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daycare drop off
he sees me cross a sunbeam on the way out
rushes up to stop me
and gets me to crouch so he can give me a 'sunbeam hug’ (his words)
Below beloved, vanity and prosperity.
Anger and tranquility.
Foraged by emissaries of lies and deceit.

Below beloved, fables and reality.
An unwanted pregnancy,
For whose judgment should be used ?

Below beloved
A life without sentence,
With only pleasure’s grown bountifully.

Below beloved, desolation as time goes.
Has life been lost ?
Or has pain gutted from within its home.

Knackered to the bone, yet I say,
Below beloved.
Let the numen be in sovereignty
Let this life have its own merit,
My beloved.
Jellyfish Jan 18
The child in me asks
Will we ever find passion
She had big dreams
and was determined to aim for them.

The adult me feels sad
She doesn't know what to say
How do you explain pain,
How do you explain disappointment?
I've been trying to do the inner child work in therapy, but it's really confusing. I find myself always listening to something to avoid the voice.
Shley Dec 2023
I hold my child against my chest,
The place he loves to sleep the best.

I feel the rhythm of his breathing,
A little moment with so much meaning.

Full of nourishment from my breast,
Satisfied and content to simply rest.

My arms surround him holding him snug,
Safe and secure inside my hug.

These moments limitless in their worth,
Little pieces of heaven here on earth.
TheSaneSaloon May 2020
Drawing and painting.
Welding and making.
Electronics and more.
Pneumatic, mechanic, IC chips galore.

***** in the veins,
skewed and torn.
Hangovers battled, and seemingly won... the body grows numb...
...limbs waking in hazy hum.

Roll another,
Tobacco makes its mark—
Lungs defiled,
Body failing,
Cherries burn brightest in the dark.

Lets call some lucky,
That they knew from the start,
Yet I continued hoping,
He would come back and restart.

The years draw on,
The day the pickup drove away,
I screamed for him,
Did he hear? check the review mirror and then accelerate?

Children of my own, a wife, and a home.

It's waiting....
It's ready, patiently prone.

Context needed,
Needed for concepts to churn
Listen closely.
A decibel past a whisper —
A Truth heard from the urn.
Ashton Nance Nov 2023
The box in which I lay is glass
Walls adorned with paper flowers
Fragility is fragrant and congests the space
That which I inhabit and all that exists
A projector plays across the room
Our fondest, our darkest, our forever unknowns
What can you see from where you are?
Do you feel my anguish, how I slowly crack inside?
I hear a tune playing, pleasant and warm
A familiarity I can’t place but that I welcome nonetheless
Sadness permeates as I finally recognize the twinkle of your laugh, a sound frozen in time
How am I meant to go through life without you here?
I feel you in my soul, in my heart, and you survive in my mind
How can I reconcile the things you will never see, the older you that you can never be?
The walls begin to break, my cruelest mirror
I would give anything to be near you again, hold you dear
I will live the rest of my days aching for you and wishing someone understood
How nothing will ever be the same
Now that you’re gone
She hears muffled cries of her children
The sight of her children’s pain is blurred
Her voice bubbles when she speaks
Her hands sink deeper when she attempts to help
Her sobriety only lasts for a blink of an eye.
Is she a mother?

His lungs are full when his children’s belly grow empty
His children are lost behind his toxic exhale
His presence robs his children’s pockets
His absence fills their hearts with misery
Is he a father?

Her scars don’t itch when soaked  in ***
But her children drown with them
His fears can’t grow behind the  vapour
But he himself can’t breath neither
Her dreams are shattered
His heart is weary
Their children are cut from their bruised hands
wren Sep 2023
i'm sitting across from you
black coffee in your hands (as usual)
sugared syrup (your words) in mine
a little small talk and catching up
we smile the same dogtoothed smile
it's like no time has passed

i've missed you
(we are avoiding the reason)
(we'll never see eye to eye on it anyway)
i've missed you too
we both feel the time that's passed

we finish our coffee (not too quickly)
you hug me and i hug you back
(i haven't hugged back in so long)
salt-sprinkled beard scrapes my head
i think too much time has passed

Ackerrman Aug 2023
I am never enough
In your scowling eyes,
Your voice is coarse and rough,
No care for how the blood dries.

No care for my welfare,
Just how it affects you.
Remember when you said 'she left you because of the drugs'?
Well ******* too.

And **** when you told me
'I never said that'
Where is your sympathy
You gas lighting rat.

Go ahead and press my buttons
To see me light up,
And when I do,
You play victim.

The meds I take
Are to deal with you.
Your care is fake,
You pretend you don't have a clue.

When I try and tell you
How I feel,
The words don't get through,
Responsibility not so quick on your heel.

You make dinner
For everyone but me,
My patience is growing thinner,
Your hate is like a tree

Taking root under my family,
And now I am the wretch,
The cans in my room, so pretty,
You self absorbed *****.

Not big on self regulation,
Or object permanence,
Day on day commotion
Starts again, what a performance.

The rage I have for you,
You taught me well,
I am black all the way through,
And water does not quell.

Just like you taught,
This life is chaotic
K cider 7.5% store bought.

Why does Dad have to die of cancer
And you continue to breath?
You death dodging dancer,
Every sip is a seethe.

You shouldn't be allowed around children,
You dangerous psychopath,
A hateful haven,
Blood soaked epitaph.

So here is wishing
You a swift death,
Or maybe go missing,
I don't want to hear another breath.

You won't get a funeral.
You are being cremated.
And I won't be there
To bring you back from the crematorium.
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