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4d · 56
Reserved Wishes
Amanda 4d
A sky full of wishes waiting to be had
Twinkling against a backdrop of deep dark blue
A billion stars poised to gracefully fall
Every last one reserved for you
If a star fell from the sky every time I thought of you the sky would be empty
Oct 12 · 209
Tomorrows And Yesterdays
Amanda Oct 12
If I had a quarter for every time I wished
For you and I to take a trip to yesterday
I don't know exactly how rich I would be
But it would add up to a lot of change

I don't know what I'd do with that cash
But I would spend every cent on you
Doing whatever you like till it's gone
Or till there's nothing left to do

Or we could leave where we are for good
Pack up all our things today and leave
I could take your hand and whisk you far from here
To a place our tomorrows will always be happy

I will say farewell to bad memories
Never look that direction again
Like arrows we will fly toward the future
Our time in this small town will end

Presently I have your heart to hold
And although time may never give me a replay
I am too lucky to be nostalgic
Done wishing for yesterdays
Day 6: write a poem of any length incorporating every word from your latest Facebook status update

"If you don't change what you are doing today all your tomorrows will look like your yesterdays"
Sep 24 · 119
Lemons
Amanda Sep 24
I make the best of whatever life throws at me no matter how much it puckers my lips  
Tangy drops of nectar meet a H2O sea with a sugar beach and ice cube glaciers
Garnished as always with a bit of bitter zest and vioĺa! That's how I make Amanda's Unlucky Lemonade
Day 5 of the 30 day poetry challenge
Write a three-line poem about lemons without using the words lemon sour peel fruit round yellow citrus juicy ****
Sep 24 · 153
Artificial Flowers
Amanda Sep 24
Roses are colored red
Also can be blue
Artificial dyes turn white ones
Into shades of every hue
A silly note I wrote after I found a rainbow pen at work hahaha
Sep 24 · 178
My Work Family (Haiku)
Amanda Sep 24
Sanctuary found
Support and recognition
Second family
I have been encouraged and appreciated more by these people than I have ever been by my own family. I love every one of my Roadhouse family members from Trisha the owner to Josh the maintenance guy and even all the foreigners and other workers who didn't make it to the end of the season and I am so grateful for the overwhelming love I receive there every single day.

Day 4 of the 30 day poetry challenge (because I was a day behind) write a haiku

Now I am caught up once again
Sep 24 · 141
Devil In Disguise
Amanda Sep 24
You hold the beauty of angels
I see darkness in your eyes
Should have known from the moment we met
You are the devil in disguise
Just a jaded poem I wrote during a breakup a long time ago
Sep 24 · 100
Small And Sweet
Amanda Sep 24
Welcomed by Mother's well-meaning embrace
Touch tender as a trap could be
How could my poor mother know?
The path laid for her precious baby?

Naivety must have rendered her blind
To awful truths of this life
Pain is inevitable for everyone
No one escapes sorrow and strife

A happy bubble flourished years I was small
Raised a sweet girl who made her proud
Four members of a perfect family
Tucked in each night warm, safe, and sound.

Had riches beyond measure when I was young
I treated it like dirt
Ungrateful for blessings owned
I'd never experienced hurt

Time unwillungly thrusted me forwards
Stole innocent hours one by one
After that problems rushed swiftly in
Unappreciated happiness forever done

Heartbroken heaviness settled in my bones
Weight growing larger still as days go by
If mom had paused to really think her decision through
Would she have chosen to birth a daughter who would rather die?
Day three of the 30 day poetry challenge im trying to keep up with

Pick up the newrest book and flip to page 8. Use the first full ten words in a poem in any order and anywhere you like.

My words were: small sweet innocent tender young still unwillingly taken mother's baby
Sep 23 · 159
Employed
Amanda Sep 23
Working hard is what we do
Each day this place we show up to
Selling pie and pastries too
Wiping tables when we're through
That's just life for me and you
Day two of my 30 day poetry challenge: write a five-line poem to the last person you texted (or fb messaged in my case since i lack a cell phone)
Sep 21 · 423
AMANDA (Acrostic)
Amanda Sep 21
Autumn is a subtle thief
Moseying in then out so brief
A swift taker of all things emerald and bright
No burglar alarm will keep safe the light
Daring to steal the warmth off your face
A cold Winter the only item left in Summer's place
This is my first poem for the 30 Day Poetry Challenge
An acrostic using the letters in your first name. Can be about anything EXCEPT you or your name.
Sep 14 · 290
Outline (Haiku)
Amanda Sep 14
Babe I hope you know
Every silver lining found
Is shaped just like you
My silver lining forever
Sep 14 · 123
Sun-Stalker
Amanda Sep 14
Summer is leaving me behind
Though I wish I could go with
Following seasons is like
Chasing a monster you know is a myth

It does not make much sense to me
Living a stalker of the sun
The glare makes it hard to see
Smoke left rising from the gun

She is too smart, too fast, too fly,
For mortal man to hold
Many have given a lifetime
To catch her until they grow old

I know my place
I'm not ashamed
Let her slip away again
Just another way to reload
Ammo for my empty pen
Inspired by nature which seldom happens
Sep 11 · 164
Happy Birthday Mark
Amanda Sep 11
Have a happy happy birthday Mark
You are very nice and smart
I hope your life is full of cheer
Not just today-but throughout the year!
To my co-worker
Sep 10 · 273
Valeriy
Amanda Sep 10
You are a co-worker I will truly miss
So I thought and decided to write you this
Working by your side has always been great
Even on days you clocked in a little late
I am glad your acquaintance I got the chance to know
Have a great life no matter where you go
Have a safe trip back to your own country
Now you'll always have these words to remember me
To my Bulgarian co-worker... today is his last day.
Aug 26 · 339
Sunshine Of Your Love
Amanda Aug 26
I cannot see when I need
Foggy curtain will not concede
Full in the distance forcing us apart
These dark days you are the sunshine in my heart
I've been waiting so long
To be where I'm going
In the sunshine of your love
Aug 9 · 195
In Time
Amanda Aug 9
What is done is done and there's no taking it back
"Sorry" does not erase the hurt that I feel
Guess all we can do is try to move on
In time hope that forgiveness can heal
Written in 2015 after I found out my boyfriend was lying to me our whole relationship
Aug 9 · 145
Revealing
Amanda Aug 9
It is really so revealing
Only takes five weeks
You already need somebody else
Moving between another's sheets

Looking at the terrible facts
Betrayal was truly unexpected
So many times you have hurt me
Yet I thought our love was more respected

Let's hope distance strengthens us
Afraid to lose your heart
If you give it to someone new
Mine is going to crumble apart
Written after I discovered my boyfriend was talking to some other girl behind my back.. at least he swears they only just talked
Aug 4 · 462
Suicidal Talk
Amanda Aug 4
No more talking suicidal
Done with that stupid ****
I am closer than I
Care to admit
Shouldn't rant and fuss
I'll never do it

I say I hate my life a lot
Believing I am a waste of air
The reasons I stick around
Are the people for which I care
I'm starting to think those same people
Would rather not have me there

You swear you love me again and again
It hardly feels that way
All I want is for you to hold me close
Instead I push you away
If you return my arms will never let go
I just want you to come home to stay.
When my boyfriend said "If you want to die so bad then why don't you just do it already?" It made me realize how pathetic and stupidly overdramatic I sound when I say I wish I could die because I don't want to die. Not really. So then I wrote this poem..
Jul 29 · 198
Keep It All
Amanda Jul 29
You can take selfish reasons
Inflated ego and and your pride
Keep trying in vain to convince yourself
What you did was justified

You can have your version of right and wrong
Can keep your judgmental attitude
You think you are better off alone
I hope you enjoy your solitude

I do not need your conceited point of view
Your condescending advice
All you do is make me cry
Don't want to repeat the same story twice

I wish I understood what happened
You once loved me but that was before
You were my entire universe
Now you aren't worth my time anymore
I like it. Written so long ago I hardly remember writing it tbh.

2-7-13
Amanda Jul 28
I chose you though I am not sure why
Many reasons why we shouldn't be
It feels more like the universe
Divinely made the choice for me

It's obvious you are the dangerous pick
Living life fast without care
Despite the toll you take on my health
Can't imagine having you not there

My soul magnetized to yours
Smile a drug I consume
Addicted to your presence
The moment you walk in the room

I cannot control affection I feel
Skin craves the brush of your hand
Failing to explain what it is about you
To others because even I don't understand

It is not what I see in you
But what I don't in anyone else
High when you shoot one glance my direction
The ice surrounding my heart just melts

It is how you always offer your embrace
Even when I am being unfair
How you think I look just as ****
In my comfy modest underwear

It is your ability to make me laugh
When I have been crying all night
Though you are usually why I'm upset
Touch once and suddenly I feel alright

You may not treat me well
But better than I deserve
You make up for flaws with patience
I get on your last nerve

We fight lots more than we used to
More problems to figure out
I'd rather care enough to talk through our feelings
Than have nothing worth arguing about

I could find someone shiny and new
Yeah, I could get along,
Without a doubt I am certain
No one besides you makes love so strong

Do not ask me why I love you
I don't really know
All I can say is our souls are drawn to each other
Your heart the one thing I can never let go
Asking why I love you is like asking how water tastes: impossible.
Jul 28 · 289
One Sweet Smile
Amanda Jul 28
You take my breath away with just one sweet smile
When sad all I have to do is punch in your number and dial
It has been so much better since you entered my life
People do not understand why I want to become your wife
It is not because I am scared of being alone
But for joy you give the world we own
Momentarily deflected by everyday trouble
The difficulties made worth it every time we snuggle
I admit I didn't know when you captured my heart
That you'd keep the whole thing, not just part
This is not my best work by far but what can I say I'm rusty..
Amanda Jul 4
Reached the tipping point
No medicine can fix me
Broken too badly
Is brokenness two ns or one?
Jul 4 · 358
Never Return
Amanda Jul 4
You're sure you know what's best for me
Should leave and never come back
Degrade me until I'm forced into a corner
Alone and finally attack

But you do not understand your terror
Can't see eye-to-eye
Both sides are quick to get angry
I can't hold my tongue but I try

That smirk upon lips incites rage
Not strong enough to keep it in
Not capable of letting go
You always have to win

I work with all might to be
The bigger person but fail
Talk nicely until your words turn mean
I can't help but wail

I miss days we got along
Miss ways you used to be proud
Hateful expression worn on your face
Makes me wish I could run and never turn around
To my mom
Jul 4 · 190
Between Silences
Amanda Jul 4
Between silences
Things seem okay
Can't find problems anywhere
Always have a smile on my face
Until I remember they're still there

It is easy to forget I'm mad
If I dream about your eyes for too long
Usually I get so distracted
Not even sure who's right or who's wrong

So there is not really much point
Fighting if it is all a waste
Arguements will slip my mind
No matter how bad the distaste

So next time we disagree
Let us not raise our voices to a shout
I can almost guarantee
We are just going to end up working it out
Written 9-4-12
Jul 4 · 391
Falling
Amanda Jul 4
If the hardest thing is falling
Do not make me choose
Between falling soundly asleep
Or falling in love with you
An old one I found on my Facebook page from eight years ago! It's so cute. I love it.
Jun 14 · 208
Four Months
Amanda Jun 14
We have gone through more in four short months
Than most do in four years
Strength has already been tested
Faced some of our biggest fears

Winds of change flipped frowns to smiles
Alight with newfound joy
Played around, laughed like kids,
You have shown me life is something to enjoy

Solving life's many puzzles together
Disagreements never would last
Your persistence and my patience
Figured out our muddy past

We have talked through our differences
Also argued for hours on end
Sometimes my lover, occasionally my foe,
Always I see you as a friend

I've cried with your arms around me
Emotions igniting outrage and unrest
Playing doctor dressing metaphorical wounds
Feel so grateful you were there to stitch my chest

You kept me from bad behavior
Rough my recovery was
High we feel when our bodies touch
More serenely severe than any other buzz

Cutting your heart out I witnessed truth
Didn't realize until it was too late
The greatest discovery I've ever made
I can't undo misakes I grew to hate

Things you handled without me near
Things you held my hand the whole way through
Life has shown us lifetimes worth of lessons
Such short time laughter and suffering too

Sick of getting knocked down
Sad because we can't get back on our feet
Our past shows us determination and effort
Will conquer this damaging defeat
Written 5-17-18
Jun 14 · 359
What I Want
Amanda Jun 14
I want more than ever
To kiss your supple lips
Mark neck like you did mine
Cause stomach to do flips

I want you to laugh with me
Stupid, silly, random jokes
Tease me with meaningless words
Annoy me with tickles and pokes

Want to travel the earth with you
Walk beaches, bridges, and tracks
Hear stories, dreams, and fears
Make you happier than Prozac

I want heart to forget how lonely feels
Relieve shoulders of the shame
Never display disappointment
To teach your value is my aim

I want us to forget the feeling
Of any other person's skin
Never want you to give to some other girl
The part opened to let me in

I want nights I spent alone
To vanish and be replaced
With ones laid there next to you
Inches from your face

I want to keep my fear far from me
Heart on an untouchable cloud
Haze of happiness making truth hard to see
I'll gladly live with you forever in this shroud

I want to give up and let you in
Know in the end you'll always have me
Promised myself I wouldn't care too much
Didn't realize how hard that would be
Maybe I just care too much
Jun 14 · 176
Portray No Dismay
Amanda Jun 14
If you peer into my heart
Completely you'd understand
How I care about your soul
I truly miss your hand

I you borrow my irrational brain
The one obsessing over you
You would discover your presence is my escape
The past haunts all I do

There is burning through my veins
Too much you and your essence
Wish you owned the same skeleton
You would feel I'm not happy in your absence

Nothing what it appears to you
I have made sure of that
Going through familiar motions
Stability only an act

I cannot be as strong as I want to
Not allowed to show real dismay
I force a smile to portray a happy face
Can't live this charade one more day
Wooo I am tired af. Started a new job and I forgot how hard it is being on my feet. Anyways I might not post as much because so much love to you all!
Jun 10 · 298
Heaven Is Here
Amanda Jun 10
There is no heaven
There is no hell
Those are just lies
Us humans tell
I found both
Not in the skies
Or underground
But in your eyes
Doot doot doot
Amanda Jun 10
I tried to save you many times before
Witnessed others try to save you too
Finally I realize that the only person
Able to save you from your demons is you
I don't want to save you, only show you the light you have within you so you can use it to save yourself
Jun 9 · 188
Not Upset YET
Amanda Jun 9
Nothing horrible has happened yet today
Maybe for once things will go my way
My tummy is full and I am in alright health
Now I am ready to start bettering myself
I started using an app called Moodpath today to help me figure out why I have been behaving so crazy these days
Jun 7 · 313
Worthwhile
Amanda Jun 7
You must love me because nothing else makes sense
Kind words you say rarely sneak past my defense
Yet you patiently compliment me daily
Even on days I am ungrateful or crazy
Sometimes feel like I treat you unfair
Or think I would prefer not having you there
I wish I didn't care about you so much
Reacting angrily when you revoke your touch
You reflect the same doting affection
Your pupils are reluctant to gaze my direction
So do not pretend that after all these years you still feel the same
Don't know when or how or what exactly-but something's changed
Because it's obvious you love me by the way you tell me and how you act
No one else would have stayed this long and that's a fact
And it brings so much shame to watch your sad face stick around
Hold on out of concern for the love to which it's bound
But when begged to do what's right for you and go far away
You never fail to find an even better reason to stay
I push you away from me in fear one of us will get hurt
Scared getting close is pointless cause we'll never work
And right when I'm about to pass the point where it's too late
I turn around realizing I'm making a mistake
Again and again the cycle repeats
You never surrender or admit defeat
I need to accept your love isn't fading
No matter how much I deserve degrading
Not one single thing I've done to prove he depths of my attraction
You are alright giving me your whole focus when you only get a fraction
Why can't I provide the security you need?
Used to be able to do anything for you to succeed
Now I have lost all motivation and hope
Remembering how I once was able to control stifled rage and cope
I can be cold and often don't play fair
More than anything I am grateful to have you there
Sometimes get mad at you when it's not your fault
Assumptions spark a critical verbal assault
When angry "I love you" is so hard to say
We are best friends but it doesn't always feel that way
Lately feel excluded from your present life
Can't wait to be free of your soon-to-be-ex-wife
To wake from the nightmare I accidentally created
Eyes opening to a day where I am just someone you dated
A morning where love hasn't got you wrapped in chains
Not obligated to handle my pains
Maybe that Dawn will arrive; hopefully not
I will do my best and our happy ending I will plot
I'll make you proud, we will finally be
The happy family so unfamiliar to me
Please be patient my love, soon we will laugh and smile
Life is so ****** up right now, you make it more worthwhile
Believing your words though difficult to hear
Because if you didn't love me you wouldn't be here
Sorry for the length I should have put a warning
Jun 6 · 147
Heart Homicide/Suicide
Amanda Jun 6
My broken heart froze that day last year
They warned me it would happen
You are the reason I'm sitting here now
Chasing thoughts as cheeks dampen

Know I should not blame you for the tears
We are equally in the wrong
Try though I may to distract myself
You are all my mind can focus on

When you left for rehab in Florida
Like shattered glass pain began multiplying
My world crumbled even more
When I discovered you were lying

Something deep inside involuntarily snapped
What was tightly wound dangles loose
On that swaying heartstring read one word: "goodbye"
Carved meticulously into my recycled noose

Hanging myself with self-inflicted emotion
It was more than just a suicide
Because the instant I killed myself
Our beautiful love also died
About breaking up with someone you still care for deeply and love and still want to be with.
Jun 6 · 266
More Loved
Amanda Jun 6
You have to go through the worst to experience the best
These days are not easy but you are truly blessed
No matter how hard life gets don't let go
You are more loved than you will ever know
You have to go through the worst days to make it to the best days
Jun 6 · 206
Emotional Drought
Amanda Jun 6
Dark clouds collect overhead
You are as hidden as the sun
As far from me as the moon
Joined life we knew is done

It has been storming since we parted ways
Raindrops falling all the time
Friends tell me to keep my chin up
Starting to think the sun lost its shine

I am tired of this poor weather
Heart colder than winter snow
Drafts slipping through the front door
Sneaking in the crack below

I look towards the sky for freedom
Releif from this torrential curse
Although buckets of water dump from above
Only your kiss can quench my thirst
Why is it always gloomy in Amandaland?
Jun 1 · 162
Lovely Waste Of Time
Amanda Jun 1
You and I in darkness
Eyes closed to deny what we feel
Wearing only child-like frustration
You ask if the love supplied is real

But I did not know how to reply
Some emotions are lying unsure
I am doing my best to tell you Why your tight smile is the one I prefer

Through beauty lines I see your soul
Friendly yet cautiously hidden
Feelings built a hard demeanor
Blocked the world, anger-ridden

I witnessed your **** side
Know how to prepare for and expect
What your hands are capable of
Same tools drawing blood protect

Pretending I feel the way I did
In bed alongside your tired mind
Don't want to break your heart, I'm scared,
You are such a lovely waste of time
Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time
Jun 1 · 323
Athiest
Amanda Jun 1
I wish I could fly away elsewhere
To a world removed from here
Heaven is not found in the clouds or air
That is what I truly fear
Because although this life is painfully unfair
I'm not ready to die and forever disappear
Just some thoughts
May 14 · 370
Permanent Decision
Amanda May 14
I am afraid I'll be sad forever
Nothing brings out a smile
When I am down I often forget
It is only for a while
I am scared I'll never be fixed
My broken heart will never mend
When it's aching it feels like
Pain might not ever come to an end
I fear my instability
Urges to make a deep incision
Temporary emotions pushing me
Towards a permanent decision
Never make permanent choices based on temporary feelings
May 14 · 297
BME
Amanda May 14
BME
Thank you for the memories
We have made together
And this is you let you know
YOU'RE THE BEST MOM EVER!
I wrote this for the card I made my mom yesterday
May 13 · 190
Slipping Away
Amanda May 13
I lose a little bit more of you
Each swiftly passing day
Is there something I can do
To stop you from slipping away?
Without you here I am torn in two
You keep the darkness at bay
What will I do without the only one who
Makes me feel genuinely okay?
I know for certain our love is true
By how we kiss and the words we say
But lately I have been down and blue
Wishing to return to yesterday
I wonder if you feel it too
The distance between us in the way
Every minute ticking by I watch us fall through
Waiting for you to tell me you can't stay
A different rhyme scheme
Amanda May 12
This clearly is not working
Why do we still try?
Only make things harder for you
Seeing that makes me cry

We are no longer right for eachother
Never can we agree
I cannot accept the fact
We are not meant to be

I do not know why I can't let go
Hands impossible to persuade
Maybe it is not you I'm attached to
But the memories made

The best moments of my life
You were by my side
It seems like whatever we had back then
Somewhere and somehow died

Now there is not a day that goes by
Without an explosive fight with you
Nothing I do is enough to make
You show your love like I want you to

I do not blame you for hating me
In fact I hate me twice as much
I am just mad that you lie to me
Saying you enjoy my touch

We drive eachother bonkers
Put ourselves through endless hell
Still we remain together
Why I cannot tell

Lose my judgement around you
Make the poorest decisions
My heart is chained to yours
Love has me imprisoned

I am so ******* crazy
Because I care more than I should
I have explained a billion times
Still am misunderstood

You always ask me why I'm sad
Answering that is tough
For some reason "everything"
Is not good enough

Persistently at eachothers throats
Take turns being upset
Trust issues wedged in between
Hurt by the **** we can't forget

I do not mean to degrade you
With poisoned words I say
I take anger out on
Anything in my way

I'm not sure how to let you know
How magnificent you really are
I would carve your name into my heart if you
Had not of already left that scar

Not one thing I am able to give
Is deemed worthy of your praise
You deserve a person who is happy
Not part of the time-but always

You seem so relaxed around others
No distress weighing you down
So many eggshells in my proximity
You do not walk on them-you drown

Has it ever occurred to you
That is what I hate the most?
The expression of fear worn when I lunge
Towards you like you've seen a ghost

It kills me knowing I'm responsible
For reluctance in your kiss
I bring bruises and blood to your world
When all I want to bestow is bliss

It isn't that you do me wrong
Failing to convey your devotion
I simply need support when I lose myself
To overwhelming emotion

You tolerate more than you should have to
I apologize if I've made things worse
By now should have learned my presence
Is not a blessing but a curse

I am not familiar with the strangers
That more and more these days I see
I miss back when we didn't try
When loving eachother was just..
..Easy
This one came directly from my heart
May 12 · 162
Please Don't Run
Amanda May 12
I am sorry for being like this
Wish greatly I was not
Feeling unhappy constantly
I'm aware I ask a lot

Do not have a clue why I get jealous
It's evident you love just me
Eaten alive regardless
By invincible insecurity

You reassure me nobody else
Could possibly own your heart
Maybe, but if so how come
You smile more when we're apart?

The respect you had for me
Has diminished with attraction
Used to give me your whole focus
Now I get a fraction

I don't deserve your valuable time
The privilege of being the only one
Held in your arms every night
I'm begging you

Please don't run
I feel you slipping out of my hands
Amanda May 9
All that's left are empty pages
Words I can't bring myself to write
Stuck in a pit of self-loathing
Telling everyone that I'm alright

I roam empty hallways alone
Scared things will never be the same
Wish I could take everything that once was
Set all the memories up in flame

I am free-falling into nothing
Disappearing into thin air
Cannot exist without you
You remain okay and unaware

Although you cannot see it I'm bleeding
From wounds you opened within
The purest form of sadness escapes
Seeping ike the melody of a violin

Though you are the cause of my pain
Know you didn't do anything wrong
Have only myself to blame
Believing you could stand me for long

Clearly I was foolish and naive
Thinking you loved the things I do
Even though I'm hurting now
I will never regret being with you
No matter what happens between us I could never regret loving you. Because I never thought I deserved your love anyway.
Amanda May 8
Do you understand the immense love I have for you?
I must fight my feelings each day
Oh how I'd share your suffering if I could
Take it from you if there was a way

I just do not know if you get it
Wish I could explain better
Finding it hard to capture the expanse of my emotions
With punctuation marks and letters

I cannot love you a little
Don't hold the ability to shrink my heart
More desire fills beds each passing night
Increasing with the number of miles apart
It hurts when you have someone in your heart but cant have them in your arms
May 8 · 155
All-In
Amanda May 8
I am afraid to go all in
Although I love you so much
Proud I have resisted succumbing
Hide my heart away from your touch

Locked inside a dark cool place
I will be kind but cautious too
Special for a little bit but not for long
Warm and soft glow soon will fall through

You make a perfect Prince Charming
Afraid it's all a game
A chance is the gift I'm giving you
Waiting for proof you're no longer the same

Sincerely I pledge my love to you
We are fated to break somewhere
Wanting to show you the depth of these feelings
With more than words sculpted from air

Fear forms a fence between us
Distance a familiar friend
Passion puts me in a prison cell
Losing power to pain and the impending end

Let me walk apart from love
Fantasies weaken away by the hour
Lets part ways while our love is still sweet
Rather than watch it slowly sour

Bitter tasting cynicism lingers from the past
Allow me to surrender to fear
Escape the possibility of getting bit or burned
Before goodbye has a chance to get near
We are afraid to care too much in fear that the other person does not care at all
Amanda May 8
I am not sure how to fix what's been broken
Scared I lose another piece of you with each word spoken

Everything I don't or do seems to never be right
When I try to figure out the reason we just fight

How many poor decisions can I possibly make
Before my ****-ups are too much for you to take?

Afraid if I loosen my grip you'll slip away and disappear
But the harder I clutch the less you want me near
Oh the irony
Amanda May 8
I am standing here in front of you
Yet somehow one step behind
Maybe I did not really catch up
Though eyes are no longer blind

Now that I am gifted with sight
Burdened by what I see
Small details I never noticed in the past
Leap out at all angles screaming at me

How I wish for my eyeballs to be extracted
Each shifting day they cause more pain
Was I happier living in darkness?
Found that light shed only burns my brain

If I had known the accuracy of the phrase
"Ignorance is bliss"
I would not have worked to find the truth
Would have never wished for this

I've been told the truth will set you free
Sometimes it also weighs you down
Sets the wings given on fire
Or tears them off so you crash to the ground

All I asked for was to know you
Who you truly are
I will love you deeply until the day
You forget each tear and scar

You only have shown me fragments before
Now I understand why you concealed the rest
You may have a lot of broken parts
But to me you'll forever be the best
I would go back to ignorance if I could go back and choose without realizing what the bliss I had was. But I could never pick happiness over knowing the truth or reality of any situation because if you dont know what is really happening  in your life then none if those positive emotions are even real are they?

They certainly feel real before the illusions are stripped away..
May 7 · 138
Push
Amanda May 7
Do I push your hearts pieces around?
Or just push you away?
I say in times of stubborn spite
Always how I feel each day

Out of mind without you
Needing to get back inside
Smile halts me in my tracks
I can guess the reason its wide

I try granting your wishes
Reveal your greatest desire
Want to see your dreams come true
I then can set each one on fire

My heart is throbbing for you
In time to your pulses rhythm
I leave you in ashes
To blow away narcissism

I am on a path of destruction
Falling into a villains role
I'm sick of murdering hearts
Harshly digging hole after hole

Please save yourself from harm
Go as far as you can
Do not stop until you reach a place
With plenty space between hands

You deserve to have somebody there
Each time you need a hug
To light darkness inside you
The fears that often tug

You are more than a plaything
Why do I treat you as such?
To those watching from the outside
You are a toy within my clutch

One hand grasping your hopes and goals
The other holding confessions
Touch so cold emotions start freezing
Begin to seperate possessions

Somehow I don't feel like I once did
It's beyond understanding
We switched positions stealthily
Now in your place I am standing
Its been a long time coming
But the tables turned around
Cause one of us is going
One of us is going down
May 5 · 306
Two Far Gone To Save
Amanda May 5
It was a miracle you chose me and a blessing I took for granted too often.
Maybe I knew I didn't deserve such an angel so I pushed you away in hopes you'd fly to better things.

If you find happiness someplace far from me I beg you to stay there.
Because with my own shattered pieces I hurt those I love and the more that I care the deeper I cut.

Then I awake alone and their blood is on my hands.
Trying to remember how I got covered in so much shame colored brownish-red but I fail to understand.

When I see you lying lifeless there fighting for one more breath I catch my own and shed a tear for the body dying.
You turn your stare away from death to face me instead as your eyes are immediately flooded with fear.

It's not til that moment I realize what I have done to the only person who meant more to me than anything or anyone.
I swear I just wanted to keep you safe and I thought you were safer away from me but somehow you got too close again without me realizing.

Practically under my skin but before I could see I ripped you to shreds unaware of who I was destroying in my haste.
But what scraps were left there I immediately recognized though your features were all out of place.

Now there is not enough of you to put your parts back together and we both know you cant live half a human forever.
I hate myself for digging a grave too busy to notice you return to me in my desperate state.

Gripping a ***** shovel I lost my balance tipping us both over and we turn and twist midair.
I warned you but too late you learn and now not just myself but both of us are far too gone to save.
Even when I am sad my puns make me smile
May 5 · 149
The Only Boy
Amanda May 5
You are the only boy I've ever
Loved with all of my heart
I feel the same way even
Though you would rather be apart

Nothing will replace memories
We made or nights we stayed awake
Truthfully
I will never view
Our relationship as a mistake

I guess one thing I can say for you
Is you left me with no regret
How could I ever be remorseful
For what I thought I'd never get?
I knew someone as amazing as you couldn't love me forever
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