I do not know why I am crying Why I feel like dying There is no reason for these tears One after the next appears Though you have said nothing wrong I am feeling like I don't belong Sitting here inside and alone You do not mind that I'm on my own It hurts although I do not know why I'm not used the indifference in your eye I suppose I am still surprised by the sting Being treated as if I'm nothing I finally believe I deserve the neglect I mean after all I've done what did I expect? Why would you want this wreck by your side? If I were you my presence I would hide So I am attempting to fufill the space you crave Hoping our relationship distance will save With every passing minute it's harder to sit still Wondering if our animosity has grown too large to **** If you truly don't want me around I'll stay far away where I won't be found I do not blame you for becoming tired Of the company you once desired If we are both better off with me gone Be happier without me from now forever on I am leaving tomorrow and soon you'll be free From the stress, confusion, and negativity No longer will you have to watch me through the night Scared for my safety after the worst fights No more unprovoked feelings of jealousy No drama. No pain. No love. No me.
I have only myself to blame for expecting so much more than you can give
I am sorry for the words I say When feeling down and blue I only shout that I hate your guts When I see you hate mine too I am sorry for taking for granted The little things done each day Making food to cheer me up Asking twice if I am okay I am sorry for hurting your feelings With selfish careless actions I do not realize how harmful I can be Until I witness your pained reactions I am sorry for making you worry Not listening to your advice Blaming your flawed genetics For the reason I'm colder than ice You deserve a much better daughter Who takes time to care Someone not only always honest But who also wants you to share
Hopefully We live to see The day I once again make you proud I strive to grow And be what you always hoped Somehow
Until That day arrives I will Keep giving you what I can You will be there every Step of the way accepting me For the miserable mess I am
I wish I was not beneath you Wish I was what you desired I guess of my bad habits You are becoming tired I wish I still felt pretty Like I once did long ago I wish you would do what’s best for you We both know that means letting me go I wish I deserved your love Wish I was better than I am I wish I cared about my well-being But I cannot seem to give a **** I wish it did not hurt so bad Seeing that look upon your face You look down on me as if I am nothing but a disgrace It must be really nice to be As great and smart as you Do you remember though I used to be like that too? Over the years I’ve changed Because of the drugs Felt so much pain I’m not who I was I do not know how I’ve become The monster you now see You could never hate anything As fiercely as I hate me I wish I didn’t disgust you Though you have every right I understand the reason you scowl When I am a ****** disturbing sight I apologize for every hurtful word I say And repelling thing I do I wish that who I am Was enough for you
I know I am lucky To have someone like you Who likes me even after The **** I put you through So why am I still unhappy? You try so ******* hard To break the walls of ice Around this aching heart I am perpetually grateful For what you do each day None of it is ever enough To make my misery go away What I long for above everything else To make you laugh once more Be the warm glow lighting up your life Both of us feeling as good as before But those carefree days are gone Replaced by years of strife and pain Now I’ll never be your sunshine again Instead I bring dark clouds pouring rain My smile has badly broken Like all our remaining trust Here we are still putting Together the pieces of us Don’t think I don’t appreciate The fact that you’re still here Unfortunately your presence Does not make my sadness disappear
You are perfect that’s plain to see The problem is not you, but me
Will you be my husband? Be the handsome groom? Can we walk the aisle right now? Not someday “soon”? Will you marry me today? Make me a happy wife? Promise me your lips to always kiss Every day for the rest of your life? It is a nice day for a proposal Come on what do you say? PSYCHE!!! I’m just joking Happy April Fools Day!
I think of past moments and how different I’ve become Thinking of all that made me numb I want you just like I did back then Wherever you may be my arms are open If it makes a difference to you I’d just like to say I still love you too I wish the world had not of come between But good came from it; one of us got clean I am not a sinner nor am I a saint A falsified portrait I will not paint You will see how much I’ve changed and grown Pages of this life I own I slip right through these paper years As my innocence all but disappears
Another dark day I half-heartedly chase I run and run but I’m stuck in place I am starting to wonder if it’s all a waste I am just a body taking up space What is my purpose? What am am I doing here? Would the world be bettered if I disappeared? Time is racing but I do not care I am squandering every single breath of air I ask myself the same pressing question “Why’s it so hard to change?” Again and again I guess I am lacking the strength I need To rise, and despite adversity, succeed Countless times I have tried to switch my ways I somehow always find myself back in the maze Forever getting the best of me Too late when I finally see And at that point I am within it so deep The harvest planted in haste I now have to reap Although it is a bountiful crop The yield is spoiled with posion and rot Stalks grow taller, trapping me inside, Sprouted from seeds of all I failed to hide Foliage so thick I cannot see the sun Blocking not only light, but everything and everyone, Almost ready to give up and say I am done Call it quits even though my life has barely begun Yet on I continue, although reason there is none, I doubt I’ll ever reach the exit, but still, I run...
I am mucho proud of this one guys!!! Thanks for reading!
I, Amanda Kay Burke, on this day (April 5th, 2019), declare myself to all of you.
I declare no belief in what we refer to as "God."
I don't own enough luck to find four-leaf clovers.
I love those rare moments in time when bliss lays its roots so deep in my mind I become one of those people who cannot stop smiling.
Waking in time to catch the sunrise.
I love catching frogs too. Yet I suspect I enjoy releasing them even more.
I love watching the rain crash down from above Like tears from aliens we'll never encounter On a distant moon in my skull Or some astrophysical realm I saw in a dream.
I love bleeding It reminds me I am actually still a breathing human being I hate the pain as much as any undomesticated animal does though
I love sweets. Maybe because I am sour like vinegar. How I long to instead be cake, honey, or even peach-like in nature. I want to be caramel melting into buttery rich folds For a day or perhaps two at most.
I love surprises.
I declare I love showers. They make me feel okay.i
I love my family. I love my friends.
I love being the reason someone laughs
Love the freckle on the end of my nose.
The shape of my fingernails.
I love that my limbs all work the way they were designed. That I have ten fingers, two eyes, and one heart.
I love that I only have the best intentions. It makes up for the ideas I try that fail.
I declare I hate running Or any exercise really..
I shrug off those who believe they know me when they don't.
Not a fan of classical music
Or boys who treat love like a joke.
I despise the white shreds of paper leftover when you rip pages out of a notebook.
I hate cigarettes, but you can vape around me.
I hate my completely pathetic lack of willpower.
I hate how the most trivial things make me angry.
I declare my hatred towards rising stress.
Hate how I cry over geometry.
I hate my nose, teeth, and thighs.
In each and every last form I hate all types of goodbyes.
I hate my voice when I complain a tad too much.
How unathletic and clumsy I am.
I hate how I can keep everyone else's secrets Not my own
When I can't grasp concepts the rest of the room understands.
I declare I'm quite surprised to learn Not all creatures are as shallow as I presume.
I was not expecting my junior year to be like this. People I grew up with aren't there anymore.
I'm frightened I'll be torn apart by society.
I am terrified by spiders But I think their webs are beautiful.
I love food But hate how it makes me feel.
I'm unsure of where life will take me I have a feeling that's part of the deal.
I declare sometimes I am a hypocrite. A good actress but a ****** liar.
Wear my heart on my sleeve.
To be perfectly honest When it comes to sad films I'm a big emotional cried.
I am human. I have plenty of flaws. The worst at moving on and letting go.
Every ordeal I've been through on this Earth had made me strong.
If there's one thing life has taught me It is to take it day by day and go with the flow.
Why is it when somebody we love does us wrong We bundle up our pain and pass it along? Sharing the misery doesn't make yours shrink Just adds to the chain another link Only multiplies the hurt you feel Gives another the same wounds to heal We think by gifting it to someone new Our own suffering we'll magically undo But really we are just inflicting pain On an undeserving person nothing to gain All it does is make us feel even worse To share with another our heartbroken curse
I wish people would stop destroying people just because they were once destroyed.
Somehow I found my way back to you I guess I knew I would one day But despite all the time I spent missing us I'm finding it harder to stay I got everything I wanted for so long What I wished for the very most I finally have you in my arms So why do I never hold you close? Lately I haven't been able to give All the love you deserve though I try to Despite this I truly believe we are soulmates Because since we've met it's always been you
Soulmates will always end up together, no matter how much love was lost, or how great the distance.
I have nothing to live for now Life feels pointless and has no meaning since we parted And I have to wonder... Did the sun stop shining for you as well?
Colors do not appear as bright as usual Food I used to love doesn't taste the same Every single song I listen to has transformed into the saddest ballad ever composed Even the tight ball of worry has shifted position in my stomach The hoodie you got me for Christmas burns my lonely skin with longing... I wear it anyway
Without you the world just isn't quite right Like the whole planet has tilted a few degrees on it's axis To compensate for the gravity of our separation
Every hour looks the same as before They really aren't Their steady pace remains the same and they take the same route they always do but they are anything but unchanged Because they feel so much heavier now So wrong
I stumble from one interaction to the next Saying my words Smiling my smile Directing my limbs Being the person I was
Yet, I am not her anymore My life is still my life My friends are still my friends My heart is still mine in my chest My teardrops still fall from my eyes My feelings are still the mess they've been for years Yet, it isn't my life anymore
I wake up and apply mascara to a stranger's face Put socks on a strangers feet Brush a stranger's teeth Answer to a stranger's name Because the girl everyone knows is gone and all that's left is this routine perfected by the walking corpse she left behind
Maybe it isn't the world that is irrevocably altered Maybe what has broken isn't the shade of the morning sky or the smell of cedar shavings or the sound of pouring rain splashing against puddles Maybe nothing is actually different at all
Part of this is an excerpt from my five-page letter to Paul but then inspiration struck and it took on a life of it's own. I do like it though. Do you think I should have ended it at "I wear it anyway" or does the rest of it add to the overall quality of the poem? Tell me what you think! :)
A moment was all it took for my heart To violently shatter and painfully fall apart Will I ever halt these frustrated tears? At this rate I will be sobbing for years You let this relationship crumble; you can't deny Smashed my heart completely; watched it suddenly die My home now haunted by ghosts without names Is it a graveyard for both of our shames? Abandonment I attempted but failed Every goal they followed and veiled It seems impossible to shake Apparitions my mind creates The best part of being the last one to move on Hearing you are better with me gone I drain my pen of daily sorrow It took being empty to fill with hope for tomorrow It's getting easier to close wounds and mend Write the damage to better defend I hate I so easily let you back under my skin Beaten into submission finally say you win