Why is it,
that I only crave you
when I'm ****** up?
So high, you're the
only thing I can see.
Blitzed out of my
so my world revolves
solely around you.
Can't sleep and
my head is
filled with thoughts
Touch me, feel me,
Take me all the way up,
until I come down,
and see the real you.
Why must I feel the way I feel?
Want to wake up but this nightmare is real
Too many mazes clouding my brain
Swirling in circles driving insane
Poor judgement leading emotions down hazardous roads
Lugging regrets like oversized loads
Stress over nothing at all
Convince feet I'm destined to fall
Tripping over thoughts I create
Actual obstacles don't get in the way
Self-sabotaging before having a chance to fail
Sink the boat BEFORE setting sail
It is better to know you're a loser than be unaware
Best get used to being alone because others won't be there
I'm a loser baby so why dont you **** me
Consumed by you
Each little thing you do
I cannot sleep
Thoughts that cause my heart to ache
Written September 2018
One moment I'm broken and then I'm fine.
It's all all mess in my ****** up mind.
I wish I could respond to you but as soon I try, something rips inside of me
I am a walking talking PSA for the incorrect way to live
Number of dollars in my bank account matches how many ***** I give
Pay for gas so I can go to work
I get stuck behind the transit again
I'm gonna go berserk!
A little ****
Start my day
..Or more like a lot
The location of my pipe I've somehow forgot
Bloodstains on jeans
For breakfast had coffee and a bag of jellybeans
Bearing ***** nails and even dirtier mind
A hole in my pantseams right in the behind
Positive thinking not doing me any good
Failed everything I have tried believing I could
Negative thinking has not worked either
Found success in neither
The marks humans left on skin and my feelings
Turned my pride into a pile of peelings
Where am I going?
Haven't a clue
Trying to climb out of the hell I fell into
Going crazy searching for an escape route
That does not exist because there's no way out
I had poor sleep last night.
I tossed and turned with the light on.
The light kept me safe from the quiet darkness, but not the words that scrambled to abuse me in my mind.
I've cried till my face is dry and flaking.
I cry cause of the stupidest things....
like do I wait to finish our shows? How long would I wait?
Do I watch them without you? Can I text you if something makes me smile today? Who am I going to have Thanksgiving with? Will you think of me then? Will I be a passing thought?
I didn't think more tears could even come out of me.
I have moments where I remember being unhappy with you.
Stuck and misunderstood.
I want to ride off those thoughts and use it as fuel to become whole.
But its not true... I still love you, and I feel so broken that you left like this.
I still can't eat. I can't focus on my work. I just feel so empty, and I know thats the codepedence in me, but it hurts like you ripped a part of my soul deep from me.
Last time I lay in bed with you.
You said you would come back and we would marry, and start a family.
Then you left, and said I should get a roommate.
Who does that in the same day?
I'm so tired as I write this, just jumbled nonsense I need to leave my mind.
You left to clear your mind, but you cleared me out too.
and now i'm stuck in an apartment full of memories of you and our 7 years together. I'm stuck because you said it's a find, and that it would be a shame to let go. Before you said it's cause you're coming back. I feel let on, and so ******* confused.
I wish you'd come and take the rest.
I wish you'd come and take me to.
Raw morning thoughts after 4 hours of sleep.
she was just another poet
late night proses
in one sitting,
and climbing closed gates
at 1 am
and other bad ideas —
I have a bad habit
of falling for
messed up people.
Maybe it’s because
my own sadness
So darling, let's fall in love
You gave me a glass jar
I gave you my heart
It's so unfair
Why do you get to hurt me
So ******* bad
It's not fair
I hate you
I don't want to see you
Around here ever again
I could **** you all
You can hurt as much as I do
Shall I **** your family too
Maybe then you might feel my
Maybe then you might feel my
You messed me up Lu