they say um a kid,
i am out of control
i say yes
i am OUT of it all
this OUTfit i wear
is the OUTcome of the places i been
and its OUTstanding
as i OUTburst every emotion into words
i am OUT of my mind
but dont mind me
my OUTrage got me here
OUTsourcing life right out of earth
so you OUTdated if you ever think i am coming in
i am staying OUT
It all starts with a Facebook friend request,
Is that guy, who’s not ashamed of himself,
He did not want to treat her as a guest,
All he probably needed was self-help.
She believed he was happily married,
Maybe something else he was looking for,
She sees how his ring he never carried,
His wife he wouldn’t value anymore.
But she was only seventeen years old,
He would talk to her like she was so grown,
None of his thoughts she could ever control,
She is so happy he left her alone.
She’s hoping this kid he has on his way,
Grows up to be a better man someday.
It's me again.
Remember the monsters you used to check for underneath my bed?
It turns out they are all inside my head.
I know you couldn't see them at first,
I couldn't either,
But I heard them whisper,
I heard them chatter,
They listened to me weep.
I don't think you understand,
I know I'm not a child anymore,
But the underside of my bed is all cleaned out,
Yet they still remain.
Light switches turned off.
You have to go?
With the lights turned low,
You shut your door,
I'm all alone.
What about the monsters, mother?
I know you can't see them,
But I hear them,
I listen to them,
I no longer weep.
You said they weren't there,
I believed you.
You said it was the nights anticipation,
But it was my damnation.
You're still not listening to me.
They're inside my head,
I have this sudden feeling of dread,
I have to get this feeling off my chest,
Lay me to rest.
That is my last request.
So much bitter sweet love
For the pictures In front of me
How much left to the imagination
Color in the imagery
Warm hues nearly toxic
Melting away into memory
And I'm the king of this playground
For like, another hour or two
And I'm on the top of this world
Because I've got nothing better to do
Beyond my power
I could've cried the day away
But the sun keeps prying
And swallows me anyway
Into beams of security
Belonging in every ray
And the time seems to rush by
Minutes folding into a day
Marked on a calendar
Never to be reclaimed
But still cherished just the same
Every facet of freedom
Sounding perfect from every side
Sometimes lacking wisdom
And brevity to realize
Life is so short
This young man in front of me
Nor care nor hate
A sense of indifference
A sense of unfamiliarity
I don’t know him
He doesn’t know me
I don’t love him as much
I doubt he does as well
In my dreams
This young fragile baby in my cradle
The tiny tot,
grinning from ear to ear, an injection of innocence
Replaced with glum
How reality hits
How life hits hard
As replaced by swear words
Where did that little boy go?
I miss him dearly
Stroke his hair, watch him while he sleeps
I miss him dearly...
Keep coming to my dreams, little boy
That’s where you belong now
When I was younger an infant of
the illusions of the world, my mum,
"She was a lost sheep trying to find a herd,
Church was my Sunday destination.
Drinking and eating though it was the
blood of a fallen man, people in lines!
Like waiting to pay for something,
its the UK we line up for everything.
"if there isn't a line don't trust it,
I used to pray little hands clasped together,
but then mummy and daddy argued..
so very loud, I prayed for silence
but anger travels, voices echoing in vacant halls.
I asked on Sundays "why doesn't god help,
"Why doesn't god breath,
"Who created God,
"Why does he not hear my pain,
"Why doesn't he just stop the devil,
"Free will of man he gave,
"Because he is everywhere, he is the breath of the universe,
"God has no creator, for god created everything,
"He hears everything, that all speak,
My mind thought on these answers, even though
young my mind collectively I was thinking,
"why does he help others yet not me,
if free will is ours then isn't he violating it
by helping the few and not the many so we
have no free will at all??
Sunday came around, and I had questions to
ask my mother was cool
"A mind is a journey, and thoughts are our footsteps,
My mum was deep, and also loving and silly..
I walked in a now not seeing this place as before.
Eating the bread disc it just felt stale in my mouth.
Songs were sung and the plate was passed around,
those with little gave much "Later I would understand,
Then I walked up to the priest, nervous of my questions.
Sir, I thought of the words on answers I asked.
My question like water flowing out my mouth...
I told him of my confusion at his answers that I
had thought long and hard on..
Everything has a creator
God created everything
God doesn't have a creator
Doesn't make sense the last cant happen
without the first, then I continued...
"God gave free will, our path is his chosen
he knows our life upon our creation,
"But then why does he help others?
Or so they say, isn't he breaking that pattern
on non interference, or is the reality that nothing
Is answered its happenstance, our will is our own.
"If he hears everything, sees all, would that not
make him non omnipotent as he could stop the
playing of the devils tongue, as he lets children
die at cruel hands, sees those kill innocence but
just watches like its pay per-view.
"Wouldn't an omnipotent being have the power to seal the devils fate, but if not in choosing is he no better than the one he warns others about?
The gentlemen just stood there and had to
think on my questions, and his answered
sealed the position I stand on now
"God has a plan for every one,
I knew then as a child that this was just a herd
of sheep gathering in a waterhole of falsehoods.
My mother excepted my stance, for her she
had a needing for something more than herself.
But life is the something more, to attend to yourself,
friends those around you helping strangers when
the need is needed.
I wasn't only going to be good for what a book said,
Fearful that some are only that way, not because of humanity,
but the fear of spoken words that they'll go to a fiery place.
My mother was cool, an open book of thought, she delved
into a few religions, spiritual gain.. she past a while ago...
The proof of my thoughts confuse some, I say that those
stories as a child didn't hold water, but we all grew out
of the tooth fairy, Santa. but still believe a story that holds
great contradictions, from a time long ago not suitable to this
day and age. I see the world and see more shedding the covering
of there eyes.
Were growing up, leaving our cradle of ignorance and
superstitions behind. I look up at the night sky, never
thanking some abandoned father.. But just looking at
the universe realizing I'm just a spec of dust in the motion
that are happening around and above. I glad I'm still here,
but that could change at any moment. Then I'd just be
a memory on others thoughts, just hopeful that I made
a little ripple to make others lives, my children's, my wife,
my friends better, worthy of the time I was around ..
Still in its earliest stage of natural innocence
Still young and free of the world's expectations
Still void of any meaning or wickedness,
Still void of the purpose that it will soon search for
Still void of understanding why:
"Why people kill one another."
"Why people kill themselves."
Still void of everything but life and its reactions
Still a living, breathing, curious little creature
Still a product of: Love, if not love then: Impulsive lusty actions,
Still causing unintentional pain with its existence
Still increasing stress that sometimes evolve into depression
Still crying to get care, attention, and whatever it wants,
Still purer than a child in my opinion
Still angelic because children are not as innocent as they look
Still knowing barely anything because children:
May be hiding so much more behind their sugary smiles in photo books,
Still not knowing the terrors of life that lay in boxes unsecured
Still uninformed of the arduous reality that awaits it asleep
Still living in a wondrous blur, a dream misunderstood,
Still growing, if not dying
Nevertheless, let’s imagine it’s growing
Where one day, it may bring another baby
Then, it will die.
So naive, so oblivious.
It started with a note followed by a couple more. Next thing I knew I was wishing she would skip the 4th and come at me with some force. I was fifteen years young and feeling sprung. This feeling was new to me. She was 18 making me fall in love so quickly. I was just a kid not thinking adult things. Her and I was something so sweet and innocent. 10 months later my heart was broken for the first time ever. Damn that shit was painful. She cheated and admitted that it was my teammate who She was dealing with