Amanda 3h
You did not leave like I thought you would
Each hard time by my side you've stood
Truthfully, I owe you this;
An explanation for how it feels when we kiss
You were quick to believe I didn't care
You were not seeing what was really there
I did not fall for some other man
You say I gave up one day and ran
You do not know how hard it was to let you go
Fact is I was no longer helping you grow
Doesn't mean I wasn't still haunted by your face
I wished daily to feel your embrace
The most beautiful longing ever felt
Within body control began to melt
Stalked by memories of what we were
Hidden feelings started to stir
Realized I couldn't live that way
Without your touch brightening each day
Guess that brings me to where we are now
Standing before you and I don't know how
We arrived at this point but here we are
Close yet still so very far
Reaching out to grab your hand
Hoping we don't waste this one last chance

We always argued about who was more amazing
I believed it was you, you swore it was me
But now I see that perhaps we are equals
Two perfect halves truly meant to be
I wrote this not overthinking and trying to let the words flow. How did I do?
Amanda 4h
I spent all night attempting to take
Care of you even after you said
I was needy, I stayed awake
Sober while I put you to bed.

I covered you in blankets we shared
Wiped puke off of your face
I did not mind having to stay there
(Boots weren't that hard to unlace)

Helping makes me feel good
If I was the one passed out by two
I know without doubt you would
Take care of me the same way too
This was written 8-27-12
It feels like a lifetime ago
Wish my life was still this simple
Amanda 7h
Your photo is a
Reminder not everything
Is as it appears
So many things in life are not what they seem on the surface at all
Your name is the loveliest word
I've ever said. In my life
I've never known someone like you.
Your aura is a quilt
that I could spend all day in
if you'd let me.
I think the chances of me meeting
another you are absurd
and I find the whole idea
to be terrifying.
I could make so much room
for you in my heart.
oh hope, how you twist the minds
of people, hiding reality through
a window with hastily shut blinds
ending with nothing but anger
nothing but pain coming from you,
nothing audible over this dismal clangor

where we try to succeed and yet
i know we will fail
everything causing me to fret,
pursuing her to no avail

love and loneliness have made you
stronger than you really should be
for even in the beginning i always knew
that this would never work for me

you helped me find love, to hold
onto something real, someone special
but right now i feel numb and cold

nothing can fill the place in my heart
where she fills me right now,
so why did you even find her a part
in my life, why is this a thing you'd allow
if you knew that each moment would be torture,
making me feel like i'm not enough to make
her feel like she's perfect, becoming the author
of my own suffering, my insecurity destined
to push her away, my attitude too dismal
and my mind too desolate, bested by
these circumstances that seem so abysmal.

i hate you, hope
because i'm afraid

because i fear you've given me the taste
of what i've longed for my entire life

and now you seem poised to take it away
to take her from my life because i'm not enough
and i'll never be able to see anyone but her,
as alone and solitary as before, if not more.
Amanda 1d
Gaze full of hurt
Prophecy now unclear
Terrified of breaking you
More than I appear

I may seem composed
Unbothered to the untrained eye
It's destroying me within, believe
To be the one saying goodbye

I never played the field
Not used to being the one
Who steals hearts, smashes them
As soon as they stop having fun

I see shapes through loves blindfold
The sharpness of your rotten core
I am deciding loneliness
Is better than our hearts raw and sore

I know demeanor is cold
On a leash keep emotions felt
Shallow breath gives away
That my adoration is starting to melt

When calamity ultimately manifests
Into a mess you'd rather hide
Disruptive indiscretions occur
Bruises are born inside

A different suffering spreads
Polluting narrow veins
Morphing my blood dark and slow-moving
Spiraling down my arm red drains

I wish I could resuscitate the spark
Then I wouldn't feel so guilty and bad
It doesn't matter how we got here
What matters is that we can't go back
When the past knocks, don't answer. It has nothing new to say.
Amanda 1d
We wrap ourselves in the unreasonable hope
This feeling will return
We aren't irreparable yet
We can douse the flames before it all burns

We've already began transforming into ash
The glow starting to fade out
Foundation crumbled long ago
A little late to save that part now

I cannot extinguish the fire that devours
Heart beating fast and hard
I want to ***** heat before it sears too deep
Rendering our love fragile and charred

Blood and tempers mix, form an inferno
Red reflections in air
Simmering thoughts escape my mind
Too boiling for me to bear

Every room is smoky and unsure
Failing to smother each angry ember
I'm suffocating in warm regret
Choking mistakes I involuntarily remember

My soul blackened from the burn
Screaming blisters appear in my heart
The darkest coals are all that remains
Of past love we shared, once bright, now dark
Once upon a time there was light in my life, now there's only love in the dark.
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