Happier without
Probably laughing alone
But maybe he's not

In case I have not said it enough
I love you and need you to know
I'm always here for you brother
A fact I don't always show

Just give your sis a chance to improve
Try opening your critical mind
Instead of putting my problems on display
Like laundry strung on a clothesline

Two siblings turned out so different
Close in age yet still grew apart somehow
But realize we're not as different as we think
Comparing both lives then and now

Sometimes wish we'd see eye-to-eye
Walking down a separate road
Shadows darker than yours it seems
My company you've all but outgrown

I remember you'd pick on me
Because I was younger and smaller
You still bully me around these days
Only change is that I'm a bit taller

I am not the little girl you're used to
I often behave that way
When I get mad or frustrated
Emotions too large to convey

It is hard to say what I really mean
Words come out sounding insincere
If I loved you like I swear I do
Wouldn't even be standing here

Believe me when I say this much
You are my favorite brother by far
It doesn't matter that you're my only
Because I am so lucky you are

It must be special
The bond we share
Our hearts through distance connected
The hurtful comments hurled my way
Were concerns you misdirected

We were born
Bound by blood
Pact we unknowingly made at birth
If we both strive to excel and succeed
We can show everyone what we're worth

I will try harder
Text and call you
Make it a choice instead of a chore
Wish I didn't take family for granted
Because you definitely deserve more

So many questions running through my head
The most pressing of all is "why?"
Why am I not good enough for you?
Why do I even try?

Why do you do this again and again
Like you're programmed to lie and cheat?
Our relationship is a broken record
Stuck playing on repeat

Over and over you promise to stop
How many "last times" does it take?
At some point we have to admit to ourselves
It's no longer a mistake

There's a reason you are drawn astray
I don't know what it is you see
In her that's so **** special
But cannot find in me

You never can explain the pull
Say your stupidity is to blame
That I am perfect just the way I am
So I'm left exactly the same

Then come the apologies
Sounding sincere but they're not
You aren't sorry for ******* up
You're sorry you got caught

The truth is if you meant what you said
We wouldn't be in this place
You wouldn't be able to stand the hurt
Splattered all over my face

Is this revenge for all I've done
To wrong you in the past?
You've never revealed your motive to me
Despite the numerous times I've asked

Clearly something is off-balance
Because no matter what I do
You seek attention from everyone else
While I only get it from you

If you don't want to be exclusive say so
I won't pretend like I wouldn't care
You are the only person I'll ever desire
But at least that way it'd be fair

Right now you get all of my heart
I save all my love for only you
Believing the rules apply to us both
That you give all to me too

But you're spreading yourself around
Handing pieces out one by one
Mind at ease because you know for sure
I am sharing none

It seems like you do it because you can
No matter how bad I forgive
But being a pawn in your sick game of chess
Is not a proper way to live

We are too old to be playing games
I thought you were ready to settle down
But maybe you're just settling the score
By turning my world upside-down

I wish you'd just be honest
Understanding is what I most crave
But I fear your secrets and reasons
Will be carried with you to your grave

So what am I supposed to do?
Put up with this ******* forever?
I want so badly for you to grow up
But I'm starting to see you will never

Yet no one else could ever compare
You are my soulmate
My best friend
So I refuse to turn my back on us
I'm gonna see it through til the end

Take some time to work through your emotions
Decide if you feel the same way
If you don't then the door is waiting
No one is forcing you to stay

If I am the one you want to marry
Start treating me as such
Quit flirting with meaningless women
I don't think I'm asking too much

Whatever I am missing now
Tell me so I can at least try
To be everything you want and need
So I can shut your wandering eye

If you want to fix this let me know
And I'll do everything I can
To get us back to the happiness we held
When we first began

If you choose to keep messing around
It is only a matter of time before I fall
Are you ready for a life with just us two?
Or do you want one without me at all?

If love was not hard
It would not be rewarding
Trophies must be earned

Just write
Express your thoughts
On backs of napkins if required to
Sand at beaches
Dust
Snow
Mud
Any surface will do!

Trying to keep numb
By words soft and sweet
Thought I was in control but I'm not
Fact:
I'm swept off my feet

I feel temptation creeping
I don't know how to make it stop
This is what I deserve
Heart spinning like a top

I am tired of fighting the feelings
The truth in my gut
Face not the easiest to read
My written words betray what's shut

Eating my cold composure
Barriers in my mind
Any second will be consumed
Too much love declined

My confused body might collapse and cave
Toxic with desire
Skies blue through foolish eyes
Underneath lay brimstone and fire

Our souls made to come together
Rip apart as we tragically fall
Loving is beautiful but I'd rather
Escape pain and feel nothing at all

What a beautiful surprising life
Is so precious but it cuts you like a knife
A painful sunset shakes thoughts awake
Every evening from the fantasies we make
A bright new sunrise in the early haze
Midafternoon hot like a blaze
Commanding time
Providing light
She rules day
He rules night
The moon cloaked in shades of black
The sun robed in white and blue
Perfect balance to steady the universe
Allowing meaning to all we do
King and Queen of humble Earth
Governing vast sky
Without reciprocation
No complaining
No asking why
How come I am so ungrateful?
Why can't I realize I am blessed?
I should be thanking trees for the oxygen supplied
Instead cursing the air inflating my chest
I need to open my eyes all the way
Look a little harder around
Because on days with no sunshine to be found
Just under clouds that star is still there
Reliably shining away from man's stare
It is true that every second in this world is a gift
Remember next time you feel low and seek a lift
Cherish miracles hidden
Great and small
Gaze towards the heavens when bowed by a fall
Even if you can't see its glow or feel its gentle burn
The sun is there in our stormiest hours
Eventually it's presence will return

Senses enchanted
You make dreams reality
Inspiring friction

Hi
It has been a long time since we've talked
Will we hang out again?
Used to hug each other every day
Then I stopped being a good friend

Butterflies are beautiful
Not as beautiful as you
They are as close as it gets
No living creature (except me) is worth comparing you to

No fancy journals
Designer markers or pens
Number two pencil

I spent my last birthday in tears
I won't make that mistake again

Walking in the woods to clear my thoughts
With birds keeping me melodic company

I give a round of applause after their impromptu performance

The attention they receive from me is the attention I hope for on my special day this year
The way they they make their exit is the way I wish I could make my entrance
On wings
Landing from an elegant flight fashionably late

But bones are not quite hollow enough yet

I am sorry for my failures
Sorry for being depressed
Always being self-absorbed
Worried and constantly stressed

I am sorry I don't show gratitude
Sorry for causing you grief
Bearing sorrow as a weapon
Sword I cannot sheath

I am sorry I whine so much
Unload troubles on your ears
Sorry I'm uncomfortable
Showing others my tears

Sorry for getting on nerves
Clinging to your side so tight
I am sorry when we argue
Hard to admit you're right

I am sorry I'm perpetually sad
Emotions are beyond my control
Sorry you are the one left to repair
Damaged fragments of my soul

I am sorry I have changed so drastically
In years since we first met
Sorry for slipping downwards
Doing all that I regret

Sorry you often take care of me
I can't do it myself
Ignoring many problems
Instead of getting help

I am sorry I'm the way I am
For what I cannot be
Becoming who I swore I wouldn't
Sorry you're stuck loving me

Why must I feel the way I feel?
Want to wake up but this nightmare is real
Too many mazes clouding my brain
Swirling in circles driving insane  
Poor judgement leading emotions down hazardous roads
Lugging regrets like oversized loads
I worry
Stress over nothing at all
Convince feet I'm destined to fall
Tripping over thoughts I create
Actual obstacles don't get in the way
Self-sabotaging before having a chance to fail
Sink the boat BEFORE setting sail
It is better to know you're a loser than be unaware
Best get used to being alone because others won't be there

Shadow coveted by dancing demons dark
Yearning to reunite with hell
As quietness leaves its damning mark
Satan calls
He knows me well

Under the smooth canopy of night
While black air shelters evil
Red blinking eyes the solitary light
At depth of awakened upheaval

Do not fear the monsters plaguing sleep
Alive as you walk through the day
So you can ignore the wickedness deep
But there's no running away

I hate lots of the things you do
I'd hate the absence of them more
Over my room your items are scattered
Strewn with pieces of you I adore

Cannot imagine not seeing your ***** clothes
Tangle knots with mine
I've had to endure it before
Do not think I could a second time

There are endearing similarities
The many small messes you make
Being your partner is kinda like being with my twin
At moments grows hard to take

We need no one else but each other
Phrase we tell ourselves on repeat
Our expressions beg to differ
Barely force eyes to meet

It is like we speak different languages
We try to communicate
Make me feel special after arguing
Always ten minutes too late

Thrill of happiness I get
Being together and touching your skin
Want you to know my love is just as strong
As silken spiderwebs of lies you spin

You show how you really feel
When blowing me off with a wave
You'll regret what you're tossing aside
The day I'm beneath the ground in my grave

Death would make a dark valentine
I'll join your hand with mine
Midnight strikes
Our skin will meet
Over a road made with sheets

Together we will take it slow
Step-by-step
Taken by shadows that are forever kept
Water's slowly rising
Instead I'm learning to swim
In our beliefs
Treading with limbs

Splinters thoughts
Negative energy
Scattered about too many places to see
Pressure wracks my consciousness with unuttered questions
Mix of doubt and adoration broken into sections

Ruins moment with cold insecurity
Fights desperation
Winning barely
Aroma of chocolate wafts through the air
Breathe clarity and briefly my senses are thankfully aware

I slowly blend surroundings until it's all a blur
Wandering
Table decked with items you prefer
To show you how much your love means to me
All that shows is the success we'll never be