
To bury you alive
And leave you feeling cold
It might hurt to take a knife

I know

Your back is riddled
As it goes
But hold on tight
I see the rope
Is burning bright
But flames drive back
The dreary nights
And warming up, going up in flames

Avoid

Blowing up, reaching out in vain

Endless as the days
Ticking clocks all look the same
Hear them spelling out your name

Is this the way it stays?

So much bitter sweet love
For the pictures In front of me
How much left to the imagination
Color in the imagery

Warm hues nearly toxic
Feelings, intoxicating
Melting away into memory

And I'm the king of this playground
For like, another hour or two
And I'm on the top of this world
Because I've got nothing better to do

Beyond my power

I could've cried the day away
But the sun keeps prying
And swallows me anyway
Into beams of security
Belonging in every ray
And the time seems to rush by
Minutes folding into a day
Marked on a calendar
Never to be reclaimed
But still cherished just the same

Every facet of freedom
Sounding perfect from every side
Sometimes lacking wisdom
And brevity to realize

Life is so short
Sometimes

Curiosity let me down
Why do I hate what I have found
Why do the walls look awful thin
How long before the sky caves in

But I got hooked on these blue and purple lights
And i found myself in the streetlamps in the dead of night
Crystallizing, like the frost around my rib cage
A palette colder than the snow falling from outer space

Freeing myself From the hands
Finding my life is to my own detriment
Finite, caustic in the games we play
Dissolving underscores the price you paid

Rain drops
Bluer than the sky
Tears of someone high above
Felled in spirit
Will defenseless
Recognizing they were selfish
Despite all my endless walls
Broke the sky down to a fault

And the shards now fall all around
My outstretched arms
And broken heart

Saving grace is in my lungs
Biding up the time here spending
All of it pretend inventing
Ideas for the passing eye
Finding out why days go by

A wooden kid with a furrowed brow
Carved this way and made to wonder how
How long might we survive
Strung up, dancing on this twine
Woven out of atmospheric bitter sweet goodbyes

And the notes that I hum
To pass the time
-------------------
I'll still see you around, right?

Yeah, keep an eye out, I'm sure you'll see me

Resilient as you may be
I hope to find you as good as you were
When we were having the time of our lives

Tragic:
A never ending tale of woe
Bringing out the worst emotion
Erosion as the cancer grows
Over any limb no longer frozen

As if:
The diner is empty
Its nearly quarter to nine
Plenty of time, if you ask me
A new betrayal of the bloodline

Seconds pass:
The music slows
Departure of a soul, lost to Avalon
Are you still among the death throes?
Staring blankly at the wall, as time goes on

I miss you

Hey, wake up

I. Miss. You.


You alright?

Protecting the carcinogen
God bless this anomaly
Who they choose to protect
Intravenously a sight to see

Saving this misstep
Blight of justice, repetition
Six million people left to vet
Each one with tunnel vision

That's the view
Who
Is right
Wrong
Death and disorder
Tagging
The walls
Of the holy manor

Then **** them all
Inside and out
Violent, volition
No one truly knows self doubt
Ventricle technicians

Each coat of paint
Is closing the space between the walls
Halls closing in
How much longer before you fall?

---------------------
Oh god, I'm still alive
Please, someone **** me
I shouldn't have to go through this
---------------------

It's funny, ain't it
Fancy feast for the whole congregation
My words aren't an open book
A buffet for crooks run amok
On ground up horse hooves

Frowning down I pout
I'd **** my ******* self to put their fire out
A brisk shower of intuition
Intention of slowing mass emissions
Eating ***** in
Filtration organs

Go vegan

Take my hand
step in time
I am sure it'll turn out fine
just let the current untwine your mind

Every single step takes you closer and closer
With every single breath, you find yourself shoulder to shoulder
with Enimes and friends
With out the evil intent
I guess the stars aligned
And all we say are
we are all the same, in the end

Someone spots you
A jesture or smile
Its been a while, why not smile back?
Some peice of mind might finally come through
I think we both need a bit of good

Trust me, i know the game we're playing
A razor quite thin, the head of a pin
But balancing comes as second nature
Tomorrow we'll still have our chance to win

The lights light faces and faces light
Everyone is one tonight
Crack a smile its been a while
we've got the might
Not to mention will
to take something and dispite
hatred bleeding though
manage ourselves a lovely night

The colors of the glass
Surrounding little suns
Stain our hearts bright shades
We need to let the pain
Wash away

The irony is lost on me
But thats just the way i like it
ignorance is dangerous
but i think you should try it
Hatred fuels this night
But thats alright by me
I dont think ive ever felt so completely free

Venom drips from every cobble
on every corner
of every street
But i think you can do us both a favor
And turn your head as our hearts beat
Intermingled with the rythm
Love and trust the ones you meet

Just for the night
Its all alright

Route the dark in light
Ducking down
Masonic freedom fighter
Tend to rend the holy crown

Chalice overflowing
When did this cup pass to me
Empty vessel wrestled from a twine
Entwined fate
Engorged ball of hate
Flattening the gluttons
I've seen it all
Its never right to Intermediate
Limb of light
Invigorated, left unchecked
Balances precariously
Between the seance of death
And the scorn of the righteous
Overbearing and meaningless
And still it beckons

To walk a thin line
Is to take everything in stride
The same stride
We strove for

Through every long night
Waist deep in the sin
Crying out internally
Giving everything to win
Starving on the battlegrounds
Carving up and laying down
Doubting every action
Stained by affliction
Destined to persist

Slaying anything

Monster...
Demonic...

Only light escapes

You don't focus on yourself enough
...
You got problems man
Deal with them
------------------------

I can see plenty
I've got a good view from down here
Trust me on this, I can see the cliffs

The waves are empty
Who else could find me way down there?
And if I fell who would care?

This world is empty
This world is nothing if not scared
Of losing those with nothing left

My feet are swinging
In time with the beat above thin air
Just to remind myself, just how little I care

Imagination is a tool but not for long
Eventually the weak become the strong
And we pick it back up as the weapon it
Becomes
Something more that what we said we want

The dreams become real as we march ahead
Time to justify when their dead again

They had to go...

The night is empty
But the music's all around my head
It's a good ways down, but **** it, I'm not scared

My feet are swinging
In time with the beat above thin air
Just to remind myself, just how little I care

Simple life, lived as a vintage television set
Ornate, one of the few luxuries exclusively for the well off
Useless.
Kitschy
A banal dream with pleasures devoid of an iota of venom
In a construct, a forsaken place, a planet without form
A perfect encapsulation, almost a replica
Of status, a microcosm
Head in the clouds.
Soul in the blood and bone
Desperate, claimed slowly by unrepentant chunks of flesh
I see the breeze on the horizon, sweeping through the fields

So I
Wake up

I never expected. It's not something I asked for.
But I rise all the same.
Once more, one more story to add to the pile

And as it turns out, I found the cure
Deep within the growths sprouting, and the sick smell
To rise once more
In the conclusion of it, I was an island to myself, but I felt at peace.
As my boots strike the sand, and my heart sinks a little lower
The pinch doesn't feel quite as real.

I could take some dedication to the facts that remain, as a claimant
Vigor worn to a shaggy pulp, my lungs crumble in a wave of synthetic dust
The scorn faced, the harsh lights shone on me, the blistering heat...
Unforgivable, as any reasonable man might conclude
I absolve no one of anything, but it all slips further from my mind, day in and day out
If I want it too or not.

To be so sure I'm awake...
How crazy am I?
The whole world breathes, exhales, in a layer of grey smoke, that soon condenses into clouds to shade me personally in my inaccessible fantasy.

The whole world's slipping further into those muted, docile gray shades.
A whole symphony of colors for these starved eyes
So hollow now...
Along barren halls, I'll run my fingers, across the faces of dead, rotted saints and take my gratification
In simple motions, drinking in the vibrancy, all the intricacy bleeding through the mock notions of simplicity

It didn't feel real then. I remember it all, in vivid detail
In those few moments, though branched and snaking through the tunnels of my fleshy wiring
I didn't feel anything.

The pinch doesn't feel real anymore
I can touch the sides of the sink.
My fingers, with gentle pressure applied, can sink into my skin
It only seems to matter when I touch it...

I stopped bothering doing it, a long time ago
It slipped from my memory

Dignified
A generic question
You're all right
Stop this misdirection

So defined
Now that the past is over
The simplest mistakes
About to ******* over

Nothing's real
What's the strength of reason
You aren't real
There's nothing left to ground you

So ill defined in your heinous head start
Ill fitting precedence, tear me apart
Providence save me, i need your autonomy
I need your everything, what will you save for me

Take what is mine, a good enough start
Betting it all on this myopic part
I don't need your foresight
Don't need your "told you so"
All I can hope for
In this, just my clarity

And I did feel the hands of flightless nights
The gentle pull of fear, mixed into the very heart of bravado
The slightest brush of something wholesome to be found
In a mixture of perverse excitement.

To be found and lost at the same time, the most delicate balance to strike.

Genuine emotion, and the feeling of finding some camaraderie
A shared connection to be found within the binding of togetherness
All for a common intent
An extended hand, reaching out every member

At the peak of deprivation, I've only felt empty
Yet It encompasses completely, immersive like a dream
I comply wholeheartedly
For a poor and bitter end, no doubt
But an airing of my personal grievance, I can't imagine a worse outcome

Segregate, more than human kind all brought together
The kind of closed off system that one can only find in narratives
Completion of which results in a stark understanding that
Time passes

Who carries enough weight already
Shoulders taught, bowing backs under
The extent that is already carried
Strength born from what was torn asunder

That the burden we all place
From misguided necessity
Would hardly disrupt their pace
Sheltered from all uncertainty

A true hero, to save us from ourselves
To walk their fragile line, keeping us afloat
Lest we drown somehow, in our own murk
Shifting, grounding

Shouting out our names
From somewhere behind us
Furthering our doubt
While always reassuring
Keeping us in place
Granting us our freedom
To ignore what we came from
Picking up our broken remnants

Engorging always
To feed a toxic ego
Reaching out ahead
Affixing our alluring
Goal, so we would miss
How it's come to be
What we would achieve
If given half a chance

I guess we'd be indignant
Should we shoulder burdens
Similar in scope
To struggle with the truth

Internalize the world
How it is, not how we'd like it to be
Or how it's been perceived for us

A holy pilgrim downtrodden
I once saw the face
A goal clear, a path to take
No fear
No hope of fame

But never felt better

Now
Every single breath i take is leaving me sedated
I know just what home i'm looking for
And i know just how to make it
Mix up life, ****** up this time
But living isn't going to save it

Out of hate, white hot embrace
There's something here to entertain me
Finding time to reconcile
Dripping good will through an iv
A passive medication to alleviate the vile

New crime wave
Time to turn around
Its far too late
To take the fathers crown
A symbol of atrophy
Status reanimate in head space
Living through the air waves

God knows that its far too late

Decrepit in the negative
And that's the way you'll find me
Dead inside or otherwise
Becoming like a zombie
Staring at a color or
Listen for a note
To hit upon a heart-string
Played out, made up like an over coat

We live between the times
The time is stated
Above the waking world
Come guess what thread i'll next unwind
Hanging in the vacuum of a fragile state of mind

I am lonely
Yeah

It's fine.

Constriction is the missing key
To make subversion fleece through
Floss papers and faux notes
Knowing that no one would notice

But holy god if
Removal of all
Restraints and due process
Didn't make for some ****** up ****

Then it came full circle
If you ask me
Everyone is far too unnecessarily
Coy
All I can say is, whats the ******* point?

I swear, no one says what they mean
To protect whatever little
Artistic integrity
They might have left
Or drummed up in a futile attempt
To capitalize on a parasitic and spastic
Completely arbitrary meteoric rise

Like

I heard a song on the radio
That felt like static
******* why
Did someone take the time
To write lyrics
So insipid
Intrinsically missing
Every point attempted

Then second guessing
And cross guessing
And ******* up
And overdressing

Every single
******* word

And there was only like
Ten
Of them in the song anyway

Someone once said
I was far too blunt
And I should try and dance around my points

So I took out my thesaurus
Flipped straight to the word ****
And made it clear I didn't give a ****

Reveling in
Simple things
Loved before they're gone

Playing down
Entropy
For the moment
We should let it go

Aware of
All the things
Thing's I can't control

In finding
Evidence
Of another
Brighter type of dawn

Out here
Past the point
Never quite alone

Resonate
In bitter sweet
Little moments
In the undertow

Aware of
All the things
Thing's I can't control

In finding
Evidence
Of another
Brighter type of dawn

I can hardly get my head straight, and between every single
Tone, I readjust the cases, straitening the lace
Binding up the loose ends, mending every one and
Creating strait spaces, borderline alone

Indulgence over emotion, I don't have my own

Add a fifth, and once again to make six
The circle begins closing in, closer and then too close
How many sides there are, to a pint of gin
Are there more mixers in a little bit of sin?

Its my disparity

Something I choose; suffering disuse
And a lack of caring
-------------------------------------------
I'm just a branch on another tree
Losing the last of my leaves
I feel the wind running through my hair
I swear, it's blowing just for me
--------------------------------------------
I've seen the face of god staring out the ******* monitor
I've seen the wrath of many more, more, **** it
I'm done
I still speak profanely but only on occasion
When I stop to rest, from the rest like I've been vacant
And the break is all I have, before I fade away in chambers

The scent of lavender light permeating my eyes
Draining through the veins and inflaming the day dream spattered
Doesn't matter

The days where hate is the mode of operation
Now, yes. Now, no
Blown out of proportion, maybe so, but I've been alive a while
And I'm still only a couple old
-------------------------------------------
I've been overlooking so many things
In single words, I frame identity
The wind is blowing through my bones
In simple thoughts, and tragedy
--------------------------------------------
And he told me, take a second for yourself now and then
Pen and paper permit magic beyond a mere existential crisis
Might be something to find amid strands of loose light
Find a new light, bright enough to conquer demons, but
Success is still your metric in the meantime

Fine, enough
But, I can fabricate well enough to get
Everything I need from something not enough
****
I even lose myself sometimes

But that's the point I guess
Another time gone by
another moment well defined

I use the same words, same works, same letters
I take the same lessons from the ones bound and fettered
To the cause, of making minds
Fun enough to pass the time
Long enough, oh *******
Its almost...
-----------------------------------------------
If you follow my silver spool
I think I left too soon, if memory serves me
Too true for my own good
And the wind blows through my gilded skin
And I watch the moon rising

I had the dream again
Last night

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Paintings of life still dancing in my head
Bright light fading
Pouring orange hues and dull yellow rays
Cascading down over earthen tones
Dark green grass masking over
Thick as the leaves blowing in the summer breeze

That was how the sun set
Just a few feet outside my window
A view tailored just for me
For a moment

Blades slowly turning
Endlessly circling
Watching the shadows emanate from their continuation
I know

Blowing ever cooling air into my room
I never thought it would end
But the light faded
And what was left weighed heavy on my eyelids

Eyes shut, I found myself
Slipping further and further into the state
Between life and death itself
No longer aware of the confines of fate

Above me, shackled in place
Slanted up, ever out of grasp
Yet, constricting in my space
dissipated, pulling back a mask

My soul was glowing
Eyes closed shut
Flowing freely out of my self
Motionless and clear cut
So well defined
Hung wrong side up
Arms outstretched from my sides

Blissful and permissive
Opened, floating still
Serenity surrounding

Basking in the glow
Traced back to my window
Seeping over the sill
Across the blades of my fan
Blowing life into my form
New motion brought to life
Free of scorn, near reborn
Suspended above my comatose
Form

And what I found
There
On a summer night
Unaware
Of the world outside
Outside of what
I could see
Was what I have come to terms with
A whole other side of me
And from that moment
I have derived something

A feeling
      I'm not convinced
Anyone else has felt this

Just a kid
Probably could have missed it
And from what I think now
Ideals forming around
Negative spaces
And people or places

But ****** if I don't
Still think about
How it felt
To be that kid in his room
With the light
Fading through
A window fan

Defying justice, I shout somewhere above me. Wholly empty
I can hear the laughter of the clouds

Deference is evil, Louder now, every breath leaving me shaking
As the heavens forge their thunder to rain down

God of malice, forgetting patience, as the words escape me
I can hear the whispers softly now
For the moment, I am searching, though there's nothing I am missing
Forge the moment's once endowed

I was born in this place, barely justified
And now that I am alive, it was never justified
I once basked in this grace, the wording so maligned
I was born in this way, only death will reconcile

--------------------

This heart beats ever stronger
One
Two

One...
Two...

The drumbeat as I wander

****
You

The amorphous world hates each and every creative soul
Another, I can't name
Except the idols held in such high regard
Excluding the ones I disavow
Save a few, all ideas are below me now
The masses all bleed but not all bleed red
Some bleed black, and some bleed falsehoods.
Our perfect community has more common ground with the enemy than the elitist ground we've come to sacrafice our lives and time defending

If only for the present my perception is less muddled
Before I cloud my mind with hurdles
To Disincentivize
Future fleshing out
Stout lies, watching promises
Fall by the way side
I will rise
I repeat the faster I sink
This elevator ideology is showing no signs
As it drags me to hell
One intention at a time
Marching round in time
Circling, quickening my pace
Winning a race
Invented for me
By people like me
How about you try me
And then we'll see just how deep
Inside me
The mitre has me
The mindset grasps me
And chains around me
Feel soft as feathers

The wings I fly on are burdens beneath my feet
My brothers and sisters hold the keys to my shackles but have mistaken them for unspeakable horrors.

Miles and minutes
Trading time for a timeline
I'd rather not finish
Stick it out and ill be fine

Passing space
Metal matter flowing far below me
It must be the high tide I love to race
Encroaching, live for the second

Adrenaline dripline
Barely alive but still doing fine
Seperate my body and mind
Laughing as everyone else, doing their best to undermine

As i stick my wheels to the curb
***** four wheel drive
One more dead end suburb
I lost any reason i had left to strive

But im still right here
I havent moved in so **** long
In the seat of my car
Still hearing the same **** songs

Still partaking in life as it may come
Still drinking gas station pop
I was told the world would pass me by
But turns out my world follows me
And I dont mind
Passing their world by

Space seems so far away
And im still worried about words
Ideas die when action is taken
Stones are broken as we discern
Rebuilding feels so akin
To leaving no stone unturned

And as my temepered glass view finder
Drifts father through the rubble
I can see promise
And i can see the death of each and every one of them

Hatred, always been the cause
Tearing the town down, with each new clause
Ironically bitter
Fitted with my spite
Blind to my persistance
Mantra, my might makes it right

But I found a jewel among the rubble
Of the lives I danced upon
Beauty true, that made me stumble

I need you to know

My view
It changed
And I saw everything
The past, the end, and what it means to be
Someone who has found the truth, without a doubt
Infinity begins now

Hypnotic, enticed
Thoughts above reproach
Building cities out of love
High above most
People flocked to listen, listen and believe
Ministry commissioned, a mission to succeed

But I found a diamond in the rough
A pill so hard to swallow
Over complicated, but I just couldn't get enough

Now, I need you to understand

The scales
They fell
And I saw everything
No choice, to change
All that I believed
I'm sure I know the truth, and without a doubt
Infinity begins now

Try to find
A single reason
To change my mind

I'll give you a minute
Deep inside...

I guess its not all that hard
To blow my mind

The walls
They caved
As the world around me
Stretched out
Beyond, farther than I could see
Falling to my knees, my will was breaking down
Infinity begins now

And the rustling of dark green leaves that play to me like piano keys

So many consecutive sentences I'd like to add up, gain insight on some estranged topic

Just like the patter of rain falling through tree branches, it helps staunch the aching but slowly fills me with a feeling

I would take a funeral, if it meant just a week more for me, a chance to see the sights I spent so long in

Even so, the ground bubbled, entranced a bit of mirth, swallowed up by the thorns and roots that choke out the light within

I still need them, they support the lofty branches defining this ideal, bittersweet if not for the shine having been worn off completely

Gone, but far from forgotten

Not forgotten in the slightest, the wall of misplaced altruism still encompasses my forest

I still pray for the trees, I do, when the depth of night slowly rotates over

Still...

A flower in despair
I wish that I could meet you there
Tell you that it's all right
That dusk will never fade to night
And that I'll never watch you fade across
The seconds on my clock
A million pinprick electric shocks

And all the while the stage is set

I'd bring you into my embrace
Reality would slip away
The world still barely ringing in my ears
Ten thousand empty gestures
Ten thousand empty questions
And you'd become the ringing in my ears

All while the sky turns
Black without a single star
And the stage is set outside
But in the darkness
We still try

Hmm

Not another
Syllable can struggle through my throat
My words I have to choke
for the both of us, I suppose
But I just want to say
I still love the way you play with
The way that I emote
You'll come back to me, I hope
All that's left is to take the stage

Off the edge
We took from another life
Seeing Your
face is a cold reprise

Thinning down
collapsed against the wall
Our shared sense
Of being lost again

We only run
Once there's nowhere left to hide

Did you
figure out how to feel
I've bled
Into all the colors here

Destined
To somehow die alone
I still
Don't understand the throne

Reverence
The summit's height
To capture
Finally fading light

It's all over
Before its begun
It's all over

Wonder why I can't give a ****
Something in the air's got me ******
I don't know, I just woke up
What can I say?

I watch them fold up into my palm
And I see them take shape, as lines are drawn
Always looking down, lost but ever found
Until I found the one, who broke my solemn crown

Now, I stand here shaken
Unsure of what to do
Because everything inside me
I've found the same in you

So I tried for simple
And I tried to rearrange
I tried for love, but defiant, nothing changed
I tried to follow, this path I've since refused
Because now I know, I never should have tried
And for you, I refuse to lose

I can see it building higher, behind your searching eyes
Looking for a reason, confusion on the rise
I know you thought that you had broken through
To be left vacant, as my own I do reprise

And I don't know why this world keeps turning for me
And I sure as hell don't think it would for you
Depression and its icy grip
Might be enough to make one sick

If not, for this

And now we know, that this just wasn't true
Tell me, what was I supposed to do?
I could have left with you in toe
And then we both would die, alone

But the time ticks out

And the tide goes out

As my light fades out

There's something I have known

I won't be coming back for you, and you won't be coming back for me
I hate to turn a back on you

But this distance is mandatory

Every day, The day break takes
or otherwise brings me unwillingly to a place
where I must
disgrace or commit
to an emotional caliphate

Exterminate

Subjugate the lies and hatred forcing its way through the veins
Under the state, headed by the mindless and the best dressed *******
******* or not at all, **** the rules, make your call
Variation of the same, more to blame than the ones you forgo every flaw

Emancipate america

Ransom sick, eat the rich, starve the poor
Sold at auction at high noon, the heat beats down evermore
Intermission just near missed, its the best part of this show

Only one remains

Nevermiiind all that

eat some cake

Getting so lost again in my thoughts
Thought for a while I could find a way
Talk it out, sing it loud, nullify the pain
But the nerves are here, never to fade

Every time that I find myself awake
When I should be unaware
These thoughts keep me in chains

Talking past fringe friends I've never known
Regretting yet again the fact I've staked my claims all on my own

And I need to share
The half of me still self aware
All I want you to see
Is the part of me I'll never be

It all looks so ideal
Staring in a mirror
With a picture of you next to me
A pedestal for all to see

To keep me in a frame
Colored just a tad deranged
From laughing in the pain
Pretending I've  been bleeding just the same

But I've got to say
I'm sad, but it is all a stage
A sliver screen, my own display

Bonds are forged out of a flame
And living has only found me cold
Frictionless and meaningless
Or so I've been told

Somehow, life finds me here, alone

But It won't be long now, and it won't matter so much

Everything will fade away
Eventually
But I'll still be staying here
In my crumbling dream

Nothing for this ache
Ironically
Bright against the light of day
The centerpiece

For the first time, in a long time
For the very first time...

Vacate every side in space
Ironically
One last chance that we could take
Anarchy

Moth writhing in the flames
Never meant to be
Drawn up to the ledge I found
waking soulless sleep

For the first time, in a long time
Maybe for the the last time...

Take a deep breath
Sort out your answers
Take off the mask
Look through your own eyes, again
Take a deep breath
Brace for impact

Concessions since made
As hearts coincide
A flash in the eyes
And it'll end fine

You're not in the wrong
Not sure If I am
But it's never much
We rise with the tides

Everything moves in chaotic motion
The more things stay the same
Sometimes I try
But I never find the right words to say
If we don't see the light tomorrow
If you don't come out the same
I hope you recover
And keep your will to change

I always feel your words glow
If I'm asleep or not, I don't want to know
In losing, I only hope that it starts to show
This structural integrity

I'm still awake
I'm scared to die
Scared of all the little deaths
That come with change
Am I in the wrong?
It was just a mistake
Like everyone makes
Or so they say

Start a fire in the iconoclast kids
And the ghost start coming
Out from the now dead
Endless mystic thought processes
Left amid
Corpses strewn and silent
Disliked and then turned violent
By the hatred brewing
Though well deserved has turned into a fire

Can you force your light
Through this darkness
Keep it stalwart even as the waves crash
Over and around
The endless suffocation
The restless invocation
To open up
The light
Will it still shine at the end

The world always seems to leave me speechless
I don't understand, the things that you needed
Can we trust what they're showing on TV
If reality's a lie

So drag me back to the classics, I think
I need something for this ache
So take me back to yesterday
Today's one day too late

When I don't trust the words of the ones that hold me close
Its getting close enough to be a threat, I think

The air you expel leaves me so **** breathless
With all of this time, I expected advances
So tear down with disregard
There is nothing for me to hide

I wish I could read in a mix of context
Believe you me, this isn't a contest
Tear down this disregard
I've been running short on time

You keep running once you hit the ground
I'm barely here, but you keep screaming at me
Or at least, what used to be
You're late to the party being burnt down in your name

I'm leaving footsteps in the ashes

Odds stacked, but the overbearing
Often mistaken thoughts that are lending
More and more credence to my mind

Jaw slacked, but this mind has been sharpened
Its more than a fact, we breathe brokenhearted
But it's going to take far more than that this time

We spoke once, before it was over
We must speak again, cure the disorder
You're the only medicine I have in mind

Oblivion, or the loss of retention
Mysterious, if only for the second
Don't leave me sinking slowly into brine

It only takes a start and
You'll find yourself in time
Down an over guarded
Vaulted false start of a ending

After only a moment or two
I could feel the sparks
A sentiment that we shared
But not a fire

Your name came up in the end
She thought me a lair
When I denied that I knew you
She knew otherwise

She read the look in my eyes
Told me she loved me
But didn't want to be friends
She needed more

Filled with regret
Feeling abandoned
She turned her eyes to the sky
Blowing a kiss as she ascended

Here you are, just in time
Saved my life, I owe you mine
You're my girl, and I could never find
A soul better than you

I used to pine after her
Thought she could be mine
Every ounce of love I spent
Crafting the fantasy

Still, you came after me
Told me you loved me
Your arms beckoning

Say you still love me

Here you are, you never left
I can find myself in your eyes
No matter how far, I leave you behind
You come up behind me

The best of me
Squandered here with you
Hiding away in shadows
Your lips are fine
As quicksilver, you feed me lines
One at a time

Thought I saw a glimpse of something more
A pretty picture
But I had long since swallowed my pride
And you've sewn my lips closed

You're never out of sight
Forever, you'll be mine
Speak my name, and I'll
Come running back
Every time

I'm feeling hesitant
To ever fall asleep
Again, let alone tonight

I can't stop wondering

This thing inside a hollow casing
That I call me
Begs for nothing
Nothing.....

I can't believe its almost four fifteen
And the sun is already glowing outside my window

I hate you and I just want to be alone....

Why can't I be alone

Its your fault I hate myself, I hate that you exist, get out of me
I don't want to live this

Four fifteen

Blazed in crimson over my digital alarm clock
I barely hear the noise, the thoughts crowding out of my  head

*******, I just want to be alone
Alone
Alone
Alone
Alone

****

I pry myself up
A headache unrealized blinds me for more than a second
Do I look in the mirror....

Seems like an easy choice, but I still choose wrong

My feet barely keep balance as I stumble over clutter
Things left to remind me of the lack of progression

Head pounding, blood crawling
Life at a standstill
---------
Smile
--------
Pass out on the couch, get up hours later
Missed my buss
****
Better just shoot myself

It's still not ok
But then again, when has it ever been

Keep on screaming "its ****** up"
Take back your words, but you'll never take back enough
I've got a feeling over time
You'll stumble over what you didn't want to find

Keep throwing bricks against the stone
Chipping away, until you wear it down to bone
And you've broken everything away
I'm leaving you to rubble, burying your turn of phrase

And keep on screaming "its ****** up"
Save the world, but It will never be safe enough
And all your pity is in vein
Tripping over syllables, you never planned to say

It's not ok
But when has it ever been

It's still not ok
But I'm guessing that's the way it will stay

So keep on pouring out your guts
Slick as the ropes that I never thought I'd cut
And break yourself against the stone
Amid the bricks, you'll quickly find yourself alone

Not sure what to say
Not looking so happy now
Never a bad day
Still not ok
It's still not ok

Rather go crazy than listen
Pandering by admission but
Self aware snares set for corrupted youths
Fool hearty young adults with full color led's
Its enough to make an end of me
Plans still foolproof
A poem to read aloud
Bad enough to tap out and let the pain bleed
I need some new meds

******* wooden in delivery
Half a mac truck stuck in traffic
Social laxatives and blocks of backwoods taxing
Masked attackers wielding flak cannons
Better off landing face down
Don't bother looking around, its all ghastly

A sight to behold as the intestinal tract
Gets pretty much pretty as I get
Gussied up
And roped into gore like we busted
A collective gut

Dogs chewing
But its hard to tell until
One of them spits up a curly tail

Forming a gang of mindless drones around an idea
Still going strong and letting go of mindless chatter
Still feels weird with every meter metric laughter
Conversion is hard, so skipping the math
I'm busy laughing, I never bothered with math class

Algebraic as an insult makes most
Laymen giddy
Do what you will with me, society

Never wanted much, in the way of a cure
Never wanted more, but
There's still so much more

Never wanted a change in the way
I think
But all I say is

Same

Deep under ground
Through these channels
Communication of a life
Longing led
Bleeding out this medication

Permutation of the rain
Water ever flowing
Through eroded cisterns
Joy and pain
Ever dimmer
And the nowhere this is going  

Through the ground i did arise
Only to find the blackest night
And through the clouds i did escape
Only to find the void of space

Back at the start
Plans demolished
Polishing my motive
Over drawers
Filled with empty inkwells
And words on paper jotted

This nightmare slowly rises
Feeling uninspired
Quiet, new horizons
Bleed out into an open sky

This earth feels far away
This is all I have to say
Simplicity, this final right
Long awaiting, this endless night

Serenity, my new disease
Quiet contemplation
Competitive despite the lead
I eared with this predestined invitation

Love trumps all
But my Heart beat is quite thin
Felled like millions far before me
Now, this lonesome addiction has set in

By what metric I self evaluated
Is not your **** concern
Self loathing and self love are fine
Until you realize, they're
Followed by self hatred

Because what you forgot, opinions are not
Something that can be altered by
What you believe
What the world cares to see
The faults you've tried to hide
Are more than definitive
Through someone else's eyes

This solitary empire burns
With the feeling of resentment

Every note of color spurned
From the palette now turned grey

Harmful opinions to no one but me
No one can get in the way of my barbs
Self righteous heroes of a world assumed fleeting
Denied sacrifice can never be free

Who needs the criminals
With the strongest of wills
It won't be much longer before all the hills
Start calling out your name
As it turns to a scream
Try to wake up, but this life's not a dream

Shelter is easy, but hiding is hard
The stars make it look easy
But uprooting's really
*******
hard

The back woods keep drawing
The corner of your eye

...

Hardly seems real
Staring straight, eyes dilated slightly
Finding that the back of my throat
Is constricting

Unhindered
The light is shining through
Its burning up this trash
That clouds my better judgement
And I'm left choking on fumes

Just one word too far it seems
I just watched you dash my deepest dreams
With a callous disregard reserved
For the ignorant

Now I stand before you here
Stupefied
Everything I once held dear
You've broken in my hands

Left speechless
Motionless
You know I tried to mend every loose end
But there's no coming back from this

Left empty
You trashed my only plan
The words we held onto
Are falling from my grip as the cracks begin to show

The reflection
Of the truth i used to know
You're every little seam that deep inside of me
Kept the rest from showing

We unravel
Even as you start to scream,
traitor to the cause, I guess that's how you see me
Then that's what I have to become

And you don't notice
What we've both become
Nothing we loved changed at all
It's us with wandering hearts
And now we've strayed too far

I won't go on

Class action
**** the faction, fender bending
Render useless
Car crash contusions
bruised, burnt, alive
Crying from the pain
Pail full of optional rain
Falling unjustly
Criminals mostly understand
Benefits eat up micromanage nymphos
Following photos sold and *******
Getting ****** time and time again
Sawed off block head
Chopping block
Reset
Rest again

Hospital bed
...

I woke up crying

Time to try something new
New age medicine
Stomach out the world
Something out the blue
Moving too much
Shut the **** up
Blunderbuss meets bell
Barely able to hear
Noisy as hell
Death is quite near
Airbag lining
Windbag silence

Far too much

Plastic in my lungs
Wind for the sails
Bailing out the titanic with a pail
Pale, like formaldehyde
Toxin lawsuit

Not a drop to spare

Do you got the time
Nine months to a dime
Rebirth is off the table
Eat the pie (If you're able)
******* mistake
I misspoke
Slowpoke, speed up
Runt
Get stunted from birth
Mirth in the face of change
The fire's still burning
If you'd sacrifice a turn
I'd be more than grateful if you could

Rain on my parade
For a ounce of gold
Cleaning out my brain
And the thoughts untold
Over protective claims
And I'm lying back
Lying bout my name
Just to make it back

Wired shut jaw
I mean that two ways
Split it up right
Money and pain

Break apart another thing
Another ****** part of me
I still won't be taking anything from you

Exacting prices of my needs
I don't need a ****** thing
I won't be taking any more from you

Find the center of desire, til it all turns south
the bitterness still carried, clinging to your mouth
Another open flame, crumbling to dust
Leave me choking on the ashes, final remnants of this trust

When it all goes down
Will you still be right here waiting
For another chance
At this final undertaking
Down
It falls

Dull raindrops leaving trails down the glass
As they land in my mug brimming with
Feelings of missed opportunity and swatches of colors
That have all bled into something of a cloudy grey

Clouds that hold demons at bay behind sheets of rain
Fires that burn in the cold quiet mornings
Pronounced and protruding slowly it comes to me

Sinister thought crimes that etch themselves woven lines
Plots long forgotten and discarded memories
Pronounced as it seems, still slowly It inclines

And out from the shadows painted by steady hands
Carved out of mistakes, they know from the memory
Creatures are calling me, out from the darkness
Festering innocence offers me a reply

Each one was made from the stroke of a pen
And what sort of unknowns have I begun to deify

They were made for me

They call my name, still taunting me

All I can do to stay here a while more
Ending my efforts in each ignored symphony
Along the back wall and in every corner
As soon as my back is turned, they all start whispering

I try and hide away

Still, I hide away

The forest is shrouded by miles of brickwork
Fast talking incongruity
Of iconography, smoke stacks birthing machinery

That's how it starts

And here I hide away

I sought out just what I've become

Numb to trepidation, apposed to emotions
I choke on sensations, opening to oceans
Of blood soaked remnants I can't fathom
Begin to comprehend, or otherwise justify
To myself

And It's square on my shoulders

If I like it or not

Sating my lust for life, finding out how
To revel in spite, in spite of myself, honestly
Grating, the thoughts that haunt me through
Sleepless hours and all the mindless rambling I do
To myself

I wanted to change, and I did

I did change

Bought at the current rate
Life condensed to a price
I wanted everyone to pay
Besides me. Never me

I thought it free, until someone came around with
The promise that they'd take it all away

Breaking ground, like the words I said
What I say in my day to day
Breaking ground, foray into something
I'd call a grave mistake

Try to justify it, screaming at the sky
Trying hard to hide what I swear I left behind
Blame it on society. A scapegoat that never falters
Hurdles that I prayed would change, and yet
They never falter
So, I blame it on you, and then you blame it on me

I blame it on myself

...

I blame myself.

What it always comes down to

And I turned into what I had always planned to turn into
Go figure.

Chill seeps from the river
Current rushing over me
Barren tree, standing
Branches listless in the wind

All i could count on
In the howling of wolves

Pull these roots from shore
Wrap me in, this cold embrace
In the cold, I'll become one
With withering frost,
It seeps into my veins
Across my eyelids
The crystals formed
From my extremities
Ice

I am a product of god's ignorance
I've been built from marred clay
Blame me, for sanity's sake
But the potters hands faltered
Irregardless of what some might say

I ingest every ounce of ink
I can manage to get a hold of
Until it permiates
And percolates again and again
Filtering through matter once gray
Leaving it saturated

Invoking imagery
Evoking change
And aptitude long since vacant

Because we bet on friends, but count on ourselves
With a fickle mistrust
Hardly justified, but well enough adapted
Laughable, really, when its thought about

Its only been recent that I've had so little time to place bets
And so little time to gamble
Like a trick of the vagrant wind
Ageless as it flows between a million meetings  of the minds
All great and inspired
Lying on so many final wills
And parting testaments

Grave, where is your sting...

Assumed to be bitter, it would seem
But bonds long since sutured to flesh
Make for an easy stretch of time
From now
Until forever ends

Each and every one

Each of my bones was broken and
Then set into themselves
Folding over backwards
Misshapen and deformed
Heaven blessed my torments many
Bitter running brooks that flow
Over every broken bone
Making each one whole

Restitution, but at a price
Vengefully demanded sacrafice
Only half a moment wasted lost in thought
Standing on the brink of a crossroad

Goddess, take a hold on me
Spirits, rend my soul free of these
Would be chains

A fall like lightning can illuminate
A dark night

The symbol of an age ending
And another fire burning

Daybreak
Sunlight washing over me
The end of senseless tragedy
Letting go of pain

Dry spells and misery
Inflaming all my past regrets
For a while, lived sight unseen
Another mile, on a vacant road

Never thought It'd feel this real
Like I could a life in memory
It's been a while since we parted ways
But all those days still seem clear to me
I know the future is fixed in place
But it never felt that way to me
Ever longing for simplicity
Never feeling real

Secluded out here, In the passing trees
Wreathed in light of gaias halo
Through shadows washing over me
In the calm, quiet calamity

Another fantasy I can't fulfill
Or live up to, as evidenced
Imagination of the heartless soul
I never can forget
Nursing wounds that could never close
Something crawling up my throat
To watch the rain fall inside my head
From my bedroom floor

Don't wait
Why would I lie to you?
As ash peels from the coals
That bittersweet hanging rope
Don't you want to let it go?
Cause it's never getting better than this
There's no going anywhere next
Think of something you love
All things you held close

Daybreak
Sunlight washing over me
The end of senseless tragedy
Letting go of pain