A blinding
Hopeless inclination towards a blending of nostalgia
And something just a twinge surreal.
Too enraptured, perhaps, or too locked inside the senses
The search takes me places, to small shards that I don't quite comprehend.
Still unsure why, if I can't, or I just don't want to.

It's old and familiar
Soaking in solitude, rife with memory.
Touched lightly by the hem of rose tint, blooming in the spreading flames.
As the old wooden paneling, tried as a tinderbox
Begins to peel away, affected by the heat.
A fire, awakening with the first rays of morning.
To warm up the little room, as the walls softly fall, turning to ashes.
Revealing the bare frame.
And the fauna outside begins to show itself
Sprinkled with dew, gently coaxing away the flames.
Rooted too close, it would seem
As they progress, slowly wither under ash

But for now, I still crawl through creation.
Hopeless, I'll never recapture...
Ignoring new context, engulfed in this fruitless rapture
With the past still dancing through my head.

I held in vain
The hope that you'd change
And stop making me feel
Like I'm doing something wrong

In future, will, tended to how it ends, etched into the slate
Ground straight through our skin from birth, what we choose to replicate
Pointless as a new endeavor, still, another sick debate
Debased all sense of decency, enough to incriminate

Hopeless days
Keep passing by
Complete and vacant
Yet I still try

Arguably, far too jaded for this measure of reality
Wrested from our nestled coffins, directly into sleep
Fleeting things, though labeled clearly, time will never tell
Entrancing, some formality, a sliver of repetition is

But I stayed
The same
For all this time
In the hopes
You'd see me off

Still, crawling to the overture, slight against the weak
Long, death still operates, each future growing bleak
Shrouded heart of all uncertainty, for myths, voluminous  
Captive, my apotheosis, in a metric of release

At the end
I still respect
The autonomy, I can see you smile
So go ahead
I won't keep you waiting

I sought out just what I've become

Numb to trepidation, apposed to emotions
I choke on sensations, opening to oceans
Of blood soaked remnants I can't fathom
Begin to comprehend, or otherwise justify
To myself

And It's square on my shoulders

If I like it or not

Sating my lust for life, finding out how
To revel in spite, in spite of myself, honestly
Grating, the thoughts that haunt me through
Sleepless hours and all the mindless rambling I do
To myself

I wanted to change, and I did

I did change

Bought at the current rate
Life condensed to a price
I wanted everyone to pay
Besides me. Never me

I thought it free, until someone came around with
The promise that they'd take it all away

Breaking ground, like the words I said
What I say in my day to day
Breaking ground, foray into something
I'd call a grave mistake

Try to justify it, screaming at the sky
Trying hard to hide what I swear I left behind
Blame it on society. A scapegoat that never falters
Hurdles that I prayed would change, and yet
They never falter
So, I blame it on you, and then you blame it on me

I blame it on myself

...

I blame myself.

What it always comes down to

And I turned into what I had always planned to turn into
Go figure.

Classic trepidation, stationary with the aura of
Coincidence, slit myself and call it skyward thinking
Sinking feelings that argue for a sudden resignation
Conscientiousness, leprous and typesetting

Intimate knowledge that I disclose verbatim cannot, and should not, ever be used against me.
Interest infected through wavelengths, non responsive partly cause of the rupturing that's been running through my dreams.
Scant as fixes to the problems, overblown and oft forgotten, lisping when I speak of this Epiphany.
Taxidermist furnish houses, howling wolves that get devoured, sounds like God and hell and them finally worked out peace.

Just cosmetic, slightly pathetic the ease at which the mind elapses
Classics retconned till nothing's left except the years of influence
Invested in the melancholy, snobs lobbyist and in distant memories

Always closer than you ever think it is, one
Little slip, and you're straight through the abyss
Finding out in the end, all life ends. Carrion.
Vultures with eight tracks and tape decks

Copulation and emotion means I'm breeding ****** hatred
And I hate it
Mockeries of notions once raised
In earnest
Flirting with danger, burning moth to the flame
Stirring up anger with a few thoughts on pages
Irking, and senseless, the ******* sensation

Self righteous indignation, taking words of the page
Same goes for the gumption, with wars that I wage with myself
Heath goes first, better or worse
Slit eyelids, cause it can't hurt to see straight

It's always closer than you ******* think it is, one
Little slip, and this bleakness you insist
In existing in, ends, without a prerogative
As opaque as ever, severing lungs

Servitude, I could never miss, its
Fluid as my thoughts on narcissist

Hope set on repetition
Single sentences, remittance
Cataclysmic, for a single state
Left to divide the remainder

Still, hypnotic trained psychosis
Found me scoffing at the notion
Growing old, centered delusional
Truth for something final

Dead-set pan, follow the camera, love that emotion, let it seep through

Lost, toppled bridges surrounding
Found more than a fair share of ashes
Corridors narrow enough...

Almost one in the morning, lost in the middle of some state or another
Neon lights come to a head, followed by the sound of the loose bulbs rattling in their sockets
Sounds of something crawling in the walls

I bet it all on retention
My whole life, I bet it all on retention

Marketable skills, not likely
Fighting for a  timepiece that
I know despises, time will pass
One way or another
Make it last, fat chance
Almost out of change and past
Mistakes ring straight through glass
Mark the date

I have a love hate relationship with nice weather
Warm nights in particular, where it would be just slightly too hot if not for a nice cross breeze
Bearable, when I've got company
Not that I have much company to spare

Solvent and solution
Kept assuaged for so long
Treading in the selfishness of my subconscious state
Of barely traceable memories, spurred on by the gravity of time spent
At the briefest hint at past involvement

Each leaf falls, eventually.
Every pristine little well formed tended to.
Each nurtured, cared for, parcel or idea.

I can watch them for hours
Watching them fall, one by one, for hours.
When days start to bleed together, out of the corner of my eye,
I can always see them, marking progression.
Collecting in drifts, then, taken by the wind, then
The rot sets in.

I used to watch this.

I used to find time.

The roof cast me in its shadow, even standing along the banister that runs along the length

Even as the final rays of sun start to vanish one at a time

Reminds me of the time that I spent, time that I wasted.
Til the past and the future blend, and I feel so complacent.
Lost amid waves, formed in the wind of
Summer nights and lies that I told myself as a kid.

Now there's nothing honest left, except things to remember by.
A thousand little tokens, to remind me of every night
I let emptiness fill me, felt so fulfilling at the time,
But now I'm left to reminisces, realize I can't rewind.

I guess it takes more than a mess of emotion
To paint another picture, perfect, something envoking
The ideas that got me through the day, I heard it said, once again
There's never going to be another way forward

I take another shot in the dark, another empty park
Held in place by time itself, left to vacant dark, I take
Yet another step in place, too afraid to grow up
Holding off every force that i know of, as of late

I've been stuck in my head for long as I can remember
My memories tied to the presence of weather
All my best are nestled in cloudy days with the
Scent of rain so reminiscent, find myself stuck in these visions
Clinging to blind faith in
Emotions
Memories
So far gone, and I keep forgetting to make new ones

And the rustling of dark green leaves that play to me like piano keys

So many consecutive sentences I'd like to add up, gain insight on some estranged topic

Just like the patter of rain falling through tree branches, it helps staunch the aching but slowly fills me with a feeling

I would take a funeral, if it meant just a week more for me, a chance to see the sights I spent so long in

Even so, the ground bubbled, entranced a bit of mirth, swallowed up by the thorns and roots that choke out the light within

I still need them, they support the lofty branches defining this ideal, bittersweet if not for the shine having been worn off completely

Gone, but far from forgotten

Not forgotten in the slightest, the wall of misplaced altruism still encompasses my forest

I still pray for the trees, I do, when the depth of night slowly rotates over

Still...

Odds stacked, but the overbearing
Often mistaken thoughts that are lending
More and more credence to my mind

Jaw slacked, but this mind has been sharpened
Its more than a fact, we breathe brokenhearted
But it's going to take far more than that this time

We spoke once, before it was over
We must speak again, cure the disorder
You're the only medicine I have in mind

Oblivion, or the loss of retention
Mysterious, if only for the second
Don't leave me sinking slowly into brine

It only takes a start and
You'll find yourself in time
Down an over guarded
Vaulted false start of a ending

A flower in despair
I wish that I could meet you there
Tell you that it's all right
That dusk will never fade to night
And that I'll never watch you fade across
The seconds on my clock
A million pinprick electric shocks

And all the while the stage is set

I'd bring you into my embrace
Reality would slip away
The world still barely ringing in my ears
Ten thousand empty gestures
Ten thousand empty questions
And you'd become the ringing in my ears

All while the sky turns
Black without a single star
And the stage is set outside
But in the darkness
We still try

Hmm

Not another
Syllable can struggle through my throat
My words I have to choke
for the both of us, I suppose
But I just want to say
I still love the way you play with
The way that I emote
You'll come back to me, I hope
All that's left is to take the stage

The world always seems to leave me speechless
I don't understand, the things that you needed
Can we trust what they're showing on TV
If reality's a lie

So drag me back to the classics, I think
I need something for this ache
So take me back to yesterday
Today's one day too late

When I don't trust the words of the ones that hold me close
Its getting close enough to be a threat, I think

The air you expel leaves me so **** breathless
With all of this time, I expected advances
So tear down with disregard
There is nothing for me to hide

I wish I could read in a mix of context
Believe you me, this isn't a contest
Tear down this disregard
I've been running short on time

You keep running once you hit the ground
I'm barely here, but you keep screaming at me
Or at least, what used to be
You're late to the party being burnt down in your name

I'm leaving footsteps in the ashes

The tension is rising slowly, as the blood pools beneath fingernails
I can hear the ropes start snapping, brittle as a leaf
The bells begin tolling, the vultures swirl amid the frigid air
Of the televised devastation of the week

I hide my true intentions, I do
Somewhat well, if I must then
Admit to something,
I didn't really care too

Stop me if you've heard this one before
Or heard it better, somewhere else
---------------------------------------------------
Sending money through the wire
Never ending crimson flow

Past the thoughts of victims
Intuition caught in undertow

Masqurades with musket powder, kegs
And lampshades tinted red

Festering my own psychotic
Philanthropic need for death

Sending money through a wire
Rising slowly through the smoke

Laughter bursting through the cracks
Of somebody's final joke

Celebrations, conversation
Windowpains and slitting throats

Powers set to loosen grips
But destitute, watch me still choke

I think its time we could talk about the ending
Open the intent that we're pretending
Its something to be said aloud
Lost within the frigid clouds above

Oceans slowly forming up above
torrents under spoken like a flood

Oceans slowly forming up above
The mainland

It was less than half an honest moment, but
I could still feel our minds entwine like roots
Forming, out of sight, out of our thoughts
Beyond our narrow scope, and I could feel the
Tendrils weaving around the core of me
I could feel _ spiraling down from above
Through feet of clay and mud so apologetically removed
By layer

Numbered, if formed at all, I
Arranged them all so carefully, but...

And then it was over
Roots having bred through it all, and survived long after
To this day

The softest whispers of
Past ideas, and inclinations
Postulating long ignored dreams
Of long dried progenitors
Upon which we now look down

From the mouths that pour out banal well wishes
To the frozen digits, attached to architects and engineers

Most come to understand the past lies in fragments

Crucial details overlooked, time and time again
Lost amid a sea of bleak optimism
Futurism has its place, along side the winds
The ones that bring the same tired tides

I've drawn myself yet another line in the sand
The definition is as lucid as I could possibly be
Maybe a reflection of identity
It keeps shifting

Stepping forward, though unsure why
Commandeering tidal waves
Building bridges between figments in the skies
Attention drawn
To the edges of half way signs

"Onward and forward", the dead still proclaim
Long after the earth is packed
After death, so many still remain, if for the moment
Apparitions, spiritual possession of discourse
Tearing away from the pale, and digging deep into the fresh crop

You'll be gone soon enough
Into the standstill, though
The dead see it differently

Cosmic mistrust, a classic case
To free yourself from the very shackles
Blood had prepared you for, oxygen raised you for
Natural order now spurned
Floor to ceiling, ceiling to walls
Connected them seamlessly

What are you still fighting for, now?

I've been choking on the fumes of violets
Intoxicating voices, soft and sweet
I feel every ounce of it inviting
It won't be long before its everything

I don't want to be the one to bring me down
But I'm forgetting how to breath

I don't know if you're even here
But, can you hear me...

I'm walking on the gentle roses
Blinded by my own second sight
Questioning if any body knows it
Each footstep leaving not a sound

I don't want to see you cry
But I've been suffocating

And I don't know if you still hear
But if you hear me...

This was a misstep of my mind
Please, give me something real
Instead of the flowers I've tried to find
If you hear me

I know I've said too much ****
And yes, I must seem sure
But I think its come time to admit
I need something more

Can you hear me

I can hardly get my head straight, and between every single
Tone, I readjust the cases, straitening the lace
Binding up the loose ends, mending every one and
Creating strait spaces, borderline alone

Indulgence over emotion, I don't have my own

Add a fifth, and once again to make six
The circle begins closing in, closer and then too close
How many sides there are, to a pint of gin
Are there more mixers in a little bit of sin?

Its my disparity

Something I choose; suffering disuse
And a lack of caring
-------------------------------------------
I'm just a branch on another tree
Losing the last of my leaves
I feel the wind running through my hair
I swear, it's blowing just for me
--------------------------------------------
I've seen the face of god staring out the ******* monitor
I've seen the wrath of many more, more, **** it
I'm done
I still speak profanely but only on occasion
When I stop to rest, from the rest like I've been vacant
And the break is all I have, before I fade away in chambers

The scent of lavender light permeating my eyes
Draining through the veins and inflaming the day dream spattered
Doesn't matter

The days where hate is the mode of operation
Now, yes. Now, no
Blown out of proportion, maybe so, but I've been alive a while
And I'm still only a couple old
-------------------------------------------
I've been overlooking so many things
In single words, I frame identity
The wind is blowing through my bones
In simple thoughts, and tragedy
--------------------------------------------
And he told me, take a second for yourself now and then
Pen and paper permit magic beyond a mere existential crisis
Might be something to find amid strands of loose light
Find a new light, bright enough to conquer demons, but
Success is still your metric in the meantime

Fine, enough
But, I can fabricate well enough to get
Everything I need from something not enough
****
I even lose myself sometimes

But that's the point I guess
Another time gone by
another moment well defined

I use the same words, same works, same letters
I take the same lessons from the ones bound and fettered
To the cause, of making minds
Fun enough to pass the time
Long enough, oh *******
Its almost...
-----------------------------------------------
If you follow my silver spool
I think I left too soon, if memory serves me
Too true for my own good
And the wind blows through my gilded skin
And I watch the moon rising

Rather go crazy than listen
Pandering by admission but
Self aware snares set for corrupted youths
Fool hearty young adults with full color led's
Its enough to make an end of me
Plans still foolproof
A poem to read aloud
Bad enough to tap out and let the pain bleed
I need some new meds

******* wooden in delivery
Half a mac truck stuck in traffic
Social laxatives and blocks of backwoods taxing
Masked attackers wielding flak cannons
Better off landing face down
Don't bother looking around, its all ghastly

A sight to behold as the intestinal tract
Gets pretty much pretty as I get
Gussied up
And roped into gore like we busted
A collective gut

Dogs chewing
But its hard to tell until
One of them spits up a curly tail

Forming a gang of mindless drones around an idea
Still going strong and letting go of mindless chatter
Still feels weird with every meter metric laughter
Conversion is hard, so skipping the math
I'm busy laughing, I never bothered with math class

Algebraic as an insult makes most
Laymen giddy
Do what you will with me, society

Never wanted much, in the way of a cure
Never wanted more, but
There's still so much more

Never wanted a change in the way
I think
But all I say is

Same

Fine things lining pockets
And flawed gems from a faucet
It took a month to mar the clauses
long forgotten fiends and flowing
Nature lost scenery

It might be menial, but if I don't like the imagery
I'd use a run on and run on, running on
Fumes like carbon clouds, bowing at the center
Of the hopelessness I've found

Of moths and flame, danger and wanting
Nature and harboring diseases and watching
Crystalline precipices overblown from cold
Rain, eroding stone long since lain

Homes blown through in half a day
Another half century laid waste
Forage a new course for the streams
The selfish, like me only disagree

Despite the discontent
Restless nights and fires burning low
Into the biting air, a show of flair
Its not right, or fair to vent

Hollow, it would seem
Still stable, the ecosystem of
Constant change
Trying to be heard over a flood of filth

Tidal waves painting fields
Recessing long since venerated guest
Retaking ocean lost to sandy beaches
And kids with half a dream left in them
I spent my last penny on a whim

I can't get so bogged down
Like i do now
So often its
Boring to be found and
Lost at the same time
Finding time to lie in
My bed, or a coffin
Whatever works
For better or worse

Plans I don't make
Can't really change
Or fall through at all
Funny enough
My whole things been
Mauled and I'm standing here
Coughing and blocking out
More ideas

Pretentious melody's play in my head
But I can't slip into
Real world explanations
The sky can only be one of two colors
A sentiment tied to
One or the other
Or I'm left wondering why
It has to be

I'm still sick of every friendship I make
Its hard to examine the memorys
What I take, and what i leave behind
Trivial, and i wish i had a bit more
Control

I don't care about my future
Irregardless people will still be
And treat me the same
Way, and I'll still be pining for
The same things
Guarded and
Mostly friendless

All my friend's lost the faith as rivers of untapped
Ichor potential drain from what could be

Still in a bad way, but learning to cope with
The constant pressure that's building behind my eyes

We lived for a pipe dream
But it seems fate had us occupied
Everything that life did entail
And predestination

With every other missed intro
And work that falls by my wayside
Finite we fight for empty tales
No longer a fail safe

Bloviating on and on about how it used to be
Ignoring the misery that plagues us to the day
With iron in hand, a blood spattered mistery
I eye up the crime scene of all of your dashed dreams

But tomorrow

We'll still wake up

And somewhere on the uptake, I'm sure you'll find the way

Into the path

I chose to take

You'll see I never gave up on what you threw away

There's no such thing as second takes, the reel got thrown away
Stop searching in the shadow, for a risk you'll never take
As time winds up around you, and brings you from your state
Why fight the intuition

Every passing moment
Caught staring at the blissful sky
Decorating the ceiling

Awash in the glow
Of light that hides away just out of frame
It's been burning low

Thoughts of my life still beckon, as the world takes a somber tone
But the timing is right, pulled in this effortless misdirection
It's numbing

Found myself here
Why isn't that enough...

A gilded cage. Maybe
I guess
I'd rather let the summer air drench the weathered wood
Another recessed cycle, all timeless til its over
Lie here lifeless
With nothing left to fight
Only time

Investment
Proper planning less demanding
Blowing out like a candle
Burnt through and drowning
In my own wax

Stay classy world, its going to be a long one

Stay active always until it starts to bite
At the space behind your eyes
As you lie to yourself that you still have health left
If integrity isn't what you're interested in

In the end its fun enough to bloat
Forgetting your true status because
Despite your best intentions you choose to forget
The drugs only get you so far
And you speed up the natural ending

So many enemies to create for the **** of it
So many amazing new creations to unlock like
A mason, stare into the stone and wonder why
It comes up looking like you put
So little heart into the thing you've just bled dry for

Like, why do we lie about the things we have and have not
Like dropping yet another line lower is something
To be proud of
And picking up something else someone else cant
Is tantamount to an accomplishment

I was never good at improv
And life isn't that funny anyway
To make a joke out of it is intrinsic to staying alive
But finding time to praise the idols of false self made
Mannequins

Too many humans lost themselves and punk rock is dead
So time to end it

It's still not ok, but then again, when has it ever been...

There's nothing but grey skies
I can just about glimpse them through the door
As much as I tried
I still find it hard
Sitting on the lowest stair
Watching through the screen door

A simple comfort, it always is
Watching as the first few drops fall from the sheets of clouds
Creating channels across the dirt on the glass
Bright, despite everything
Bright against the pale white paint

Its good to not have to think
It can get overwhelming
And I'll admit to one thing
As much as I'm remiss to static opinion
Catching just a glimpse or two of
A passing black bird or
Something...

Just to remind me

In my words, she read despair
A tone that rung so crystal clear
She took her meaningless, and loss of innocence
And watched as my heart began to break

In my voice she heard the fear
As my words fell into her ears
I couldn't bear to play it straight
As she watched me start to break

Thankless and adamant
Not a drop went to waste
I can't forget, a single day
As she laughed, and watched me start to break

**** it
I lied
I don't need to justify
My time, wasted with you in memory

Funny how things look so clear

Standing here, all alone
Surrounded by the ghost that haunt the
Air I breath, screaming now
Founded on the things I predicate

You watched my heart start to break

In my words, she read despair
A tone that rung so crystal clear
She took her meaningless, and loss of innocence
And watched as my heart began to break

Disrespect the cause
And I will preach you pain
Even a curtain call
Couldn't end this play
Best get back to
Unattended graves

Something might surprise you

Show me the death stats, and I might go away
Live in the med bay, you'll die sooner, yeah?

For every human, monstrous man
Indict and lifeless
I still love you

Now I don't have much
I don't know how

But, tally the recap, each heads worth the same
Plus two for representation
Plus one for age

For every monster, every fan made
Calamity, monster, die making your own way
Indirectly life affirming
Unconcerned with what you take

I love you

I am a product of god's ignorance
I've been built from marred clay
Blame me, for sanity's sake
But the potters hands faltered
Irregardless of what some might say

I ingest every ounce of ink
I can manage to get a hold of
Until it permiates
And percolates again and again
Filtering through matter once gray
Leaving it saturated

Invoking imagery
Evoking change
And aptitude long since vacant

Because we bet on friends, but count on ourselves
With a fickle mistrust
Hardly justified, but well enough adapted
Laughable, really, when its thought about

Its only been recent that I've had so little time to place bets
And so little time to gamble
Like a trick of the vagrant wind
Ageless as it flows between a million meetings  of the minds
All great and inspired
Lying on so many final wills
And parting testaments

Grave, where is your sting...

Assumed to be bitter, it would seem
But bonds long since sutured to flesh
Make for an easy stretch of time
From now
Until forever ends

Each and every one

Each of my bones was broken and
Then set into themselves
Folding over backwards
Misshapen and deformed
Heaven blessed my torments many
Bitter running brooks that flow
Over every broken bone
Making each one whole

Restitution, but at a price
Vengefully demanded sacrafice
Only half a moment wasted lost in thought
Standing on the brink of a crossroad

Goddess, take a hold on me
Spirits, rend my soul free of these
Would be chains

A fall like lightning can illuminate
A dark night

The symbol of an age ending
And another fire burning

I've got this idea
Not much more than a feeling, really

There's a kid, sunken into a dark green couch
It's old.
It's been reupholstered more times than anyone cares to remember
But its comfortable, so no one cares
He's hardly moving
Its hard to see what hes thinking, his expression a blank slate
His face is glowing with the rays of the sun, soaking in through a picture window
It paints the wood paneled den with hues of burning orange

The heat kicks in, and warm air creeps out from beneath the floor and swirls above the **** carpet, faded and worn

He  just sits there, staring out the window

Outside, the grass has lost its color and now lays like a blanket over the frozen ground
All along the bases of leafless oak trees and amid their skeletal branches, squirrels roam freely, filling the cooling air with soft chatter

Birds as well, perched amid the darkened branches
Standing, watching the world turn

The shadows create a perfect contrast, growing as the sun sets
Dark fingers that reach out to pull the world into the quiet arms of encroaching night

The wildlife seems unconcerned as they wander aimlessly, sating any curiosity that arises without a care

He wants to join them
He wants to be just as free
But the room is warm
And the couch is soft
So he sits
And watches the world turn

After only a moment or two
I could feel the sparks
A sentiment that we shared
But not a fire

Your name came up in the end
She thought me a lair
When I denied that I knew you
She knew otherwise

She read the look in my eyes
Told me she loved me
But didn't want to be friends
She needed more

Filled with regret
Feeling abandoned
She turned her eyes to the sky
Blowing a kiss as she ascended

Here you are, just in time
Saved my life, I owe you mine
You're my girl, and I could never find
A soul better than you

I used to pine after her
Thought she could be mine
Every ounce of love I spent
Crafting the fantasy

Still, you came after me
Told me you loved me
Your arms beckoning

Say you still love me

Here you are, you never left
I can find myself in your eyes
No matter how far, I leave you behind
You come up behind me

The best of me
Squandered here with you
Hiding away in shadows
Your lips are fine
As quicksilver, you feed me lines
One at a time

Thought I saw a glimpse of something more
A pretty picture
But I had long since swallowed my pride
And you've sewn my lips closed

You're never out of sight
Forever, you'll be mine
Speak my name, and I'll
Come running back
Every time

Hardly seems real
Staring straight, eyes dilated slightly
Finding that the back of my throat
Is constricting

Unhindered
The light is shining through
Its burning up this trash
That clouds my better judgement
And I'm left choking on fumes

Just one word too far it seems
I just watched you dash my deepest dreams
With a callous disregard reserved
For the ignorant

Now I stand before you here
Stupefied
Everything I once held dear
You've broken in my hands

Left speechless
Motionless
You know I tried to mend every loose end
But there's no coming back from this

Left empty
You trashed my only plan
The words we held onto
Are falling from my grip as the cracks begin to show

The reflection
Of the truth i used to know
You're every little seam that deep inside of me
Kept the rest from showing

We unravel
Even as you start to scream,
traitor to the cause, I guess that's how you see me
Then that's what I have to become

And you don't notice
What we've both become
Nothing we loved changed at all
It's us with wandering hearts
And now we've strayed too far

I won't go on

Cooling tides
Air that envelops every last patron in a breathless stagnation
A banquet hall falling beyond the ends of the earth
Below all existence and still here unfounded, surrounded by void
Snow falls slowly around the great hall

Spirits of old and young alike alight into the room
Every inch melded admits a dark, endless night
Crawling down pillars, molten metals and fires
Still race in place like the glow from a hearth

Around a table laden, the hall great only mentioned in fables
Awaits the souls tortured and downtrodden
Years of abuse flying by but
As the clock strikes two we can see the sky's above
Just outside wrought iron windows, snow starts to build

Stone rough and hewn from mountains perverse enough
To harbor the worlds worst, unforgivable
Caringly lit only for the night
It all springs to life
Softly enveloping

From somewhere the notes, hopelessly golden
Begin to play
From corners of recessed and disfigured servants
All alleviated if only for the day

Palpable with every resource loosened
Hope is something we still cannot afford
Despite our differing degrees of punishment
We have resigned to unwind the centuries

Golden

The night is long, the table that decorates
This gilded hall, walls arching overhead
Is never left empty, every moment is filled with a subtle
Empathy, check the time

The seconds are passing, all the more quickly

I see the devil, pacing the halls
Lost among his own thoughts
He sees me and recognizes
We're both in the same place

Alone but not forgotten

On this holy night

And I've found out
It always ends, and every year
Comes and goes

Dull raindrops leaving trails down the glass
As they land in my mug brimming with
Feelings of missed opportunity and swatches of colors
That have all bled into something of a cloudy grey

Clouds that hold demons at bay behind sheets of rain
Fires that burn in the cold quiet mornings
Pronounced and protruding slowly it comes to me

Sinister thought crimes that etch themselves woven lines
Plots long forgotten and discarded memories
Pronounced as it seems, still slowly It inclines

And out from the shadows painted by steady hands
Carved out of mistakes, they know from the memory
Creatures are calling me, out from the darkness
Festering innocence offers me a reply

Each one was made from the stroke of a pen
And what sort of unknowns have I begun to deify

They were made for me

They call my name, still taunting me

All I can do to stay here a while more
Ending my efforts in each ignored symphony
Along the back wall and in every corner
As soon as my back is turned, they all start whispering

I try and hide away

Still, I hide away

The forest is shrouded by miles of brickwork
Fast talking incongruity
Of iconography, smoke stacks birthing machinery

That's how it starts

And here I hide away

Holed up in a closet with half a pint or so
Too slowly disheartening for the time it takes
And far too enigmatic for the plans I've yet to make
Yet I move with every atom drawn emancipated

Yet the context of neurons
And bitter sweet memory all a fabrication
Another thin layer of nostalgia to force feed the sleeping beast
And even as I disregard, it comes up through the latency so brazen
Another helpless mess of chemicals to feast upon

Boring

A **** shame as well
Charismatic yet moments away from being half adjusted
Using every empty vow of justice to reciprocate
He must've mustered every ounce of faith based forgery
And the internal jury applauds

All is for naught, but drowning in waste deep
Self pity is for suckers
I can drown in less than half an inch

Selfishness is only realized once
Pride stops you from making friends
Maybe the fear hits nearer to home
Reopen its wounds like the case that lay dormant but provable
Felonious though it may be once you disregard empathy
You know he did

And yet it bleeds

Still it moves

Cognition taken for granted, but by who?
Sure, the long since departed had so much to lose
But If with every passing breath they would've ****** down oxygen
With the same callousness he possessed
When cutting off their heads

Doesn't the burden fall on you as well...
Sending a man to hell is no easy task

Bask in the grace you made for yourself
Bending the page with ink that you've layerd
With blood and homage to past ruling lieges
That murdered their wives for no ******* reason

Tragedy only strikes in pairs
Taking the same heads off twice
One visible, the other not so much

Hell, I'm the result of a decade or more of some coddle culture
******* left over from safety scissors bound up in bubble wrap
Much to do about feuding parties of mopped up has beens

Gutted and mutilated by the dullest claws, vomiting out soliloquy to someone waiting off screen

Feeding on attention when I've got none left to spend
Endemic of the stations fashioned on the broken bones of little kids
Who do you think you're kidding
Fitting each misfit with a fistful of
Faux Information
And letting them sort it out with perfect indigantion
Each stroke of a pen left blood on the page
And you wage war warning all of the names written
The only fitting way for you to die
Is in the cause you've helped create

Facing facts

Fabrication is largely left to the mental state
Of intoxicated fake plastic yet venomous snakes
Imagination only limited by wavelength
Of who's thoughts can last longest
Who can outlast

What class is the farthest when ranks are displayed
With golden tradition on vest made of clay
Surrounded by privation
Formal ware decays

When dinner jackets are
Met with machine guns

If its won by numbers, the race will all starve and
If science is ******, vanquished gods walk the streets
The enemy is what we've seen in the dreams
Not what befalls us in countless nightmares

Daring

My scrap meat is metal to build my machine
Body of parts I was so denied
Lithe and disjointed
Foraging necessities
Festering sensitivities lead to machinated loss of life

Let it sink

This ship is filling with the inked material lies
You claimed I could safely sail upon
Bailing out every word I despise
Something tells me, I'll find nothing to drown in

Nine o'clock

Weaponry only to serve me in time
Once in the presence of what I will claim is mine
Deep inside, rooted in every peer
Fear is the malady keeping them occupied

Each click represents a reclamation
Every time

A scene that's so endemic of life that you've transpired
As you're using your last cigarette to light a burnt out signal fire

The sparks racing along the edge, friction coming to a head
Entertain my thoughts as you remember that this is just a dream

Each and every time it seems is captured in a frame
Pressed down by the hands of time, and left to rot in flame

Underlying uncertainty, left to my insanity
Entertain my thoughts as I tell you that this is all a dream

If I only had some wings
I'd fly right the **** away
If I had the strength to change
I wouldn't change a single thing

Island paradox
To cut my own arms off
Just to survive, a couple minutes more
Slowly wondering
How much I should sleep
when countless options drift right past my door

And I don't think this is  something to change
Deify the death defying lingering fate
Something, leaning on the plans we make
Before we see the high tide begin to abate

Caught up in the rapids, I feel my life drain from me
Pulled in to the raging sea by the current yet unseen

Caught up in the maelstrom, each second of uncertanty
Leaves me catching my breath, but between every breath

Its all fun and games
Then I try and simplify
But all complacence
Leads to every current in my life

Stupid stuff, looks like
A diamond in the ruff
Wrapped in cellophane
And spray painted gold

Did you find it
A little odd when you
Searched for your alarm clock
And found it silent
Sewn in your violent
Rage induce youth
Machinery ticking out
What time you still had left

Fighting tooth and nail
Got me in this mess
The Diamond glistens as I turn my head away
Fingers are blessed with venom still red
Burning my fingertips with dreams that I still replay

How they left when I dug deep in

I only wish that I could see my face
When
I found out the the change I needed
Wasn't something I could get

Fettered to the cause
Bought and found lacking but marred
By the dept I will own
Who dares atone with
Loans unpaid and hearts now repentant
I will die in iron
Finer than china
As the rust soaks in every bone

I am still saving
I've got so much left to save
I've come to face down the endless possibility

Each second ticks out
A weight bearing down
How we live like
This isn't something

Irreverence still speaks to me
Taunting
With chains soft enough
To make me forget that
I think
I am nothing
And Listlessness still loves me
Dragging me further
Through means of persistance

Ah, but
Am I wrong
...
Do I want to be

And some think the world will go up in flames
When everyone comes into work soaked in gasloline
And when I open the book of the saints
It will be stained with match books and empathy

What will stand
When it stands
What is stained
Burns clean

Life finds a way
To survive despite the simplicity
For the love of death
And/or all that is holy
For the love of what we
All took for granted
And wish less missed the mark
By more that a few inches

Start a fire in the iconoclast kids
And the ghost start coming
Out from the now dead
Endless mystic thought processes
Left amid
Corpses strewn and silent
Disliked and then turned violent
By the hatred brewing
Though well deserved has turned into a fire

Can you force your light
Through this darkness
Keep it stalwart even as the waves crash
Over and around
The endless suffocation
The restless invocation
To open up
The light
Will it still shine at the end

Grinding....

Leaving it silenced, drawn and quartered
Clawing for the scraps left over

Predicament I found myself in
Or, towards the end of it
Slipping from the edges
Forager focused on finding any way back home
Sidetracked by some apparition left crying
Alone, in the corner

Grinding...

Paused, with rain drops weighted, heavy sense in the air
I can feel my lips turning blue and
Twitching

It's more literal than I would dare dream in a waking nightmare
The smell of every molecule tantamount to another realm

Hangs motionless in the air
The stone transposed becomes a rooftop asylum, overlooking such uncouth misanthropic parcels, self absorbed in this grotesque imagery, a veritable wall of self hate puzzle pieces

Grinding...

Low, on an almost ominous note, still grows colder in my ears
Blowing on winds filled with the spite and righteous
Anti holy
Fully rupturing sound of far off laughter of the
New root

My lips still moving
No sound produced
And my mind
Grinding...

I still pray to god for you
Beset on all sides by the same wickedness
Still afflicted by myself

Argue for arguments sake
****** up on the uptake
I thought that you might want it
I guess I forgot all the subtle ways
The fires spring to life at night

Arguably the wrong choice is
Looking at him
I try not to
Catch that glimpse in his eye
Already my mind races
And my bones are shivering
At the thought alone

Brickwork backing
Still swells maggots
And filing paperwork
For entrapment habits

Grinding

Curiosity let me down
Why do I hate what I have found
Why do the walls look awful thin
How long before the sky caves in

But I got hooked on these blue and purple lights
And i found myself in the streetlamps in the dead of night
Crystallizing, like the frost around my rib cage
A palette colder than the snow falling from outer space

Freeing myself From the hands
Finding my life is to my own detriment
Finite, caustic in the games we play
Dissolving underscores the price you paid

Rain drops
Bluer than the sky
Tears of someone high above
Felled in spirit
Will defenseless
Recognizing they were selfish
Despite all my endless walls
Broke the sky down to a fault

And the shards now fall all around
My outstretched arms
And broken heart

Saving grace is in my lungs
Biding up the time here spending
All of it pretend inventing
Ideas for the passing eye
Finding out why days go by

A wooden kid with a furrowed brow
Carved this way and made to wonder how
How long might we survive
Strung up, dancing on this twine
Woven out of atmospheric bitter sweet goodbyes

And the notes that I hum
To pass the time
-------------------
I'll still see you around, right?

Yeah, keep an eye out, I'm sure you'll see me

You don't focus on yourself enough
...
You got problems man
Deal with them
------------------------

I can see plenty
I've got a good view from down here
Trust me on this, I can see the cliffs

The waves are empty
Who else could find me way down there?
And if I fell who would care?

This world is empty
This world is nothing if not scared
Of losing those with nothing left

My feet are swinging
In time with the beat above thin air
Just to remind myself, just how little I care

Imagination is a tool but not for long
Eventually the weak become the strong
And we pick it back up as the weapon it
Becomes
Something more that what we said we want

The dreams become real as we march ahead
Time to justify when their dead again

They had to go...

The night is empty
But the music's all around my head
It's a good ways down, but **** it, I'm not scared

My feet are swinging
In time with the beat above thin air
Just to remind myself, just how little I care

I'd die in my sleep just to dream again, breath again
I would lie to myself just to pretend that I could move on

Its only as hard as you think it is
The Sentiment's
Only around till the season ends, and I know

I wish I understood where I go
In the moments between, when I'm defined
A map of me, written down on a stereo

I've only got enough change, to make it somewhere close
Where do you want to go?

Days that bleed together come up so unclaimed  
Rising out of nowhere
And falling just the same
Stretching out before me, I see sleepless nights
And  a lifetime filled with pain

The storeroom full of daydreams is looking rather forced
I've used up every fantasy, and still I'm still staying the same course

But here comes the refrain
The mantra I try to entertain
Famine is a constant flame
That burns down to the core of man
And lets you understand
Just how this life will end
And there's no real way to win this game

I think i understand when people talk
Even when there's nothing good enough to say
Everybody's lonely on this road, and as we walk
They just want to stave off the silence

She asked me what I was living for
And I gave her this confession

In this realm of population
In the sanctum that is living
This world only exist in
The spaces that demand it
Beings who's lives surround
Boundaries required to sustain
Thoughts and queries somehow persist
Against the grain
Pain and longing don't exist outside the brain
Its in this environment, a hostile place

We come face to face with the tantamount lack of grace
Perfection has no enemies because it has no face to hate
Emptiness is something to which each of us relate
Its all enveloped in the great cold distance

Developed in the river swiftly grinding our roots away
Drab and lifeless as a surprising softness sickening and meaningless
Blending together with the coarsest feathers to create the bed on which we lay
In lieu of living organs, please send your deepest thanks

And we both looked down into the grave
A connection in contrast to
The depth of recession all around us

And the ending's always the same
Each and every host finds themselves in a less than stellar place
Every spectacle and spec of plot laden hero
Is slowly digested

Among the monstrosities and grotesque scenery
Something else can take shape
And grow metaphysically
Fake though it may be in the face
Of such bleak uncertainty

Electricity

Nobody likes me now
I don't care
Everybody hates me now
They've got some nerve..
Everybody's looking down
I'm feeling cyclical
What should I do about

These *******

Pariah
Sin in over abundance
Liar
Reality could never change
Despondent
Sacrifice util it's incumbent
Pariah
You love the fair exchange

Gauge the metric
By which you judge
The proper usage

Harsher than the light on my keyboard

Often peckish
Killing skeptics
The proper usage
It all falls in the same vein

Forgiveness to a fault line
My god
All I've ever wanted was a new design
Hiding away in the suffering
Fudge the figure for the slumbering

Drab as they may come
Welcome to the whole **** phylum
Encroaching on the underlying theming
And everyone seems confused

I took the world
In my hands
Looked down
Then up again
They all were screaming
About the meaning
Under god
Claiming that they were free men

No resolve left, I stopped listening

So much bitter sweet love
For the pictures In front of me
How much left to the imagination
Color in the imagery

Warm hues nearly toxic
Feelings, intoxicating
Melting away into memory

And I'm the king of this playground
For like, another hour or two
And I'm on the top of this world
Because I've got nothing better to do

Beyond my power

I could've cried the day away
But the sun keeps prying
And swallows me anyway
Into beams of security
Belonging in every ray
And the time seems to rush by
Minutes folding into a day
Marked on a calendar
Never to be reclaimed
But still cherished just the same

Every facet of freedom
Sounding perfect from every side
Sometimes lacking wisdom
And brevity to realize

Life is so short
Sometimes

Serenity, my new disease
Quiet contemplation
Competitive despite the lead
I eared with this predestined invitation

Love trumps all
But my Heart beat is quite thin
Felled like millions far before me
Now, this lonesome addiction has set in

By what metric I self evaluated
Is not your **** concern
Self loathing and self love are fine
Until you realize, they're
Followed by self hatred

Because what you forgot, opinions are not
Something that can be altered by
What you believe
What the world cares to see
The faults you've tried to hide
Are more than definitive
Through someone else's eyes

This solitary empire burns
With the feeling of resentment

Every note of color spurned
From the palette now turned grey

Harmful opinions to no one but me
No one can get in the way of my barbs
Self righteous heroes of a world assumed fleeting
Denied sacrifice can never be free

Who needs the criminals
With the strongest of wills
It won't be much longer before all the hills
Start calling out your name
As it turns to a scream
Try to wake up, but this life's not a dream

Shelter is easy, but hiding is hard
The stars make it look easy
But uprooting's really
*******
hard

The back woods keep drawing
The corner of your eye

...

Dizzying fall
The ending claims all
Hitting rock bottom when there's nothing solid left
Fending off the end with each passing breath
Lungs on the grind, buying me time
Onward, headfirst
Through layers of earth
Til my soul is bending
Ears ringing with a thousand rending
Tales of farewell etching out
This cavity of self doubt

What the truth is I can't say
And most likely never will

The noise, it fades
****** sprites screaming out my name
Eventually all lose themselves in the torrent
Of endlessness
Of abyss and persistance
Of nonexistence

No longer resist

Thoughts respondent of a scream
Repressing turbulent dreams
Still crawling along my back
Feelings crouched out of sight
Negativity, prone to attack

Deceased
Or not
The truth
Is that
I still
Have friends
Or not
I guess

In life it's nearly always just a matter of time
Ricocheting through the valley of fatal decline
Wishing after thoughtless grandeur, wishing for more wishes
Ephemeral, it all
Falling to the ending

Not overly vocal, but the thoughts are unending
Self described pretentious, thoroughly fermenting
**** showing up for class, the course is unnecessary
Carrying bodies is better anyway

Throwing someone else's life away
Half measures lead to pain
I used to have options, how'd it get so late

Copious rhyme schemes, and not a single one calls to me
**** it, I'd rather be free anyway
Nothing really to say, other than I hate myself
Taking a pass on happiness for ***** and giggles

The struggle might be real for other people
But tell me why I should help
I'm pretty busy with my misery
And people look the same to me
I swear I've seen what there is to see already

Not all sinners want salvation
Not all saints deserve their faith
I'm a bit sick of constant elation
Motion to let the jury sit in

I want them to hear before they judge me
Love to me is just another disease
Even the sight might be enough
To disrupt my digestive process

Shut me right the **** up
See if I care

Threading this needle through
Each element incomplete
Tied together with the roughest sinews
Slowly leaving the whole for me

Slowly life becomes whole for me

Blowing in the morning breeze
Like each blade between the weeds
Delicate reeds, unresistant
Pulled so consistently, but still unbroken

Before I know it
I'm draining the filth from the basin
Within my bones
Flowing freely through my soul
And at last away from my core

A neon glow around the only
Temporary
Sun I have

Necessity can be persuasive
In bringing out the best I have

A short walk away
Waves barely breaking
Rocks and sand might not make
For the prettiest scene up close
But from my post here
They mostly look right

Entrapped by the dying light
Enthralled as the last rays fade
As the night slowly takes
The sky away from the blazing heat
The hues fade
Blink once and nothing changes

Close your eyes and it will change

Companionship in solitude
Finding yourself alone, even as
The one you found a home with
Sits mere feet away
That's only how it seems
Longing for it to stay this way

Life and brevity
A match made once
Strike it up
And go up in smoke
The flames may warm
But warmth in cold
That's something real
If you can manage

Defying justice, I shout somewhere above me. Wholly empty
I can hear the laughter of the clouds

Deference is evil, Louder now, every breath leaving me shaking
As the heavens forge their thunder to rain down

God of malice, forgetting patience, as the words escape me
I can hear the whispers softly now
For the moment, I am searching, though there's nothing I am missing
Forge the moment's once endowed

I was born in this place, barely justified
And now that I am alive, it was never justified
I once basked in this grace, the wording so maligned
I was born in this way, only death will reconcile

--------------------

This heart beats ever stronger
One
Two

One...
Two...

The drumbeat as I wander

****
You

Hatred, always been the cause
Tearing the town down, with each new clause
Ironically bitter
Fitted with my spite
Blind to my persistance
Mantra, my might makes it right

But I found a jewel among the rubble
Of the lives I danced upon
Beauty true, that made me stumble

I need you to know

My view
It changed
And I saw everything
The past, the end, and what it means to be
Someone who has found the truth, without a doubt
Infinity begins now

Hypnotic, enticed
Thoughts above reproach
Building cities out of love
High above most
People flocked to listen, listen and believe
Ministry commissioned, a mission to succeed

But I found a diamond in the rough
A pill so hard to swallow
Over complicated, but I just couldn't get enough

Now, I need you to understand

The scales
They fell
And I saw everything
No choice, to change
All that I believed
I'm sure I know the truth, and without a doubt
Infinity begins now

Try to find
A single reason
To change my mind

I'll give you a minute
Deep inside...

I guess its not all that hard
To blow my mind

The walls
They caved
As the world around me
Stretched out
Beyond, farther than I could see
Falling to my knees, my will was breaking down
Infinity begins now