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fray narte Jul 11
I have a bad habit
of falling for
messed up people.
Maybe it’s because
my own sadness
recognizes theirs.

So darling, let's fall in love

and apart.
You gave me a glass jar
I gave you my heart
It's so unfair
Why do you get to hurt me
So ******* bad
It's not fair
I hate you
And you
*******
I don't want to see you
Around here ever again
I could **** you all
Slowly
Painfully
You can hurt as much as I do
Shall I **** your family too
Maybe then you might feel my
Anger
Maybe then you might feel my
Fear
*******
You messed me up Lu
Drugs, drastic doings and daily doses of suicide.

Do I do it for that feeling of self government?
That adrenaline rush; an engulfing sense of freedom and autonomy.
This is my body,
My lungs to inhale with, my mouth to swallow with and my nose to snort with.
I shouldn't be doing this,
I'm going to do this.
Why am I so ****** up?

Do I do it because I don't care?
'SMOKING KILLS' ,it says it on the box.
Every day I torture my lungs, suffocating them,
Smothering them, smouldering them.
Every inhalation bringing me closer to death.
This thought is not a deterrence but a mere acceptance.
The more I allow myself to be a slave to my plotting and unsubtle murderer, the less I care.
Why am I so ****** up?

Do I do it because its an act or rebellion?
Look at me, I'm doing something you don't approve of,
I'm going to make you angry.
With my misdirected strength and determination,
I'm going to tear down the walls that are your rules.
This feeling of disobedience, it's addictive.
Why am I so ****** up?
So many reasons, so many people, so many ****** up things.
Amanda Mar 9
My self-esteem I ripped out of this body long ago
Self-respect not long after that
I traded both for a phony veil of joy
To stop feeling the pain of the place I was at

It never outlasted the strength of the ache
Now I own meager scraps and not much else
A heart in disrepair, aura colored black, muted spirit,
Hands sore and ****** from punishing myself

A hole or two would be just fine
But in my chest something's gone dark
A great persistence possesses me to poke
Until my hurt arms are covered in marks

All the way throughout my scarred skeleton
Sorrows lay scattered, sadness strewn about
They invited insecurities in to stay
Now not a single one will get out

Organs uncomfortably crowded by
Irrational fears, worries, and questions
Anxiety multiplies with a million other things
I would really rather not mention

The few shreds of confidence I had
Finally got fed up and fled
Leaving only doubt and shame
Plus negative thoughts echoing in my head

I used to harbor peace inside my marrow
All I feel there now is hurt
Carefree shrugs and smiles departed
Took refuge somewhere buried under dirt

There is not a lot here remaining
Of the person I was before
Better qualities packed up
And exited out the nearest door

These days I'm made of stubborn self-hatred,
Cloudy skin, empty eyes, lifeless hair, no beauty,
Addiction replaced the brightness of my soul with broken bulbs,
Yeah, there's not much here left of me
This one came from a dark place deep in my heart
ThatBrokenOne Jan 25
There hasn't been a day gone by
Without a thought of you
Every day again
Every hour again

There hasn't been a day gone by
Without a thought of the past
What we did
What we wanted

There hasn't been a day gone by
Without a thought of the here and now
How much I hate it
How much I resent it

There hasn't been a day gone by
Without a thought of the future
What it would have looked like
What we would have done

There hasn't been a day gone by
Without my mind being ****** up
Every day again, I torture my self
Every ******* day again, I wish I could travel back in time
ThatBrokenOne Jan 21
The empty void inside of me is growing
The only thing that I do is hoping
That one day my life will pass by
When I do, no one will cry

My life is ****** up from the inside
My life seems perfect and nice from the outside
My life has been turned inside out
I just wish for my heart to be pulled out

What makes it so impossible
What is the point of life if you hate it
What is life if it is far from optimal
I just want to die, just for my throat to be slit

I can't keep living like this
I need to get out of here
I just want to get that death kiss
There is nothing keeping me here

No one likes me the way I am
No one gets a long with me because they like me
No one loves me
All I need to do is, find that **** switch of this program

I am done with life
I can't go on like this
I just need to grab that kitchen knife
I just want my life to burst like a flower dehisces
ThatBrokenOne Dec 2018
I still laugh
I still talk

But that is just my bodywork
Beneath that its empty

My heart broke in a trilion pieces
My loved one told me, she didn't anymore

All I can think of is death
Anything else feels so fake

Life is great they said
Well it ain't
Life is horrible
Why are we all pretending its great?
OV Dec 2018
Beat her till her skin breaks loose
Tell her you love her
Kiss her wounds and eat dinner
its a shame that people get to that point sometimes.
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