I was an observant child. I learned a lot of things growing up. Things kids are not supposed to witness are tattooed on the back of my mind. I learned the importance of discipline as fear was used to keep me in line. I learned that lying is only bad if you get caught and the truth can be bent as far as you'd like to make your stories align.
A lot of my parents' lessons made me learn things like love is earned not given. A cruel truth they taught to a kid who was only seven. I learned that I do not deserve their love or attention unless I do something, unless I accomplish the things to make me worth their affection. I was a smart child. I was admired when all I wanted was to be loved.
My parents raised me. Growing up all I wanted was to be like my dad but now I'm worried I see him in my rage whenever I get mad. I learned to throw a punch before i learned how to apologize, I learned how to act strong when all along no one told me it was okay to be weak, I learned how to smile before I learned how to be happy and I learned to shout before I learned how to speak.
I am not a child anymore. People would commend me throw compliments at my way as if not knowing a candle kills itself faster the brighter it burns. I open up about the things I learned and they tell me it may be wrong but it made me strong. It made me stronger and it helped me become the artist I am today but I was a child. I did not want to be stronger I needed to be safe.
I learned a lot of things growing up. I learned that sadness felt familiar so I'm relieved when tragedy happens. I sometimes purposely set myself up for failure to at least have a reason to be sad. Self sabotage became my language and boy am I good at speaking. I learned I wanted to **** myself but still learning how to make it easier for the people I love when I'm gone so I slowly make them hate me.
I learned that I am not a good person, I learned that my parents tried to be. They're still trying. When you are not fed love on a silver spoon you learn to lick it off knives and maybe that's why every poem I write hurts me more than it hurts anyone else.
This is raw and there was no planning involved. I guess I just really needed to.say it out loud.
the more you know me, the easier it'll be to hurt me. men like to say "i'll never hurt you" with all the right intentions. but, i know it's a lie. you know it's a lie. you just lied to me, and that makes me dislike you a little bit more.
i'm sure girls are always throwing themselves at you. i'm flattered that you like me, but what if you like her better? what if shes more experienced? will you resent me for not knowing what to do? i don't think you will, but then again, i don't know you.
I'm a machine- gun wielding ******- path of destruction scorched by hatred plumes of resentment billow into the air above me.
Kidnapped at an early age. Given straps and a surly rage.
I have a vicious commander who wants to get even so I find it odd I should call him God but that's the law. My arms an extension of his will. My mind an extension of his mouth.
I see my life chiseled in stone before me it's defined by a maniac's brutal orders. So in order to avoid misery I embrace it. My value is in violence so I say carpe diem and RPG them.
I mitigate my murderous misery through ****** and methamphetamines. Saccharine civilians deal with life through hope and faith. I resent them for the life they've lived for the hope they've maintained. I wonder if their hope and faith will survive after being ***** by a child.
It suppresses all sorts of resentment. And beyond all sorts of emotional disorder. A shower of it could revived a death sentenced. The thought of it healed a broken in heart. The spread of it eliminates poverty. True emotion of unconditional love. Love to mankind. #C9_fm