Colours fade into one
Creating swirls of dreams above
I look up and hold your hand
I want to hold it forever
We'll part but I can still hold it in my dreams
I dream of seeing you again
Many years have passed
I can still feel your hand when I look up
Smiling at the dreams I have
Wishing you could be there to see them
Yet I know you can't
You're above the colours
The dream I'll reach when it all ends
I'll be down here
Dreaming of holding your hand
at first i looked at you with my teeth barred and i hissed. under my breath i spoke, "great. a room mate in treatment. just what i needed."
i spoke but two words to you,
and then you spoke back.
softness, kindness, genuineness in your voice.
and when you laughed, the little snort you did made me smile.
we shared our stories for those two hours.
people stopped by our door and stared in looking at why we were laughing so hard, and then they laughed because we were contagious.
we shared the same issues, and made light of our situations, finding love and comfort through one another.
and when i cried, you swaddled me and fed me words of peace and wisdom.
when it was a hard day we had to ability to place our hands on one another backs and say to the other, "hey, i know today was hard, but I am proud of you." And when she was proud of me, I was proud of me.
I was proud of her.
I was proud of us.
And she was my best friend, and the amount of times we repeated the words, "i love you, i love you, i love you." to one another. Is unimaginable.
But, as all good things do, everything started to fall apart.
Or maybe just I did.
I said things I regretted.
I hurt my best friend. The person who I loved, and in turn hurt myself.
I loved her.
Oh my gosh I loved her. I'm not gay, at least I don't think I'm gay,
but i loved her more than any pulsing, living, breathing thing on this planet and I know they say soul mates have to be romantic but why can't they just be your best friend?!
And when we parted and I didn't get to touch her skin again, it's been what seems like years now, it's as if the winter came early.
A darkness fell upon me and oh it was dark.
Darker than her hair.
Her sense of humor.
And now we rarely talk.
I love when I see your name pop up on my phone, the purple heart emoji next to it, that's my favorite emoji, I use it for the best people.
And I fucking hate it, too.
Because I can't put into words how sorry I am.
How much I miss you.
How much I need you right now.
Maybe I loved you so much because you gave me the feeling of importance that no one else ever did.
I can't put into words that you were exactly what I wanted in my life and now you are gone and I can't get it back.
maybe I just did.
I wish I’d kissed you in Paris. As we sat by the river, your breath brushed my skin making me shiver.
Calling you friend now instead of lover will never feel right, as our shoulders gently touched under the soft moon light.
And as we walked together along those cobbled streets, I couldn’t help but think of all those nights spent tangled between sheets.
Where we’d made love whilst staring into each others eyes, never once thinking there’d be a moment when we’d say our final goodbyes.
Yet they do say all good things must come to an end. And the irony of being in the most romantic city with the man that I loved, is that I had to call him friend.
We got on the train both knowing our lives were again about to split in two, but I think you could see in my eyes that it would be and could only ever be you.
You told me you loved me as I stepped out the door, an echo of a sentence you’d said a thousand times before.
And as your train sped into the future, you were gone much too fast, but I stood on the platform still stuck in the past.
I could meet someone and go on dates.
We could exchange ideas and thoughts and our number.
But you’d fall in love and call us soulmates.
And that would really be a bummer.
I’m sure you’d be an amazing person.
My hearts already taken, I’m in love.
Then our situation would only worsen.
Because then there would be a feeling you cant get rid of.
The person I love doesn’t love me back.
You tried to change my affection, my direction.
But you couldn’t get me off track.
Because she is my selection of perfection and I’m sure you’d have an objection to my rejection.
Because the emotion of devotion that I feel for her makes time move in slow motion.
And you would only end up broken.
you are magnificent
I stumbled across your soul,
before I even met mine
let me explain
you see, I spent
so much of my time
so that my friends would float
I lost my tongue
in search of a voice
to call my own
and my god,
is it silly of me to think,
that maybe when I met you
I finally met me
Everyone is born with a lock on their heart and a key in their hand. But my lock was broken. No one could fit their key in, for my lock had been damaged as a little girl and the key I was given had been misshapen. Until you came along, your own key and lock had been broken many times as a child and somehow the exact dent that had made it impossible for you to find a fit had slipped perfectly between my breasts and clicked. Unlocking something I never thought would unlock. And my key, a key that had only been used once before without success fit inside your lock with a click as well. Each lock opening to show emotions we had kept so tightly closed. And as I looked into your eyes, each other's hearts open on display, I realized that maybe our "damaged goods" are only damaged to the wrong people. Because for each other we were the exact fit we needed.
In another parallel universe we are still in love
We are holding hands in our house where every room is painted a different color because that is what I always wanted
We are sitting on our couch as you play guitar and our Labrador Retrievers run around at our feet
In this parallel universe we never went separate ways
We are constantly building each other up and drinking iced coffees at 7 AM while Jack Johnson plays softly in the background
We are lying together in our bed on a Saturday night after work and laughing so hard that we cannot breathe
We are sipping IPAs in our pajamas all throughout a lazy Sunday afternoon without a care in the world
We are brushing our teeth together in the morning and thinking how could it get any better than this?
In another parallel universe you would still be my soulmate and we could still be in love