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Jun 20
So many questions running through my head
The most pressing of all is "why?"
Why am I not good enough for you?
Why do I even try?

Why do you do this again and again
Like you're programmed to lie and cheat?
Our relationship is a broken record
Stuck playing on repeat

Over and over you promise to stop
How many "last times" does it take?
At some point we have to admit to ourselves
It's no longer a mistake

There's a reason you are drawn astray
I don't know what it is you see
In her that's so **** special
But cannot find in me

You never can explain the pull
Say your stupidity is to blame
That I am perfect just the way I am
So I'm left exactly the same

Then come the apologies
Sounding sincere but they're not
You aren't sorry for ******* up
You're sorry you got caught

The truth is if you meant what you said
We wouldn't be in this place
You wouldn't be able to stand the hurt
Splattered all over my face

Is this revenge for all I've done
To wrong you in the past?
You've never revealed your motive to me
Despite the numerous times I've asked

Clearly something is off-balance
Because no matter what I do
You seek attention from everyone else
While I only get it from you

If you don't want to be exclusive say so
I won't pretend like I wouldn't care
You are the only person I'll ever desire
But at least that way it'd be fair

Right now you get all of my heart
I save all my love for only you
Believing the rules apply to us both
That you give all to me too

But you're spreading yourself around
Handing pieces out one by one
Mind at ease because you know for sure
I am sharing none

It seems like you do it because you can
No matter how bad I forgive
But being a pawn in your sick game of chess
Is not a proper way to live

We are too old to be playing games
I thought you were ready to settle down
But maybe you're just settling the score
By turning my world upside-down

I wish you'd just be honest
Understanding is what I most crave
But I fear your secrets and reasons
Will be carried with you to your grave

So what am I supposed to do?
Put up with this ******* forever?
I want so badly for you to grow up
But I'm starting to see you will never

Yet no one else could ever compare
You are my soulmate
My best friend
So I refuse to turn my back on us
I'm gonna see it through til the end

Take some time to work through your emotions
Decide if you feel the same way
If you don't then the door is waiting
No one is forcing you to stay

If I am the one you want to marry
Start treating me as such
Quit flirting with meaningless women
I don't think I'm asking too much

Whatever I am missing now
Tell me so I can at least try
To be everything you want and need
So I can shut your wandering eye

If you want to fix this let me know
And I'll do everything I can
To get us back to the happiness we held
When we first began

If you choose to keep messing around
It is only a matter of time before I fall
Are you ready for a life with just us two?
Or do you want one without me at all?
I am so sick of seeing this kind of **** from you and then you expecting me not to be insecure and expect me to trust you. Why can't you just be real with me and tell me I am not as important to you as you are to me instead of leading me on? It isn't fair...
Amanda
Written by
Amanda  25/F/Alaska
(25/F/Alaska)   
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