sew my lips into a smile
and take away these lids
now that i’m an adult
i need to stay awake
whatever i don’t need or want
just give it to the kids
there seems to be a problem here
i’m still not feeling right
this smile hurts
my eyes are dry
and i don’t much like to cry
by trying to survive, now i cannot get a wink at night.
You talk all day to strangers
And act like I'm estranged cuz
I am just your ignorant whore
Who does not know she is worth more
You glance over my online conversations
Narrow eyes and it's insane cuz
Though I'll let you read
You never let me see what's on your screen
So talk on baby,
Tell 'em what you're really all about!
Got random girls hitting you up, saying their horny let's hang out
And that "just a friend" sent pictures of herself lying in bed
I'm sure it's all alluring
the unknown reassuring
Someone told me if you loved me
You'd be loyal through it all
And it matters not how I feel
If you do not reciprocate at all
Well surely, I am going to take the fall
I am going to take this fall.
Reading a book on fatigue
made me feel very tired
a long distance from wired
and out of my league
energy ebbing low
having trouble thinking
sugar levels sinking
going against the flow
Set the book down
picked up a pen
counting to ten
wearing a frown
Wrote these few words
sorry it's not more
poetry shouldn't be a chore
I'll just listen to birds
And with these nomadic emotions
You'll alas realize the notion
That all along
My heart was a vagabond.
It was never meant for you
if im speaking the truth.
It was only a matter of time
Before i shattered your heart and you overused mine
Before i stepped outta line and you got drunk on wine and we both said we were fine.
So I drink some booze
Because we all know it soothes,
Just drinkin away my sorrows
And saving my problems for tomorrow,
But wait i dont drink
So i just stay up all night and let it sink.
Yeah, for your sake
I go through this heartache,
Thinking about how you dont hold my hand as tight as i hold yours
Thinking about what ive done wrong and what ive done right,
Thinkin about how i want buy so much for you so i do these hazardous chores.
You're dwindling my hopes hun..
And im pretending like im having fun
But im crying every night when i think about your skin
How you think you dont fit in
Or your pretty brown eyes
How afraid i am when you talk to guys
How im causing you so much stress
And i just wanna see you at your best.
But im just dragging you down
Yeah, im the cause of that frown
Im cause of those tears
Im adding to your fears.
Then boom, day comes and im so kind
Keeping all i want to say in mind.
Im not good enough
Im no use
Im not needed
Its my love you can refuse.
Leave me if you need to
Ill be waiting
Its okay if you make me feel blue
Its my love thats fading.
You make me feel alone
But when im around you i feel at home.
You make me cry
And for all the hard work i put into trying to make you feel better, i only get an exasperated sigh.
Im stuck with knowing im lovin' you a LOT more than you're lovin me
And Im just trying to set myself free
Trying to get my mind and heart to LEAVE ME BE.
Would it be okay if i said i was tired of pretending that im happy?
That youre the reason im feeling crappy?
That im feeling so empty inside
And yet so occupied.
Would it be okay... if for once. I cried.
That i could show that side...
Without ruining your day
And having you shew my problems away.
Would that be considered selfish..?
Oh shit. i accidentally expressed myself.
Yeah... Im sorry
I am a demon
I am my wicked thoughts
An anarchist to everything
Pure, simple and true.
I clean my teeth with your despair
destroy your dreams with one simple laugh
I can twist your words like curls around a finger
I am my own demon picking at my own voices
hoping they would crack and bleed
just another ant on the surface or a zero in binary code
craving to be something honest
maybe even simple
up high on the mountains with delicate, glass bones
I want to cause celebration from my own destruction.
the shadows on my ceiling look like when the edge of a paintbrush wet with watercolor is gently dipped into a droplet of water and the colors spread outward.
the shadows spread to cover my ceiling and they eat me away until i fall into the darkness of sleep.