Jessica Dec 8

do you ever just
walk down the street
because you want to feel the wind blowing against your skin
see the sun shining in your eyes
watch small buds bloom into beautiful flowers
hear the children playing on their bicycles
smell your neighbour’s freshly cut grass

I do this often
but not for satisfaction
or happiness
or joy
I do it to know that the life around me is still going
the people near me are still going on with their lives
to know the world is still turning
even though mine’s stopped

usually I do this about once a day
after I do this I rush inside
I run upstairs
add a few cuts to my collection
wipe away my fresh tears
apply makeup to my permanently tear-stained cheeks
and carry on with my life
it’s routine and I do it every damn day

my mom once asked me about it
“why do you always run upstairs after you step outside?”
“what do you do in the bathroom all the time?”
“why do you always wear long sleeves?”
“why are your eyes always red and puffy?”
“why are only your cheeks covered in messy makeup?”

you know what I told her?
I tell her it’s none of her fucking business
as long as I’m still breathing
I’m fine

she doesn’t ask me questions anymore
I feel bad that I was so harsh to her
but I didn’t feel like talking to her about it
because I’ve heard what she has to say
about depression and suicide
she thinks people are wasting their life being sad
when they have absolutely nothing to be sad about
she thinks people who are suicidal are ungrateful
because “god” gave them the gift of life
and they are ungrateful for wanting to end it
they are selfish for wanting to die
because they are hurting the people that love them

well you know what I have to say to that?
that’s a load of bullshit
because people don’t choose to be depressed
they don’t choose to be sad all the time
they don’t choose to hate themselves
they don’t fucking choose to wish they were dead

depression is not a fucking choice
suicidal thoughts are not a fucking choice
because if it was a fucking choice,
no one would kill themselves,
therapists would be out of a job,
happiness would be more common


you know,
so many people I talk to
think depression and suicide are silly
they think people who deal with these things
are attention-whores
and it angers me so fucking much
it fills me with rage
it makes me want to punch a goddamn wall
but then it makes me sad
because these people are my friends
my family
my peers
people I’ve known for so long
people who think they know me
they are calling me these things
without even knowing it

and it’s funny because you think you know someone
you think you know what’s going through their mind
you think you know when they’re happy and sad
you think you know them better than they know themselves
you think you think you think
but you don’t know
you have no fucking clue!
you don’t know I lie awake until four in the fucking morning
thinking about how much I hate myself
you don’t know I come home every day and slit my wrists
until they gush blood everywhere
you don’t know how much I wish I didn’t wake up this morning
wishing I would have just disappeared into infinity
you don’t know I have to go take a walk outside
and watch everyone around me go on with their lives
for me to remember the world isn’t crumbling down
even though it feels like it is
you don’t know that I put eye drops in my eyes
to stop my eyes from being puffy and red after I cry
you don’t know that by the time I fall asleep
my pillows are soaked in my tears
you don’t know that I have to use my curling iron to burn myself
so that I can feel something, anything
you don’t know that behind this smile I’m falling apart
and holding on for dear life
you just don’t know

well guess what?
now you fucking know
now you know that I’m the attention-whore
that I’m the selfish bitch
that I’m ungrateful brat
and now I fucking know
what I am to you
all I ever will be to you
and that no matter how much I try to reason with you
try to change your mind, your opinion
I will never be more than what you think I am

so maybe one of these days
when you see me walking down the street
taking in the area around me
you will finally know what I’m doing
and you can finally understand why

Paul C Nov 19

Running exercises body
and heightens spirit
Walking exercises body
and lightens spirit

Walking in the rain can be down
or can be joy
Don't let the rain
or the world as it is now
dampens our spirit
That's the spirit

When you turned away from me,
I turned too walking back on.
The saddest thing of all time,
The secrets told between us.
It was then all I could see,
This was a battle not won.
I ask myself even why,
We have this love not so bold.
For now I know I must be,
Not your lover and no one.
Keep on walking with a sigh,
Knowing yourself to grow old.
Time not on your side with glee,
Knowing now I’m far and gone.

Inspired by Sam Smith’s recent “Too Good at Goodbyes,” I couldn’t help but to pump this love song out
benedictpiper Nov 20

Sometimes I wander
Don't really know where to
Letting thoughts and emotion go as I walk through
places I will not remember

Andrew Durst Nov 14

The message
you carry
is more
valuable
than
your defeats
and
it is
with this
knowledge
in which
I hope
you choose
to keep walking.

Dude, like, husuh, dude?

the piano keys
will be rocking
in heaven
to-day
rhythm and blues
being played the
Fats Domino
way

quite the session of music
booming out from the
amplifier
a catalogue of tunes
charming the aficionado
admirer

"I'm Walking To New Orleans"
a song of
emotion
delivered by a soul
with such
devotion

a welcoming on
high
his mortal coil spiriting
up to the good Lord's
sky
a crying and a
wailing
of his heartbroken fans
as "Blueberry Hill" echoes to a
tailing

Acknowledgements to the late Fats Domino.
Xander B Oct 24

[1] Set of earbuds. Black. Scratched and left to wither away.

[2] Dead pumpkins. Probably COD: baseball bat.

[7] Broken beer bottles. Some white, some amber, some still containing beer that has leeched into the cracks on the concrete.

[26] Acorns. I collected some for Mabon and Samhain. Some were close to shattering but aren't we all?

[85] Honey suckles that looked almost lavender. But they weren't.

[Too many] Different paths to go down.

Jay Oct 16

I am walking on a trail I am uncertain of
Reaching for the stars while hopelessly grasping for the ground underneath my broken feet
I am touching your tears afraid that if I do not wipe them away you’ll wipe me away
The thought of you in pain always makes me feel like throwing up
Someone as precious as you should never understand what it means to be hopelessly alone while surrounded by people who love you
I am afraid to understand the misery that lies beneath your more than somber smiles
Rather, I’m afraid that you’ll no longer be able to see past my illnesses and need for self harm when I finally tell you about everything that I really think about
I’m following a journey written out to me by the government
Spending money I don’t have
Hopelessly aiming for a future where I can provide for you and help everyone who’s ever helped me
This accumulative debt is a spark in my check book
Ruining my finances but helping me achieve something greater than myself
I could never write poems the way you write music
And every time I look in the mirror I see a missing piece of me and I cannot find it no matter where I look
I’m trying to find myself alongside you
Afraid that you’ll be another to leave me behind and achieve grand things without me
Even if I am a lowly writer
Even if I am a hopeful poet
Even if I am a hopeless person
I need a sense of fulfillment to keep me alive
I am a train and no one is filling my coal
I have stopped on the tracks of life and I do not know which way to go
There are storms rolling in and the thunder is so loud that I cannot hear myself scream
My heart beats at an exponential rate and I no longer know if I want it to finally explode
Or for it to just stop
The clickity clacking of my fingers typing away on my keyboard is music
So I am a musician just like you
Only my instrument of choice is my growing vocabulary and my lyrics don’t always make sense
But I am still walking
Sometimes I run to a destination I’m certain doesn’t exist

And, when you wake up
you shall only see
an imprint in the pillow and covers.
long gone i will be,
from this mess, and the loose
webs that reveal your other lovers.

Dreams of misty forests
Keep me walking in my sleep
Searching for the answers
I find only with my feet

Songs of old religions
Sultry scent of old perfumes
Strange fires burn within me
I dance to their ancient tune

Memories and voices
Echoing through my mind
The truth is far stranger
Than any fantasy I may find

Dreams of dancing figures
Haunting every step I take
These songs will keep on singing
Until I am awake

Greetings my Beauties! Thought this would be proper for the time of year, so enjoy and Happy Samhain! :)
Next page