If I died tomorrow you would be filled with regret
For how you've treated me and made me upset
Then why speak to me the way you do?
When I show nothing but respect to you
What's important?
Family or friends?
Fact you choose the latter offends
The adoration showered onto you-know-who
Makes it hard trusting your point-of-view
Your judgement clouded by superficial attraction
Everyone else gets only a fraction
Of effort you pour into her
Clear which company you'd prefer
Living for her prosperity
No matter the cost
In the end it will be worth the people you have lost
Focused on her favor
Nothing counts more
In return presented her body to explore
Lust over loyalty to those you purportedly love
At least evidence found that during *** you wear a glove
Life is short make sure your decisions aren't made with haste
Do not wait to learn until consequences are faced
Bending backwards to see her smile
In response I rarely see her go the extra mile
She spends money on you
She has dollars to spare
You reciprocate when you don't have enough to share
She has boyfriend
Couple extra on the side
You are one more in rotation
Along for the ride
She's the only girl in which I see you choose to invest
You are an option like all the rest
I maybe wrong
Looking from outside in
This my opinion that I've been holding within
I want you to have all you deserve
Not someone using for a purpose that you serve
And infatuation is making you blind
Closing off to potential romance to find
You put her needs above those longer known
Hell
You put them in front of your own
To say you are whipped putting it lightly
Have more lashes than a slave beaten nightly
When she tells you to jump you reply "how high?"
"How far?"
"How fast?"
Without inquiring why
It makes me sick witnessing how you've changed
Your body for a ventriloquist dummy has been exchanged
Every sentence spoken aloud matches her voice
You pretend as if it stems from your choice
As she is perfect and can do no harm
******* with thieves doesn't raise an alarm?
Do you think she had no clue
What Brian that loser was up to?
Then lying about when you dared to ask
You forgive her though she never took off that mask
Then when tables turn blow things out of proportion
As if both have never taken something
Whether theft or extortion
If you consider that stealing
What about CATs?
Cut off all the vehicles
Did you forget about that?
It makes zero sense
Do whatever you like
We do similar action and you pretend we're not alike
Just waiting for opportunity to take her side
Letting all their indiscretions slide
Contradictions all over every single spot I look
How can you not take into account all the **** THEY took?
I hear no difference except we were intercepted
Doesn't mean our losses should be accepted
Felt unfairly treated because Dan's vehicle damaged
Plus plethora of tools and miscellaneous items that were ravaged
The devastation inflicted upon our property
Amounts to thousand times more than the two items or three
That we grabbed believing it was trash like everything else scattered
Amidst mountains of garbage hard to tell what truly matters
Darkness floods hard when I stare at the ground
I take in the destruction evident all around
It honestly causes stomach to churn sick
Inside brain how does none of that click?
Tried explaining but obviously you don't care
Why should you?
You are not the one who should be living there
To you I'm a fly buzzing in your ear
Only opinion holding weight is Sierra's
That much clear
Her complaints push and pull incurring immediate reaction
Last thing on your love-struck mind is MY satisfaction
You don't take sentences I utter seriously
Shrug off my concerns with a wave
Don't give a **** about me
**** pottery wheel
My future habitat
Daniel's possessions
Who cares about that?!
If unimportant to her it's not meaningful to you
Nothing I do or say can change your point-of-view
You can continue being a hypocrite
Do not expect you to change
Love for you is unconditional
Unlike yours
Cannot be exchanged
Treat me however you consider justified
At least now aware of these syllables I've kept inside
Let me know when you receive ***** back
From around her neck or contained in her backpack
Wherever stashed along with dignity
I'll be happy having my dad back when you are finally free
From self-imposed servitude I'm finding you in
Until day comes I suppose she wins
I do not hate her
How could I despise her for your choice?
You're mimicking her ideas
Verbalized with your voice
And ultimately you have the power to decide
Fear of her absence reason you haven't defied
Either that or brain is fully washed clean
To disillusioned to peek through the smoke-screen
Maybe your head too far up her ***
Discombobulated inhaling noxious gas
Your idolization prevents you thinking straight
All for a person you can't even date
You put your world down just so you can pick hers up
Draining yourself in order to fill her cup
I want to see you become the best you can be
And fear you'll never achieve that if you don't listen to this plea
I'm not expecting to drop her from your life
Simply yearn for you to stop doting as if she is your wife
Hate bringing this up but Mom is surely rolling in her grave
Would beat your *** if she witnessed how you recently behave
I don't recall you being so obsessed with her
Give anything to go back in time to how things were
If she was alive I can with certainty guarantee
If she listened to both perspectives with mine she'd agree
She wouldn't in the first place allow **** to get this far
You and I too acquiescent
Why things are how they are
She would demand you step up and take a stand
Kick them out BEFORE their hoarding got out of hand
But since she bears big ***** and an alright face
Sat by while they took advantage and ruined that space
She'll never amount to half the woman mom was when she was here
Why is her name put on a pedestal and revered?
I suspect you'll never love anyone else the same way
When it came to her requests you didn't hesitate to disobey
I count on one hand the number of times I have heard
Regarding Sierra mouth breathe a negative word
It appears according to you she can do no wrong
With mom had so much trouble getting along
It ***** like betrayal watching you adore
You have the right to be happy once more
But why's that involve a girl half your age?
Is that only method you can use to turn the page?
I cannot help but doubt mom would approve
Her nagging voice in my head will never be removed
So why are you chasing some ***** around?
In mind do you not also hear that sound?
She always was suspicious of connection between you two
She's gone and it appears her suspicions were true
You may not have acted on impulses until she was dead
I feel bad for assuring her it was all in her head
She turned out being correct
A surprise
It is on her behalf that I criticize
She would also ensure you actually followed through
On promises you vowed to me too
Like when you swore I could have the other car
Go back on your word the second we start to spar
Holding leverage over head
A power trip
Threatening to cut me off
Quickly you flip
Don't make offer if it comes with contingencies
Revoking it as soon as some part of you disagrees
With something or other I do or say
Declare commitment then take it back the next day
You're supposed to support because we're family
Not only convenient or if we agree
But will be here for you no matter what
Even if a stubborn pain in the ****
Just yearned to let you know all the thoughts inside my brain
The only way I could think of to explain
No matter what love you to the end
Good will is honestly what I do intend
I miss the way things used to be
Hope that maybe this poem will help you see
I had to write heart onto paper and be real
Now you can comprehend why I feel like I feel

I feel I'm stuck outside your heart
Only a window to peek through
Glass is smudged and *****
Limiting view

But from what little eyes can make out
Appears that you are asleep
Begin to worry my presence
A gift not good enough to keep

I wish I heard sounds of you breathing
The night's silence hits hard
Slicing deeper than freshly sharpened blades
 Caught off-guard

As if on cue-starts to rain
Descending eagerly from the sky
Wait in wet clothes for you to wake up
Widening each weary eye

Winds of uncertainty blow a bit stronger
Hinting future unseen
Daybreak an eternity away
Forced suspension in dismal scene

Unanticipated impatience
For mornings golden glow
Familiar warmth expected to emerge
Your shoulder is still cold as snow

My hopes eventually are destroyed
Denial ripped like a band-aid
Glance directly at me standing there
It's as if there is an invisible barricade

Your expression easy to read
Written on face loud and clear
No denying you are aware of my position
You pretend not to notice I'm here

"I'll quit tomorrow"
Say once again
I spoke those words yesterday too
Would take the easy route out of this
No shortcuts in Hell-I must go through
An excuse not to surfaces
Legitimate or not
Before I know it repeating mistakes
Hit after hit
Shot after shot
Of the places I've visited
Don't think I have ever reached one quite so low
Seeking whatever fleeting remedy
Leaves the least room to grow
You've got to wonder why I make these decisions
Swearing that "this time" I'm done
Got my back pressed against a concrete slab
Simply isn't anywhere else to run
Maybe I have gotten used to the fire
Been so long since my universe went up in flames
May be difficult to see through the smoke
At least that way there's a scapegoat to blame
I cannot claim I don't know any better
After two or three times learned getting sick
Regardless how many nights spent fighting withdrawals
Sobriety never seems to stick
Maybe I should give up on this battle
Surrender war and wave a flag of white
Let demons have their way with my soul
Accept that I'll never be alright
I am exhausted sprinting in circles
Find myself in the exact same place
Watching world spin around me so fast
While own life I only waste

Aches and pains restricted because they're self-inflicted
Sorry for behaving ways that you predicted
Laziness not just sitting still
Don't believe it's wrong that most days I don't do much but chill
Demands left expectations only define explanation
Arm me with explosives then act surprised at detonation
Deodorize your selfishness
Only meet my toes
Keeping track of exact amount each past mistake owes
Cuts leave scars
Words change who we are
It seems like lately you're always too far
Differences make time
Paint ourselves
Keep storing trust on too high of shelves
Heard the message the little birdie didn't say
Glance at your face unravels silence in the way
Knocking at door but you refuse to let me in
Upon a thin line tug back and forth but neither of us can win
My patience at moments is shorter than my bitten fingernails
Over-correcting when trying to even out the scales
The gateway to happiness is one I am eager to explore
Without you next to me what would I even open it for?
Any pursuit seems to be a colossal waste
Facing dead ends
Hasty pointless chase
Day after day repeat the same routine
Bouncing up and down on this infinite trampoline

I've wondered how it is you truly feel
A little voice whispering
"This can't be real"
These obstacles close appear too large to see around
Viewing from a distance a detour is found
Questions fly back and forth thrown as darts
Aim but never hit the right body parts
Always quick riling
Slow repair
Running circles barefoot
Your shoes I cannot wear
Through deserts and oceans continue to trudge
Hold hand all the while
Gradually building a grudge
My attempts to please you all fall short
I fail to contribute or submit too vague a report
Head hurting from the flaws I have to fix
Given the choice I'd never pick words over sticks
Because sentences weigh more than stones could
What you speak seldom leaves me feeling good
So you paint my imperfections like a mural on the wall
Makes me want to do the opposite and not deal with them at all
How many mistakes until finally you snap and go
Realize the fact that I realized long ago
That I am not meriting the effort you put in
And components are irreversibly broken within
That more time and energy probably are a waste
The middle of your heart no longer for me holds a place

I listen to a voice inside head telling me to stop
Endorphins flying too high
Skull spinning like top
The lights overhead emit such heat I start to sweat
Hopes soaring like birds I increase my bet
Turning gears in my mind squeaking like hungry mice
Afraid looking at the results
Paying ultimate price
Inviting demons to come take a stroll with me and play
Curtains shut blocking outside
Avoiding light of day
When I glance at the clock I see that hours have gone by
Transported to realm somewhere in the sky
Other individuals do not exist
Just me and this shiny machine
Once I begin it's all or nothing
No such thing as in-between
Eyes glazed I stare at the shapes moving through glass
Hypnotized
Expressionless
Even hitting an impasse
People speak sentences to me but I don't even hear
Words don't bother to enter (much less exit) each ear
Where did stack of money disappear to so fast?
Things are shuffling so quickly
Building too vast
And it's true time flies but dollar bills have wings too
When you're in that moment logic just won't do
It's like being controlled by some invisible puppeteer
Unable to change actions despite how hard you steer
You reflect back and feel stupid for your lack of rationality
Mirror revealing your flawed personality
Only noticing problem after it's too late
When speeding too fast to decelerate
And witness the inescapable facts no amount of panic justifies
Obvious yet still somehow takes you by surprise
Now wishing you had not commenced gambling at all
Your wallet was once thick
How did it shrink so small?!
Because it makes zero difference how much cash you win
Always end up a loser when you do "just one more" spin

I do not know why you do this to me
It's clear I'm not a priority
My eyes open
You prefer them closed
Too late to cover betrayal exposed
To me it's obvious as it can get
Stalling makes me more upset
Either way going to find out
You'll have to confront my pout
The death of consideration at our door
Birthing doubt that loudly roars
Staring at undeniable truth
Witnessing what's in front of me doesn't take a sleuth
My desires to back-burner are pushed aside
Then have the nerve to claim you "tried"
When faced with actions you turn tables
Insisting it's my mindset that is unstable
I've went through cycle over and over hoping it will end
Telling myself to not get angry because it's YOUR money to spend
Even though it's true can't help but feel hurt within
Never learned how to be confident in your ability to win
It must be a lifetime of letdowns and loss
Foolish failures have filled my flesh with frost
Seeming obligated to protect you from your habit
Of course you persist on chasing that white rabbit
As merely mortal you are not to blame
Pull is too severe calling out your name
In your optics a wild glimmer awakens
Want to tame it before your morality is taken
The dawn bridges bad past to promising present's fresh start
Gentle wind whispers words to calm currents crashing in my heart
I follow instincts and they lead to the front door
We would walk together but you don't mirror my strides anymore
And time trickles slower just for having bodies near
I'd live over your shoulder advising choices in your ear
Without fear of flailing or getting lost or stuck
Wandering paths anywhere without giving one ****
I would not hold against you the mistakes recklessly made
Wouldn't be so quick to throw your direction shade
I am a little hasty with my poor attitude
Afraid to fly your leaps of faith I automatically exclude
Rooted in wildflowers intentions sway easily with the breeze
Paint feathers black and white to match piano keys
Borrowed from sunsets is glow warming my ice
Sky calls out a sole last roll of the dice
But the ground quakes beneath our feet
In too much debt to surrender and retreat
A compulsion from a screen formed and it appears it's here to stay
Daring you to raise your bet until there's zero pennies left to play
I carry stress for both our hands
Aching brain responds to negativity's demands
Right this second selfishness has me seeing red
Soon as you mumble "sorry" I'll be holding you in my arms instead

You examine everywhere for reasons to fight
Goal you achieve almost every night
Perfection and purpose put out of reach
Are there other methods to help than preach?
You make known exactly the ways I've done wrong
Can't tell drive to satisfy you is strong
And success a maybe despite trying my best
Do you understand what it's like to be depressed?
Instead of pressure provide pearls of praise
Small portion of patience will go a long ways
What will you trip over next?
Disagreements leave me perplexed
Staring at me as if you're scrutinizing a stranger
Alarm blaring loudly though there is no danger
This life we live occupying to get old
Sighing when shoulder turns away from me cold
I climb expectations but can't quite reach the top
Longing for lighter limbs so I wouldn't tire and stop
Your unfulfilled wishes are all engraved in stone
Won't be pleased until words are carved into each bone
When experiences are good they are beyond great
Light a room with brightness you radiate
Sparks fly from skin's surface moment we touch
Stomach starts rolling the second hands clutch
Stuck to potential so vast at the start
Before bogging under the heaviness of my heart

For one who brightens up my day
Wrote this poem about all the ways
That you make life worth living
Constantly loving and consistently giving
I've thought lots about it and it's time I let you know
As long as I am breathing I am never letting go
Blessed lying next to you naked in bed
Savoring each sweet sentence said
And when I cannot find a single reason to go on
Remind me of the opportunity rising with each dawn
When all my hope has swirled down the drain
I cannot see the silver lining through the pouring rain
Anyone else would give up centuries ago
You dig your heels in the dirt refusing to go
I wish I could be more like you
Inspiration echoes everything you do
I never understood what you want about me
Complete mess at best it seems is all I'll ever be
I'm usually wrong
You're mostly right
Suspect the passion is what makes us fight
If we did not care getting along would be a breeze
In my opinion it is a positive sign we so often disagree
But some moments been known to take it too far
The last thing I intend to do is leave an emotional scar
I promise I will behave rationally when conversation turns heated
If both strive to change there's no way we'll get defeated
I know I test patience with my stupid decisions
Literally and figuratively suffer poor vision
My fingertips dance like whispers on your skin
Expectations are an ocean I'm drowning in
If I sink to bottom you'll dive beneath waves
Bring me to surface
Ensure I am saved
You rescue me regularly from dark parts of who I am
Afraid being vulnerable so I act like I don't give a ****
But in my mind screaming that I actually do
Held back by intimidation of not being good enough for you
In strength and perseverance outpace me by miles
Handsome face on top of that plus a gorgeous smile
I can't compare and that's why I rarely try
Because I assume eventually you'll choose to say goodbye
But until that happens trying harder every day
In hopes somehow you'll chance it in your heart to stay
Please forgive me for getting on your nerves
And thank you for treating me wonderful when it's not what I deserve
The only one who can motivate me when I am blue
I am lucky to have a partner like you

I feel like society stupider with each year that passes by
In an ocean of tears "cancel culture" has bred to cry
Going deeper and deeper into debt
A diving submarine
Deeper than bottom of world's largest explored ravine
No oxygen to saturate lungs because we keep cutting down forests
Is it just me or does it seem like to Earth the human race is nothing but tourists?
Just the smoke of warfare lingering once the end is reached
Solution that will save our planet is one we choose not to teach
I feel it is too late to make this sinking ship float
No light at end of tunnel
No safety net
No lifeboat
I don't believe in God above so there is nothing to rescue me now
Just shallows which are strewn with sharp rocks anyhow
Where the price of living increases quality of life plummets fast
Predators prowl
Disguised politicians controlling crowds amassed
Nights filled with sounds of crying infants and gunfire
Cats and dogs euthanized in shelters
Number growing ever higher
The majority of generation too busy clubbing to care
How come only a couple of us are aware?
Treating less fortunate like carpets on the floor
Unless happening to them issues are easier to ignore
Miniscule portion of millennials are willing to ***** their expensive boots
Rather dance to mindless beats
(That is until someone short-circuits and shoots)
That's what it necessitates for them to focus on what matters
Oblivious up to the instant their sensory defenses shatter
Then victims share their harrowing account
False sense of security revealed
They tally up the body count
Experiences that in past would change character for the greater
Now shrugged off with a wave
(As long as there's a compensator)
And the judicial system mostly for show
Judges and prosecutors more corrupt than population could know
I'm searching for tangible proof this is truly the "land-of-the-free"
If I establish this message until echoed will I have weapons pointed at me?
Our government abandoned us
Requests are seldom heard
Self-protecting entities whose morals are all blurred
The people stumble through mud looking for a light
Darkness used to divide us pretending there's only black-and-white
It's one extreme or other
Exists no in-between
Stuck inside the matrix distracted by a slow-motion routine
Cycle repeated historically at such length it's difficult to recognize
This facade is choreographed right in front of our very eyes
Meandering as if we are born lost sheep
Badly deficient of guidance
***** we're climbing too steep
We require a little push in the right direction
Declaring difference between patrol and protection
Each of us is so immersed in the pursuit of our own bliss
Don't realize in the process of grabbing we also fall into the abyss
And pull others with us so at least there's company there
When you're alone failure is much harder to bear
Reality is a ticking bomb nobody wants to face
If we don't figure out an answer eventually mankind will be erased
For things to become better we ALL must take a stand
Stop acting selfishly instead lend those suffering a hand

So scraps are what I have to show
Find myself amidst the undertow
A pathetic pile of perfumed dreams  
Like pretending life is greater than it seems
This multiverse molded with illusions and tricks
To knock you down just for kicks
Nothing glamorous about depression
A void that leaves the deepest impression
Feeling like rocks loaded onto my back
As if gravity is out of whack
Attempting to rise off the floor
Each movement leaves muscles sore
Past mistakes written in blood
Try but fail washing away with a flood
So sick and tired staying the same
Doubt and fear the scapegoats to blame
Reasons irrelevant nevertheless
Little extra effort might lead to success
I am aware everything is bound to fall apart
One by one shards will chip off my heart
I attempt reassembling it with some glue
To give it away like deja vu
These choices I cannot explain
Behavior proof I must be insane
Wasting more minutes than I have to spare
Fish out of water and I'm gasping for air
Can't you see I'm drowning?
A sea of my regrets
Ghosts dancing on horizon staring at their silhouettes
I think about years I continue to let slip through my hands
I'm so exhausted chasing answers to a puzzle I don't understand
Scared to admit this the extent of what I'll become
Wonder if I'll ever escape the place that I am from
I yearn to love now like I loved back then
Believe in magic and forever again
But hopeful naivete faded along with the sparkle in my eye
Like while I've been in limbo best opportunities passed me by
In a cerebral cage confidence confined by bars
Self-acceptance shackled by a multitude of scars
I am sorrier than lips will ever audibly speak
Unsure if my dungeon will let me discover the exit I desperately seek
This nightmare of creation darkens at an alarming rate
Need to wake up from this coma I'm in before it is too late

I'm my mother's blood and bone
Features on my face are shown
Identical birthing hips
More alike the more I have grown  

And same bit of mischief is harbored in my eyes
In a slightly browner shade to focalize
Motionless in front of reflection transfixed
Cannot help but overanalyze

But on a binge of self-pitying despair
How can I mosey forward with only memories there?
Similarities between are reminders everywhere I turn
Her soul absent and I am all too aware

It comes and goes in undulations of pain
Lost in labyrinth lurking in my brain
Crippled by spilled love that will never return
Only empty echoes within broken heart remain

Are you ready to try?
Will I be left behind?
You listen to what I say
Not sure if I'm okay

I'm writing songs
Words come out wrong
Taking time
Let you inside

Chorus:
Don't let the days go by
Dopamine
Dopamine
Dopamine

To reach beyond walls
Can't grasp trust at all
Just pick me apart
Exposing who we are

This house ain't home
I live here alone

Chorus:
Don't let the days go by
Could have been easier on you
Couldn't change though I wanted to
Should have been easier on three
Old friend fear and you and me
Dopamine
Dopamine

Need to feel alive again
Need to feel alive again
Stuck in prison

Even when we care
Life seems unfair
No place I can see
Where I am free to be me

Chorus:
Don't let the days go by
Could've been easier on you
You
You
Dopamine
Dopamine
Don't let the days go by
Dopamine
Dopamine
Dopamine

On your shoulder stands a monster
Name is insecurity
Grotesque green-eyed gargoyle
Subverting surroundings you see

My heart an antique treasure
Covered in dross and dust
Every afternoon bricks wedged between
Barrier built by broken trust

In haste to label me a villain
Strengths overlooked without a second glance
Few foolish mistakes I may have made
We will never succeed if you don't give us the chance

There's plenty space for us to grow
Turn over a new leaf
Full of abundant paranoia
No room in skull for belief

I cannot take anymore upheaval
Over and over again a skipping track
Interrogation ripping flesh
Infinite questions break back

On map I illustrate details
Appeasing you is tough
Doesn't matter how accurate my statements
Efforts seem to not ever be enough

I feel indignity
Gently caressing insight
Embracing like a family member
Not afraid of standing up for what's right

So very tired of being pegged as the bad guy
I take cover from insinuations
In a brave moment of futility
Kick the door in to house of expectations

I dance in entryway like the whole world is blind
Until I collapse because you make it so hard
Each invalid word flung my direction
Slowly wriggles through thought's guard

It comes together
Pieces of a mechanism
Dismembering my self-esteem
Out of nowhere insults are thrown my way
Rage rises in me like steam

My voices speak brutal tones
Echoing deeply within brain
Sometimes can't tell if my demons are lying
Till morning sheds light on what's sane

Sleeping dogs won't keep eyes closed
I'm turned upside down
I can't help but crawl back to your arms
When day shifts perception around

Every which way emotions are conflicted
Rest when you realize you are wrong
Leaving me alone in peace for awhile
Until next episode comes along

Till my fatigued legs are forced to start running
Miles to showa the light
Fly to a place with less distress
Pinky promise we will be alright

And wait for you to come to your senses
Whether noon or months from now
Playing out scene however it unfolds
In future like a garden we will bloom somehow

In jungle of life where so many are ruthless
Are the only man who catches my eye
Contrary to what imagination might assume
Have no inclination or need to glance at another guy

I told you before and I'll say it again
Simply not that kind of girl
Fact that you would even entertain that notion
Truthfully makes me want to hurl

We have faced fair share of challenges
I'm sure there are more to come
If you want me to be better try building my confidence
Instead of opposite like calling me dumb

Why does it look like you create obstacles?
If let be the path would remain clear
You search so persistently for problems
Eventually they are bound to appear

Making mountains of molehills
Just wish for you to appreciate what you've got
May never have as much to offer as you
I give you my love and that's a lot

I'm left wondering where things went wrong
Striving to present my best
Will you notice what's so obvious to me?
Despite our issues we both are blessed

Think if eyes were truly open
Have nothing but faith in me
Loyalty and devotion are screaming at top volume
You are too focused on my shortcomings to see

Since second I was born you showered me with love
Made sure I was aware how adoring you were of
Michael and I
We were apples of your eye
Just wish I would have known how quick the days would pass by

I trace photograph with shaky fingers
Scent on ***** laundry no longer lingers
Name on repeat spinning in my head
I choke on thousands of words I wish I would have said
Hope to wake tomorrow to revelation that none of this is real
If this isn't just a bad dream don't think I can deal
I can't take silence coursing through these empty rooms
A garden of agony and regret relentlessly blooms
I do not know how to care about myself the way you did
So I bottle self-loathing and seal it with a lid
Writing "why?" in cursive in all my notebook pages
Composure maintained
Emotions in cages
I release sigh and kiss loneliness goodnight
More than your memory needed to hold in arms so tight

Life's about the suffering
Peace a destination
What is more important
Is what happens duration

Impossible to self-pardon sins
Plagued with doubt and fear
What if darkness creeping within
Sronger than the light inhabiting here?

Worrying is not worth the toll
I have to pay my dues
No one can walk path for me
Don't wear the same size shoes

Each break and bruise instruction
Finish line forever unknown
Happy endings fantasy
Majority synthetic like silicon

It has to shift before we surrender
To assimilation of society
In-between consciouslessness
And controlled compliancy

After Point A wandered astray
Point B hopeless cause
Meandering sheep in a deluded daze
Progression practically on pause

Creativity and cerebration rare
Killed in each as a child
Brainwashed being obedient
Different labeled 'wild'

Those in power yearn to program every step
Shaping image to fit their mold
Corrupt agenda is nothing new
Most don't realize they are trapped in their hold

I want to lead uprising
But I simply am too afraid
Remember when surroundings were calmer
Present for past I desperately long to trade

We had plenty of time to correct behavior
There is an existing disconnect
From planet earth and each other
Too immersed in screens for paths to intersect

A thousand unanswered questions
In silence reality is revealed
Up to us to find purpose in this dimension
Stumbling blindly through this battlefield

We are closer to cliff than we realize
Inching towards edge each day passing by
Shadows halting vision with uncertainty
Wings clipped so we are unable to fly

Do colors seem pastel through eyes?
Yellow sunshine overhead
I wonder if hues would still appear bright
If your property instead..

It could've stopped escalating
Long long long ago
No quantity of ******* in the universe
Will stop from feeling hollow

I'm sure ways exist to justify
Type of behavior I hate
Perception of surroundings is so skewed
Probably think it looks great

Why would tidiness matter to you?
Not like the lot is in your name
I am the one forced to deal with consequences
You are the one to blame

It is obvious to any rational mind
Discipline is way past due
No longer willing to ignore the signs
The problem is linked to you

You distinctly do not give a **** about our feelings
Otherwise wouldn't have even begun
Now your hoarding is so out of hand
Don't recognize what land has become

I suppose that is what we get for our kindness
Foolishness leading us here
No good deed unpunished
If nothing else that much is clear

This destiny avoidable
Would have been easy to just say no
Generosity in our nature
Had no clue collection would grow

Don't comprehend how people live
In such a state of disarray
Chaos utterly consuming all around
Convinced carnage completely okay

I would have never guessed a human being
Could be so disastrous by design
Have been too lenient but now
It is about time we draw the line

We offered a chance to change outcome
Still carry on making a mess
Zero guilt or remorse displayed
This is what you call "trying your best"

The stress getting heavier
Longer we allow mayhem to go on
Most ******-up part is I suspect you believe
Truly aren't doing anything wrong

Maybe seek professional help
Only suggesting because I care
Anyone with some degree of mental stability
Of disorder would be aware

So you either are totally insane
Or taking advantage of our big hearts
Regardless something has to give
Before each vehicle there is in parts

The blatant disrespect overwhelming
Allow an inch and you take a mile
Only solution I can figure out
Has been coming awhile

Our patience wearing for months
Finally it has broken through
After the ******* we've tolerated
What do you expect us to do?

Just let you persist in accumulating junk?
As if deed to there is your own?
Until entire acre is swallowed up
And gone is beautiful location once-known

You have already inflicted a huge excess
Of destruction that can't be reversed
Acting entitled to anything there
Helping yourself without inquiring first

When you first parked bus we were misled
Under impression it was a temporary situation
Fact that your habitat keeps expanding
Expresses this is more than only a vacation

Are you even seeking somewhere else
To store belongings and dwell?
From where I'm standing it appears
You revel in making lives hell

Trash scattered in corners
Gets worse as you round each next turn
Are you that lazy and careless?
You can't put in one place and burn?

You disassemble things for no reason
If unbroken you tear it in pieces
Never reconstructing the objects you ruin
All the while cache increases

If not halted the amount will proceed growing
Until visible from space
I'd like to admit you are capable
Sadly that is not the case

Not to mention attention drawn
From law enforcement appearing there
Responding from neighbor's calls
Epitomizing our worst nightmare

The two properties connected by owner
Labels us negatively for sure
Positive cops are just awaiting the opportunity
To obtain warrant to search our house once more

Yet doesn't bother you at all
If so you'd minimize risk
Not use grow light to illuminate
And litter public street and ditch

And in the aftermath of these awful actions
Don't apologize for mistakes
Enough is enough
Party is over
Only so much we can take

It's your moment to float along to different shores
A destination new
Feeling physically ill every visit
Welcome is outworn-please shoo!

Half of me honestly fully fed up
Other side weakened by sympathy
I fear if I continue to endure treatment
You will simply walk all over me

And when finally you do move on
Left with an unholy mess
Which will cause a meltdown
Imploding from distress

So I kindly ask you hit the road
Commence process at once
Should have evicted weeks ago
That's not what any of us really want

I hope you don't interpret as declaration of war
You've become used to this "paradise"
Wouldn't have minded you staying here
If you kept it looking nice

But your indiscreet disregard for our disapproval
Has us craving distance badly
For our sanity's sake
You're too selfish sadly

This doesn't mean we don't like you
Loathe the position we're in
Wish we also could embrace the anarchy
Our essence is lacking the echoes within

If there was compromise to be discovered
Wouldn't plead for you to leave
Our standards are so drastically different
Insists harmony impossible to achieve

We often have people abuse our compassion
Silence disrupted only when too much to bear
After being disappointed over and over
Of shadows we should be aware

But within our core care more than we should
Inner voice whispering "they'll have nowhere to go"
If your intention was to carry on residing there
You would have improvement instead of negligence to show

We've idled for months while you should have cleaned up
Take one step forward than two right back
It's evident you won't come to your senses
Perhaps we've cut you a bit too much slack

Now forced to gather belongings
Pick garbage up off the ground
Don't want air to be cold between us
Still don't mind you coming around

I tried hard to be gentle
To my heart I must remain true
Only way to salvage my future home
Is stop you before damage is too bad to undo

I'm sorry card is a wee bit late
Beautiful items take time to create
I'd like you knowing how special you are
Best father in the world by far
You've cared for me since my very first breath
No doubt will until the day you meet death
I do not always make it easy for you to be kind
Reasons to love me you never fail to find
Dropping me off desired destinations
I lacked my own transportation
You accept me the way that I am
Helping when getting myself into a jam
Still offering piggyback rides (if need be)
Though I weigh more than I did at three
You have my back whether wrong or right
Still allow space to win my own fight
I make messes again and again
Advice taken from you now and then
You and Mom raised to be proud and strong
Integrity instilled so I can tell right from wrong
I have zero clue what the future may hold
Realized time more valuable than gold
Although the one loved the most now is gone
No other choice but drag our feet and carry on
I continue waiting for colors to shine bright once more
The world will never appear as vibrant as before
I miss her laugh and how she smelled
Since the day she passed away earth has felt more like hell
I hear words she said always echoing in my head
"You will regret treating me bad when I'm dead"
The silence permeating house reminds me they were true
Residence doesn't seem like home without BOTH of you
She would not want us to be forever sad
We must find a way to focus on the good moments had
But for now darkness inhabits two souls
Ingesting substances
Never filling holes
You have aged one more year
How could we celebrate without mom here?
I don't blame you making it just another day
I feel exactly the same way
Hopefully next year will be brave enough
Sing happy birthday although it will be tough
Her memory lives on for infinity in our hearts
For her have to do our best to heal our broken parts
So happy belated
Hope card causes you to smile
That the quality made the wait worthwhile
I'm your favorite daughter
You only have one
Tethers that connect us will never come undone

****** reds
Broken blues
Heaven I want
Hell I choose
A menagerie of scars maps surface of skin
Eternity mocking every sin
Dawn overtakes darkness each day
Shining light inside is conquered by dismay
My heart is armored to protect from getting hurt
Harbor of regret hidden under my shirt
The birdsong becoming constant serenade
Along with the stars
Notes soon will fade
Watching windows
Don't dare crack my door
Bones too delicate to endure elements anymore
An ocean of fears drowning head
Scared to face future
I crawl into a hole instead
These evenings cannot seem to escape the shadow on my heels
Could never explain how immense every single problem feels

Last night evening crept slow
Daylight kissed goodbye
Left the moon hanging so low
At first barely reached the sky
After while climbed darkness's hills
Vibrantly glowing it peered down
The earth bathed in hues of grey fills
Embracing air in which it drowned
Beauty at hour most of world is asleep
Unparalleled by the sun
Blessed seeing dawns guardian instead of sheep
Close eyes when sunrise hits and the moon's work is done

I cried earlier
I'm not sure why
Each tear will not change the fact you died
Under covers I sometimes pretend
You are not gone but the fantasy ends
When it is time to taste truth I feel sad
Silently scream cause I miss you so bad
Looking at photo I think of your embrace
Wishing I again could experience your lips on my face
Something shifted in soul the day you disappeared
Can't tell exactly what it is I just know I need you here

Shadeless shapes shifting
Back and forth and upside down
Not sure what is real

Everything kept in bittersweet silence

Lips ****** from biting back the sentences I am not courageous enough to speak aloud

Eyes shut to avoid sting of reality

Upon shelves towering above stature sit dusty expectations
Long since placed carefully with wonderment
Slathered in cobwebs and mice have moved in and taken up permanent residence in the nooks between

It's a **** miracle they stayed in position this whole time
I cannot seem to stop fidgeting and swinging wildly from distraction to distraction
Branches leading away from my plans
Some of them not even sturdy enough to tolerate my weight
Sending me spiraling spectacularly to the solidly packed earth far below

Selecting thrills instead of skills

Denying truth politely
As one turns down a piece of gum

And it doesn't help laying bare my soul
I do anyways

Although I resent pain caused by opening these ancient wounds at least then my sorrow is freed

Courage is being able to stand up and face your fiercest fears

Every evening
No matter how that idea terrifies you

In a world where the masses hide behind money
Might
Mousepads
It is more valuable of a trait than ever

Drowning in their cowardice while the few brave still in existence fight their weaknesses with heads held high

My heart burns without presence

Your mouth says my name and voice still sounds the same

The inner damsel in me fights way through my flesh

Leading her by glow of all the potential I set on fire

My hot skin itches for touch while yours is soothed by a thick coat of reassurance

Is medicated by unwavering dose of devotion

My wound so raw and pain so sharp knives flee in fear of injury

My blood screaming for recognition

Like how many drops must be spilled for you to acknowledge I'm dying?

How many cuts appear before you notice I'm not well?

Hell
At this point begging for my tissue to be pulled in two directions and a massive amount of sodium chloride poured in
Would relish the agonizing
Unpredicted sting
Because at least that means I can tell you know I'm not alright

You seem to understand exactly where to rub the salt in
Not where to bandage

I love moments our bodies touch
As well as what's within your mind
When you tell me I look beautiful
Words I replay and rewind
You help me lift off ground
When feeling discouraged and grey
Placing my needs above own
Even if issues get in the way
There never could be another
Make my wishes come true
Find you simply irresistible
Just being you

When you stop needing someone
It is not that you want to be alone
Understanding that if ever you have to
You'll be fine on your own
There is undescribable freedom attached
No-BIRTHED by solitude
There absolutely is no greater power
Than peace in mind when you self-seclude
The most effective weapon held in your defense
To fight pain and heartache
Is learning the talent of being by yourself
Everyone else is unprepared for the break

You have my heart in chains
After all these years
The mercy of your affection
Hand that wipes my tears

You're mesmerizing beyond measure
Smile leaves me paralyzed
The sole word you have to utter is "Come!"
Legs move to my surprise

I obey each wish and command
Your approval I seek
All you need done to hear me talk
Simply call out to me "Speak"

You are not aware of power
Love feels like a restraint
Pulled me along by your heels
Never guided me straight

I am obedient pet
One that knows how to sit
I am too happy to lie down where I'm told
When you tell me to "Stop!" I quit

The fact is I keep heart locked up
In pound waiting for you to change
After all this time
Remains in your ribcage

I feel akin to a monster
You should be proud
I am everything
I'm scared to say aloud

Frankenstein's design
Spectacle grotesque to behold
You are responsible
Making flesh cold

You should have caught this coming
Mold I tried to fit
I got angry when I couldn't
Destroyed it bit by bit

You attempted to shape my emotions
Arrange me a little more like you
It backfired and I mutated
Into a monstrosity mimicking your every move

I transformed in front of eyes
Metamorphosis we both took hard
What was pure and picturesque
Hideous and scarred

I now am an abomination
Too horrendous for sight to see
Patchwork quilt of faulty components
Sewn with insecurity

I was supposed to be built in your image
Your perfection I hardly resemble
Lost the sweetness of my youth
Silhouette alone reason to tremble

In your efforts to change me
Into creature of similar disposition
Pushed me far enough to snap
Past point of recognition

I look into mirror and gasp
Not comprehending reflection
Asking how someone could diverge
So drastically the wrong direction?

I've grown talons
Tentacles
Tusks
Replacing my human parts
I don't know how to undo the progression
Revert this revolting reprobate to how it was at the start

I once was a beauty
But became the thing I liked the least
Experiment got out of hand
Now all I will ever be is a beast