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11h · 41
Renovation Project
I wonder how you are feeling exactly
If you miss taste of my lips
Say you care but I can't help but worry
To you I am just something broken to fix
Before it seemed like you were so into me but now it just seems like you want me to change before we even give it a try
I hope you live life to fullest
The image you've always dreamed
Want your plans to work out for the best
If they differ from how you schemed
I pray you realize power you hold
Could fell mountains with one hand
When it counts the most
Do not hesitate to take a stand
I hope you find tranquility
Joy that you deserve
Sure your resilience will get you by
Each time world throws you a curve
If finding yourself in a state of frustration
Take moment to breathe and clear your head
Patience an essential component
Navigating the road ahead
You have integrity and a heart of gold
Two things will take you far
Don't ever doubt that you have the strength
To bounce back from even the deepest scar
If trying your hardest I know you'll triumph
Achieving the peace you desire
Remember when you're feeling your lowest
Forever you'll be someone I admire
Like how you surely speak your mind
If it's not what I want to hear
The way you never fail to strive for excellence
At home as well as in your career
It's time I tell you I am grateful
For constantly being there
From the bottom of my heart
Thanks for showing you care
I am happy for you and Cheyenne
Should be proud as hell
Having a woman who is not only beautiful
Intelligent as well
You both are lucky to have each other
Lean on through thick and thin
To each have an equal partner
Sees beneath surface of skin
I am certain you treat her right
Never let her go
It's rare to find your soul mate
If and when you do you know
So congratulations you lovebirds
Finally tying the knot
In the future if nothing else
At least you cherish each other a lot
So raise our glasses together
I declare another toast
Honor and celebrate Cheyenne and Michael
Couple we all love the most!
A toast I did for my brother at his wedding
2d · 218
You Fly Away
You fly off
Head held high

Soaring through disarray
Cutting a clear path straight down the middle of the chaos

Reaching unbelievable
Untouchable
Destinations

Past cloud 8
All the way to 9 and 10
Because cloud 9 wasn't good enough for you
Afraid to get hopes up too high
In case you are not feeling the same
Know we are practically strangers
I can't help but smile when I think of your name
And that name is Seth :)
7d · 174
Creative Silence
I cannot convey how I feel right now

Not computer
Ball-tip pen
No. 2 pencil
Felt-tip marker
Even mental imagery can depict

I hide in creative silence
Sometimes i lack the means to express myself adequately
Head cannot believe
You would really leave me here
Broken heart on sleeve
You may be older
Therefore more experienced at handling problems and coping with stress
But our demons share similar surnames

It hurts heart to see your disappointed gaze because it means my shortcomings are far worse than yours
I want to find ways to show you we are not as different as you think

Because that is all irrelevant at the end of the day so **** logistics and to hell with genetics
We both are weak and we both need help sometimes

Loneliness and grief are emotions everyone must go through
What we are failing to realize is that WE don't have to go through it alone

Sometimes trouble we get into is hard to share because we don't want to be judged but I promise I won't judge you

And pain is nothing to hide because I feel it too
Everybody does

Every time we reunite I give you a hug because I missed you
But I never express how important you are to me

I love you
With capital L!

The comfort of knowing always having someone to talk to if I need is a gift you unknowingly bestow every day

You might not understand the reasons behind my actions
But I know you always want to help regardless

Fitting in this crazy world has not been the easiest for either of us
But now we are finally growing up and finding our places

I love you and promise to try harder to be a better person and more importantly
A better sister
Jun 21 · 407
I Can't Imagine...
I can't imagine what it's like
To wake up free of fear
And to be completely certain
I have a purpose here
Life would be so much easier
If the past would disappear
But I cant let go and the memories
Only seem to get more clear
Feel so stuck
Jun 10 · 62
A Gentle Cage (Haiku)
Soft tender touching
Trapped by our sweet memories
Gentle cage locked tight
I hid behind rhymes
Poetry painting my masks
With a fake smile
Jun 7 · 573
Eccentric
I am a little bit different
Do things my own way
I would rather be weird than boring
Don't care what others may say
I will always stay true to myself
The key is movement
When life knocks you to the ground
Find strength and go on
May 25 · 397
It Was Yesterday (Haiku)
It seemed yesterday
Heart was happy awhIle
Will it be again?
Yesterday love was such an easy game to play...
May 14 · 190
Time Flies Fast
The older I grow the faster time flies
Wish my calender was telling me lies
I could try to stop earth from spinning around
But it is impossible to slow it down
May 13 · 948
Botched Suicide (Haiku)
My own cowardice
Botched last suicide attempt
Can I try again?
Although i am prone to suicidal tendencies i would never actually do it because of what it would do to my family
We may never be as foxy as we once were
Smiles falling out
Heads turning grey
I love you no matter how many wrinkles you have
How much or how little you weigh
Fight like foes but you're my best friend
Happy ******* valentine's day!
May 10 · 85
Mostly Together
Over years we have grown
Together
Little apart
Though a lot has changed
Still hold the key to my heart
I hope to one day find a love that is everlasting <3
May 6 · 227
I Still Love You
Roses red
Violets blue
You are as stubborn as a donkey
I still love you
A late valentine's poem
May 2 · 240
Summer Near
The snowflakes vanished
Spring now here
Warm weather means one thing:
Summer hangs near!
Apr 29 · 427
Symphonality (Haiku)
I heard your music
Off-key and beat behind tune
I still tapped my feet
If people were melodies
Apr 27 · 486
Firework Flash (Haiku)
Fireworks flash bright
Sky flowers blooming above
Dazzling night lights fade
High above is a world of color
Apr 25 · 361
Pain Camouflaged
I know we will end up getting hurt
Every memory cuts right through
Passing time as we grow and change
The memories never do

To hold the fleeting happiness
Together once shared
Had to capture past with photographs
Smiles we no longer wear

Instead are small
Sorrowful
Strained
Matching the sadness in pained eyes
Say we can retreive love lost
Telling ourselves lies

Sometimes have this look about you
Current of convincing energy
Against all sense and reason struggle
Trick my heart back into loyalty

Head above devoted delusions
Waiting for the rest of myself
My body's still stuck at rock bottom
After years of your loosely veiled hell

Love is the true Eldorado
Is a cruel mirage
Paradise we're not meant to find
Love is just pain camoflauged
Love is pain
Apr 24 · 698
Not Hard Enough
I try hard to love myself
The person that I am
Everyone tells me I am beautiful
Don't know why I never can
I want to love myself like i did when i was little
Apr 22 · 633
Skull Fuck Chuck
You live on "borrowed time"
At least that is the story you say
If that actually is true
Can you explain the delay?
Knowing how fake you are
Sure it's just a lie
Many of your words are *******
Surprised you are not covered in flies
Uncertain how you got to this point
Was a time where you once stood tall
What I mean;
You had a reason to
Still do with no reason at all
I guess along journey you changed
The person that I see
Became a perfect example
Example of who NOT to be
You tread upon backs of others
In order to get what you want
Even if that means inflicting pain
You do not mind being a ****
Not thinking about future
Solely focused on present thrill
Feeding on people's energy
Seem to never get your fill
I suspect you are miserable inside
That's why you tear others in two
Only way to ease your suffering  
Make everyone as unhappy as you
But never seem to shed a tear
Wear a permanent grin
I believe it's because you are striving so hard
Concealing the agony within
Broken so many ways
Have a house but it's not home
Without family to return to
Probably easier to roam
A steady rotation of bodies
Little boys avidly chasing your tail
Your company isn't free
Because *****'s for sale
Thrown like a football
Highest bidder gets the pass
You get bored-no problem
There is always greener grass
Your life rests in ruins
Lost so many parts
Kids
Friends
And reputation
Vanished like your heart
Falling apart a piece at a time
Pretending to keep together
We both know you can't maintain
Perfect charade forever
Your youthful beauty all but dead
Wear so much paint on your face
Entire cosmetics section of Walmart
Stuffed into your makeup case
I see beneath false advertisement
True colors bleed right through
Under skin is grey and black
Soul the ghastliest hue
Reflected in statements you make
Sound either insane or idiotic
Unsure if you are playing stupid
Or you are truly that psychotic
It appears you hurt those around you
Because you can
As if you don't have enough suitors
Steal another woman's man
Your cruelty clearly defined
At least it is from my point of view
Fool everyone else surrounding
A persona that isn't true
But karma will catch up in the end
Hope you're destined to be alone
I feel that is what you deserve
Frozen straight to bone
It's never too late to turn over a new leaf
Begin treating people right
You have to want improvement
Fear for you it's out of sight
Content with road you're walking
Not knowing where it leads
Flesh poked with needles
Uncaring it bleeds
Darkness swallowing you whole
Don't seem to be aware
It's strangling the last bit of goodness
Within remaining there
I do not understand how you can glance
In mirror and not feel disgust
All the disappointment you've caused
Lost a lot more than just trust
Next time you drag name through the mud
Make sure own hands are clean
You have more sins in your book
Than a ***** magazine
If expecting us to back down
In for quite a surprise
Soon as we go toe-to-toe
I will cut you down to size
So better watch your mouth
If the plan is to avoid confrontation
Free to do and say whatever you please
I warn you - there will be retaliation
This was written about this ***** who was talking **** about my family behind our backs. Sorry to anyone who is offended. The to title comes from a text she sent a friend of ours saying she wanted to beat her to a ****** pulp and then skull **** her, and her name is Charlie.
Apr 20 · 109
Falling Farther (Haiku)
Fail to open eyes
Falling further from the truth
Frozen honesty
Apr 19 · 317
What You're After
I do not know what you want from me
Don't know what I did wrong
Can't tell if your feelings are real
Or if you are stringing me along
All I get
Mixed signals
One day interaction is great
Next you show indifference
Uncertainty what I hate
Constantly attempting to figure you out
What is running through your mind
Comb through the words you offer
Answers I never find
I long for you to be forthcoming
With your intentions
What you're really after
Something you don't mention
I wish I could read your thoughts
Apr 16 · 60
HAPPY B-DAY MOM!!!
Been here for at my lowest
When I get high
Don't know why you do it
After the tears I made you cry
Wanna make you proud
Be reason for your smile
Support sobriety with my own
More than just a little while
You've put up with too much *******
Definitely deserve a break
Apologize for increasing stress
Making your head involuntarily ache
I know I have not been the best daughter
In so many imperfect ways
Promise I'll change and try to help more
Hopefully I brighten the rest of your days!
Apr 15 · 73
Not My Loss
If you do not like me I don't mind
Sometimes presence can be a lot to bear
You don't want me in your life?
Your loss so I don't care
Apr 12 · 79
Part-Time Insomnia
Insomnia strikes some nights

Tangible darkness standing tall
Proud like a protective friend watching over me as I lie in bed awake

Let me take trip to someplace sunny or warm
Any adjective that doesn't describe my room

Paint you on ceiling in vivid colors

Scribble your name over the walls in blood

In naked essence you are this-pervasive

Bend so you resemble something easier on my battered heart to feel

Knows you
Doesn't know who you are

Other nights I am not an insomniac
The darkness tucks in my sleeping form like a parent lovingly telling their child a bedtime story

My muse visits dreams and won't let me forget for even one second

Bewildered like arrows flying backwards from the target

And white birds sing melody similar to ours and it intensifies my agony

Surreal as falling snow in sizzling July

Tongues no longer twisted like tree roots

Moist darkness kisses goodnight like you once did
Not nearly as sweet

I yearn for it to be you instead
There is nothing quite like loneliness
To make you empty and cold
No greater pain than when your heart is ripped apart
By same hand you used to hold
The people who hurt you the most are the ones who caress you the most tenderly because they know your weakest spots
Apr 6 · 365
Pain Will Set Me Free
A few weeks ago retained the delusion
You may return to me
Now that I've witnessed your calloused behavior
Allowed pain to set my broken heart free
Every night in bed
Worry about future pain
Anger and sorrow
I long to be happy again
About time mouth found a smile
Used to have joy
Where did it go?
Have not seen it around for awhile
I write my problems
Have faded to grey
Everything surrounding darker now
Universe in disarray
True creation from sadness
See beauty all around
Dive forward
Can't touch it
Faceplant into the ground
I cry
Love slips out of reach
Won't you come back home?
Happy ending crumbles to dust
Where I aimlessly roam
I want to travel someplace unscathed
The past behind my thoughts
Bottle up
Throw out to sea
All the 'could-haves' and 'did-nots'
Maybe the world would look vibrant once more
These holes in my heart would be filled
Sparkles might return to my eyes
Sorrows would fall off a cliff and be killed
I'm certain that will never happen
Wounds only get deeper
Weight I carry is too heavy
The hill I'm climbing grows steeper
I fear death will be only chance
To discover peace desperately craved
And pure tranquility
Wonder what else waits beyond the grave
I do not pray for divine intervention
There is nobody in control up above
Each are our own higher power
Feel our faith bound to love
So sigh and try to be patient
I am pretending to do well
A state of permanent limbo
Nobody can tell
Can keep up this act forever
Takes great effort to maintain
Composing careful facade
Slowly driving me insane
I know contentment possible to get
Need to figure out how
Came so easily before
Why can't I achieve bliss now?
Mar 24 · 412
Rather Be Lonely
I saw truth plain as day
Knew I did not mean much
Didn't possess the sense to leave
Desperate to experience your touch
Now you are running away from me
Too cowardly to say goodbye
I am left looking like a **** fool
Just another passerby
Your silence says it all
Want nothing more to do with me
After effort I put forth
Cast me aside like worthless debris
Now true colors are revealed
I caught a glimpse of them before
Gave another chance because
Believed you were capable of more
I worked hard to be somebody you wanted
To improve my imperfections
Did little things to make you smile
Hoping to avoid rejection
Only for actions to be in vain
I am still all alone
Changes made were a stupid waste
If only I would have known
You were just biding time
Til better opportunity came along
May not have been Mr. Right
The way you treated me wrong
I was fine keeping us the way we were
Simply wanted to clarify where we stood
I asked if this was a relationship
Maybe I misunderstood
And even when you lied to me
Disloyalty breaking trust
Still forgave all your mistakes
Until emotions were stomped into dust
I was ready to settle for bare minimum
As long as I could hold you close
Warm sensation was enough
Even if I wasn't what you desired the most
But despite being tolerant and understanding
Still decided to shut me out
After sharply slapped in the face
Finally realize I'm better without
Should never have waited around for you
Because I enjoyed your caress
Deserve so much better than that
I've learned I'd rather be lonely than settle for less
That was a hard lesson to learn
Mar 23 · 425
Wasting My Air
I'm angry with you
I am sure you don't care
If these words were spoken I'd be wasting my air
My feelings not even an afterthought in your brain
You are too selfish to consider my pain
:/
Mar 23 · 74
Everyone's A Bad Guy
I suppose right and wrong are not black and white
Someone's dark is another's light
Villians inside each and every one of us
Across country and next to you on the bus
Cause spent so much time judging all imperfections
Fail to acknowledge our own flawed reflection
If re-evaluating our actions instead
Of criticizing peers and words that they said
Perhaps could improve our own state of mind
The emotional tendencies to which we are inclined
Escape box of expectations we foolishly inhabit
It's challenging because we are creatures of habit
Every person has been tainted by transgressions
So who are we to stigmatize surrounding indescretions?
Because all inflict suffering upon some heart
Nobody exempt from playing that part
We could not really abstain if we tried
No matter our decision
Leaves SOMEONE unsatisfied
The sooner we face truth and realize what we are
Sooner we can forgive who's responsible for our scar
It is impossible pleasing everybody all the time
We take turns being the victim then commiting crime
Besides
Good and evil defined differently among men
All behave like monsters now and then
Sunrise brings realization that you are really gone
Amidst the golden beams poured onto my lawn
Morning sky wide with opportunity blue
All I'm able to focus on is you
Taking time to change your mind
The veil of denial rendering me blind
You notice me when it's required
Games have made me so ******* tired
Rays of sunshine warmly fall onto my cheeks
Have not worn an authentic smile in over three weeks
The birds sing a cheerful serenade
Their musical voices to my ears all but fade
You block any memory remaining here
Would be happier if all trace of me disappeared
Will hear your compliments if there's something you need
Motives hidden between your lines aren't hard to read
Sunset floods fire
Room filled with a glow
Goodnight said to secrets you alone will only know
Footprints on my heart because you tread upon my chest
Stomping the vulnerable parts you once caressed
You do not observe scars you left on my skin
You're too selfish
Subconsciously rubbing it in
The space you once occupied is now vacant and cold
Chasm of darkness is all it seems to hold
Blackness comes creeping as the light goes down
Relieved night cloaks my visible frown
Swallowing earth but it sticks in my throat
When it does finally reach my stomach I bloat
Bites I choked down churn in my gut
Tempted to *****
I keep my mouth shut
And fill the gaps in your life with cheap connections
Lost
Fool yourself by picking random directions
I suspect eyes will not sparkle for long
You with someone else just has to be wrong
Reality is not black and white
In fact colors are brighter because I feel grey
Don't understand how you could lose my love and be okay
Now over a year has passed and I've had to finally come to grips with the fact that you're never coming back
Mar 15 · 84
Mess Of Misery
I'm nothing
A waste of time
Don't bother getting near
You want to know the truth?
More ****** up than I appear

Miserable brooder
Mistaking mess
Will simply bring you pain
Six letters provide new meaning
To expression "ball and chain"

Dwelling on you 24/7
I'm ultimately obsessed
My adoration becomes an anchor
Heavy on your chest

When having a good day
Can brighten up your sky
The majority are bad
I can't even tell you why

Never pleased with what I have
Consistently wishing for more
After I lose what's mine
I appreciate what I had before

So if feeling curious
Should look somewhere new
Walls are way too high to climb
Do not bother attempting to

You think you can change my mind
Sadly that is not so
Is safer to emotionally detach
Which is the reason I am cold as snow

My heart has broken too badly
To adequately repair
I've given so much love away
Haven't got any left to share

I hate sleeping alone every night
Long for someone to call
Can't love you the way you deserve
I can't be with you at all
Mar 13 · 58
David (Acrostic)
Do you even realize the damage you do?
All you ever seem to think about is you
Vanishing act wrapped in a shiny bow
Incredibly sweet when you do finally show
Done with your ******* games because it's always deja vu
Mar 6 · 267
Hailstorm
A girl used to inhabit the sky
Cried every day without fail
Until teardrops froze her to ice
And her shattered pieces fell like hail
Feb 22 · 104
Own No Rope
It's the little stuff that gets to me
Each and every single bitter day
Problems act as anchors
On my heart they weigh
I'm too weak to hold my body up
Baggage makes me fall
When I'm forced down to the ground
Have no choice but to crawl
Sitting on pavement
Staring at sky
Stars appear clear a moment
Blur when I start to cry
Here I am
All my sorrows
No light giving me hope
I can't even tie a noose
Because it's too dark to find a rope
Feb 16 · 542
Carnation
Wilted carnation
Just a reminder
It could've been better
Could've been kinder
A poem I wrote many valentine's days ago
Feb 15 · 227
Grey Linings
I'm consistently looking for answers
Feel need to understand
This is not a life I've dreamt
Far from what I planned
In black and blue sight is drenched
Each sound is monotone
Surrounded by people or by myself
Feel just as alone
But there is no one besides me to blame
Responsible for my tears
Storms created by own hands
I can't make them disappear
Your voice calms rainfall
Only effective source of power
The once-torrential downpour
Nothing more than moderate shower
I miss planet bursting with color
Vibrant hues have went dim
No matter which direction looked towards the future
Every avenue is bleak and grim
I do not know how to fix everything
I'm unsure of where I went wrong
Weeks blur together
Spiral the drain
Days not lasting long
Your words give hope to hold onto
Clutch them during the coldest nights
I can't tell what is real or not
Making it hard to focus on the light
I heard best is yet to come
But finding it difficult to agree
Every cloud overhead is grey
Silver linings impossible to see
Feeling some type of way right now
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